Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Hump Day!

So it seems I must be the only person in my office who couldn’t care less about the engagement announcement of Prince William and Kate Middleton. News broke yesterday that the couple will be married in Westminster Abbey next April, and already some of my coworkers are treating it like it will be an American holiday.

While I’m happy for the Prince and his future Princess, I just really don’t care that much. While some are thrilled for young William, others are already taking bets on how long their marriage will last. I’ve heard some say 3 years, others say 7. And then there are those who say that he’ll simply stay married and take a mistress.

Either way, who cares? And why hate on young love? :-)

While I don’t really put much into “celebrity” couplings and marriages, what I DID find interesting is that Prince William and Kate Middleton dated off and on for 9 years. To me, if anything, I think taking your time to really get to know someone gives your marriage a better chance at success. It’s not guaranteed – nothing is – but 9 years of vetting someone is a lot longer than most people stay married nowadays…so it made me wonder if theirs was a case of love at first sight, or a friendship that grew into a passion.

They say the Prince saw her in a fashion show in college where she was modeling lingerie and was smitten. I’m sure there was a physical attraction between the two – or at least on his part - but was there a “spark?” I’ve heard some couples say that they knew IMMEDIATELY that their spouse was “the ONE” upon their first meeting. My good friend said to her husband in her wedding vows, “You had me at hello.” You know it’s gotta be deep if you’re quoting lines from Jerry Maguire :-)

But I can’t say that I’ve ever felt that. That’s not to say that I haven’t felt any sparks, or that there was no chemistry between me and any boyfriends I’ve had. There have definitely been sparks. But physical attraction, lust, chemistry…does that lead to long term love? Is that different than knowing someone is "The One?"

Most couples I know on a personal level who have been married for a long time had no idea that their spouse was The One when they first laid eyes on each other. My sister will be celebrating her 10 year wedding anniversary this December, yet when she first met her husband, she just thought he was cute. He didn’t speak English, had only been in the country for about six months, and she had just graduated from college and was fresh out of a stale relationship. She thought she’d kill some time with him, just date and have fun. Now, 13 years and two children later, she couldn’t imagine her life with anyone else.

Now if you ask HIM, he’ll tell you it was love at first sight. He knew...even if SHE didn’t.

So maybe both people don’t have to feel it. Maybe the other person has to be shown over time that the love of their life is staring them right in the face…but they just can’t see it yet. Either way, their love grew steadily, not instantly (at least for her). They were together for three years before they got married, getting to know each other (and how to communicate since neither spoke the other's language) and taking their time. While it may have “clicked” for him, it didn’t click for her right away – so clearly if we don’t know right away, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

In all of my longest lasting relationships, I didn’t know right away that that person was going to be in my life for more than a week, let alone months or years. And usually those who I had an instant, explosive chemistry with quickly fizzled out after a fast burn. So what has your experience been? Have you:

1. Been in a relationship with someone who was a longtime friend that you’d started dating and went from having a platonic relationship to a romantic one?

2. Enjoyed a mild attraction with a traditional courtship that involved going on several dates over a long period of time that gradually grew more serious based on common interests?

3. Just fell head-over-heels in love fast and furious and the lasting relationship is/was based on a passionate connection?

So which if these 3 scenarios describes most of your relationships? Have any of you had a relationship that didn't seem like it would last at first — but after enough shared experiences and enough time getting to know each other, you found you'd built an unexpectedly strong foundation? Or was it hot and heavy from the beginning?

Go!

-b