tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post8172889456884197142..comments2024-02-02T01:18:39.737-05:00Comments on Brookey's Cafe Blog: Friends, Feelings and ForgivenessBrookehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-67600979556174309602009-03-12T00:13:00.000-04:002009-03-12T00:13:00.000-04:00Thanks Kellie!Yes, I think what I have to do, and ...Thanks Kellie!<BR/><BR/>Yes, I think what I have to do, and what I've done in the past is re-evaluate the friendship and operate from there. Like I said, maybe I overestimated the friendship - so now I know what the deal is and I will act accordingly. Not all of my friendships are the same, I don't have the same expectations from them all. So I just need to readjust my thinking and keep it moving. It is what it is, it'll work itself out. <BR/><BR/>Thanks Kels for your insight!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-11812076504131120422009-03-11T23:51:00.000-04:002009-03-11T23:51:00.000-04:00Brooke,I can totally relate. 100%. The exact same...Brooke,<BR/><BR/>I can totally relate. 100%. The exact same thing happened to me a couple of years ago and I had the nerve to go on a trip out of the country with that person a week later. On top of that, I tried to convince myself that I was surprised that she and I returned to the states never to speak to each other again. <BR/><BR/>The reality is that when you think of the most literal translation of "accidentally stepping on someone's toes", despite the fact that you had no idea their toes were there and had no intention of stepping on them, unless you are the size of a baby, that person's toes are going to be in some level of physical pain. So you apologize-- not because you meant to hurt them, but because you DID hurt them. A true friend, in my opinion, doesn't allow pride to get in the middle of that distinction. <BR/><BR/>Like you, I've been the toe-crusher at times. ;-) I have noticed friends start to get distant with me and I would just come out with a clueless apology for whatever I did to offend them. Sometimes it turned out not to be personal and they were going through something, but other times it WAS something I did that I didn't realize was offensive. So it became a learning lesson and as a friend, I made pains not to repeat it as most people would.<BR/><BR/>Though you really should let it go and not allow it to continue disturbing your oh-so-positive flow :-), at the very least, you may want to relax your ardor in your friendship if you are not looking to let that go too. Over the years, I've found that the hardest thing to learn is someone doesn't care about you and/or respect you as much as you care about and/or respect them. There's a combination of disappointment, hurt, humiliation, confusion, and anger-- all negative emotions and all hard to deal with at once. But the reaction doesn't always have to be dramatic (sometimes it's necessary). I've found that you can either let that person go or just use your new-found perspective to relax your feelings to the level at which they've shown themselves to be. Either way, your spirit will restore and you will get whatever you're supposed to from what the rest of your life has to offer.<BR/><BR/>Good luck Sweetheart.<BR/><BR/>KPAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-15897763998305924342009-03-11T22:54:00.000-04:002009-03-11T22:54:00.000-04:00LOL! Rameer, you're adorable. Unless it's a huge a...LOL! Rameer, you're adorable. <BR/><BR/>Unless it's a huge amount I can't afford to do without, I generally just give it as a gift instead of lending it. I've had friends ask me for several hundreds of dollars before and made sure to be like "look, we're friends, but I need this back." If I even sensed hesitation, I didn't do it. I hate to see friends in a bind, but I don't want to ever lose a friendship over money. That's when you break out the pen and paper and sign a repayment agreement. It sounds petty, but it's necessary. And gladly, every friend I've ever lent money to paid it back - but again...only because it was a HUGE sum of money in my opinion. Otherwise, if they need it and I can part with it, it's theirs, no questions asked. <BR/><BR/>Work done though is different. That's a service, a business. Sam and Serena have a business, so in their situations I'd be pissed that someone took advantage of the friendship. That's wack.<BR/><BR/>Rameer, you got me addicted to these Ne-Yo cd's! I love you!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-81583966245352703352009-03-11T22:44:00.000-04:002009-03-11T22:44:00.000-04:00Here's the rule with money:Never lend out even a p...Here's the rule with money:<BR/><BR/>Never lend out even a penny without the expectation that you won't get it back. Never do something for a friend or family with money involved unless they pay you half or most of it up front. If you do go forward and do something, do it with the expectation you won't be paid.<BR/><BR/>If you go in with this mindset, you won't ever get upset if you don't get the money. You won't even ask about when you'll get the money.<BR/><BR/>I once put my best friend in this awkward position (John Bursie, Serena and Sam know him). We had gone to SU for a visit after we had graduated, and I wanted this dope-ass b-ball jersey. Didn't have the moolah...he bought it, $50 beans.