Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Dear Brookey...


Okay...now we can go into the Dear Brookey letter for today :-)

Dear Brookey,

I was seeing someone for a few months, then she said she wanted to work things out with her ex...then she called me and said she doesn't know what she wants. So we're "friends with benefits" right now, but I have feelings for her. I know she probably doesn't feel the same way, so with that said, should I see if this goes further or just end it altogether?? I mean, the "benefits" part is great, but I really like her and I want to settle down again. I really cherish our friendship but I want more than just a friendship with her. I just don't want to waste my time, and if I start seeing someone else, I don't want to feel like I'm cheating on her. I'm anxious to see how people respond. Thanks!


Dear Jason,

If you suspect she doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about her, I'd end it. She seems confused, and if you have feelings for her, it'll just get messy...and you'll get hurt.

Most people in a "friends with benefits" type of relationship enter into it knowing that at some point, things will come to an end. Either that or someone hopes the relationship will blossom into a full blown romance.

But that rarely happens.

One person catches feelings, and the other person gets their feelings hurt. Not always, but most times that's how the story will end unless you have set "rules" in place.

Since you are the one that caught feelings, the friendship will have to take a backseat for a while until you get over her. Cold turkey...done.

It's better to do it sooner rather than let it linger. The more you draw it out, the more difficult it'll be to nurse your wounded heart later. Start the healing process now and it'll be less painful.

She's still hung up on her ex. Not to sound sexist, but usually women are the ones who hope that the "friends with benefits" relationship turns into something more...yet it sounds like she's retreating. If she was really into you the way you are with her, she'd jump at the chance to get serious with you. But she's trying to figure things out, or have her cake and eat it to - which if course would be unfair to you.

I'd tell her that you want to cool it for a while til she gets herself together. If she's truly meant for you, it'll happen...with no confusion or uncertainty. Until then, start seeing other people. You may find that when you remove sex from the equation, your feelings for her may not be what you thought they were. Sex can confuse things, so see what it's like to be away from her for a minute and see how you feel. And the time away may be good for her too to get some clarity.

Try it...give a month...one day at a time and let me know how it goes.

What say you blog family?



Courtney said...

First bitches!!!


Great advice Brookey - I say run from this girl. She doesn't know what she wants so keep it movin'.

Courtney said...

oh, and Happy Birthday Annamaria!

The Fury said...

I agree with Brooke on this. Dude, if you think she's not in the same place as you and you're feeling all soft and wet for her, you gotta bail. Your feelings are going to be hurt when you find out just how many guys she could be banging right now. Ex or the next, it doesn't matter. Start seeing other people as well as her. Keep your options open. Maybe she just likes the way you knock it down. If that's not what you want then you should detach. Easier said than done,I know. She's confused or she wants her cake cake cake and she wants you to lick the icing off. If you don't want that, find another baker.

The Fury said...

...oh yeah, I'm back BITCHES! *cue the confetti*

FINALLY The Fury has come BACK to the Brooke blog!

Stef said...

I just happened to check and I see a blog posted! Damn Courtney beat everyone!

Hi Fury! We missed you!

And where the hell was TMI Tuesday!? You owe us 2 now!

Brooke, great advice. Jason, leave her alone and find someone else. Not saying she's a bad person and I'm sure you value the friendship you have, but move on. Her head is twisted right now so don't get caught up in her mess.

Stef said...

Oh, happy birthday Anna!

Annamaria said...

THANK YOU BROOKEY... And Courtney & Stef! :-)

And Jason. CUT HER OFF. Let her get herself together. Right now you are her "backup" and you should love yourself more than that. Why be someone's back up when someone else will put you first.

The Cable Guy said...

Dude, let this chick go. I know it seems that cuz she's letting you smash she may catch feelings too, but some chicks are like dudes in that they can sex you up and have no feelings for you whatsoever. She's still pining for her ex and is keeping you in her back pocket til the other dude comes around. And if he doesn't, you'll be the sloppy seconds. No one wants that.

Be out.

Happy Birthday Annamaria!

What up Fury!

A-buzz said...

Thank you Cable Dude. :-)

The Fury said...

Hi Stef! Yes I owe Brooke two TMI Tuesdays. She's well aware I slacked and I fell back for a moment. Or shall i say I got fell back. But I'm back! baby, you got back?

I'll be back

Whaddup Cable Guy! What's the haps?

Happy Birthday Annamaria! Saves some confetti for you and throws it in your direction.

@Jason - you drop this chick yet or you need 9 more comments? Lemme ask you...

Is the pum pum good? Does the mouf do dat? Is this the problem? or is it true feelings?

let a Fury know.

Jay said...

I think everyone is in agreement. Let her go.

Happy Birthday Annamaria :-)

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday Annamaria. have a wonderful day.
I have to agree with the blog Family.You have to let her go, and figure out what is best for you.She has a major loose end she needs to tie up.Who knows where her ex is at. You don't want to get yourself caught up in some Bullshit because she can't figure out what she wants.Good luck.

Courtney said...

It's rare to see a man going thru this dilemma, at least for me it is, so I'm glad a guy was brave enough to have Brooke share and address this. Women aren't the only ones who get caught up. Good post!

A-buzz said...

Awww thank you guys!!! :-)

Serena W. said...

I'm a day late...sorry peeps!

Happy Belated Birthday Annamaria!

Jason...take it from someone that has suffered getting the heart broken from something very similar and do what a lot of peeps said and run.

Also it's very very hard to be a friend to her while healing. Let her know you need space. As Brooke said, "Cold turkey." It's important to get back into the right space with yourself so you can move on and see other people. But with her as a friend and y'all get to chatting and talking...it may lead back into something else.

Sorry about your feelings Jason...sometimes nice people finish last...but only temporary though. You'll be fine in the end and find a woman that wants a great guy to settle down with and not be confused about it.

Good luck!

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