Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- What's up with the wild weather? The wind almost blew me away this morning!

- This week is creeping by...can it be the weekend already?

- Those Rutgers students need to go to jail for murder. I know they're being charged for cyber voyeurism and invading privacy...but that's not enough. How can people be so cruel?

- RIP Tyler Clementi.

- I haven't seen Law & Order: SVU yet this season...and I LOVE that show. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've seen ANY season/series premieres, with the exception of Boardwalk Empire, yet this fall. Messing around in the damn gym!

- But I DID check out Undercovers last night while on the elliptical machine. I could just lick Boris Kodjoe's face! Just a yummy vision of deliciousness!

- I can't stand b*tchass men. It's just not natural. Stop crying already!

- Did any of you see the lesbians on Oprah yesterday who fathered their own children? I dvr'd it and watching it now...crazy.

- Vick and McNabb this Sunday! Woo-hoo!

- I wonder if women in Atlanta and D.C. have better, or worse, gaydar than the rest of us.

- Eddie Long's accusers are all over the place now...not looking good for him...at all.

- They're saying now that he had sex with these young men on church grounds, and that he used cars, clothes and monetary gifts to seduce them. Dr. Boyce says:

Most damaging to Bishop Eddie Long, though, could be the consequences of using church funds to pursue his sexual interests with the boys in his care. Ironically, the federal government is likely to issue a stiffer punishment for misusing its money than it is for harming another human being. There are surely some federal investigators watching this case very closely.

That's just sad.

- My sister and nephew's birthdays are coming up - and I swear Ibrahim's been talking about his birthday for 6 months now. He has big plans for his 4th birthday, even though we have no idea what those plans are :-)

- I still haven't seen The Town yet...but I may check that out, along with The Social Network, this weekend.

- Rameer offered me a trade in Fantasy Football and I have no idea what to do. I'm doing some research...and it feels like some serious homework! As if I don't have enough to worry about going against Kellie this weekend...who has Peyton Manning as her quarterback. Great. :-)

- I hope they don't boo Donovan TOO BAD this Sunday. But it IS Philly we're talking about.

- What's for lunch?

- For Cable Guy :-)



- Brian's throwback!



Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

We're gonna keep it simple - Question of the Day:

It was discovered (after she put her business on blast) that a Bronx teacher used to be a stripper and a hooker. Would you care if your child's teacher - who is an excellent teacher and described as a "star" in the classroom by colleagues - was a stripper in his or her past life? Would you care if this same great teacher stripped CURRENTLY on weekends to make ends meet?

Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Annamaria had some thangs on her mind today, so I'm giving her the floor - let's go!

Ladies - STEP UP!...by Annamaria.

So I was listening to Power 105.1 this morning and it's Paternity Test Tuesday, which means this woman came on to prove that this dude was her baby daddy. Now, let me first say BOTH of them were educated professionals. Both had budding careers. I believe she was an accountant and he was a doctor. Here is the part that upset me……………

The kid was THREE years old.

No, they had not been fighting about this for the past 3 years. SHE HAD NEVER TOLD HIM ANYTHING. She got pregnant while he was in medical school and CLAIMED that she didn’t want to interrupt him and his pursuit of his career. But now that he was a doctor with a flourishing practice, it was time to interrupt him.

I respect him a lot because from the beginning he never said one negative word about her. He acknowledged that he was seeing her during that time and that he did care for her back then - and that the baby may be his. He said that he would definitely step up to the plate if it was his child. His only complaint: WHY DID SHE WAIT 3 YEARS TO TELL HIM?

This chick gave EVERY reason in the book as to why she didn’t tell him. She was scared, she wasn’t sure how he would react, she didn’t want him to stop going to school. Then they asked her why she decided to pursue this now. Her answer was clear: I need financial help….OH! and I think he should have a relationship with his son and it’s time they met.

I’m sure we can all predict what happened next. The baby wasn’t his. BUT this is not what angered me.

