Tuesday, May 1, 2012
TMI Tuesday - let's go!
9 Rules For the Office Romp...by The Fury
I was recently hired to do some contract work for a corporation that just survived a very big, extremely public sexual harassment lawsuit, some sexual harassment charges and a big issue of sexual payment for advancement. Yeah…
So here I go walking into the revolving door of unsaid company wondering what the hell is going on that so many people are having sex IN the workplace. No seriously, one person was reprimanded and demoted because he was caught orally pleasuring a co-worker while (and this may be just the tale exaggerated…) she pleasured herself with the neck of a Hennessey bottle. Oh my my my…
Again…these people hired me…
I’ve had one or two office romances in my life and they are not for everyone.
There are rules to the shit.
1) Don’t fuck in the office. (it’s tempting. Don’t do it….now oral is possible as long as the other isn’t too distracted by the bottle of spirits pistoning inside of her to realize security is walking the hallway)
2) Be on similar levels. F#cking an underling or an overling will cause an issue eventually. Usually with the person who isn’t in the sexcapade that gets passed over for the promotion.
3) If there’s a company rule that says you should tell…tell! Or don’t tell…anyone!!
4) Don’t squeeze his/her ass at the watercooler. Someone always sees.
5) Don’t whisper “I wanna taste/suck/lick/f#ck/juggle/gargle/ram your [anything]” in the cubicle area. You might as well have a bullhorn. Mouth it. Write it. Know sign language?
6) Do treat the person respectfully, even if it’s the worst taste/suck/lick/f#ck/juggle/gargle/ram you’ve ever had.
7) Don’t taste/suck/lick/f#ck/juggle/gargle/ram the office loudmouth.
8) If you want to break it off…do it easy. Very easy. The last thing you want is him/her telling the boss while he/she is tasting/sucking/licking/f#cking/juggling/gargling/ramming the boss. Bad news
9) Don’t use company computers/networks to talk dirty or set up dates. A friend of mine is an IT contractor for a large firm. He has copies of every nude picture ever sent internally. Like wow…
With that said, I’m going to keep to myself here and finish this contract quietly…unless of course my neighbors are reading this over my shoulder and don’t mind making me the meat in our office sandwich.
Do you have your own office romp rules? Ever have an office romp horror story or romance story? Let’s talk. It’s TMI Tuesday!
They call me The Fury and this Office Space is tempting...
- The Fury