Tuesday, March 27, 2012
First let me say - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNAMARIA!
Okay...now we can go into the Dear Brookey letter for today :-)
I was seeing someone for a few months, then she said she wanted to work things out with her ex...then she called me and said she doesn't know what she wants. So we're "friends with benefits" right now, but I have feelings for her. I know she probably doesn't feel the same way, so with that said, should I see if this goes further or just end it altogether?? I mean, the "benefits" part is great, but I really like her and I want to settle down again. I really cherish our friendship but I want more than just a friendship with her. I just don't want to waste my time, and if I start seeing someone else, I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on her. I'm anxious to see how people respond. Thanks!
If you suspect she doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about her, I'd end it. She seems confused, and if you have feelings for her, it'll just get messy...and you'll get hurt.
Most people in a "friends with benefits" type of relationship enter into it knowing that at some point, things will come to an end. Either that or someone hopes the relationship will blossom into a full blown romance.
But that rarely happens.
One person catches feelings, and the other person gets their feelings hurt. Not always, but most times that's how the story will end unless you have set "rules" in place.
Since you are the one that caught feelings, the friendship will have to take a backseat for a while until you get over her. Cold turkey...done.
It's better to do it sooner rather than let it linger. The more you draw it out, the more difficult it'll be to nurse your wounded heart later. Start the healing process now and it'll be less painful.
She's still hung up on her ex. Not to sound sexist, but usually women are the ones who hope that the "friends with benefits" relationship turns into something more...yet it sounds like she's retreating. If she was really into you the way you are with her, she'd jump at the chance to get serious with you. But she's trying to figure things out, or have her cake and eat it to - which if course would be unfair to you.
I'd tell her that you want to cool it for a while til she gets herself together. If she's truly meant for you, it'll happen...with no confusion or uncertainty. Until then, start seeing other people. You may find that when you remove sex from the equation, your feelings for her may not be what you thought they were. Sex can confuse things, so see what it's like to be away from her for a minute and see how you feel. And the time away may be good for her too to get some clarity.
Try it...give a month...one day at a time and let me know how it goes.
What say you blog family?