Thursday, October 23, 2008

Miss Independent

She's got her own thing, that's why I love her.



There's something about her.

I hear this song no fewer than 3 times every morning while I'm getting ready for work. This seems to be some sort of new anthem and women love it!

She's everything I need.

I am surrounded by independent women who are phenomenal in every way. They're intelligent, articulate, cultured, ambitious, determined, devoted women. They do it all. They're daughters, mothers, sisters, aunties, wives, business women and mentors. They take care of themselves and everyone else, all while they handle their business.

And a lot of them...are single.

Where are the NeYo's that love them?

She'll break my heart, there's no doubt about it.

Are men afraid of independent women? Is a better word "intimidated" by them? Most men I know love NeYo's song because they say they love a woman who isn't needy. I get that. Neediness is not sexy on a man OR a woman.

But I can't help but think that there are also a lot of men and women out there who want to feel needed from time to time. They don't want someone who is SO independent that they feel they have no place in their lives. How do we navigate that balance of feeling needed, without that neediness turning into dependence?

It's a fine line.

She says "don't worry I got it."

Some women who are independent sometimes downplay that independence as to not "scare off" some men who may be intimidated by them. Others wear it as a badge of honor to attract the NeYo's out there who are not only attracted to independent women, but are secure enough in themselves to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn't need them for anything but love.

But you have to be careful how you flash that independence. My girlfriends have told me of men who claim to love that they assert their independence, only to use it as an excuse for why they never take them out, why they simply come over, eat all of their food, drink all of their Cranberry-Grape juice, and "lay up." They curse the man who says "you got this right?" when the bill comes because they assume since you are an independent woman, you can pick up the check every time at dinner.

It's a fine line.

Personally, I have no problem spooning on the couch, eating popcorn watching movies. I'm a independent woman who is also a homebody. But at the same time, I'd like to spontaneously suggest we hit up a play, check out a movie, or try out a new restaurant at a moment's notice. Independent women want know that if they make an impromptu suggestion, not only is the man up for it, but he could contribute if the situation calls for it. I don't think women mind picking up the tab for a man they're feeling and who's feeling them, treating him every once in a while. But if every time the waiter comes, he's like "you go Miss Independent!" then that's something different. That's lazy. That's selfish. That's just plain wack!

I say all this to say - WOMEN - be who you are. Pay your bills on time. Continue to be a superstar at work. Give back to your community. Have girl nights with your friends. Be the most intelligent, hard working woman you can be. Pamper yourself. Rely on yourself to take care of yourself. Be open. Take a man out to dinner. Let him be the man. But, like anything else in relationships, keep your eyes open. Be smart.

MEN - appreciate an independent woman when you meet her. Don't be intimidated by her - she needs you, just in different ways. Bring over dinner and dessert when you go to her house for a Blockbuster night. Or bring the entertainment, don't just "be" the entertainment. Treat her like a lady. Don't take her for granted. After all, she's independent and she knows it. It won't take her long to figure it out :-)

The point is, strike a balance. We can all be independent when it comes to finances, our career or our possessions. But we all need love. We need companionship. We need friendship. We need each other.

And if a man says you're too much woman for him, thank him for his honesty and keep it moving. Chances are he won't say that though. After all, that's why he loves you! :-)


For all my independent women out there:


MY NAME, MY GAME, MY REIGN, MY FAME
MY NERVE, MY CURVES, MY WORDS, MY URGE
MY BILLS, MY SKILLS, MY THRILLS,
ME YOU WANNA FEEL,
MY JUST KEEPING IT REAL :-)
MY EYES, MY RISE, MY THIGHS
TELL NO LIES
MY RAISE, MY WAYS, MY SWAYS, AND
MY NEVER ENDING PRAISE
MY MOODS, MY NEWS, MY GROOVES, AND
MY SAPPHIRE MUSE
MY WAKE UP WITHOUT MAKE-UP AND
I STILL LOOK GOOD!
CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
OR AM I JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU?

MY FASHION, MY PASSION, MY COMPASSION AND MY EVERLASTING
NATURAL BEAUTY.
MY YEARN, MY LEARN, MY EARN AND
I KNOW I CAN BURN!
MY INTELLIGENCE, MY DILIGENCE,
MY ENDURANCE AND MY HUMBLE EXISTENCE
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, I UNDERSTAND
I'M JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

THE TASTE OF MY SAUCE, THE COST TO BE THE BOSS,
MY RHYTHM, SWEET RHYTHM
MY MIND, MY STRIDE - MY MOTION, MY DEEP OCEAN
MY SWEETNESS, MY FIRMNESS,
MY TAKE AWAY YOUR BREATHNESS!
NOT SURE IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,
I MIGHT JUST BE TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY SEXINESS, MY RESTLESSNESS,
MY CAN'T GET ENOUGHNESS
MY ROLL, MY STROLL,
MY NEED TO BE IN CONTROL
MY FACE, MY TASTE, MY RACE,
MY SOMETIMES DESIRE FOR SPACE
NOT EVERYONE CAN HANDLE IT,
CUZ I'M TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY MATURITY, MY AGILITY, MY CIVILITY AND MY ABILITY
TO BOUNCE BACK JUST LIKE THAT
MY INDIVIDUALITY, MY SEXUALITY
MY SPIRITUALITY AND
MY STRONG SENSE OF REALITY
IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT, JUST MOVE ON
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT -
I'M JUST TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU

MY STYLE AND MY GRACE,
MY CUTE SMILE WHILE MAINTAINING MY PACE
MY MOTHER WIT, I'M A SUPER CHICK!
MY RISE WITH IT, CHECK YOU WHEN YOU THROW A FIT
MY KNOWING HOW A LADY SHOULD PROPERLY SIT
MY BREASTS, MY NEST, MY MUCH-NEEDED REST, MY DRESS FOR SUCCESS,
MY NEED TO BE THE BEST,
THE STANDARDS I HAVE SET FOR ALL THE REST
I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT, JUST GIVE IT A TRY
ARE YOU AFRAID I'M TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU?

