Friday, February 19, 2010

Judge Not, Condemn Not

TGIF!!

So, I was planning to write my blog after watching Tiger Woods' press conference. I figured there might be something worthy to discuss.

But in the commentary that has come AFTER his speech, all I can think to say is, "Forgive him, and leave him alone."

One of my co-workers was blasting his speech, saying he's only sorry he got caught, and that she doesn't believe him. She even went so far as to ask, "Who does he think he is to call a press conference just to say he's sorry?"

My answer?

"Who are you to say you don't believe his apology is sincere? Who the hell are you?"

****crickets****

Maybe the apology was a part of his therapy. Maybe his advisers asked him to do it. Maybe HE wanted to do it. But regardless of what inspired his apology, the fact is he apologized. He didn't owe any of us that. He didn't wrong any of us. But since he did apologize...why not just accept it?

What I find funny about all of his critics is their lack of forgiveness for a transgression that was never directed at them. We see forgiveness as something only God has to grant - but not us. While we confess all the time that "we are only human" when it comes to our OWN faults, we seem to forget that Tiger is also human.

We withhold our forgiveness - unconsciously projecting our feelings of guilt onto others, playing a blame game and shifting our own shortcomings to others - and fail to forgive the faults we can't bear to look at in ourselves.

Life shows us how to live and love by example, sending us relationships that challenge us. Our most difficult relationships offer us our greatest opportunities to grow. Tiger is now going through his.

We all have our regrets - some secret guilt or private embarrassment we carry inside. There are certainly acts in my own life for which I would want to be forgiven. We all have them. Usually our private pangs of conscience are self inflicted, not put on CNN for the world to see. And ultimately, we are either willing to forgive or we're not..but until we can forgive others, we totally won't be able to forgive ourselves.

Sometimes, what we've done doesn't determine who we ARE...it's what we've overcome that can determine that. A person we've wronged may not be aware of how we've grown since we hurt them, or who we've become. And sometimes those who we still hold grudges against are not who they were either - they too may have changed. It's so easy for us to edit out our own past behaviors without giving someone else the benefit of the doubt.

The Bible says, "Judge not and condemn not...for with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged." No one is saying that Tiger's behavior was right, or that we should condone it. But what we should be saying is the choice is ours to forgive. If we all could see our lives from the Divine perspective, we would see each other as perfect, yet imperfect...and every hurt and transgression as an integral part of life - and an invitation to be better than we were before.

Divine justice works this way: whatever you do or don't do, whether you forgive or not, whether you judge or judge not - you do so unto the Body of Christ - which is only ourselves, all of us under the oneness of God. So if you know you'll have to ask for forgiveness one day, also know that you'll have to give it. The wisest thing to do is to always choose forgiveness over anger, and love over hate - for love heals everything in its path. Forgiveness is a form of self-mastery, so don't let anger and pain settle into your spirit. As we forgive, so we are forgiven.

-b

32 comments:

annamaria said...

1st Bitches

Latinegro said...

"Judge not and condemn not...for with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged."

Very powerful and very true.

Do you where in the bible is quote is from?

Annamaria said...

OK While I agree that his transgressions were not directed at us. Yes what he did was wrong BUT hey it doesn't affect us, we aren't married to him... The only person he really needed to apologize to was his wife etc etc etc....

BUT HE decided (for whatever reason) to call a press conference & apologize. The minute he made the decision to put his business on the TV he also knew that he would open himself up to criticism & judgement. NO none of us are perfect BUT we aren't calling press conferences to apologize for our flaws either.
NOW one thing I heard (DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TRUE OR NOT...) is that he timed this press conference to correspond with that golf tournament that was sponsored by Accenture (who dropped his ass)...NOW if that is the reason that he did it. Then his apology isn't sincere and isn't worth the paper it was written on because there was a hidden agenda...