<BR/><BR/>He asked me once for the money, and I didn't have it. He's never asked me again...and I felt bad that I hadn't paid it back, but he told me years later "you're my boy. We spend money on each other like nothing...you've bought tons of things since then for my wife, my kids, you look out for my family - I never really wanted the money back".<BR/><BR/>And I have had that attitude ever since. If there is any chance I will want or need the money, I don't lend it or do the task. That way, we don't let the root of all evil tear us apart. <BR/><BR/>Nuff said. Oh, Brooke - cut that chick OFF.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-26866172567251213482009-03-11T22:21:00.000-04:002009-03-11T22:21:00.000-04:00Sam I Am Wilson! What's up!!!!!! Man I'm in full a...Sam I Am Wilson! What's up!!!!!! Man I'm in full agreement and say start that blog and I will follow it too! I too am dealing with a sticky situation. One of my girls who owes me money for framed poetry. My fault...I trusted her to make payment when she said she was and let her walk off with some frames.<BR/><BR/>I can't believe she still hasn't paid me, not even returning my calls, emails...nothing. So when it comes to money and friendship it goes to another level. You expect more from them...but I'm learning having my small business to treat everyone equal in regards to procedure of payment. And if they say some ish like, "But I thought we were people..." I'll say..."We are but you gotta pay me like you would any other person."<BR/><BR/>So get that stuff off your chest Sam so we can all get on your blog and support! And give that sweet daughter of yours a hug and smooch! <BR/><BR/>And thanks for the props on the blog ;-) Peace!Serena W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08899725312118622702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-79665946942775493182009-03-11T20:08:00.000-04:002009-03-11T20:08:00.000-04:00Money between friends is always touchy. It's sad t...Money between friends is always touchy. It's sad that with a baby on the way, he decided not to pay you back, that's major. I try not to let money come between friends, I usually don't mix the two, and if it's money I can live without, then I just give it, not lend it. Your case is different because it was for work done, not a loan or a gift. That's tough. Business is business, friendship is friendship. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But try not to associate that day with your daughter. She's a blessing, and nothing should overshadow her day. Try to just let it go...and start that blog!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-87029875328936839522009-03-11T19:51:00.000-04:002009-03-11T19:51:00.000-04:00Unfortunately my "friend" can't feel that he was r...Unfortunately my "friend" can't feel that he was right (I hope not, LOL) cause the dispute was about money owed to me for work I did.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the kind words.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-54829590251375379072009-03-11T19:24:00.000-04:002009-03-11T19:24:00.000-04:00Sam!!! Hi!!!I'm so sorry that such a bad memory is...Sam!!! Hi!!!<BR/><BR/>I'm so sorry that such a bad memory is tied to the birth of your daughter. But you have to forgive and move forward so that such a blessed day isn't linked to a bad memory. Sometimes people don't know what to do when they hurt you. Sometimes it's more important for them to be RIGHT than to say "I'm sorry I hurt you." It's so easy to do, yet so hard. I hope that you can get your control back, because it sounds like it is really still bothering you.<BR/><BR/>I had a falling out with one of my best friends that lasted 2 years. Even though I said it didn't bother me and I feel the time apart did us some good, I knew there would be a time we'd talk again. I reached out to her, even though I felt I wasn't the one who caused our falling out, and 2 months after we reconciled I was the maid of honor in her wedding. Sometimes relationships can be fixed. I never close the door unless I feel someone is maliciously trying to hurt me. I don't feel that that is the case here, but at the same time, I think this person feels HER version of the story is the right one. Your friend probably feels that he was right in some way, even when the situation is black and white. We can only hope that we find peace and move on, and that's why this blog was about for me. So if you feel the need to start a blog to resolve some hurt feelings, I say go for it! I'll be your first follower!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-9840912202239651252009-03-11T18:41:00.000-04:002009-03-11T18:41:00.000-04:00Well said. I have had a falling out with someone w...Well said. I have had a falling out with someone who I considered a best friend. We will forever be linked together. It was over money owed to me for work that I did for them. I was having a baby and that made the issue more important to me. I remember my last words to them was "the only way to make things better is to do what you say". After that didn't, I had no other choice but to sue them.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, the case was the same day as my daughter birth. I had someone go and represent me in court. I won, but I also found out that that they didn't even show up to court. This angered me more. But the thing that enraged me the most is the fact that this situation will always be linked to the birth of my daughter. The day I never expected to see, hand in hand with the happiest day of my life.