Today is a rant day. Feel free to rant about whatever you want.
My rant for today? My hair.
Now before you all go in on me, trust me when I tell you that I know my hair and scalp are healthier now that I've decided to go natural. I know this.
I've been wanting to try to going natural for a long time, but I was hesitant for all the very reasons I'm about to rant about now.
I understand that anything worth doing will be challenging. I get that. But please allow me this indulgence. Just for today...then I'll be done.
I'm not loving my hair today. I didn't particularly care for it yesterday either...or the day before.
It's just not doing anything I want it to do. It doesn't curl up, it's frizzy and I don't find it to be cute at all.
I've been trying different products, none of which work. They make my hair look dull, and I have random strands that fly in different directions, while others coil up tight. I have 2 different hair textures on my head, so either the front looks great one day, or the back does....but they never look great at the same time.
Actually...that's not true. My hair looks nice when it's about a quarter to half an inch long. But now that it's growing, that inch and and half length seems to make a HUGE difference in how my hair behaves.
So it seems the solution would be to keep it short. But I don't want to keep it short. I know it's going to take a couple of years for it to get to a length where I can rock a great twist out, so I figured I'd better get started now. All of this means I'm about to enter into the dreaded "in between stage" - a stage I hated when my hair was relaxed as well. Not looking forward to it.
Then there's the gym. I've been going hard for a few weeks now, and while you'd think natural hair would be easier to manage as it pertains to working out, I feel like it's worse. I sweat my hair out, and my hair being wet isn't the issue. It's the sweat mixing with the 3 different hair products I have in my hair (that don't work) running down my face, making me feel greasy and breaking my skin out. I wash my face a lot more now because I constantly feel oily, which is making my skin dry out - or break out more.
Then, when I sweat out the product, my hair turns into a massive frizz ball. So I have a wet afro that looks crazy. All the product is on my hands (from putting them behind my head to do ab work) and none on my head. We won't even talk about the oil running down the back of my neck.
Then there's all the products I need to try just to make my fro look half way decent before I leave the house. I'm tired of running my ass back and forth to Target and beauty supply stores buying - and then RETURNING - products trying to find the perfect one for my ever changing mane. And NONE of these products are cheap. I've tried inexpensive products, expensive ones, homemade ones, pure olive oil from my kitchen...EVERYTHING. Nothing is working. All from having over an inch of hair on my head.
So I try to wear makeup and cute earrings to distract people from the fact that I look like I have a Scotchbrite Scrubber on my dome. People are sweet - they say things like, "Oh, now that you have short hair, I can see your facial features more." Or...my favorite..."At least you have a cute shaped head."
That's all code for, "Giirrrl, good thing you cute, cuz your hair is a hot ass mess!"
I know what it is.
I can see why sistas want to rock relaxed hair. When my hair was relaxed, it did what I wanted it to do - and it was the same texture all over. Granted, I've never been one of those women who sit in the salon all day every weekend. I didn't bump and curl it everyday. Being able to slick it back into a ponytail was enough for me. Now I actually have to "DO" something with my hair daily...and it takes longer than brushing it back and securing it with an elastic.
Again, I know my hair is healthier now...but damn if this isn't a process.
I'm simply hoping that I can deal with it until it grows. It's hard. No matter how many compliments I get, "I" am the one who has to look at it, live with it, and ultimately like it. Today...I don't like it. At all.
And that's okay...and don't worry - I'm not running back to the creamy crack any time soon. I just wanted to rant and get this off my chest. My sister told me she misses when I had hair. I do too. My mom said I looked "too natural." I know what that means....but whatever. It's a process...it's a challenge. One I'm willing to keep trying...for now.
Maybe I'll braid it up once it grows another inch if I don't find the right concoction to curl it up and make it shiny. Maybe I'll just invest in some cute hats - who knows. All I know is, as of today, natural hair is not fun to me. Not even a little bit.
Well...that's it for today. I'm about to go to the gym, so I have extra towels to catch all the gook that's about to pour from my scalp. My healthy scalp. What joy.
But like going to the gym and eating healthy, anything worth doing is worth working (and suffering) for until it becomes second nature. I guess I'd rather be healthy inside and out with a fuzzy head then overweight and unhealthy with straight hair.
Over the years, I've been blessed to have spent time with, befriend, love, learn from and share experiences with people who have helped me grow and inspire me everyday. They have shared words of wisdom, strengthened me with encouragement, gave me joy with a smile, comforted me with a hug, gave clarity to my visions and dreams and renewed my spirit with faith. It is through family and friends that I manage to be happy and hopeful.
These relationships work because we share our philosophies, our personal truths and an outlook that prompts us to seek something greater in all and in ourselves. Sharing a journey heartedly illuminates our lives and enriches our experiences. It keeps us moving....always evolving....ever changing.
I have been transformed by the wisdom, opinions, insights and revelations of those who have shared their journey with me. It's a blessing I long to share with you through my first ever blog. For me, writing is a reflection of my own direct experience and I look forward to all of you sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
So...with that said....can I just say.....??? :-)