Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Tuesday!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday break! Whether you celebrate or not, a few days off never hurt anybody…so I hope it was eventful and/or restful for you all.

This morning on my train ride to work, this woman was lamenting about her life and all the mistakes she’d made, the opportunities she didn’t take advantage of and the choices she could have made that would have changed her life forever. She thought she’d be in a different place by now, and for the duration of my commute to work, I felt sorry for her.

Before I got off at my stop, her friend told her that she was being miserable, and that where she was today is exactly where she was supposed to be. To that, the woman responded, “So you’re telling me that if you could go back in time, there’s nothing you would have done differently?”

I had to get off the train before I could hear her friend’s response, but it made me ponder the answer myself.

I would have studied abroad in Spain for a semester if I could go back to my college days.

I would have listened to my mother more when it came to certain guys I had a crush on.

I would have played basketball in college when offered the opportunity.

I would have bought a place once I moved to NY instead of anticipating not liking it here, or not being able to survive here…7 years later.

I would have taken a chance on sports broadcasting.

I would have bought those shoes :-)

Hindsight being 20/20, there are a million things I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now. But the reality is, I didn’t know then what I know now…and that’s what learning is all about.

Yes, I could have done a semester abroad, but what great experience would I have missed out on while at Syracuse? I could have listened to my mother more when it came to certain guys, but I learned valuable lessons of what NOT to do from those relationships. I could have bought a place here, but not been able to afford it because I jumped the gun and/or didn’t research/plan correctly. And those shoes…? They’re out of style now.

The point is, I feel that without having gone through life’s uncertainties, the ups and downs and making mistakes, how can we discover ourselves? You have to walk in the rain to experience the rainbow. You have to know sadness to appreciate happiness. You have to make mistakes in order to learn and grow.

Missed opportunities teach us that we should not live life in fear…to take a chance every once in awhile. The woman on the train sounded like a person who allows her fears to define her, and in that fear, she lives her life with regrets. What I feel she (and I) can learn from the “would’a, could’a, should’as” is to embrace the fear, stare it in the face and channel it differently.

Fear has a purpose. It can be the engine that drives our intellectual, emotional and spiritual progress…our evolution. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake. Don’t be afraid of failure. Be afraid of not trying. Be afraid of not loving. Be afraid of not living.

The better way of living is not without problems, challenges, tragedies or regrets – but in the way we deal with them. Instead of wishing you lived in a different world, create the world you want to live in. Perception is reality.

If you are constantly looking at your past with regret, you can’t shape and appreciate your bright future. We literally can create the world we want to live in through our minds and project it outward. Accept your past, make peace with your decisions, and begin again. Embrace a new paradigm to guide your personal life to one of fulfillment. Have faith, and believe it possible.

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So it seems I must be the only person in my office who couldn’t care less about the engagement announcement of Prince William and Kate Middleton. News broke yesterday that the couple will be married in Westminster Abbey next April, and already some of my coworkers are treating it like it will be an American holiday.

While I’m happy for the Prince and his future Princess, I just really don’t care that much. While some are thrilled for young William, others are already taking bets on how long their marriage will last. I’ve heard some say 3 years, others say 7. And then there are those who say that he’ll simply stay married and take a mistress.

Either way, who cares? And why hate on young love? :-)

While I don’t really put much into “celebrity” couplings and marriages, what I DID find interesting is that Prince William and Kate Middleton dated off and on for 9 years. To me, if anything, I think taking your time to really get to know someone gives your marriage a better chance at success. It’s not guaranteed – nothing is – but 9 years of vetting someone is a lot longer than most people stay married nowadays…so it made me wonder if theirs was a case of love at first sight, or a friendship that grew into a passion.

They say the Prince saw her in a fashion show in college where she was modeling lingerie and was smitten. I’m sure there was a physical attraction between the two – or at least on his part - but was there a “spark?” I’ve heard some couples say that they knew IMMEDIATELY that their spouse was “the ONE” upon their first meeting. My good friend said to her husband in her wedding vows, “You had me at hello.” You know it’s gotta be deep if you’re quoting lines from Jerry Maguire :-)

But I can’t say that I’ve ever felt that. That’s not to say that I haven’t felt any sparks, or that there was no chemistry between me and any boyfriends I’ve had. There have definitely been sparks. But physical attraction, lust, chemistry…does that lead to long term love? Is that different than knowing someone is "The One?"

Most couples I know on a personal level who have been married for a long time had no idea that their spouse was The One when they first laid eyes on each other. My sister will be celebrating her 10 year wedding anniversary this December, yet when she first met her husband, she just thought he was cute. He didn’t speak English, had only been in the country for about six months, and she had just graduated from college and was fresh out of a stale relationship. She thought she’d kill some time with him, just date and have fun. Now, 13 years and two children later, she couldn’t imagine her life with anyone else.