What angered me was what if this kid WAS his? Because of her selfishness, this man was robbed of 3 years of his son’s life. He wasn’t there when that kid was born, came home from the hospital, said its first word, took its first step. And now, who knows how long it’s going to take her to find his real father? And now that man is expected to come and bond with a 4 or 5 year old?

What kills me even more is this woman will be the SAME woman fighting in court to get retroactive child support for the time he didn’t even know that he was a father. I’m angry because my daughter has an excellent dad who was there for all of her "first's" to applaud her. And there are a bunch of wonderful dads who read this blog (Geeque, Cable Guy, Dmoe, Floyd, etc.) And while this chick was mentally counting all the money she was gonna get from this dude ALL he was upset about was the 3 years he missed out on.

Now I am going to say what NO WOMAN is supposed to say: Ladies STEP THE F*CK UP. Give these dudes a break. A child is not a toy or a pawn or a potential check. A child is a human being. They are our future and every decision we make affects them.

If the child's father doesn’t love you anymore - get over it and raise your kid together like two grown people. If a man is paying child support and is trying to have a relationship with his kid, THEN LET HIM. There are LOTS of good men out here trying to be fathers, and every day women make it harder and harder for them. And these are the same women complaining that there are no good men out there.

Use that money ON THE KID. I hate to see a woman getting a child support check and their kid looks a hot mess. Women - take a GOOD look at yourself in the mirror before you come at these dudes to make sure YOU are doing everything you can be doing before you go tell someone that they aren’t doing their job. And PLEASE, PLEASE ladies, be more careful about your sh*t. If you wanna sleep with 2 or 3 men - USE A CONDOM. Don’t sit up in a radio station talking about "It’s his, it’s definitely his" and then when they read the results, you look stupid like, "ummm... well maybe it could be ONE other persons…"

Yes there are some f*cked up men out there. But a part of me wonders - were they always f*cked up OR did we make them that way?

-Annamaria

Happy Monday everyone!

I’ve neglected writing a blog on the Bishop Eddie Long sex scandal for a week now, mainly for two reasons. 1) I tend to stay away from potentially polarizing subjects such as ones having to do with religion or politics, and 2) this scandal comes as no surprise to me. Not that I believe all men and women of God are wolves in sheep’s clothing, but I also know that men and women of the cloth are human beings first – flaws and all.

I really didn’t know much about Eddie Long before all this happened. The only time I heard him speak anything remotely close to a sermon was when he appeared in Tyler Perry’s film Daddy’s Little Girls. Other than that, nothing. I don’t really pay much attention to televangelists or those who preside over megachurches. There just seems to be something wrong with blinged out bishops and pimped out pastors. I’ve been to a couple of megachurches and something just didn’t sit right with me. I understand that a congregation has to financially support the church in order for it to grow, and I believe pastors, reverends, bishops – whatever you call them – deserve to be compensated for their counsel and good work.

But if the pastor is rockin’ diamonds and platinum jewelry, and living in a mansion when that money could go to the homeless, then I have a problem with that.

But this isn’t about my disdain for meganchurches and ministers who push Bentleys. It’s about people who worship pastors more than they do the Lord. I understand that we seek understanding from our ministers, and that our relationship with God is closely tied to the church and those who lead it. We long for that union with God – and in standing in a crowded arena filled with hundreds/thousands of other folks and the Spirit – we have no other purpose than attracting the attention, admiration and love of God through the person who is delivering the sermon.

But in seeking a relationship with God, I believe some get lost – not realizing that the relationship you seek with God is within – not in pleasing your pastor. Many people give tons of money to the church to support their pastors thinking that this is the path to riches and prosperity. But the source of love you seek with God is within, and once you tap into that, you will find a source of love sufficient to fulfill your needs, attract your greatest good fortune and create abundant happiness in your life.

