Friday, June 4, 2010

TGIF!!!

I got that title from our very own AnnaJolia today. I didn't have a clue as to what I was gonna blog about - and I spent the entire morning messing around on email with her and my future baby daddy instead of thinking of a topic...until she said that. So thank you Annamaria!

So with that, here is a list of things I feel everyone should know before they bone.

1. You should know if the other person is married or not. Now, if you don't care, then you can just skip to number 2. But if you DO care, then finding out a person's marital status is important if you're not trying to be Alicia Ke...I mean, a home wrecker :-) (just jokes...kinda...)

2. You should know the other person's STD status. As uncomfortable as it may be, you have to ask. Telling the person YOUR status first is a good way to get them to tell you theirs. Say something like, "I just want you to know before we get down that all my tests were negative the last time I went to the doctor, so I just wanted to give you that assurance. When was the last time you got tested?" If they seem hesitant to tell you, then that means their dirty azz probably hasn't gone in a while, or they just got done hittin' somebody else raw and they're not sure...or they don't care. Sexual health should be important to everyone, and if someone gives you the impression that it's not important to HIM/HER, then RUN! FAST!

3. You should know what kind of protection you'll be using and who will be providing it. Don't assume that he's gonna bring something, or that she's on the pill. The worst thing is getting all hot and heavy and then no one has anything and you have to put your passion on ice. Or even worse, you make a bad decision in the heat of the moment to not use protection simply because it's not available. Have the talk about birth control before you get butt nekkid so that no one winds up burning or knocked up.

4. This may sound obvious, but you should know how to have an orgasm before you have sex. Hear me out. The reason I say this is because so many women don't know their own bodies or what pleases them, so they don't know how to tell someone else how to please them. If you're having sex with someone for the first time, chances are he doesn't know that your spot is right behind your left ear. He may not know that you don't like fingers, or that you like it slow and sensual instead of fast and furious. If you don't know how to please yourself, how can he? Same goes for men. Tell her what gets you off. You'd be surprised how many people have sex just to have it without actually enjoying it...all because they never took the time to explore their own bodies. It's important to know what feels good to you before you can show another person what feels good to you.

5. Lastly, this is a no-brainer to most of us - but you should know your partner before you have sex. Now, again...if all you're looking for is a one night stand, then this is the end of the blog post for you. But if not, then it helps to know if the man or woman you're about to get busy with is crazy, a homicidal maniac, bi-polar, schizo, has a history of mental illness in his family, is an ax murderer, a jailbird, GAY, broke, slept with your sister, has kids, a job, hypertension, 11 fingers, allergies to fish, a crazy baby mama or daddy, all his teeth, etc. You'd be surprised how many people rush to have sex with someone ONLY to find out that they did a bid in the joint for armed robbery AFTER the fact. Do your research and ask questions FIRST...then get booty butt nekkid :-)

Feel free to add yours - Go!

Have a great weekend and I'll see you all on Wednesday (unless someone wants to guest blog for me Monday and Tuesday....jus sayin)

-b

22 comments:

Annamaria said...

FIRST FUCKERS!

Annamaria said...

You should know whether your partner wants kids.. And how many. Whether it will be ONE or THREE!

Stef said...

Brooke, this list was on point! Most people don't know the first thing about the person they're about to lay down with, especially their STD status! We're so hot in the ass that we don't slow down to ask the important questions.

Not all people you sleep with are people you want to marry or date or have kids with, but I think you hit on the basics. Great blog!

Stef said...

OH! And you should know what you're working with. Ever get all excited to sleep with a man and then he's like 4 inches ERECT!? Not cool.

Brooke said...

LMAO!! Stef, you crazy :)

I've never had a small dude - jus sayin'.

Oh, and for the record, Annamaria WAS working this morning (in between emails) LOL!

Stef said...

Then you're lucky Brooke. I've had dudes so small I felt like it was incest!

Craig n 'em said...

Now...I need to bring to light something that is not often spoken about...When we speak of SAFE SEX, we speak of condoms...whether for intercourse or oral...For women, men can use saran wrap as a barrier between MOUTH and VAG...But what seems to fall by the wayside is the art of the HANDJOB!

Always keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer on you. I don't want a woman squeezing me off after a day of buying a metrocard, holding onto the pole on the train...opening the bathroom door in Starbucks or after a class of Vinyasa Yoga...Make sure your hands are clean...Same goes for men...Don't rub a woman off after you just changed the oil in your car...KEEP IT CLEAN PEOPLE!!! HANDJOBS are still in effect!!!

-V- said...

6) Her name ... at least her stage name.

;-)

Stef said...

LMAO!!!!

Craig and V are STUPID!!

but now when I think about it - that is kinda gross when you think of all the places our hands have been in a given day. Yuk!!!

Brooke said...

I think Craig should guest blog for me both Monday AND Tuesday :)

The Cable Guy said...

Ummm, Brooke. Who is your future baby daddy???!!!

Brooke said...

It was a joke Cable Dude - private joke between me and Annamaria :)

I have some lined up tho for sperm donation :)

Jay said...

Whew! I was about to get nervous wondering who her future baby daddy was cuz she wasn't on email with ME this morning.

I can breathe again now :)

Greast list! I especially agree with the STD status thing, cuz most of us assume someone is "clean." Condoms don't protect you from everything, so you need to ask if they have the gift that keeps on giving!

The Fury said...

Great list...

A signed waiver agreeing she won't write a book about you or let someone publish your text messages.

a background check to make sure she's never boned anyone that boned Kat Stacks...or anyone that's boned anyone that boned anyone that boned Kat Stacks.

spit or swallow?

shave, wax, au natural? Havign a wookie reveal is NOT the move.

Brooke said...

"wookie reveal"??? LMAO!!

I never even thought of the waiver thing...great idea! But then again, I'm not famous like you, so I wouldn't think anyone would write a book about me :-)

The Cable Guy said...

Can I be one of your sperm donors? :-) I want to give it to you the natural way though, not in a cup :) LOL!

Jay, back up off my woman!

and I hope Brooke and Fury haven't visited that sex club yet!

The Fury said...

@Brooke - thankfully I haven't been subject to the true fro fro kitty.

you will be famous Brooke and then you'll send a lawyer after your previous conquests! LOL

No we haven't gone to the sex club....yet...Brooke when are you free?

Brooke said...

well, you said the night to go was Friday right? We have to pick a Friday and check it out :)

The Cable Guy said...

I forbid you to go Brooke!

Brooke said...

umm...last time I checked, my daddy lived in Delaware :-)

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spchrist said...

Good list...

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