Tuesday, February 23, 2010
So I asked Stef if we could discuss her Valentine's Day drama as a blog topic. In case some of you missed it in the comments, Stef saw some unnerving information on her new "friend's" Facebook page that suggested that maybe she wasn't the only sweetie in his life - and she quickly went off! We won't go into the details, but dude was pretty much busted by some PYT that posted something suggestive on his page...that he apparently hadn't seen and removed until it was too late. Yikes!
The whole thing sounds silly at first, since Facebook is...well...Facebook. But maybe there's something there to discuss. Can Facebook mess up a (budding) relationship? Is Facebook...as Yolanda would say..."the debbil?"
Facebook is a fun and convenient way to keep up with friends and family. Half the stuff I know about my family I learn through Facebook...which is kinda sad. But hey, it's better than not keeping in touch at all, right?
I log on periodically throughout the day and use it to promote my blog. I "watch" tv shows and sporting events with my FB friends "together." It's just another way to connect.
And I do know a couple of people who have even had some romantic hook-ups, meetings with friends of friends they may have met on FB. Friends suggest friends to other friends, and we all become one big, happy family.
At first anyway.
But what about that cutie you met at the gym? Instead of exchanging numbers like we used to do back in the day, the new question now becomes, "Are you on Facebook?" Give someone a last name or an email address, and BAM! - there they are. A friend request goes out, you start to chat, talk on the phone, look into each other's lives...and all of a sudden, you have a new boo.
One day, you log on to see that some "chick" (whose profile pic is of her in a wet t-shirt) posts something like, "Hey babe, missed you last night" on his wall - and now you're all in a tizzy. Sure, the message was somewhat innocent...I guess...but who is she? You click on her page, and either look at every pic she has and read all of her info...OR...you sit there fuming because this b*tch made her page private.
So, you try to act all cool about it, and casually ask your man who the lovely young lady with the "classy" photo is - and he tells you she's just a friend and that she's harmless. You don't believe that sh*t, but you can't say anything because all you have to go on is a wall post.
What to do??!!
Here's what you do. Delete him. Not necessarily out of your life, but at least off of Facebook. The longer you keep him as a friend, the more you'll obsess over his page and anything on it that could be seen as "suspect." For some, if you're already insecure, Facebook will just fan the flames of your jealousy. You don't need another reason to feel distrustful of your man (or woman), especially if you're suspicious by nature anyway. If you think something is going on, just trust your gut and follow THAT instinct, instead of allowing your mind to play tricks on you because some random girl "likes" your man's status.
If you DO decide to "friend" your man, make sure you have a discussion about what is expected and boundaries. Not every man or woman cares, or even reads, that your boo is "in a relationship" in the status part of their page. If someone disrespects you or your mate by posting something suggestive or that can be seen as inappropriate on your wall, then either "de-friend" the troublemaker, or change your privacy settings. Do what you have to do to make sure your relationship is safe.
And if you MUST use Facebook to see what your significant other is up to, make sure you have PROOF that something is up before you go screaming, "You asshole, I saw that new girl you friended, I know something is going on cuz she wrote that she loves you on your wall!"
Boo: "Uh...she's my sister..."
You: "Oh...well, uh...she seems nice."
Avoid the cyber drama...just sayin.