Now if you ask HIM, he’ll tell you it was love at first sight. He knew...even if SHE didn’t.

So maybe both people don’t have to feel it. Maybe the other person has to be shown over time that the love of their life is staring them right in the face…but they just can’t see it yet. Either way, their love grew steadily, not instantly (at least for her). They were together for three years before they got married, getting to know each other (and how to communicate since neither spoke the other's language) and taking their time. While it may have “clicked” for him, it didn’t click for her right away – so clearly if we don’t know right away, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

In all of my longest lasting relationships, I didn’t know right away that that person was going to be in my life for more than a week, let alone months or years. And usually those who I had an instant, explosive chemistry with quickly fizzled out after a fast burn. So what has your experience been? Have you:

1. Been in a relationship with someone who was a longtime friend that you’d started dating and went from having a platonic relationship to a romantic one?

2. Enjoyed a mild attraction with a traditional courtship that involved going on several dates over a long period of time that gradually grew more serious based on common interests?

3. Just fell head-over-heels in love fast and furious and the lasting relationship is/was based on a passionate connection?

So which if these 3 scenarios describes most of your relationships? Have any of you had a relationship that didn't seem like it would last at first — but after enough shared experiences and enough time getting to know each other, you found you'd built an unexpectedly strong foundation? Or was it hot and heavy from the beginning?

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

I've been so busy today that I didn't plan on blogging. I finally got a chance to come up for air just in time to watch Part 2 of Oprah's Ultimate Favorite Things. She did Part 1 on Friday, and it was, as usual, amazing to watch. But today I have a bit of a rant.

Some (very few) of Oprah's favorite things don't dazzle me, but most of them I'd LOVE to take home with me! But what makes watching this particular show fun for me is watching how happy it makes the folks in her audience. For 25 years, she's been bringing joy to people's lives...and Oprah is truly blessed because she is always giving. When you give to others, the blessings come back tenfold - which is why I believe she is highly favored.

But some folks don't like to see other people happy. Sure, I watch these shows wishing I was in the audience. I could use a new Coach bag, an iPad and some glittery Ugg boots. I don't NEED those things...I just WANT them. But most times, Oprah fills her audience with single mothers who can't treat themselves to fun things, new things, or expensive things. They're people who devote their lives to charity, or are teachers, or first responders like firemen or policemen - or they are people who have served this country. Most times, the people in the audience are people who do for others selflessly, and Oprah is simply giving back to them.

Which is why I don't understand how anyone could hate on that. The two co-workers I sit in between turn to The Oprah Show daily - and it seems that they have something negative to say about Oprah DAILY. They scoffed when she gave away cars. They huffed and puffed when she sent her number one fans to Australia on a plane piloted by John Travolta. They scorn the women in the audience who cry once they realize they're on the always envied Oprah's Favorite Things Show...knowing FULL WELL that they TOO would be acting a fool if they were lucky enough to get a seat in Harpo Studios. Oprah could give me a stick of gum and I'd be excited!

But why is it so hard for some to be happy for other people - especially people who could use some cheer? It's not like her audience is filled with rich folk, or her celebrity friends. They are people just like you and me. Lucky people :-)

What I find even more puzzling is their reason for hating. I asked them what their issue was with this show. One says, "Oprah is just gluttonous."

huh?

Clearly the one has no idea what the word "gluttony" means. If anything, Oprah is the opposite of gluttonous...which means to keep everything to yourself. This is a woman who gives millions to charity, builds schools for the poorest of girls in Africa, built an entire neighborhood in Katrina ravaged New Orleans and spoils her fans with cars and gifts. How is that gluttony? Clearly this woman is a moron.

The other one says to me, "She's just showing off her money, and throwing it away."

Again I say....huh?

If they knew anything about anything, they'd know that most likely, Oprah didn't pay for a damn thing. Just saying the word "iPad" from her mouth, Oprah knows that the Apple folks will gladly donate 200 of them for her audience in exchange for the publicity. When Oprah built a new home for a mother who had no arms, she must have said "Sears" and "Home Depot" a dozen times. Do you think Oprah paid for any of those appliances? Hell no...because they were happy to just be featured on her show. When Oprah spends her own money, like she did when she built those homes in New Orleans or her school in Africa, trust me...you'll know it. But for some Uggs? Child please.

What you put out into the universe comes back to you - whether it's positive or negative. What misery must one be living in that she can't be happy for other people? Why is it so hard to enjoy watching other folks be happy? Why be jealous of people who give of themselves day in and day out? Are they that unhappy in their own life that the mere sight of other people smiling and laughing and crying for joy makes them sick? I feel sorry for for my coworkers sometimes - because their contempt for others shows how truly unhappy they are in their own lives.

