Mixed Signals

Happy Hump Day!

Okay, so I'm still in a bit of a blog block state, but luckily a friend gave me a topic for today. He told me a story about his boy who went on a date with a woman, she came back home with him, she took a SHOWER with him, but then rejected him when it came time to do the dirty dirty.

No sex. He could kiss her, fondle her, caress her and wash her....but no sex.

How DARE he assume that a woman who gets fully naked and lets soapy water run all over her body in his presence wants to have sex with him!?

Well...in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. If I were dude, I'd think she wanted to jump me too. Girlfriend was being a tease, and who knows why she didn't do it. Maybe she had every intention on freakin' this guy, but then saw what he was working with and changed her mind. We do that sometimes you know.

....and why did he even share that story? He should have taken that to his grave...but I digress.

While I don't think this guy was wrong for thinking he was gonna get some, I WILL say that most men misread signals and get the wrong ideas more often than not. If I return a smile and say hello to a dude on the street, he thinks I want to sleep with him. If I bump his arm on a crowded E train, he thinks I want to smash. If I say, "Can you please pass the salt?" that's code for "take me now." Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, but y'all DO do that.

When it comes to reading women's non-verbal signals - a smile, a gaze, body language, tone of voice - some men can be complete illiterates. A lot of times, men perceive sexual intent in women's behavior where there was no intent to convey. While smiling, moving closer to him, touching his arm, or even kissing him may show romantic interest, sex isn't always the ultimate thing on her mind (even though she already knows if she's gonna do it or not).

Now, that chick getting naked and taking showers is some ole other ish. Teasing and sending signals like THAT can lead to an unwanted situation. Date rape is real, so she should be careful about the messages/signals she's sending. There are ways to be intimate without being overtly sexual, and I can't say that dude was wrong in assuming sex was on her mind and that she'd welcome it.

That being said, men should take care to pay better attention so that they don't find themselves in these situations. No need getting blue balls because you think all women wanna screw you.

Now if you're not sure, let me give you some clues as to whether or not a woman is open to having sex with you...even if it's not RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Again, these are clues according to BROOKE, not ALL women...and ladies, feel free to add your own.

1. She grabs you by your shirt, pulls you to within an inch of her lips and whispers, "Let's smush Big Daddy." The most obvious way to know that she wants to have sex with you is if she TELLS you she does. Since I know some women would rarely do that....let's go to #2.

2. Pillow Fighting. Yes...pillow fighting. If I up and whop you in the head with a pillow, I have some sexual aggression I want to unleash on you. It's up to you to pick up on this. Now there are some dudes who will knock your ass out back with a pillow - wrong move you moron. The "play war" I'm initiating with you is a dare for you to subdue me. Most women want a man to "take her" in the bedroom - so if I hit you with my pillow, I'm assuming you'd use our chemistry and your sexual, physical strength to pop me with a pillow, then pound me with something else soon after. If you don't know this is why women do this, now you do.

3. Play wrestling - same thing, only to a bigger degree. If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me if I wanted to wrestle, I'd have....well....that's not important. But when women initiate "play wrestling" they want the same thing you do - to do the horizontal mambo. We're already on the ground, or the bed, or the couch, and play wrestling lets you know that we want to get physical with you. Just don't act like you're on WWE and body slam her. We trust you to not ACTUALLY physically harm us. Well....at least *I* don't want you to anyway.

4. Tickling. If I tickle you, I'm in a playful mood. Playfulness in women usually is synonymous with horniness. No? Just me? Well....whatever. It gives me an excuse to touch you. Now, don't just sit there and act all manly and macho like you're not ticklish to prove to us that nothing phases you. Use your brain and figure out that this is your cue to touch us back. First it might start under the arms, or the feet...then the stomach...and then you can accidentally tickle my neck...with your tongue, and then go from there. Men who don't take advantage of tickling to see if a woman will go there are idiots, or they're gay...cuz who can resist once we're all giggly and squealing and whatnot? Laughing is sexy.

5. If we touch you in your man space. If I touch you on a natural erogenous zone, then I can't get any clearer than that...especially if it's subtly in a public place. Your chest, your butt, your crotch...it means I can't keep my hands off of you and I'm giving you permission to touch me in those places back. Again, make sure it's clearly a personal space where she's touching you. If she accidentally bumps your shin under the table, that's not a sexual signal.

I would add that if I change or undress in front of you, but ole girl messed that up by taking showers with dude and whatnot. I guess I can add it as an honorable mention, along with if I ask you for a massage, but just to be clear - if I take a shower with you, we're gettin' busy. Case closed, period, end of story.

Are there any signals/signs I'm missing ladies? Let's go!

-b