Monday, June 8, 2009

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend - the weather was great here in the NYC - perfect for a bridal shower and bachelorette party! A dear friend of mine will be getting married in a few weeks, so we all gathered Saturday for a night of fun.

A couple of my male friends, upon finding out that I had gone to a bachelorette party, asked me to "spare them the details." The rest, however, seem to have no clue as to what we ladies do at bachelorette parties, or they think that it's all tea and crumpets.

While most women don't wanna REALLY know what goes on at bachelor parties, we kinda have an idea. Drinking, strippers, strip clubs, butt naked hos, drinking, sex, drinking....more hos. At least that's what we think anyway. And don't let the men go "away" somewhere for the weekend....forget about it.

A new world will be built before a man tells you what happened at the bachelor party - what happens at the party, STAYS at the party. However, none of them seem to think anything sordid happens at bachelorette parties. They think it's just a bunch of girls sitting around throwing singles at a man dancing to Ginuwine's "Pony" (the standard stripper cowboy song)...and for the most part, that's true. They may not know or ask about the "hot seat" or the "massage" - but they think it's all good, clean fun.

...and it is....ahem....depending on where you go or who's throwing the party.

I asked a few guys what they think happens at bachelorette parties...and these are some of the responses I got:

Naked Pillow Fight.

- Okay, I think this was just his fantasy. He thought we stripped down to our thongs and lacy bras, wrestled in jello and then got drunk and made out with each other. Sorry dude...don't mean to disappoint you...but that doesn't happen. Like....EVER.

Chippendales.


- If you're envisioning us sitting around a table sipping on Kettle One and cranberry through penis straws watching cornball Fabio lookalikes gyrate offbeat to corny stripper music, think again. Yes, we do have the straws, but the men are usually oiled down, muscled up and can dance their naked asses off. At least the ones I've been to. Yes, they're your typical firefighters, policemen, officer and a gentlemen or cowboy characters, but they got SKILLZ. The firefighter who danced to J. Holiday's "Bed" on Saturday night could get it! I mean, I might've had his baby. Yes, a lot of men who dance at the strip clubs are gay, but THAT night...he was whatever we wanted him to be.

For the most part, we simply watch for the tricks they do. And if he can lift up 3 women at one time, pin one against the wall while he twirls another one in his hand, or can put you in a crazy sexual position and then molest, lick, fondle, bite, rub, tickle, suck (toes usually) and make them all feel....well...special....then we're makin' it rain. ***clapping hands**** BRAVO!!!

Sex Instructors or Sex Toy Parties.

- Yes, some women do invite over a sex instructor who spits poetic about the wonders of dildos, vibrators, toys and lubes, and schools you on how to incorporate them into your bedroom acrobatics. She may even give a "how to" lesson on oral sex.

...yawn....

Don't we know this stuff already? I mean, if you're getting married, chances are we've explored all that already...right? Maybe that's just MY friends ;)

But hey...if you want to sit around and have a "booty parlor" party while nibbling on crust-less sandwiches and pay for such instructions - I'm available (that's a good side hustle!)

Dinner and Bar Hopping.

Yes, the night usually starts off tame enough. We adorn the bride with any type of sexually charged and/or embarrassing trinket that we can think of. Although cliche by now, the condom-laden veil or tiara is an ever-popular choice, followed by dozens of penis pops stuck to her outfit, accompanied by the "Blushing Bride" sash worn ever so elegantly across her chest. That's so everyone out on the street knows who she is and why we're acting a fool.

however....

Once the drinks starts flowing, then the "bar hopping" can get interesting. Men LOVE watching a bunch of women out on her "last night of freedom" and will do anything to participate in the evening's festivities. That's where the "scavenger hunt" comes in :-)

The scavenger hunt involves her bridesmaids/girlfriends making a list of things that she has to get or do throughout the course of the evening. She may have to get a guy to give her his boxers; she may have to consume a body shot off a stranger's belly button; or she may even have to kiss a guy who has the same name as her future husband. The possibilities for this one are endless - it all depends on how far her friends can and will make her go.

Some women even make the bride-to-be go to a gentleman's club and strip as a dare. There are clubs that allow that sometimes you know. Just make sure it's not the same club her fiance will be for his bachelor party...talk about awkward...YIKES!