POINT BLANK he needed to sit in a room alone with his wife & talk to her & her alone. At the end of the day we have all made up our minds about him personally & professionally and one has NOTHING to do with the other. He's one of the GREATEST golf players in the history of the game. NO ONE CAN SAY HE ISN'T. BUT he is also a NASTY dirty Mofo....
BUT that's my opinion which I am entitled to and so is everyone else... Unfortunately Brooke I am going to play devil's advocate & agree with your co worker... Would he have called a press conference to confess all his sins & apologize if none of this came out??? Would he have sat his wife down & told her everything he did if she wouldn't have found out... maybe BUT probably not.. sooo unfortunately a part of me thinks he is sorry ONLY because he got caught.
Then again that's when most of us are sorry for things we've done. When we get caught... It's a fucked up situation anyway you put it.

Chance said...

@Latinegro,

The scripture comes from Matthew 7:1-2

Anonymous said...

Here you go Ant!


1. Matthew 7:1
[ Judging Others ] "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Matthew 7:1-3 (in Context) Matthew 7 (Whole Chapter)
2. Luke 6:37
[ Judging Others ] "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Luke 6:36-38 (in Context) Luke 6 (Whole Chapter)

It's your boooy!!

SarKism said...

Happy Friday all...

I personally do not care about Tiger Woods and his transgressions. I made every effort not to watch the press conference. But alas, the remote changed to a channel that was carrying it.

While I understand the sentiment that he does not need to apologize. I commend him for being responsible. We seem to have a contradiction in our society that honestly no celebrity/public figure will ever be able to reconcile. On the one hand, we want them to be responsible and act as role models even if they do not choose to hold themselves up as one. On the other hand, we want them to be humble, private, leave us out of things such as this "private matter." I commend Tiger for being that role model and being responsible enough to apologize for not living up to our expectations.

Brooke said...

Most of us are only sorry for what we get caught doing. Sometimes not, but to me it makes no difference. We can't say what's in his heart or his reasons...all we can do is see that he apologized and that's it.

There are PLENTY of people in the world, and on this blog, who did something they weren't supposed to - and may not have gotten caught doing it. ALL OF US.

But that doesn't mean it didn't happen because we're not famous or in the public eye. And that doesn't mean that you don't have to ask for forgiveness from someone, even if that someone is God only...and no one else.

They said he timed the press conference for now because he has to report back to therapy. Maybe they told him in therapy that publicly apologizing and atoning for his actions will aide in his recovery. Who knows?

All I know is people who have very severe judgments of Tiger are some people who may need to look at their own lives and think of things they've done, or what can be perceived as a sin, and see if maybe THEY need to be forgiven for something. Otherwise, they need not take TIGER'S life so personally.

Rameer "The Circumstance" said...

This is the first time I think I've ever written this...

I don't like today's blog.

I'm in the "who cares" contingent. People just love to talk and judge people in the limelight - it's what we as Americans do. But really - why do people give a f so much? Are there own lives that pitiful and devoid of anything that you worry about what a million and his supermodel wife are doing in their own home?

I didn't watch the press conference. Probably won't see the replay. I'm in DC having the time of my life. But I *do* check on my Brookey's Cafe for my daily fix.

No knock on the blog or you Brooke-Ra (you KNOW I love ya), but this might be the first time I've ever been disappointed at a blog topic. Simply cuz I really don't care about it...but I do agree with your sentiments in terms of what you wrote.

God bless.

Stephanie said...

You know I was hoping you would blog about this today. America needs to get a fucking grip.This is not news.He cheated on his wife O.K.This is a matter between a husband and wife. I feel for Mrs. Woods I do, but only she knows what is best for her and her family.My friend says he should apologize to the public because we helped make him famous and buy the products he sponsors. I love her to death but I disagree. I will still buy Nike sneakers and drink Gatorade and various other products he sponsored. His infidelity has no bearing on what I buy.This will blow over and when it does the media and old sponsors will be all oh what a great comeback for Tiger kissing his ass left and right. That is when Tiger should give them the finger and never work with the people who dropped him like a hot potato.The MEDIA is the Problem. They keep re-hashing this story to distract us from the real problems going on in the world right now like the economy, job loss, health care, the war ect.

Stef said...

personally I agree with SarKism. There are plenty of married men out there who cheat, but who DON'T apologize - publicly OR privately. It takes courage to do what he did. I'm proud of him.

