Brookey's Cafe Blog

Good morning and Happy Hump Day!

It's very dank in the NYC today. It's the kind of weather outside where it's not quite raining...more like spitting. You know, not enough precipitation to warrant an umbrella, but enough to annoy you. Yeah, it's like that outside today.

Maybe the weather is contributing to my mood, which I am working hard to change as I type. When something is weighing heavy on my mind, I tend to over-think, over-analyze and over-react. To get over this, I re-read Serena's blog about "Letting Go Of Yesterday," and I also re-read some inspirational passages she sent me. One of them says, "He who angers you controls you." How true. I've decided to take control back.

While I feel that I am a positive person and a good friend, I know that I am FAR from perfect in that area. I've had friends that have been my aces for over 15 years, and I have some who have been in my life a short time by comparison. I've had to apologize to ALL of them many times for things that I've done and things that I haven't done. When I value a friendship, the last thing I want to do is be responsible for hurting someone's feelings.

I've been told on many occasions that I am too sensitive. I can accept that in a lot of cases. But in most cases, it wasn't that I was reacting because I was too sensitive, but rather I was reacting because someone else was INsensitive. One thing I try to never do, especially where my friends are concerned, is dismiss their feelings. After all, feelings are feelings...and we can't always help when we're overcome by them. Even if I never intended to hurt someone, even when I have a perfectly good explanation for why they feel the way they do and yes, even when I think that they may be just a little too sensitive, I apologize for the hurt feelings they have anyway.

Last week I told you of a friend who hurt my feelings. Yesterday, that same friend told me that I didn't see how I was at fault for my hurt feelings. I'm not sure which hurts more, the hurt feelings...or the dismissal of those hurt feelings. It's like being slapped on the cheek, only to turn my face so that they can slap the other one. Instead of helping me understand or saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way"(even though she didn't mean to hurt me), she blamed me for how I felt. Wow.

Some see an apology as an admission of wrong doing. For me, most times an apology is simply an ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of someone else's feelings. That is all most of us really want - for someone to acknowledge how we feel. It's not hand holding, it's not catering and it's not beneath us. I will never be so full of myself to the point where I can never acknowledge a friend's feelings...no matter how big or small, wrong or right. If I love you, I will always care how you feel, and I will never blame a friend for feeling the way they do - whether I caused it or not. It's not about blame. In playing the blame game, we shift our own shortcomings to others and give ourselves opportunities to forgive the faults we can't bear to look at in ourselves.

I've decided to let it go. He who angers you controls you. Serena's blog reminds me that living in the past will only imprison me in the present, keeping me from moving forward. So it's squashed. Life shows us how to live and love by example. But it also teaches us by sending us relationships that challenge us to be loving. Our most difficult relationships offer us our greatest opportunities to grow in wisdom and openheartedness.

The difficulty we have in forgiving is underscored by the fact that we often would rather feel bad than forgive. Iyanla Vanzant says that "forgiveness (and letting go) is a pain reliever." It frees those who forgive, and it is the forgiver who benefits most. Serena sent me a Key Thought and a Prayer to pray, which I have done and will share. Both say:

KEY THOUGHT:

Jesus' words draw us to the values of our Heavenly Father. Rather than passively accepting evil, we are to overcome evil with good. We are to work redemption in the face of mistreatment like the suffering servant in Isaiah who suffers, serves, and redeems in the face of attack and ridicule. Jesus reminds us that we are to redeem rather than to try to get even. A slap on the cheek in Jesus' day was more a social insult than a physical injury. In our day, we seldom slap someone on the cheek to embarrass or humiliate that person. Instead, we shoot them a "zinger," cut them down sarcastically, or tell a joke at their expense. This is out of bounds for believers. Such talk does not accomplish the redemption God has called us to share with others.

TODAY'S PRAYER:

Holy and patient Father, please strengthen me so that I will look for ways to redeem those who shame and humiliate me. I know that vengeance will only poison my heart and alienate me from the insulting party. Give me grace to react with kindness even toward those who are unkind to me. In the name of the one who did not rebuke his accusers I pray.

All is forgotten, all is forgiven. I've let go, let God, and I have my control back. Thank you Serena!