Anyway, some of my lady friends may think that I've told too much. But for the most part, I don't think I really divulged anything that most men couldn't guess anyway. There was nothing scandalous, vulgar or embarrassing revealed - just good, honest fun (even though I hope this past weekend's photos never see the light of day). A bachelorette probably won't go home with a stranger or call her ex or do anything else she wouldn't be able to tell her fiance about. Most brides-to-be are looking forward to starting her new life with her boo, while the groom-to-be, with help from his boys, is savoring every last drop of his single life and is looking for one last....whatever. So...I'm sure what we do STILL doesn't compare to what happens at bachelor parties...maybe ;)

Perhaps one of the guys will be brave and share what went down at their bachelor party, or a hot party they've been to recently. Ladies, do we wanna know? They're not obliged to tell us...and I get that. And hey, if they don't have to, we don't either. It's all tea and crumpets anyway :-)

-b

32 comments:

Latinegro said...

First Bitches!!!!!

Latinegro said...

I did not have a bachelor party and if I were to get married again (and that is a BIG if), I prolly would not have one.

That is because I have already been to the best bachelor party I could possibly go to. I will not go into it because that is part of Man rules...but I will say that we were cleaning the ceiling for weeks aftward...

Brooke said...

Cleaning the ceiling?

uh...okay...

I won't even ask.

You don't wanna get married again Ant?

Latinegro said...

Not sure that is a fair question to ask me right now. I will say right now...no

Ask me again in 3 years...lol

Annamaria said...

Ant you gonna get shanked on this Monday morning... TSK TSK TSK....

None of these scenarios described details any bachelorette parties I've been too. Except for one that was fairly tame. Other than that...I'll NEVER teeellll...LMAO

Ant...Never say never you shouldn't rule it out. I understand why marriage isn't on your mind now but you never know what life has in store for you!

Serena W. said...

Ant you were on at what time? Wow! Annamaria will shank you. But any who I can't even remember the last bacherlorette party. I do remember it was a bar b que and uneventful (yawn).

But the last time I saw strippers it was funny! My friend cracked up at the Timbs and ashy legs we witnessed at a ski trip! No oil...ash! Lol!!!

Curious to see who else chimes in.

Serena W. said...

Brooke please tell me you were joking about the naked pillow fight and some dummy didn't think of that fantasy lmao!

Ant...cleaning ceilings...hmmmmmm.

Brooke said...

Serena, I wish I could say I was kidding. It baffles me sometimes the things men think of...really.

Ant is always up late writing blogs :) He and I are night owls. He's on an all day retreat today, so he HAD to be first :) So, may not hear much from him today :)

ashy legs? I don't think I've ever seen an ashy stripper in my life. Buffoonery.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Please please please let's get back to the naked pillow fights and wrestling. If my fiance' does that... I won't even have to have a batchelor party! Just show me the video.

Brooke said...

Pretty Ricky, you have a fiance???

And no...no naked pillow fights.

Ever.

Annamaria said...

By the way I am DYING over here at your playlist of stripper songs! LMAO... I love it. There are 2 more that remind me of one of my homeboys that is a stripper. He always plays them when he performs but I can't think of them right now.

Brooke said...

Well when you think of them Annamaria, I'll add them :)

I had a few pics I thought to put up but decided against it :)

DMoe said...

Morning ya'll...

I gotta be honest, call me the liberal cat, but I'm just not that concerned with what goes down on certain levels. I say this because its never about being the dude/chick that "has to know" what jumped off. Its just lame to "need" to know. A "Ginuwine" curiosity (pun intended) is fine, and its all in the presentation of really being concerned for the welfare and good time of your loved one in attendance at the festivities...

I find that the more of a "laissez faire" attitude seasoned with some inherent trust yields all kinds of voluntary information that provides for the greatest insight without the pressure...

As for a man's bachelor party, if your dealing with a possessive, jealous woman, chances are - that particular night wasn't the first time you had some splainin' to do to keep her azz from being in orbit...

With that said, that type of relationship is a huge turn-off for me (personally) and lots of men who either turn a blind eye to the foolishness, or think it equates to love's attention on some other level. Very dumb, and very doomed. Period.

This also rides back to an anecdote I provided free of charge last week: Nobody wants nobody nobody wants...Ladies, if your with a man you find attractive, dont make that fact some "taser" you use on him on his way out, or his way back in. Its not attractive. At all.

Moreover, welcome to OUR world. The world where if your lady's halfway decent, she's constantly swatting flies to keep tongues out of her ear, and you gotta deal with the competition, the gazes, the stares, the size-ups, and the "she can get it" glances from onlookers.

