Brookey's Cafe Blog

She's got her own thing, that's why I love her.



There's something about her.

I hear this song no fewer than 3 times every morning while I'm getting ready for work. This seems to be some sort of new anthem and women love it!

She's everything I need.

I am surrounded by independent women who are phenomenal in every way. They're intelligent, articulate, cultured, ambitious, determined, devoted women. They do it all. They're daughters, mothers, sisters, aunties, wives, business women and mentors. They take care of themselves and everyone else, all while they handle their business.

And a lot of them...are single.

Where are the NeYo's that love them?

She'll break my heart, there's no doubt about it.

Are men afraid of independent women? Is a better word "intimidated" by them? Most men I know love NeYo's song because they say they love a woman who isn't needy. I get that. Neediness is not sexy on a man OR a woman.

But I can't help but think that there are also a lot of men and women out there who want to feel needed from time to time. They don't want someone who is SO independent that they feel they have no place in their lives. How do we navigate that balance of feeling needed, without that neediness turning into dependence?

It's a fine line.

She says "don't worry I got it."

Some women who are independent sometimes downplay that independence as to not "scare off" some men who may be intimidated by them. Others wear it as a badge of honor to attract the NeYo's out there who are not only attracted to independent women, but are secure enough in themselves to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn't need them for anything but love.

But you have to be careful how you flash that independence. My girlfriends have told me of men who claim to love that they assert their independence, only to use it as an excuse for why they never take them out, why they simply come over, eat all of their food, drink all of their Cranberry-Grape juice, and "lay up." They curse the man who says "you got this right?" when the bill comes because they assume since you are an independent woman, you can pick up the check every time at dinner.

It's a fine line.

Personally, I have no problem spooning on the couch, eating popcorn watching movies. I'm a independent woman who is also a homebody. But at the same time, I'd like to spontaneously suggest we hit up a play, check out a movie, or try out a new restaurant at a moment's notice. Independent women want know that if they make an impromptu suggestion, not only is the man up for it, but he could contribute if the situation calls for it. I don't think women mind picking up the tab for a man they're feeling and who's feeling them, treating him every once in a while. But if every time the waiter comes, he's like "you go Miss Independent!" then that's something different. That's lazy. That's selfish. That's just plain wack!

I say all this to say - WOMEN - be who you are. Pay your bills on time. Continue to be a superstar at work. Give back to your community. Have girl nights with your friends. Be the most intelligent, hard working woman you can be. Pamper yourself. Rely on yourself to take care of yourself. Be open. Take a man out to dinner. Let him be the man. But, like anything else in relationships, keep your eyes open. Be smart.

MEN - appreciate an independent woman when you meet her. Don't be intimidated by her - she needs you, just in different ways. Bring over dinner and dessert when you go to her house for a Blockbuster night. Or bring the entertainment, don't just "be" the entertainment. Treat her like a lady. Don't take her for granted. After all, she's independent and she knows it. It won't take her long to figure it out :-)

The point is, strike a balance. We can all be independent when it comes to finances, our career or our possessions. But we all need love. We need companionship. We need friendship. We need each other.

And if a man says you're too much woman for him, thank him for his honesty and keep it moving. Chances are he won't say that though. After all, that's why he loves you! :-)


For all my independent women out there:


MY NAME, MY GAME, MY REIGN, MY FAME
MY NERVE, MY CURVES, MY WORDS, MY URGE
MY BILLS, MY SKILLS, MY THRILLS,
ME YOU WANNA FEEL,
MY JUST KEEPING IT REAL :-)
MY EYES, MY RISE, MY THIGHS
TELL NO LIES
MY RAISE, MY WAYS, MY SWAYS, AND
MY NEVER ENDING PRAISE
MY MOODS, MY NEWS, MY GROOVES, AND
MY SAPPHIRE MUSE
MY WAKE UP WITHOUT MAKE-UP AND
I STILL LOOK GOOD!
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
OR AM I JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU?

MY FASHION, MY PASSION, MY COMPASSION AND MY EVERLASTING
NATURAL BEAUTY.
MY YEARN, MY LEARN, MY EARN AND
I KNOW I CAN BURN!
MY INTELLIGENCE, MY DILIGENCE,
MY ENDURANCE AND MY HUMBLE EXISTENCE
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, I UNDERSTAND
I'M JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

THE TASTE OF MY SAUCE, THE COST TO BE THE BOSS,
MY RHYTHM, SWEET RHYTHM
MY MIND, MY STRIDE - MY MOTION, MY DEEP OCEAN
MY SWEETNESS, MY FIRMNESS,
MY TAKE AWAY YOUR BREATHNESS!
NOT SURE IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,
I MIGHT JUST BE TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY SEXINESS, MY RESTLESSNESS,
MY CAN'T GET ENOUGHNESS
MY ROLL, MY STROLL,
MY NEED TO BE IN CONTROL
MY FACE, MY TASTE, MY RACE,
MY SOMETIMES DESIRE FOR SPACE
NOT EVERYONE CAN HANDLE IT,
CUZ I'M TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY MATURITY, MY AGILITY, MY CIVILITY AND MY ABILITY
TO BOUNCE BACK JUST LIKE THAT
MY INDIVIDUALITY, MY SEXUALITY
MY SPIRITUALITY AND
MY STRONG SENSE OF REALITY
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, JUST MOVE ON
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT -
I'M JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY STYLE AND MY GRACE,
MY CUTE SMILE WHILE MAINTAINING MY PACE
MY MOTHER WIT, I'M A SUPER CHICK!
MY RISE WITH IT, CHECK YOU WHEN YOU THROW A FIT
MY KNOWING HOW A LADY SHOULD PROPERLY SIT
MY BREASTS, MY NEST, MY MUCH-NEEDED REST, MY DRESS FOR SUCCESS,
MY NEED TO BE THE BEST,
THE STANDARDS I HAVE SET FOR ALL THE REST
I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT, JUST GIVE IT A TRY
ARE YOU AFRAID I'M TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU?

THE MELANIN IN MY SKIN,
THE SARCASM IN MY GRIN
THE REALITY THAT IN THE END
I WILL WIN
ANY BATTLE!
BUT HEY - IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,
JUST SIMPLY MOVE ON
AFTER ALL, I HAVE BEEN SAYIN'
I MAY JUST BE TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU ;-)

-b