Today, at 4 pm, they both muttered as they turned on their tv's, "Oprah, again?"

Umm...that's where she's been for the past 25 years - who were you expecting to see? The Grinch?

And that's why they turned on their tv in the first place...to see what Oprah was doing today. If they can't be happy while watching the joy she brings to others, then why watch? We work at a cable network for crying out loud! - There are at least 200 other channels to turn to...so change the channel! Perhaps they can't help themselves from watching...hopefully the joy is contagious...as Oprah gives her audience...yet again, a shiny new 2012 Volkswagon Beetle!

-b

TGIF!!!


So…let me get your thoughts on something.

Lately I’ve been reading articles about the double standard between single, Black, 40-something year old men who are successful...but choose not to get married or have children – and their counterparts who decide the same. And I’ve also read the statistics that state that 72% of black children are born to unwed mothers (parents)…which got me to wondering…

Would any of you agree that if a black man or woman, for whatever reason, decide that they never want to get married, should they NOT have children? Ever?

I ask because it seems that even though we’re not getting married, we’re certainly still having kids. Now, I’ll be the first one to tell you that children are never a mistake. They may not always be “planned” – but I believe that if you are here…God wanted you to be here. Period.

But there are those who say that black men and women who have children out of wedlock are “polluting” and/or “diluting” the gene pool of “desirable” parents for the next generation of our children. Successful, educated black men of a certain age with the means to take care of a child and provide for him/her are opting NOT to get married and have children, while "Pookie annem" are having babies all willy nilly and not taking care of them. The same can be said for black women who are choosing their career over a family, but the "Shenene’s" of the world are popping them out one by one.

I’m not saying this is true, but that is the perception. Don't shoot the messenger.

But what if the successful, educated black man/woman with the means to take care of a child actually decides to have one…but still doesn’t want to get married – then what? Should he/she be criticized for bringing a child into an “unwed” situation, even if they are an active parent in the child’s life, teaches him things, spends time with him and loves him? Or would they be contributing to the breakdown of the black family – even if they’d probably end up divorced if they got married anyway? As we've all heard by now, many feel that marriage is becoming obsolete - but being parent doesn't seem to be going out of style any time soon.

I ask because not everyone is meant to be in a monogamous relationship. Not everyone, regardless of education or status, has the tools necessary to compromise, or make the sacrifices necessary to have a successful marriage. Success in a career is VERY different than success in a relationship in many cases, so marriage may not be for everyone. Success and happiness no longer have to include a wife, a husband or a child. Sometimes a job, a cat and a Snuggie are really enough :-)

But can you be a great parent while not a great spouse? Or do you think they should go hand in hand? Is a person who would be considered a “desirable” parent selfish for not choosing to have children, or are they smart for knowing what they want or what they can or cannot handle? I’m curious to hear the answers to this one because some days I can see myself as a mother, but not a wife – and other days the opposite is true. So what say you?


Go!


-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Eagles v. Giants this weekend - gonna be a good one!

- Annamaria and I have our annual friendly wager involving her cooked food and my cheesecake...may the best Vick win! LOL!

- How come "Vick" didn't come up as incorrect in my spellcheck? What is a "vick?"

- I want cream of wheat...maple brown sugar to be exact.

- I've discovered chocolate and vanilla marshmallows - GREAT in hot chocolate! Yum!

- I have a steak marinating for dinner tonight - gonna be DELICIOUS!

- Can you tell I'm hungry? Didn't eat breakfast today.

- I had the best time with my mom and family for my mother's birthday weekend. My mother turned 60 years old on Nov. 16th...a true blessing! I love her and thank God for her every day.

- Eid Muburak to my sister, brother-in-law and nephews - and all my Muslim friends out there!

- The Republican senators have prevented the Paycheck Fairness Act from finally being brought up for a debate and receiving a vote - buffoonery.

- Everyone is crying that Brandy was robbed on Dancing with the Stars. This shouldn't surprise ANYone. Competition based reality tv is just...well...you know..."not real."

- I'm terrified of snakes.

- I can't stand selfish people.

- Four out of 10 think marriage is becoming obsolete. What do you think?

- If what they say about Tony Parker is true, that's GRIMY! But not surprising, in the least.

- I can't believe Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I feel like this year just sped up! I'm making peach cobbler for the first time, wish me luck!

- Time to put the braids back in.

- Also time to get re-focused on my work-out/nutrition plan again. I've gained a few pounds back - not cute. Definitely going spinning tonight...all alone :-(

- Happy Birthday SuSu! It's also my late grandmother's birthday today as well.

- Greys and Private Practice tonight!

- What's for lunch?

