Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Beautiful weather today!

- I love when things just come together :-)

- My friend's short just made it into the International Film Festival! Dope! Well deserved.

- Also, pre-order my friend Dre's novel The Unholy Servants. My peeps is doing big thangs!

- If you're blessed with talent, please don't waste it.

- Don't underestimate the power of networking.

- ...and prayer....

- Annamaria is worrying me to death about these blogs! Blogger's Block is VERY REAL! LOL!

- People need to stop clicking on fake sex tapes on Facebook - you're getting hacked!

- I feel like Chipotle for lunch!

- Then I might sneak into the Gap for a hot second.

- Any fun plans for the long weekend? I might go check out a band tomorrow night.

- Thinking of braiding up the hair for Morocco - 10 days to go!

- I have so much work to do! My brain is already on vacation.

- Send up some prayers for DMurray and his unit over in Afghanistan.

- I'm off tomorrow! Four day weekends are so lovely.

- Beautiful couple! Congrats again Annamaria and Austin!

- Brian is back from Mexico - This week's throwback!

Outkast - Elevators (Me & You) (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: OutKast

Go!

-b

Things I don't have time for:

- I don't have time for newly married Puerto Ricans telling me I'm slacking on the blog :-)

- Fake eyelashes on women that leave them looking like Janice from the Muppets

- Women with flat asses who wear sweat pants with the word “Juicy” across the bottom.

Just because it says "juicy" doesn't mean it IS "juicy." Stop playing.

- People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” You just did…now beat it Scram Jones!

- Arnold Schwarzenegger for saying: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." He's a jackass.

- Speaking of....straight people opposed to Gay Marriage. Why do you care? There was a time when black and white people couldn’t wed, but we became enlightened – and we should be just as enlightened with gay marriage. If your life won’t change if your gay neighbors got hitched, then why so serious?

- People who curse excessively in their Facebook statuses…what’s THAT about? Why so angry?

- MORE politicians sexting…how do you NOT think you'll get caught?

- Terrell Owens.

- People who try to make you eat food you already know you don't like. I said NO.

- Ear hustlers.

- People who are unemployed BY CHOICE. Think Jody from Baby Boy. No able bodied adult should be living off their mama because they CAN. I know we're in a recession, but you can at least pretend to look a little harder.

- Anyone who follows Lil Wayne on Twitter...or any other coontastic celeb. If you're an adult, there is no excuse for this. Even worse if you re-tweet.

- Women in FULL MAKEUP while working out at the gym. Then they leave looking all smeared after they sweat it off...that's IF they sweat. Do people really get dressed up to go to the gym?

- People who never have anything nice to say about anyone or anything.....EVER.

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

So I was bullied into blogging today. This little, newly married Puerto Rican named Annamaria Williams called bullshit on me when I said I had blogger's block, so here is today's blog - courtesy of a shank wielding, taser prone Anajolia.

Recently, the blogosphere has been abuzz about the subject of parents who allow their children to have sex in their home. Their reasoning is simple: Kids will do it anyway, so we might as well allow them to have sex "safely" in the home rather than out in the street....or car...or wherever kids have sex nowadays.

When I heard about this on the radio last week, all I could think was, "My mother would FLY MY HEAD if I even THOUGHT about having sex in our house." Would never happen. I wasn't even allowed to have male company while my mother wasn't home, let alone get a lil somethin' somethin'. That would be just asking for an ass whoopin'.

But are parents changing with the times? We all know teenagers are having sex at younger ages, and if they are intent on doing it, it'll happen - whether we like it or not - and it will probably happen in your home when you're not there anyway. That, or under the bleachers, or parked cars...or over their friends' houses. If a kid wants to have sex, they'll make a way - so are parents smart to control the environment and keep their kids "safe?" Why is it "safer" anyway?

Personally, I don't see me being THAT cool of a parent. I'd hope to have an openly communicative relationship with my child where we could discuss contraception, the consequences of having sex while so young, the emotions involved, STD's and the possibility of pregnancy and what decisions come along with those things. It's heavy to think about, and I don't even have kids...so let me ask the people out there who do: Would you allow your child to have sex in your home? Why or why not? What if you found out your child's boyfriend/girlfriend's parents allowed it - with no regard to whether or not you condone such an action? If your child told you they were sexually active, would provide contraception/birth control, or would you try to talk them into abstinence?

