Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Happy Hump Day!!
Sorry I'm late! I've been trying to blog from home, but last night I wasn't able to. And I had to screen a film this morning, so I've been busy off the hook!
While I was trying to figure out what day it was yesterday, it hit me - IT'S FREAKIN JANUARY 2009! I frantically wrote an email to Amanda and Leesa stating, "It just occurred to me that it's January, which means next month is February, which means my birthday is coming and I'll be 36!" Where did the year go?!
I barely got used to being 35! I think because in my mind, I was trying to block it out. I don't want to define myself by any age. I don't feel a day over 27, and most people say I don't look it either. But then, upon finding out my real age, someone inevitably asks, "Why aren't you married yet?" or "You don't want kids?"
I have two best friends from college. One has three children and the other is working on her third. We're all the same age, and have grown closer than ever over the years. Our lives are all completely different and have taken us places we never thought we'd be. One never thought she'd be a stay at home mom, having earned her law degree and once loved the thrill of trials and cross examinations. The other, a widow, is raising her children alone after 15 years of being with her soul mate.
Then there's me - single with no kids at 35. The only difference is...this isn't a shock to me. Growing up, I always said I didn't want kids. I've since changed my position on that, but it wasn't until my late twenties when I was in a relationship with someone I could actually see myself having kids with that I began to feel differently. Now, in my thirties, I can see myself as a mother more so than a wife. But I'd want to raise my children with their father, so I guess I'd have to take the man too ;-) We can't always dictate what life brings us, but we want it to be as ideal as possible right? Right.
"Why aren't you married yet?"
It's a question I never know how to answer. Then they ask...
"Well, why don't you have kids?"
To follow with that question is almost just as absurd.
I think I give simple answers that never seem to be good enough. "Well, the right man just hasn't found me yet" or "I'll have children when the time is right for me."
What I really want to say...or..YELL...is "STOP ASKING ME!" Sometimes I feel like people discuss me and "my situation" as if I'm not even there. Is it a SIN to be 35, not married with no kids? Did I break some sort of rule or something? Does growing my career count FOR ANYTHING?
It's not like I'm sitting at home eating bons bons, twittling my thumbs, waiting for Prince Charming to knock on my door. I go out. I spend quality time with my family. I have girl nights out. I go to movies by myself. I meet great people online. I meet great people in person. I cultivate relationships that bring great meaning to my life. And I do it happily single and childless.
I'll admit, at first - When my 35th birthday came and I was still single without a boo in sight, I had a sad cloud hanging over me. I just did not understand how I still had not found someone or how this man did not find me. I mean, I had put in some good years of practice and search, so you figure that something has to have happened by then right?
After 35, the pressure is SO on because, well, for the ladies, the time to biologically procreate is coming to a close. People are worried that your eggs are going to turn to powder before any of them get a chance to be spermeated. And for both sexes, you should be married by the time you’re 35 because some rule says so.
I wish the answer were as simple as "because, like Oprah, I dont' want to get married" or "cuz I don't want any snotty nosed, rusty behind kids!" But that wouldn't be true. I DO want those things. I DO think about it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. My sister tells me to "let God", so I'm trying to do that while enjoying my "singlehood." Everything in His time if it's His will. Most days I accept that. Other days, it's hard to accept...especially when all your friends are working on their third baby and you have no prospects in sight.
But you know what? I also don't have to worry about diapers, or being a single mom, or not having a life cuz I can't find a sitter, or my husband getting on my LAST NERVE and I have no where to escape cuz the house just isn't big enough!
I can go catch a movie with my single friends at the last minute. I can say, "meet me for dinner in 15 minutes" at the drop of a hat. I can stay up all night and sleep in late. I am unencumbered by husband or child, and freedom has its rewards.
Grass always looks greener on the other side right?
So when someone asks you why you're not married or why you don't have kids, just tell them, "I'm just enjoying my side of the fence for right now, wiggling my toes in my nice, green grass."