- Today's throwback - a double feature!







Go!

-b

Happy Veterans Day and Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

I'd like to thank all of our servicemen and women who sacrifice their time, their families and their lives defending the freedoms that we enjoy in this country. I hope you all take the time to remember and thank the veterans among your family, friends and coworkers. As the daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend of men (and women) who have served our country proudly, I appreciate your service and bravery.

- Monica finished the NYC Marathon in a little under 6 hours! Go Monica! I'm so proud of you!

- Miley Cyrus is annoying.

- Gwyneth Paltrow sings country music now?

- I have to start giving my cat Cole steroids for his tumor :-( Please pray for him. He's my baby.

- The heat doesn't get hot enough in my apartment. They're being stingy, and everyone knows I hate being cold!

- I wish I still knew how to play the piano.

- I need braids....my hair is breaking off badly due to the weather change.

- It doesn't need to get any colder than this. I don't mind when the high is 50 degrees, it's when the high is 30 degrees that I can't stand it.

- "Start Over" on Time Warner Cable is the best. I got home late from the gym, and was able to start Law & Order: SVU from the beginning instead of waiting til today to watch it on my DVR at work. They even have "Go Back" to shows that you missed in Prime in the past 2 days. Love it!

- The new girls on 16 & Pregnant are dry.

- If I say no, then that's it. I don't owe you an explanation.

- I'm becoming really annoyed by all the noise on the train and buses lately. Why are people screaming into their cell phones and talking to people who are 6 inches away from them like they're deaf? Geez! I'm in the wrong city to be complaining about noise.

- Oh, and I wanted to spank these badass kids on the train platform today. Your kids are not cute, control them. The woman told the 5 of them to use their "whisper" voice and they screamed and ran around silly for no damn reason. She needed to use a strap! I'm not saying beat your kids....but beat your kids when the "whisper" voice thing doesn't work.

- Cop gets 2 years for killing an unarmed, handcuffed Black man. Mike Vick gets just about the same sentence for killing a dog. F*ckers.

- I love my Dyson.

- I was in Nine West yesterday browsing and realized I was humming along to Christmas music. There were Christmas decorations up in Target BEFORE Halloween. It gets earlier and earlier every year.

- I love Target.

- Who are these people that still smoke cigarettes? You KNOW it can kill you, but you do it anyway? It's not considered cool or sexy anymore, so why do it? Ridiculous.

- The Biggest Loser is such an inspirational show. I always wind up shedding a tear...or three.

- Haven't caught Conan yet, but I hear he's been hysterical :-)

- Did you know they sold wedding gowns at J. Crew? Not that I was looking or anything :-)

- I hate it when people use excessive profanity in their FB statuses. I usually wind up "unfriending" them.

- I also hate when people don't spell check their statuses. I know it's only FB, but there is no "a" in the word "definitely" and no "d" in the word "congratulations."

- I wanna see Denzel's new movie Unstoppable.

- He still does it for me :-)

- I have a lot of food in my fridge that needs to be thrown away. And plenty in my freezer that I never feel like thawing out to cook.

- Last Friday, Deebo boxed me like a man. After the FIRST hour of training, he said we were "just getting warmed up." Another patron in the gym even told him, "that's enough" when they saw me sweating like a runaway slave. He promptly told her to mind her business after damn near knocking me out. My nose even started bleeding once I got in the locker room from overheating myself. He's a great trainer, but I think he's losing his damn mind.

- Someone sent me the link to the auto tune remake of MJ's "PYT" and I didn't know what it was, so I clicked on it. Pure fuckery. You don't remake ANYTHING MJ has done, but if you DO, they could have just left Robin Thicke on it...but T-Pain? FU-CKER-Y.

- Men should not wear white, pointy shoes and tight, tight jeans...together OR separately.

- MTA fare hikes again, and less service. Pretty soon it's gonna be cheaper to just drive.

- I'm always amazed at women who can commute in heels.

- Some of the men and women who perform in subways are really talented!

- First kisses are the best aren't they? :-)

- I feel like blowing off every meeting I have from now until the new year. I have 2 weeks left of vacation to take and I need every single second of it.

- My cell phone is too slippery...I keep dropping it.

- I have so much laundry to do this weekend. But I love the smell of freshly laundered clothes :)

- I feel like I've been thirsty all week - I need to drink more water.

- My lips have been chapped all week too...obviously because I'm dehydrated. Not sexy.

- Who are these people who pay contractors thousands of dollars before they do any work? How does that even make sense?

- Is the bed bug epidemic over yet?

- Pootie Tang was on HBO last night...really?

- I'm peace like that.

- And in honor of the SU basketball season starting, Brian's throwback!



When the 'Cuse is in da house...OMG...Danga!

Go!

-b