Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Sorry I'm late, been slammed at work! Ugggh! I need a new laptop...like...YESTERDAY!
I'm working on it!
Anyway, let's get to it!
If you were married, how many times a week would you have sex with your husband? If the answer is not often (say...only once a year or a few times a year) and your husband cheated and you found out - what would you do? A. Forgive him and give him all the sex he wanted so that he doesn't have to go outside of the marriage anymore or B. Keep doing what you're doing and have sex only when you felt like it. If you went with "B" - would/could you be mad if he cheated again?
I don't know ANYONE who would go with option "B" unless they truly didn't care about their marriage...but I'll get back to that in a sec.
To answer your first question, I'd have as much sex as my husband could stand. Now, I realize I may have a stronger sex drive than most, so my expectations may be a bit unreasonable - but if I could have sex every day, I would. I know sex changes after marriage...or so I hear, so I'd think that anyone who was healthy enough for sex would want it often. I'm sure adding children and the stresses of everyday life to the mix can affect how often couples have sex - but you have to be willing to make time for it. Sex in a committed relationship is important. Very important. And no matter how tired I am, or stressed I am, I'd think making time to connect intimately with my partner was a priority in order to keep things in balance. It's only right :-)
Now, of course I'm saying all of this as a "non-married" person...so keep that in mind. I'm also saying all of this as a very sexual, sensual, sensation seeking person too...with no kids :-) But most couples I know who are happy have sex regularly, and even schedule it into their lives to make SURE days, weeks or months don't go by without having sex. Just imagining that a month could go by without having sex with my man is baffling to me - let alone a year. That's grounds for divorce if you ask me....and a few states would agree.
To answer part two of your question, if I cared about my marriage, I'd choose option A - but first I'd have to figure out why I was interested in having sex only a few times a year (again, baffling to me). I'd make an appointment with my doctor asap to see if there was anything physically wrong with me. I've heard that certain conditions can lower your libido - such as diabetes or hypertension. Once I determined if I was healthy enough for sex, I'd seek counseling to see if there were any underlying emotional reasons why I wasn't interested in sex with my husband. Sometimes deeper seeded issues such as depression or resentment can cause you to reject or draw away from your partner sexually. Hopefully we'd seek counseling together so that I could understand his reasons for committing adultery. While he may have simply needed a physical release since I wasn't providing it for him, it could also be that he was seeking an emotional connection as well. Sex is a way for people to feel close to each other - and as much as we think of that as a "woman" thing, men crave that intimacy as well.
If I chose option B, I'd FULLY expect my man to cheat on me again. While I would never condone cheating, I can see how it could happen if someone feels rejected. Everyone wants to feel wanted or desired - man OR woman. If your spouse doesn't want you, the minute anyone shows you any attention or displays an attraction to you, it's only natural to be drawn to that and act on it. If I'm not loving my man, someone else will...and I can't be mad at anyone else but myself for that. If I was swinging from the chandeliers every night, that would be one thing. But if I find reasons to NOT have sex with my husband for weeks or months at a time, then something is wrong and I wouldn't expect him to be faithful - because that would be selfish. I know wedding vows mean a lot, but so do sex and intimacy. If you want your marriage to work and you want your spouse to feel wanted, you'll make time to love them. Simple as that.
Or is it so simple? Am I missing anything? Tell me what you think...GO!