THE MELANIN IN MY SKIN,
THE SARCASM IN MY GRIN
THE REALITY THAT IN THE END
I WILL WIN
ANY BATTLE!
BUT HEY - IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT,
JUST SIMPLY MOVE ON
AFTER ALL, I HAVE BEEN SAYIN'
I MAY JUST BE TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU ;-)

-b

10 comments:

Rene The Harlemite said...

This goes both ways...There are men that are like that but there also a lot of women out there that look over men that have the stuff together and rather be with a man that is depnedant on her that is not ambitious.I surround myself with people that are go getters so I would clearly want that in all aspects of my life.

At the end of the day a lot of that has to deal with self-esteem. One can be successful at something but not have alot of self-esteem. You have to love yourself before you love others. It's a simple rule but people do not heed it.

Brooke said...

It's true, it does go both ways. I tried to show both angles, so maybe I didn't really succeed in that. I know alot of independent women who have a hard time balancing femininity while asserting their independence. I don't equate being successful with being independent. I think they're too different things. I think an independent minded person doesn't require that you make alot of money or are VP of a company. I think being independent means you are a whole person first who can take care of him/herself, who then wants someone to complement them - not fill any voids. Self-esteem for those type of independent people goes without saying.

But I do agree that there are some women who think being independent means finding a man who is dependent on them, not one who is equally as independent as they are - which is not TRUE independence, but emotional neediness.

Rene The Harlemite said...

You did make it clear...I emphaized on it because it is frquently commented on that men have issues with this but it happens alot with females as well....All of this is a working progress...They key is putting the work into it and if you are committed in doing so.

Brooke said...

I do know alot of women who appear to be independent - live alone and pay their own bills, have great jobs, appear to have it all together - and then get with dudes that will let them take care of them. That's the "hard d*#k and bubblegum" in that story I was telling you last night. You know I'm gonna write about her next!

Dre Lew said...

Hi Brooke ~ Breath of Fresh Air having an Independent Woman! (Why did you have go there with the Cranberry/Grape*LoL!!!)

Hats off to all the women out there who are holding it down with great success, style and independence!!! Let me go on the record that I speak for me ~ not all men. Now with that said I am not and think that some good men are not either afraid or intimidated by a successful woman. I seek it for many reason ~ as the saying goes “Birds of a feather, Flock together” To me being with someone you share mutual attraction is just the start, but having things in common is also important. It’s not about who makes more or is smarter ~ it’s about pulling together the strength and weakness of each other to get a nice balance of the Ying and Yang. Equally yoked! I think I am very knowledgeable and diverse on many subjects but I am not ignorant, I still think I can learn something everyday from any origin. Now I have met some woman who gives the appearance that they know it all and don’t want your input ~ is that part of the fine line??? You don’t have to tone yourself down, just be yourself and open minded. Being comfortable in your own shoes is key, but being open to the idea that there is thousand ways to complete a task or opinion ~ sometime we all (women & men) get to a point that if it’s not done the way I do it or think…it’s wrong. I say, be glad someone is welling to help and let them get it done however they like and truly appreciate them and their efforts and opinions.

Is it refreshing to have a lady get the check ~ of course!!! But let’s understand that chivalry is alive and well, all women should be courted and treated like queens. So every now and then is cool, but as my standard goes…”I know you can get it Babe, but I got it” Independence is a great attribute, but being emotionally open with your mate is a different thing. It’s a two way street. So in addition to having and being loved, your ability to have an emotion confidant that has your back as you got theirs. Yes, you can deal with everything alone quite well, but being apart of something you start to learn to share. So right on the money…friendship, championship, everyone needs and deserves it. So right on ~ we are all a work in progress(Rene), getting better. I think we all should learn to better person ~ better to ourselves and each other.

Great comments ~ what food for thought!!!

Peace
Dre

Brooke said...

well said Dre, it's all about balance. I love being around people I can learn from. Truly intelligent people know they don't know any and everything. Too many people put emphasis on what they see - the car, the house, the clothes, the money. But all those things are trivial when dealing with the heart. Things like friendship, companionship, partnering, none of it can be bought. Finding commonality in our differences is not something that has a price tag on it. None of us stands alone. We all have or need someone to count on, to learn from, to teach, to engage with and to love. I love that you said equally yoked. Balanced. It's all about what each brings to the table to make us better together.

The Fury said...

Well said...I enjoy learning this stuff about you as I read. I've tagged you to see if you could tell us more. Visit my website for the details.

Nicole said...

ok that's my sister yall! Aint She a bad MF

-V- said...

Mmmmm ... Gabrielle Union ...

Me Likey !!!

Brooke said...

yes V, I know :-) That's your girl!

Related Posts with Thumbnails