Revel in it. Bathe in the glory of being with someone that people actually wanna check out...lol.

I cant count how many times I've seen a dude confronting his woman for another dude looking at her, and asked myself proverbially..."Bruh, your fortunate. Would you rather her NOT be attractive?"

Dont get me wrong. Unless she's flashing her cell number, or giving the "we could get it on if HE wasnt right here" look, all bets are off. And then, "sportcoat" as I like to call him, ends up looking like the clown.

After reading this, I couldnt help but think of the single greatest bachelor party I've ever witnessed, and/or been a part of. I had the privilege of chairing a committee for an unforgettable event, and it jumped off - in a word - "flawlessly".

I don't mind sharing an overview, because the attention to detail, "team" concept, and anti-foolishness precautions all bring a tear to my eye, and get me absolutely "vuhklempt". (Google it)

Dmoe aka Slimi Hendrix

Rameer said...

And OF COURSE, I chime in with the opposing comment...

Naked bachelorette pillow fights are REAL. I know I was witness to one...'cept it went a WHOLE LOT FURTHER THAN JUST PILLOW FIGHTS...

Let's just say that I've had a theory for over a decade that EVERY woman has a "Lesbian Gene" that is dormant...but with the right cultivation, can be awakened and indulged, even if only for a night. This was THAT NIGHT...

Why was I (and one of my peoples) there? Ah ah ah...ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET!!! Let's just say what started out as an accident turned into...well, go see "The Hangover"...and then think of how that flick would be with chicks instead of guys...

Lastly - MANLAW. Snitches get stitches...I ain't tellin' what I've seen at the bachelor parties I'VE been to...

Brooke said...

Here we go with the generalizations.

Rameer...I dare you to find a dormant lesbian gene in me. If that's the case, then EVERY man has a homo gene lying dormant too. Gimme a break.

DMoe, what makes for a successful bachelor party?

Here's a question - if you said you didn't want a bachelor/bachelorette party and your friends threw one for you anyway, even tho you and your inteneded agreed that neither of you would have one - would you still go/participate in it?

Annamaria said...

Brookey I just sent you a pic...LOL

I sent it to your yahoo...

Gourmet Diva said...

I'm jamming to your stripper music!
Stipper Parties don't do anything for me, why do I want a gay guys balls in my face!

Get me drunk and have me bungee jump naked or something, it makes for a good story the next day..
no stupid vails or sex parties
dont tell pretty ricky that

Rameer said...

Brooke - it's a JOKE. Albeit I tend to joke and make it seem very serious at times, it was still A JOKE.

YOU give ME a break. Like I would seriously think there's a scientific gene that every woman has a Lesbian Gene. It's a joke I've been running for years that I even have a pretty good explanation to.

Y'all have fun today.

Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'em said...

Hee Hee...Brooke the fiance was hypothetical ;-) But I'll keep you posted!

As for sharing what happens at a batchelor party...it all depends on the type of man you have and his friends. I definitely down for the "ritual" of it all but some go to far. Most of the ones that I'm cool with are usually for the benefit of the groom-to-be's friends. I have no problem with that. But when the groom starts to commit questionable acts.. that's when I'm a little put off. ANd yes I'm a guy and I'm not gay!!! LMAO. Respect your bride to be. Point Blank end of story!

I have to say that unfortunately enough, in the past I've been invited to the batchelor party of a relatives groom to be. And while I respect the man rule... I almost had to choke dude out!!! Don't want my relative dealing with a nasty motha effer like that. They still got married... but I let it be known that he better watch his back!

Keefe said...

B,

Why don't you have "doo doo brown" on your stripper music list?

I told you "Doo Doo Brown" would be my stripper song if I ever decided to venture into that world.

:-)

The Fury said...

I know a former male stripper. Therefore I know bachelorette parties have the potential to be worse than any bachelor party. I've also bore witness to the outset of some parties as well as heard stories. It boils down to women can get away with more with male strippers especially in strip clubs.

Men are often taught not to touch (too much) or be respectful. Women grab the parts, stroke the parts and rub the parts in between their parts. And then things progress. I've heard it all...wild threesomes jumping off with the stripper, with the women, with men that were at the club, affairs that extend beyond the party, etc.

Tea and crumpets? Hell no! Freaks & Strumpets!

Brooke said...

Oh, ok...I guess I don't always know when you're joking - especially since you tend to have strong views on things Rameer. My bad...please accept my apology.