<BR/><BR/>I have learned to try to forget the past. Forgiving is another story. I was taught an eye for an eye, but that is had to do after starting a family. I have realized that this person is in denial of what happened. They even tell people that I am doing fine and had a baby. We haven't spoke in nearly 2 1/2 years.<BR/><BR/>I'm not one for righting on blogs, but after reading serena's and Brooke's blogs and reading all the comments (especially Rameer's). I am considering starting a blog about my feelings about the situation as a form of taking control back.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-34522120904991636132009-03-11T18:00:00.000-04:002009-03-11T18:00:00.000-04:00Awww, thanks Rameer :-)And when I spoke to him, I ...Awww, thanks Rameer :-)<BR/><BR/>And when I spoke to him, I told him I didn't feel the need to discuss it. He took it upon himself to tell her what I said. I hate when people think they know my situation better than me. But you're right, I should have known better, but I didn't say anything to him I wasn't prepared to say to her. If I discuss a situation about one of my friends to another one, 9 times out 10 I've told the main person first. "Runtelldat" aside, the problem I have is that when a story is RE-comminicated, it's never exactly as it was stated the first time around. There are facts that get mixed up, they may have a different inflection or tone when re-delivering my words, they may not tell the whole story, or they may outright lie. That is the problem I had with him telling our conversation, cuz nothing is ever redirected verbatim. I just wish she would have confirmed with it me before reacting to it. We might not be where we are today.<BR/><BR/>But you're right Rameer, I've definitely learned my lesson with regard to personal conversations, and I'll take your advice to heart.<BR/><BR/>And thank you for offering to be my friend...I already consider you one, and I've never personally laid eyes on you. Love ya! <BR/><BR/>Love ALL of you! :-)Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-62323085255211912512009-03-11T17:47:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:47:00.000-04:00GO RAMEER! lol LOVE IT!GO RAMEER! lol LOVE IT!momo925https://www.blogger.com/profile/01177853540845921865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-52805226608149383512009-03-11T17:36:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:36:00.000-04:00Sorry about your friend, Jess. I feel your pain - ...Sorry about your friend, Jess. I feel your pain - been through it before myself.<BR/><BR/>And I'm surprised so many people saw my perspective...thanks, guys! It's all about reality.<BR/><BR/>Brooke - like I said, regardless of anything, once you impart your feelings and a person doesn't react, that's all I need to know and see. It's hard, and harsh, but the only person in charge of protecting your heart is YOU. Anyone else who does so is a blessing, but YOU have to protect it, because YOU'RE the one effected most if it gets broke.<BR/><BR/>You're one of those people that, like my friend Bridget says, needs to "channel Rameer every once in a while". Lol...<BR/><BR/>You do you...but protect yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It's negative energy - I try to expel all of that away from me in my personal life. Your biggest mistake seems to be talking to this BITCHASS DUDE who went running and causing trouble between you two, making matters worse. Send him to Buffalo - Snitches still get stitches where I'm from...<BR/><BR/>Here's a good rule of thumb in life that I've followed since I literally was a little kid - don't put any words into the air unless you expect them to be printed on the cover of the NY Times. Seriously - adopt that mentality. Even when I tell someone something in confidence or "just between us", in my mind, I'm prepared for if they do spill the beans. I'm the type of dude to say "yeah, I said it, and FURTHER more..."<BR/><BR/>That way you can never get caught up in someone saying "Oooo, you know what he/she said?" Or trying to rat you out. Everyone knows I'll say whatever is on my mind, and if I say something to another person about you first, it's only because I haven't had the chance to talk to you yet - but I AM going to say something, and let you know I said something about it to someone else. I trust very few people to keep things 100% private - not cuz I don't have faith in them, I just have faith in human nature.<BR/><BR/>Just assume that, no matter who you are talking to. If you adopt that philosophy, you literally will never say a word that you don't mind people hearing, and it won't put you in any awkward predicaments or misunderstandings. If I have any pause about saying anything, I literally never verbalize the words to a single human soul. But I find it very freeing that everything I say I am at peace with if the entire world knows - so there are never any "did you say" or "such-and-such said you said" situations. It turns some people off that I'm so brutally honest and blunt, but it gives me peace of mind to never have to worry about the words I put out into the world. It's like Biggie said:<BR/><BR/>"If I said it, I meant it, bite my tongue FOR NO ONE..."