We can't say what his motives are, but how many of US would be able to do what he did if we got caught out there doing something wrong? Not too many of us. Tiger didn't HAVE to do anything, but he decided to for his own reasons. All we can do is respect the fact that he said he was sorry and move on. Whether we care about him or not, the man said he's sorry. He's a man, a human being like the rest of us, and I can tell you right now, there are ALOT of things I needed to ask for forgiveness for - and it's not any easier for me to do just because I'm not in the public eye...just as I'm sure it wasn't easy for him

I hope none of those who are criticizing him have to ask for forgiveness one day.

Brooke said...

Rameer, it's cool you don't like today's blog. Can't please everyone, so it's a good thing I never try to :)

But my blog today isn't simply about giving Tiger Woods shine. My blog today is about forgiveness. Tiger just sparked it...but my message has very little to do with him, and moreso about people who are quick to judge, yet would never want a light shined on their own transgressions or who forget the time when THEY needed to be forgiven for something.

Jaz said...

Well, Brooke, I LOVE your blog today. Anyone can see that your blog was not just about Tiger, but about forgiveness. There is a deeper meaning, and Tiger was just the spart that led to a bigger message. This can be applied to any of us in our daily lives. A few of my friends and I were talking about forgiveness the other day, and it had nothing to do with Tiger Woods. Your blog today was inspiring to me today, because it reminded me that no matter how much we might be hurting, or angry, sometimes forgiveness is hard, but it's always the right thing to do. Your message today reaffirmed that for me.

I'm going to print it out and show my friends since it totally applies to what we were talking about the other day. Very well written and insightful and I thank you for your blog today.

Jay said...

Brooke,

Your blog today was exceptional. This blog wasn't about Tiger, it was about forgiveness...and I totally get that.

It's so easy to point fingers, call people names, criticize and judge - but that's weakness. Strength is forgiving, even when you don't want to. It's about realizing that none of us is perfect and we ALL sin daily, and have to ask for forgiveness at some point. Hopefully those who we request forgiveness from will be gracious in giving it if our request is sincere.

None of us are without sin - especially me. I know I'll have to apologize for something again before I die, even if it's not as big of a "sin" as Tiger's - but it'll still be something that I've hurt someone over...intentional or not. So until we're all ready to say that we'll NEVER have to ask for forgiveness, then we shouldn't be so quick to judge and condemn someone else.

GREAT BLOG today Brooke!

Annamaria said...

Brooke & others...I agree that we have all done something or will do something in the future that will need forgiveness....BUT my point is make sure it's genuine & directed at the people that you really need to be forgiven by..His wife, his mother, his in laws, his kids those are the people he needs to apologize too. Cause you know what, when you can't play golf anymore, and Nike & co have all dropped you THOSE are the people you will need. If I do something to my man should I apologize to him OR all of you...NO I need to apologize to HIM....
Yes Tiger is a world famous athlete but like Stef said she'll still buy all those things regardless of what Tiger did & who he apologized too. Annamaria did not need an apology because Annamaria's life was in no way shape or form affected... And you know what if Tiger Woods is your kids role model then we need to step our game up as parents. Tiger is a human being who shits & puts his pant leg on one leg at a time. He's no better than anyone cause his pants are more expensive & he may have a nicer toilet...
I think our kids need to look up to their parents for everything they do... People like their aunts & uncles & anyone they see doing right & trying to make themselves better people despite life's obstacles...
My mom was always my role model. I never wanted to be like anyone famous I just wanted to be someone who was a good person & who loved her family with all her heart.

Annamaria said...

P.S-Brooke that aunt & uncle comment was directed at you... I definitely see you being a role model to your nephews & that to me is a great thing & very inspiring...

We should have higher standards for our role models...Like Barack to me isn't a role model because he's the first black president...(sooner or later someone would have been first) He's a role model because he kept his integrity while running, his strong family values, and how he knows what's really important in life... That to me will teach a child much more than "he was the first black president.."

Stef said...

I'm sure Tiger has apologized to his wife and family over and over again...I'm sure his tv apology isn't the first time they're hearing him say he's sorry.