We can all be dazzled by charismatic speakers, charming orators, people who lift our spirits with the rise and fall of their voices. This isn’t to say that you should go to some boring church with a boring minister who carefully maps out your salvation by conditioning you to attend mass, or a praise shouting Baptist church, Bible study every Saturday or singing in the church choir. I’m not here to intellectually defend my faith, or anyone else’s, or tell you not to have faith in your spiritual advisers. I’ve gone to church all my life, learned all the teachings and lessons of the Bible and have loved all of my pastors dearly. But the truth is, in all my years of religious training and in all the sermons preached every Sunday, the one thing I’ve taken from it all is that we only come to God when we seek HIM, not please those who are in the world. That moment of awakening is internal, and once you know who God is, you know who You are…and they are one.

Who knows if Bishop Long is guilty or innocent of the charges filed against him. It doesn’t look too good for him, but we should all be innocent until proven guilty. His press conference, if you want to call it that, gave us no answers as to his guilt or innocence. We just know that he’s going to fight the charges against him. His congregation supported him, which is to be expected.

But we should know that just as Long said himself, he’s not perfect. We put our spiritual advisers on a pedestal and believe they can do no wrong. We don’t believe that they can be hypocrites, preaching against homosexuality while they themselves are engaging in homosexual behavior. We turn a blind eye to issues involving the black church, such as homosexuality, because the pastor says it’s wrong. We think that because he has a wife and children, he can’t be gay. As our counselor, we believe he would never steer us wrong.

But a pastor who would take your money to floss with isn’t above such things if you ask me. And while the age of sexual consent is 16 in Georgia, this doesn’t mean that he is above abusing his power as a man of God. I don’t care if he’s gay, but I do have a problem with hypocrisy and abuse of power, authority and trust.

A pastor’s purpose is to point us in the direction towards enlightenment. Pastors, ministers, reverends, bishops, priests, imams, rabbis, sages, seers, mystics – they all suggest various paths to the realization of God…and whatever awakens us to consciousness of the Spirit should be the sole concern of these wise teachers. We share in the divinity of God and echo the teachings of all enlightened souls and saints down through the ages who tell us that we and the Father are one - and that the God you seek is not in a man, but is the one you discover in yourself.

-b

TGIF!!

Happy Birthday to Princess (MY Princess, not Rameer's :-)...and Happy Early Birthday to our very own Monica Gonzalez...aka, DMoe's nemesis "MoMo." We're partying this weekend!

Sexy Survey time!

1. Men - would/could/have you ever had sex with a pregnant woman where the child she was carrying wasn't yours? Women - ever been in that situation? If not...what is your take on women who have sex while pregnant, but not with the baby's father?

I know that's a weird question, but I'm taking a poll.

2. What body part do you admire most on the opposite sex?

3. Men - which would you admire most: a man with a successful marriage, or a man with a successful career? Ladies, same question...as it pertains to women.

4. Have you ever entered into a monogamous, committed relationship with someone you haven't yet been intimate with?

5. Is sex better in a relationship, or is casual sex better?

6. Would/could you ever date a celibate man/woman?

7. **Inspired by Annamaria's new business** - Women: would you/have you used a sex toy during sex with your partner? How did he react - did he encourage it, or was he turned off by it? Men: Would you have a problem with a woman introducing sex toys into your belly smackin' sessions? LOL!

8. They say, "A man comes for sex, but stays for love." Men: What qualities in a woman keep you coming back for more? Women: same question - what keeps a man from becoming (Black) history?

9. Do you have a positive or negative opinion/outlook on marriage?

10. Men: Do you care about stretch marks? Women: Do you care about beer bellies?

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- John Legend and The Roots tonight at Terminal 5! Yeah!

- I missed all the season premieres last night messing around with Deebo. Dang it!

- Why do people feel the need to update their relationship status as "It's Complicated" on Facebook? Either you are or you aren't....and if you're not sure, why should WE care?

- I copped a Vick jersey last year when they were only $20. Feelin' kinda saavy right about now :)

- Speaking of Vick, this was not cool.