<BR/><BR/>It also helps if your mother was the same way when you were growing up. We're very...different, in human aspects and how we view and react to the world. My sister and brother are more "normal"...<BR/><BR/>My original point still stands. Cut this chick OFF. If you need anyone to fill the void that may be created once she's gone, you have your first volunteer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-19739920744500816222009-03-11T17:34:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:34:00.000-04:00Liz, you get it. The blog isn't about exposing any...Liz, you get it. The blog isn't about exposing anyone. It's about feelings. I have a hard time when someone I care about is hurting. If anything, I tend to OVER apologize. I apologize to people even when I know what they're telling me is bullshit, just so they can't say I was insensitive to their feelings - because I hate when that's done to me. <BR/><BR/>I remember the situation well between you and I Liz. When you called me and asked me if I was mad at you or had a problem with you, that really bothered me, and I don't think I said "I'm sorry you feel that way" fast enough. And I told you I would do better, and I think we've been better ever since. I consider you a friend, even if we don't agree on something, anything. If I hurt you, then I own it...and I try to fix it. If I don't, then that tells you something. <BR/><BR/>I didn't give my version or any other version of a story. My blog today was simply that I felt hurt and dismissed...but that I choose to forgive and move on anyway. That was my message. If some people get mad at that, then they missed the message entirely.Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-55841017917132273472009-03-11T17:25:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:25:00.000-04:00my feling is, even if she does read the blog, it s...my feling is, even if she does read the blog, it shouldnt mater. Booke never went into specifics or used any names. she is just putting a sutiation out there that has affected her. some of us are here to just sit back and enjoy, some of us are here just to respond (negatively or positively), and some of us are here to learn. if she does read this, i hope that she can look at it from an objectiv point of view and really take a long look at their relationship. the ball essentially is in her court since she chose to respond in a dismissive way rather than saying, "wow brooke, i really didnt know you felt that way. let's get to the bottom of this". even if she DIDNT agree with how brooke felt, she could have ACKNOWLEGED brookes hurt feelings and AT LEAST apologized for that. she could also say, "i understand how you feel but please understand that im hurt too based on..." and then gotten into it.<BR/><BR/>no one should dismiss a friend who is hurting; especially when they feel like you are the cause for their pain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-51149629850684532962009-03-11T17:24:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:24:00.000-04:00The one thing I can say regardless of who this per...The one thing I can say regardless of who this person is, what they did or why I must say that I personally appreciate the people that commented today. It's really nice to see people comment based on what's in their hearts & without all the bitchassness or hateration! lol. I mean you can tell everyone that commented had Brooke's best interests regardless of anything else & that is really rare to see especially from women these days..(no offense but you beotches seem to be the exception..LOL)<BR/>Especially you Jess. It took a lot to step out on that limb & give her a different point of view against what we were all saying.. It could have gotten you tased. But I really think it was sweet that you thought further along down the road.. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-41606418633317712702009-03-11T17:19:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:19:00.000-04:00Jess, I see your point. But I'm not discussing det...Jess, I see your point. But I'm not discussing details. My discussion today isn't about happened between us. I'd never say, "I said" and then "she said." I'm not like that. The topic of my blog today is about friendship, feelings and forgiveness. I didn't name any names. I didn't give details. Like I said, the only person who knows the situation is my sister, and she's not commenting. If anyone else knows, or thinks they know, then they're going off of something someone else told them...and not my side of the story. <BR/><BR/>Not for nothing, I've discussed many things personal to me on the blog without giving specifics. We all have. I haven't disrespected anyone. She said that she may be able to talk to me "one day." To be fair, she did call me in the beginning...as an afterthought. I wanted to call her last night, she didn't want to talk. It is what it is. She may decide she never wants to talk about it. She left it at one day. I had to move on from it for my own sake, and not harp on it til that "one day" happens. This blog was for me, and me only. Not for sympathy, not for revenge, not for any of that. It was about letting go, which is why I cited Serena's blog and her words of inspiration. Anyone who thinks this blog is about them personally is reading it the wrong way and needs to examine why they feel that way. The subject line is what this is about...friends, feelings and forgiveness. And if you ask me, there's nothing offensive about that....not at all.Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-55458725884987876932009-03-11T17:17:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:17:00.000-04:00Serena email me at annamariafelix@yahoo.com and I ...Serena email me at annamariafelix@yahoo.com and I can get you my address... <BR/>P.S. that email address will be working on my birthday March 27th in case anyone wants to tell me happy birthday! lolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-26101961775232811792009-03-11T17:11:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:11:00.000-04:00Annamaria I need your address so you can read my b...Annamaria I need your address so you can read my book ;-) good luck on your final week.<BR/><BR/>Jess...anytime! Feel free to follow my blog as I add more pieces :)<BR/><BR/>Brooke...I love how you said your blog is an open diary. I'm so hurt that I'll be in a stinking 6 hour "Community Conversation" tomorrow. Problem with it is that no one from the community is invited "huh." But I'll try and sneak on so I can hit up the blog for RTT :)Serena W.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08899725312118622702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-49596937233896579552009-03-11T17:10:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:10:00.000-04:00Sorry about your friend Jess. At least you can be...Sorry about your friend Jess. At least you can be there with her when it counts. <BR/><BR/>However all friendships aren't worth saving and that is just a reality. I guess thats what you need to decide Brooke. Also if the people who wronged you are upset from reading your blog then maybe it's because the truth hurts. We all know people who don't like to hear the truth especially when it's about themselves. They must obviously not care about saving the friendship either if they don't want to talk about it with you.momo925https://www.blogger.com/profile/01177853540845921865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-36384770817938308992009-03-11T17:09:00.000-04:002009-03-11T17:09:00.000-04:00Brooke, if you dont mind me asking does this perso...Brooke, if you dont mind me asking does this person read your blog? Cause if so, that's probably why she is mad. I would be very upset and offended if my friend discussed our issues on a blog before discussing it with me.Jess-https://www.blogger.com/profile/01723286775795297540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-22610023339503767172009-03-11T16:59:00.000-04:002009-03-11T16:59:00.000-04:00I've prayed on it, which is why I decided to make ...I've prayed on it, which is why I decided to make this my post for today. My blog is kind of like an open diary. When something is bothering me, I usually write it down. But in this case, it wasn't about what was bothering, but about letting go of what is out of my control. Trust me, I would only be able to get to this point after having prayed on it. And I still have more praying to do, but I'm good. I appreciate all the comments today. None of you who commented know the details, and I'd never give them in a blog when I haven't spoken to the person it pertains too. If anyone knows the details, they didn't come from me. Only my sister knows, which is probably why she didn't comment - because she wants to be fair. (who knows...she may later tho, protective as she is) :-) <BR/><BR/>Friendships require work. Some more than others. Some are worthy of the time invested, some not. I guess I'll find out if this friendship is what I thought it was. I tried putting myself in the other person's shoes, I just wish she would have done the same with me.Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-48089802532951381432009-03-11T16:55:00.000-04:002009-03-11T16:55:00.000-04:00lol, I love you already Annamarie.lol, I love you already Annamarie.Jess-https://www.blogger.com/profile/01723286775795297540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-1400018721881219152009-03-11T16:51:00.000-04:002009-03-11T16:51:00.000-04:00Jess I am starting a list..Let me know if you need...Jess I am starting a list..Let me know if you need me to tase anyone??? :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-22376576104751757992009-03-11T16:48:00.000-04:002009-03-11T16:48:00.000-04:00Serena that was awesome. I'm so sensitive, I get h...Serena that was awesome. <BR/><BR/>I'm so sensitive, I get hurt so easily, I take everything personal and I hold on to alot. Ima start letting go.Jess-https://www.blogger.com/profile/01723286775795297540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-32362697744809567542009-03-11T16:45:00.000-04:002009-03-11T16:45:00.000-04:00Exactly Pray on it & if you are meant to be fr...Exactly Pray on it & if you are meant to be friends you will. And if god tells you that you are not meant to be friends let me know so I can tase her!!!!!!!! :)<BR/>Oh and regardless that gossipy dude needs to get tased too.. Damn I'm glad this is my last week at work I got a LOT of tasing to do..LOLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com