Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Happy Hump Day mi gente!
Before we get into today's discussion, I'd like to send my thoughts and prayers to those affected by the earthquake in Haiti. If you'd like to make a charitable donation, you can visit Wyclef's site at http://www.yele.org/. Or you can donate to Unicef as well.
Now...
A guy friend and I were having this age old conversation the other day – nice guys finish last. When I asked him what he meant by that, this was his response.
Male Friend: We get the sex last, even if we’re good guys.
Me: Last behind…who exactly?
MF: I’ve been dating this girl for a month and a half now. I know she likes me and is attracted to me, but she won’t have sex with me. She told me that the reason she WON’T have sex with me is because I’m a good guy. How does that make any sense?
Me: I think what she means is, you’re a keeper…and she wants you to take her seriously.
MF: So my redeeming qualities are what’s keeping her from giving me some?
Me: Exactly.
MF: But if I was Pookie from the club, she might have given me some by now if she thought I would blow her back out, right?
Me: Maybe. I don’t know her or how she thinks…but perhaps.
MF: So I need to take off my suit and put on a wife beater in order to be intimate with her?
Me: No, not saying that.
MF: See…y’all women kill me. This is why nice guys finish last.
I understand his frustrations, but honestly…if he feels she’s worth waiting for – he’ll wait. If all he’s concerned with is “getting some” – then maybe he’s no different than Pookie.
But are women guilty of playing this game as well?
I know some women who will have sex with the guy with NO redeeming qualities whatsoever – yet hold out on the goodies for that “keeper” who they want to take them seriously. You know what I mean – he’s good looking, educated, intelligent, has a great job, never been married, no kids, has all his teeth, etc. He’s “husband” material – so we don’t want to do anything that’ll land us in the ‘friends with benefits” or “jumpoff” category. So we play nice girl, even though our hormones are raging and we want to jump his bones. He kisses us on our “spot,” yet we wipe our wetness so that we don’t send the wrong signals. We want to be “wifey” one day…so we hold true to the 90 Day Rule…which can be complete nonsense.
Meanwhile, he can’t figure it out. There’s obviously chemistry. He KNOWS we’d gladly lick his face if we could, yet we stop him at the door after our 6th date and give him a kiss on the cheek…if that. He feels he’s put in his time and shown us that he’s not just in it for sex…but he wants some dammit! What to do??
I don’t think there are any set rules as to when two adults should decide to have sex. And while waiting doesn’t guarantee that a man will eventually take you seriously and make you his boo, it can’t hurt to get to know him better either. Just make sure it’s not some game you’re playing while getting busy with Pookie on the side. If you’re into a guy, be into HIM…and him only. I know women have needs, but if the “good guy” can’t get any…then don’t give up your womanly space to the broke down dude who only serves a sexual purpose. I know Pookie has his place, but I think men can sniff other men on or around a woman – and it could backfire on you.
And men - I know you don’t want to hear that the very thing that makes you a great catch is the same reason you’re going home alone...again. But if you’re genuinely interested in that woman, the wait will be well worth it. Trust me.
Later, my friend goes on to say:
MF: Well, I can see how a woman can think that way. I’d have less respect for her if she gave it up to me on the first date. I have to admit, if I don't have to work for it, I lose interest. I know that’s not fair, but it’s true.
Me: Exactly…and women know this from past mistakes. Wait awhile…give her a little more time and just enjoy each other’s company. And please…PLEASE...put your wife beater away.
-b