Amen.

-b

Happy Monday!

"I bust the windows out ya car..."

I was discussing this song with my boy Reggie last week and decided to kick off this Monday's discussion with the topic. I don't know how many of you are around, but I hope enough of you read this today so I can get your opinions on the subject.

Amanda burned the Jazmine Sullivan cd for me and I love it! When I first heard her voice, she reminded me of Lauryn Hill. I miss L-Boogie (damn Marley's made her crazy), so Jazmine is giving me my fix.

Now, this song right here...well, watch the video.



This song might as well be called "The Fastest Way to Get Your Ass Whooped!" Busting windows out of cars? First of all, how can you do that and not get caught? Wouldn't breaking glass create A LOT of noise and draw crazy attention? Where is this car located that no one would stop you from busting out windows?

I bust the windows out ya car
And no it didn’t mend my broken heart
I’ll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don’t care about that part

Second, why play yourself? Usually when women do stuff like this, it doesn't hurt the man, it just makes you look like a psycho! We should leave revenge up to God - but I know we're human, so we may feel the need to get revenge ourselves. So if you're going to get revenge, try to hurt his feelings - not make him angry! You might turn up missing and then they'll find you chopped up in a bunch of itty bitty pieces if he catches you busting windows out his ride. I'm surprised Left Eye's behind didn't get choked out for burning dude's house down! WTF? Ladies, ladies, ladies...

I bust the windows out ya car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn’t wanna but I took my turn
I’m glad I did it cause you had to learn…

Now, don't get me wrong, I know men wild out too. But I think women are more likely to tear up a man's ish than simply leave his punk ass alone. I know you're angry that you caught him laying up next to some chick - I get that. But busting windows out his car? Get yourself killed if you want to...I'm not the one! I wanna live!

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you’d feel when you saw it
I didn’t know that I had that much strength
But I’m glad you see what happens when…

Men, keep a close eye on the women you mess with and watch how you treat them. If you know you're doing dirt, you better make sure you either don't get caught, or are dealing with a sane woman who will not bust up your stuff or pour bleach on your favorite throwback jersey when you DO get caught....cuz chances are, you WILL. Or better yet, just don't do dirt. How bout dat?

You see can’t just play with people’s feelings
Tell them you love them and don’t mean it
You’ll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

Also, if you're dealing with a woman who is combative, argumentative, vindictive, violent or spiteful, you might want to get rid of her BEFORE she catches you - or else busted windows won't be the only thing you have to worry about. She might try to hurt YOU. We always hear about men hitting women, but there are women out there who are just as ruthless. A woman can bust dat ass just as quickly as a man can. TRUST!

I bust the windows out ya car
You should feel lucky that that’s all I did
After five whole years of this bullshit
Gave you all of me and you played with it

I know first-hand it hurts to get cheated on. I know it hurts when we've been lied to. I can see wanting to bust up his car if he did you wrong. I know. But hurt and bitterness, like love, creates after it's own kind. Our resentment and acts of revenge rarely disturb the person who hurt us, but rather it destroys the host - emotionally, spiritually - and potentially physically.

But it don’t comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens baby you don’t know pain

When we seek revenge on someone who has wronged us, we wound ourselves.

Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt, yeah
Oh, but why am I still cryin’?
Why am I the one whose still cryin’?

The women who bust up cars usually end up looking crazy to the men who hurt them. Men don't think, "oh wow, I messed up, she really hates me and I'm wrong." No, no, no! They think, "I'm glad I got rid of that crazy b*tch!" So now you've been hurt AND you look like a nut. Not a good look!

You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain (You caused me pain)
So I did the same

You want to really get him back? Forgive him - and then leave him alone. The best way to get over pain is to choose love - it heals everything in its path. Living a happy life (without him) is the best revenge.

When we're mad and want to get back at someone, rather than allowing that anger to lead us to lash out, ask the Spirit to guide you. See what it is we can learn from the experience. Keeping our cool in the face of anger and pain is the key to self mastery. Don't let anger consume or control you. Let it go.

I know it's easier said than done, but remember - God takes care of folks MUCH better than we can. Let the universe deal with it - and keep yourself from getting your ass beat in the process!

-b