But then again, I'd expect nothing less from a tabloid. I wonder what the headlines would read if he took us to the playoffs.

- Love Indian Summer weather :-)

- I have to replace my phone already. I have no idea why I can't keep a phone from getting wet.

- We only have Deebo once a week now - have to figure out what to do on the days we don't have him so I don't get flabby...er.... :-)

- I still haven't renewed my car registration. Will definitely do it today.

- I have to see The Town. I've heard nothing but good things about it so far.

- I love really dark nail polish, but hate when it chips.

- NeYo was here yesterday but I didn't get a chance to meet him :-( LOVE NeYo!

- Braylon Edwards is an idiot. And not just because of the ridiculous beard. Loved the Jets win last weekend though!

- I won my fantasy football game! I thought I won the first game, but I was robbed...by half a point!

- I'm kinda feelin' Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair." She sounds grown, and a bit RiRi'ish, but I dig it!

- Is it too soon to ask who's having a Halloween party?

- I put my FOOT in that cheesecake last weekend. The Passion Party was so much fun! I'd post pics, but the women may not appreciate that. Well...that...and I can't find the USB cord that connects my camera to the computer :-)

- B's throwback!




Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

So it seems yesterday’s Dear Brookey letter and subsequent advice struck a nerve with some people – not necessarily with the commenters on the blog, but with a few folks who contacted me offline. They were of the thought that men were supposed to pay for dates…at least early on anyway. And some felt that it is ALWAYS a man’s job to treat his lady…no matter how much money he or she may make - and that was from men AND women. They said those were “just the rules.”

The dating/courtship process, it seems, hasn’t gotten any easier, even though we’ve been doing it since forever. Before we even get to decide who pays for the date, we have to get to the actual date first. “I have her number, now what?” is a question a lot of men stress over. “He texted me instead of calling me, so is this a casual thing or is this a real date?” Women have no clue. Why do we make things more complicated than they need to be?

I guess it’s because we have preconceived ideas of how things are “supposed” to be. But with technology and women asserting their independence more and more, “traditional” views of dating and courtship can get a little murky. So instead of telling you all how I think dating and courtship should flow in my world, I’m going to pose the questions to all of you today to get a sense of your different perspectives when it comes to this topic.

Let’s see what you have to say :-)

1. Men – once a woman gives you her number and lets you know she’d be interested in a date, do you ask her on the spot or wait to contact her? And if you wait to ask her out, how much time do you let pass after getting her number before you contact her for the date?

Women – how long do you give a man to contact you after you give him your number before you write him off?

2. Men – when first contacting a woman, do you call or text her? And why?

Women - if a man texts you as his first contact with you after getting your number – is that a no-no in your book, or is that permissible?

3. If you suggest the date, do you plan it completely, or do you decide to do something spontaneous once you meet up?

4. If you suggest the date or do the asking, do you automatically assume that you’re paying for the date?

5. What is a typical first date for you? Drinks, dinner and/or a movie, or something off-beat, different and fun?

6. Do you plan something expensive for the first date in order to impress him/her, or keep it simple and on the "economy" side as not to pressure either of you?

7. Do you plan dates for the weekend, or is a weekday easier for you most times?

8. Men – do you plan dates around payday? Or do you suggest getting together even if you can’t plan/pay for a date that week? Women, do you expect to be wined and dined at every meeting and only prefer to be contacted when he can afford to take you out, or are you willing to spend time with someone even if it means you can’t go out to dinner or a movie? If he can’t pay, do you offer to treat him to a night out?

9. How many dates constitutes “dating” in your opinion? How long do you date before you expect to be considered in an exclusive relationship? Do you have a cutoff before you move on to dating someone else if you aren’t in an exclusive relationship? ie:…say, after 6 months?

10. When dating, do you tend to date one person at a time, or do you typically date several people at once until an exclusive relationship is established?

Go!

-b