Like B said, why he called the press conference is irrelevant. It's a no win situation anyway, cuz he was criticized for NOT saying he was sorry to the media (BY the media...) and now he's criticized because he did. The man can't win, so let it go!

He said he was sorry, and none of us can sit here and say he wasn't sincere or what his motives are, so we need to take him at his word and move on.

Rameer "The Circumstance" said...

(Sigh) I GET that Brooke-Ra's blog dealt with forgiveness. But what spurred the topic was Tiger Woods. If y'all like it, great - I'm entitled to not like a blog topic, no? And I believe I *clearly* typed that I agreed with her sentiments.

Just like people do or don't like what I type sometimes - I can not like a blog topic once in a while. Hell, it's my FIRST TIME. It's not about me not "getting it" - it's GOT. I just ain't like the impetus for why the blog was written, and main point of observation in writing the forgiveness sentiment.

It wasn't about Tiger - yet 10 of the comments as I'm writing this have some mention of him. Uh-huh. Using him as a jumping point to talk about a larger theme is cool...I just didn't like it.

I'm pretty sure I wrote it in a respectful way. And from Brooke-Ra's response, I'm pretty sure she got it and took absolutely no offense to me not liking one blog out of the hundreds I've read and commented on.

Annamaria said...

Dramatic much?? It's ok Rameer..You are entitled to your opinion.. No one will condemn you for it...

WE FORGIVE YOU & AGREE NOT TO JUDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol

Anonymous said...

Brooke...you said 'give tiger woods shine' lol

ahem...
judge not lest ye be judged...
why is america caught up with Tiger getting it in. The only person he needs to work through this thing with is his wife..we just watch this man play GOLF....we should not be concerned with how this man drops his balls in a hole...lol...ok im going to stop..the apology was an attempt to mend the peception of his character so he can get his sponsorship back...

Rameer "The Circumstance" said...

Lmfao @ Annamaria! Good one...you got me.

Hey Brooke-Ra - saw Isaiah "Zay "Buge" last night at the game! Dude is still as cool as ever. That game was INSANE...and like a damned CBT!!! I saw AT LEAST 100 alums - and I'm positive it was much more than that over the course of the day and night.

Next year, you gotta go. Seriously - it's so much fun, words can't do it justice.

DMoe said...

Whassup yall,

I must say (once again) that at some point, we ALL have needed to be forgiven. It may not be for cheating on someone or something related to that, but we are all sinners - and we all can only be "sorry" when humbly submitting to our peers, our family, our fans - and ultimately, our creator, for forgiveness.

Hopefully, this is a step in Tiger's redemption within himself.

I've heard many things about the "millions of dollars he makes..." and how people have no remorse for millionaires who do whatever they do. This ordinary guy has had an extraordinary opportunity to profit from his gift of playing a game. At the root of this, an ordinary guy made an ordinary mistake. His mistakes are no more than mine or yours, simply because he's wealthy - and alot of people are judging his transgressions based on how much he owns and/or makes.

Last, there's something he has lost that no amount of money can make up for. Not all the endorsements, nor the trophies, nor any of the accolades will ever make up for his loss of his integrity as a man.

That is priceless.

DMoe

Jaz said...

No one on this blog said you weren't entitled to your opinion Rameer, nor did anyone say you didn't get it. I just happen to love the blog today - so just like you're entitled not to like it, those of us who did like it are simply saying that we DID like it.

I agree DMoe, some people place him on a pedestal and hold him to a higher standard just because he's famous and great at what he does. He hurts, bleeds and breathes just like the rest of us. And just like us, he'll need to be forgiven one day. We can't condemn him for being less than perfect when we all are, and we can't condemn him for not being a good man unless we give him a chance to become one.

Brooke said...

Thanks Annamaria - while I hope that I can be a good role model for my nephews, I'm sure I'll fall short one day...and just hope that they'd forgive me for anything I *might* do in the future. All we can do is try our best and hope that we succeed.

I'll definitely try to go to the next big SU game, hopefully the Big East Tournament if I can score some tickets. Good game last night - close one!

The Cable Guy said...

Um, Stef...weren't you the one who was like "Fuck Tiger" back when all this first happened?