I'm curious to read varying opinions on this: After all, it's your home - so you set the rules based on your own comfort level. Let's discuss!

-b

Dear Brookey,

This is a bit personal, but aren't all "Dear Brookey" letters? Anyway, I'm writing you because my boyfriend has been hinting....ALOT lately, that he'd like to try/have a threesome. I feel like all men want this fantasy, so when he first mentioned it, I didn't think much of it. But he's been bringing it up more and more lately. Is this something I should be worried about? What do you think this means?

-Worried.

Dear Worried,

It means he wants to have sex with another woman - DUH!

okay...maybe that was harsh...let me back up.

It means he wants to have a threesome. Now, WHY he wants to have one may be what you're really asking.

If this guy is your boyfriend, I can see why you'd be worried...assuming he wants the threesome with another woman. If he wants it specifically with another man, then that might give you another reason to be worried....but PAUSE: we'll come back to that.

Bringing another woman into your bedroom could be a good way to ruin a relationship. Watching your man have sex with another woman might conjure up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity or guilt - none of which is healthy in a relationship. And from the tone of your letter, insecurity is already creeping up.

If you've talked about it and you've hinted that you might be open to it, then he simply could be asking you to help him fulfill a life long fantasy. But if he's brought it up before and you've shut him down...and he keeps asking, he might just be using the threesome as a way to have sex guilt-free with another woman. If that's the case, he's trying to play you for the fool jack. Don't fall for the okie doke.

Maybe he thinks it'll spice up your love life. I don't know how long you've been together, but maybe he's bored with the sex, but not you. Maybe he thinks seeing another woman with her breasts all up in your face is hot and he wants to get off that way. Maybe he thinks it'll turn you on. Are you experimental otherwise? If you've done everything under the sun but that, then maybe he's gotten the impression from you that you'd be down for whatever.

If you're not experimental, then maybe this is his way of asking to you be a bit more adventurous. If the threesome thing spazzes you out, try other stuff first. A new position, anal, toys, handcuffs, blindfolds, new locations, porn - who knows. If spice is what he needs, give it to him in other ways until you either work your way up to a threesome, or find that he no longer needs a threesome because you've pleased and excited him in other ways.

Point blank: If you don't want to do it, then don't. If he can't respect that, then I think you need to question his motives and how strong your relationship really is. Maybe he hasn't sown all his royal oats yet and needs time to get it all out of his system...in which case I say, let him. Without you.

By the way, if he wants to have a threesome with a man - especially if that man is a friend or his brother - this man doesn't love you. Most women who have been "wifed up" feel that if their man loves them, he wouldn't want to share her with anyone - especially not with one of his boys or a relative. I have to say I agree. That's just skeevy. If he wants to do it with a stranger, ask him if he enjoys the company of men over women and get the hell outta there.

Okay, so maybe that's extreme...but it would give me pause...jus sayin'. Two erect penises in the same room just seems suspect to me. But that's just me. It doesn't have to be YOU. Again, he could just be a freak who wants to see you pleased by another man. If it floats your boat, rock with it. If he hasn't brought up a threesome with a man, ask him if he'd consider it. If he says "hell no!" then you have leverage to say no to him.

Sounds to me like you ain't wit it, man or woman. And that's okay. He should respect your boundaries and nurture his relationship with you rather than obsess over this fantasy.

How about this: Ask him if there's reason for you to be concerned. Novel ideal right?

Have a talk with him to see what his REAL reasons are for wanting a threesome, and give some good thought to the state of your relationship. If you feel it's working, is strong and healthy and can withstand a threesome (and you're interested) then maybe you'd like it - provided you both feel safe to explore within any boundaries you set. If you feel the relationship is strong, but you're not interested, then I'd say keep another woman out of your bed.

But if you feel your relationship is on rocky ground, then re-assess the relationship entirely and throw the threesome idea out the window. Let him go get his freak on with someone else, and you find a boyfriend who respects you, your comfort level and your feelings.

What say the blog family?

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Anyone ever watch that Toddlers and Tiaras show on TLC? Child beauty pageants are a bit extra to me. It was creepy actually. Five year olds should not be getting highlights, eyebrow waxes, spray tans and wearing lipstick. Fuckery.