GourmetDiva - naked bungee jumping? Really? PLEASE invite me to that!! PLEASE!!!

Pretty Ricky, I feel you on that. Having fun doesn't have to cross any lines. And some of my guy friends are emailing me/IMing on the side telling me what happened at THEIR OWN bachelor parties and it's NOT a good look...AT ALL!

FURY!!! I'm over here CRACKING UP! Freaks and Strumpets???!!!! That was hilarious!!!

DMurray said...

Ant...no comment..... maybe I will hear about it over a brew.
Everyone is entitled to a bachelor/bachelorette party. It is an honor to have friends that think you are cool enough to throw a party in your name. I did not have when the first time I tied the knot. Everyone insists I have one now..... we will see.
A word of caution to both bride and groom. You made a commitment say before the night prior to the wedding. You should not do anything to put your relationship at risk. You are also way too old to act an ass! We aint in college anymore! Have fun but dont get out of pocket!
DMURRAY

Brooke said...

Oh, and Keefe...I'll add Doo Doo Brown just for you :-) LOL!!

Andre aka The Black Cloud said...

For the most part the bachelor parties I've gone to (including the ones that were away for a weekend) were just big fun. It was a way to show the groom how much he was missing by getting married while not letting him go too far. Hell one (of two) of my bachelor parties was in DR! Lots of fun, but it was kept above board.

I don't put anything above women. I know y'all can get just as freaky and crazy as a man and some even freakier. Hell, Just reading your response to stripper dude with the locs tell me, you were one of the women getting flipped and rubbed down...uh huh. I see you, Brookey! Web camming the Strippers!

Brooke said...

Jeez...let's not make this about me, shall we? :)

I didn't touch him...that much :)

For the most part, the bachelorette party is for the bride, while most bachelor parties are for the groom's friends. I don't like strange, oiled up men putting their greasy hands on me, but I appreciate ones who can do great tricks. I admire from afar.

This webcam joke is getting old :) LOL!!

Annamaria, I didn't get a pic, send it again! brookeybaby73@yahoo.com.

the pirate said...

Whatever...everyone else has commented on...What happens in Vegas, will get posted on the Brookey Blog! lol
When in Vegas for a bachelor party; which was the second best vacation that I ever had, I entered the elevator in an intoxicated state. I got off at the wrong floor at the Tropicana. Much to my surprise, there was a beautiful "bride to be" crying her eyes out. I asked her what was wrong and if I could be of some assistance. She told me that her friends and her were in Vegas for HER bachelorette party. (they were from Chicago). The girl that was her maid of "honor" had just done something "really stupid." The "bride to be" walks me down the hallway, to a stairwell. Here...the MADE on Honor was being probed by some drunk "little" surfer dude from LA (and the chick was hott!). Not only was she the maid of honor, BUT, she was getting married in two weeks herself! Therefore, the preceding was the ingredients for MILF!

Brooke said...

Wow Pirate, that's nuts.

And that's also very odd to me. Most women I know who have gotten married have friends in place that will keep her from doing something stupid. We can look at strippers, but as far as "getting probed" by strangers, etc., that just doesn't happen.

Let me tell you what MAY happen. She may call or get a call from an ex who wants to see her one last time before she gets hitched. He tells her how beautiful she is and she's the one that got away. If ANYthing goes down, that's when it does...not at some bachelorette party. And it goes with her to her grave. Period. :)

Serena W. said...

I'm with Gourmet Diva on the jamming to stripper songs!

But NO to the bungee jumping lol! And I don't want strippers (please no more ash and Timbs lmao).

But if my girls know me...get a dope dj, a bar, wake up to massages by a sexy dude and sip on momosa's or drinks all weekend...on an island!!!!

Woman's Rules! What happens on the island...stays on the damn island! Hee hee.

the pirate said...

Okay...LMAO!!!

Gabrielle said...

One of my close friends forgot to get the invites finished in time and it turned into a huge problem! For the bridal shower we produced a scavenger hunt game and highly advise this to any one, it was incredible! We located a great bridal shower checklist and made some personalized invites and tank tops produced from this web page:
www.amazingbacheloretteparty.com/gifts-favors

Eudocia said...

What really happens at bachelorette parties ?
Like any other question, it depends.
Depends on who the bride to be is and what she is into, for the most part.

Some girls just want to sing karaoke songs with their friends and have a few drinks.
Others want to see nude male bodies and get "hands on" with them, as this lady
talks about at sexyfetishforum dot com (her member name is Diana45).

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