I don't remember the details, but I remember you not being so forgiving of Tiger back when news broke that he cheated. Now you're saying move on? Fuck outta here.

Anyway, great blog today too. He's a man, just like anyone else. He should be allowed to apologize, and we should accept it... especially since he didn't do anything to us. Just like someone else said on here today, I'll contune to either support, or not support his sponsors like I've always been doing...regardless of what he did. I don't buy Gatorade cuz Tiger's a stand up dude. And I won't stop drinking it because he may not be considered one in someone else's eyes.

None of us can say what we'd do if we had a fuckin billion dollars. Some of us can't pass up the "regular" temptations that we face daily, let alone if we were on his level and had access to the things the HE has access to. And if you can sit here and say that you could without a doubt, I call bullshit. None of us are in his shoes, so we can't judge. And we all have done something we've needed to be sorry for, so why we can't give this dude the benefit of the doubt is beyond me.

Stef said...

@Cable Guy,

Yes, I did say all that, but that was more a matter of cheating, not forgiveness. I still don't think Elin should stay with Tiger, and I don't condone cheating. But she can forgive him without BEING WITH him. I think back then, people were saying we should almost EXPECT Tiger to cheat because he's a famous millionnaire, and I don't agree with that. My rant was more about cheating I think.

But that being said, I can admit that some of what I said was probably more out of my own past experiences with cheating. And while I'm not with any of the men that cheated on me, I can say that I've moved past it and forgiven in my heart in order to heal.

Brooke said...

Forgiving someone doesn't mean you condone what they did. Forgiveness isn't for them, it's for us. It sets you free.

And as for Tiger, we don't have anything to forgive him for because he did nothing to us. We can choose not to JUDGE him, but we don't have to FORGIVE him for anything.

The Cable Guy said...

Okay, so long as you admit it Stef, cuz you seem to be singing a differen tune today HATER! LOL!

you know I love you...in a "hater play cousin kinda way"

Good win for SU last night. I actually watched that game :)

Ms. Penn said...

@Brooke,

I agree with Jay - this blog today was exceptional. Your writing perfectly conveys the sentiments of forgiveness, and I agree with everything you said, and with the comments for the most part.

I don't care about Tiger's life any more than the next person, but I feel he and his press conference was a good springboard for this conversation. No more than we care about Kobe, Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson or John Edwards - since they're in the public eye, their lives can be used as part of a bigger discussion. Just like you've used Chris Brown and Rihanna in the past to discuss domestic violence, so can you use Tiger to discuss adultery, cheating or forgiveness.

A blog...or I should say YOUR blog, can be used to discuss many different things, as told from your perspective - and I love how you can take something going on in the media or pop culture as a way to uplift or send a positive message - not just gossip about it. I have no problem with you using Tiger to discuss something greater, which is forgiveness. It's better than water cooler tabloid talk, and I appreciated your message today. Great blog!

Stef said...

I still hate you cable guy :)

oh, and BROOKE DON"T WANT YOU MAN!

LMAO!!

The Cable Guy said...

@Stef,

HATER!

but in the spirit of forgiveness and the blog...


...nah, you still a hater!

Annamaria said...

***Still waiting for Stef & Cable Dude to BLOG & make some nice Cable Ready angry babies!!!***

LOL

One thing Cable Dude touched on that did strike me is Tiger's money & sponsors & the increased attention that caused...
In a way it seems like the sponsors made him the person that thought he was invinsible & couldn't get caught, etc etc...And then when he messed up (be it a HUGE fuck up) they dropped him like a bad habit...Is that right? I understand he was hired to portray a specific image but in reality can anyone live up to the standards they set in those contracts??

The Cable Guy said...

Their job is to sell their product by making you believe you can be like Tiger. Not be a man like him, but be great like him. It's all a game, and they use him for money, and then drop him when they think HE makes THEM look bad. Like they now have some standard HE can't live up to, when they're the ones who imposed that standard on him in the first place.

It's a reciprocal thing, they use him to make money, he takes their money. It's business. Yes, he messed up, but they'll be picking him right back up again when he starts winning again. It's hypocritical, and he'll take their money again just like Kobe did once he's back on the course.

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