- Speaking of eyebrow waxes, gotta get mine done TODAY!

- Should Tracy Morgan have apologized?

- I wanna see "The Mothaf*cka with the Hat" - only three more weeks with this cast, gotta go!

- How long has Cheaters been on?

- Morocco in 3 weeks! Anyone wanna guest blog for me while I'm gone?

- I could use a good, deep, tongue massaging kiss right about now...and I big hug!

- Love will always be love.

- Why are movie theaters always so cold?

- I need a beach...like....now.

- I've discovered that I like Special K cereal with strawberries.

- I saw a pic of Annamaria on her wedding day - stunning! Are they back yet?

- I have to choose the throwback this week since Brian is in Mexico...so here goes!



just cuz I wanted to hear it :-)

Go!

-b

Blogger’s Block!

Over the past couple of days, I’ve gotten emails, texts, bbm’s, IM’s and posts on my FB wall asking the same thing – “no blog today?” It surprises me sometimes, because I just don’t think people miss it. Sure, we have a nice little blog family going on here – but I assume everyone is so busy living their everyday lives that they’d never miss a blog or two. So when I got a flurry of inquiries asking about the blog, my heart actually danced a little jig. “Awww, how sweet!”

Then I feel guilty, like I let people down. But sometimes, I simply don’t have anything to say – at least not “blog worthy” anyway.

That’s not to say that I don’t write drivel from time to time. Random Thoughts Thursday is a good example that. I just chose a day for us all to say whatever nonsensical thing comes to our minds. We don’t have to be clever, witty, smart, check our grammar or spelling or worry if it’s going to be a literary masterpiece. It’s just….whatever.

But can I do a random thoughts blog EVERY day? Can I write rubbish just whenever I feel like it? I’ve noticed that I put too much pressure on myself to actually write something that people will want to read and comment on – but does it have to be that deep?

I started my blog as way to keep my writing skills sharpened since my dream job is to write for a magazine. I even have thoughts of penning my own novel one day. I have no idea what I’d write about, but I’m hoping that through keeping a blog, it’ll spark an idea that would have landed me on Oprah’s Book Club list of required reading. Until then, I’ll just continue to muse about any and everything until something takes hold.

But so far this week…I got nothing. Zilch. Nada. Ever just sit at a desk, or on your couch in front of a blank piece of paper or empty computer screen waiting for the words to magically appear? Yeah…that’s me this week so far. The only think that comes to mind is, “I have nothing to say.”

Here I am - a 38 year old, educated woman who has absolutely no thoughts of any importance floating in my head that anyone would want to read about. My brain is on censor, my own worst critic – and the censor in my brain has gotten the best of me. Who knows what causes that censor to be there – a bad date, fatigue, a cold, bad episodes of Basketball Wives…who knows. And it doesn’t matter. The censor is there – writer’s block…a self limiting toy that even professional writers suffer from. So why take myself so seriously?

I don’t have to write a blog that I think will be the greatest blog ever written every single time I pop open my laptop. I don’t have to formulate the greatest, loveliest, most intelligent string of sentences in the history of the world. I can let that go and forget about judgment, or how unworthy I am to have blog followers or that I went to college but can’t put a few paragraphs together for fear of seeming like I’m rambling…kinda like I’m doing now :-) It’s okay…because out of my ramblings, something good may come - an idea may catch fire right there on the page, sparks will fly, a pattern will flow and the censor will be lifted.

So…for those of you who are still around and looking for a blog – here you go. Maybe it made no sense. Maybe it was a waste of time to even write. Or maybe I’m just saying hi to all of you. And I didn’t have to fill up a waste basket with balled up pieces of paper to do it – so I saved a few trees as well :-)

Thank goodness tomorrow is Random Thoughts Thursday, so I don’t have to think of anything fun to write about until Friday – but if you’d like to help me with my “blogger block,” feel free give me some ideas…or volunteer as a guest blogger for me sometimes. The idea for THIS blog actually came from Serena! I don’t have to do it all myself, and I want to hear what you have to say too…so let’s do it together. After over 600 posts, I think I’m entitled to have a little blogger’s block…so help me out mi gente – what chu wanna talk about?

Go!

-b