Brookey's Cafe Blog

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Well, it would be a happy one if I wasn't sick :-( I've been sick all weekend, and had no chance to rest as I was busy running around with family celebrating my nephew Kyce's birthday weekend. The kids had fun, and I had a ball with them...but I'm exhausted :-( I got home at 1am last night because Kyce started crying as I was about to leave.

"I don't want you to go," he sobbed. So there I was...laying with them (Ibrahim was sound asleep) in the bed until he fell asleep. I didn't want to go either.

This happens to me every time I go home to visit. We have a great time, and then leaving them seems so painful. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but it's never easy to leave...especially when they beg me not to.

There is nothing like the feeling of unconditional love, especially from a child. They love me just because I'm Auntie. Nothing more, nothing less. Not because I buy them toys, or give them ice cream. They love me simply because I'm there...and because I love them first.

I've always said that I couldn't love them more than if I had birthed them myself. I'm sure for some that may seem like an exaggeration considering I don't know what it's like to have any children of my own. But I honestly believe that they are a part of me. I love them as if it's MY blood coursing through their veins. I see some of myself in them, even though I'm not the one raising them. I feel them in my spirit daily and I know they feel the same way about me. It's pure joy.

I thanked my sister recently for allowing me to feel so included in her family, especially with the boys. She looked at me like I was crazy. For her, me being such an integral part of their lives is as natural as breathing. Since we are so close, it's only fitting that I'd be close to her children.

But it's more than that. She says that I "co-parent" with her. She allows me to discipline them. I talk to them. I listen to them. I encourage them. I let them know when I'm disappointed with something they've done wrong, and I celebrate their accomplishments. I hug them. I squeeze them. I tickle them. I play with them. I do homework with them. I teach them. They teach me. I wipe their tears. I kiss their face and I hold them tight. Simply put...I love them. And I feel so blessed that my sister shares them with me.

I used to get a bit annoyed when my friends would say, "Well, you can have mine" when I would discuss my fears of not ever having children of my own. Of course they don't mean that literally, and I thought they were being insensitive or dismissive to the fact that this is a real concern of mine. My sister never really said such things to me, because she understands how I feel, but she would tell me that I was already a mother - I just didn't birth any children from my own body...yet. And now I get it.

If for any reason I don't have any children of my own, I'm beginning to feel like that'll be ok. If it's God's will, then He will make that happen. But if not, I can't say that my life will be empty or incomplete. I know what unconditional love feels like from a child...from two children...not from my body - but pure love nonetheless. That's more than some people will ever know, and it's a true blessing...and today, that really is enough for me.



-b

TGIF Sexy Survey!

1. If you were a sexual Super Hero, what magic/special power would you have?

2. What things, if any, are better kept private in a relationship?

3. Have you ever walked in on your parents having sex?

4. Has a parent ever walked in on YOU having sex?

5. If you could go back and change the past, would you rather be a virgin and discover your sexuality within a relationship with the love of your life...or already possess extensive sexual experience to share with your life partner?

6. How promiscuous would you be if you knew your mate would be as faithful as you wished and, without resentment, gave you any sexual freedoms you asked for?

7. Your closest friend (and companion since childhood) and your lover (whom you have only known 6 months but feel like you have waited for your whole life) are both in grave danger. If you could only save one, which would it be?

8. How would you rate yourself as a lover on a scale of 1-10?

9. What is the most unpleasant sexual experience you have ever had?

10. Would you ever marry someone over the strong opposition of your entire family?

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

I finally got some GOOD sleep last night!

- I have a workshop to attend for work this morning from 10a-2p. Gonna be boring as hell. I'll be back this afternoon to see what y'all are talking about though.

- I know Tiger Woods is happy Jesse James is the cheatin' mofo now :-) LOL!

- Too bad Jesse James doesn't have any real talent to help him bounce back from his scandal. Tiger fittin'a wax that ass at the Masters.

- What's with all the hatin' ass bitches in the world today? But hey, that means I'm doing something right...so like Kat Williams said, "If you don't have anyone to hate on, feel free to hate on me!"

- I'm ready for Deebo tonight, but last night's spin class liked to kill me!

- I'm sore today...but I'm gonna shake it off!

- Looking forward to the weekend! My nephew Kyce's birthday is coming up, he'll be 6! Time is flying by.

- Go Orange!

Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

I open my Outlook inbox today at work to find an email from Annamaria. In it contains a single YouTube link to Austin's proposal. I don't think I hit reply fast enough to ask her if I could post it. "Sure, go head."



Watching the proposal brought tears to my eyes. I didn't have to hear anything, just the visual of true love was enough to make me all verklempt. A beautiful sight to see.

With the recent onslaught of reports on the doomed, single black woman, something dawned on me as I watched Austin get down on one knee. Love...Black love...is alive and well. Yes, we outnumber Black men. Yes, even if every black man married a black woman today, 1 in 12 women would be left out to dry. Blah, blah, blah. We get it.

I'm not saying the reports are false, that black women are imperfect, that it's easy for us to find the right person, or that all of us are looking in the right places with the right attitude. But I do think this debate deserves some perspective: Not only do smart, educated, organized, hard-working Black and Latina women in healthy, loving relationships exist - but they exist in my life, and they're everywhere. The macro picture may not be painted with pretty colors - but in my day-to-day life, surrounding me at every turn, it's a virtual rainbow of love!

My sister is married to a Moroccan born man. They've been together for 13 years and have two beautiful children. And they're still in love. My one best friend was married to her soulmate until the Lord called him home - they were together 15 years and share three amazing children. My other BFF is married to an Italian man and have three awesome sons. My friend Dana is married for the second time to her best friend (also Italian) who is a great father to my Godson and loving partner to her. I attended two weddings last year for amazing, talented, smart and beautiful Black women and their kings. And now, I can add Annamaria and Austin to my growing list of happily-ever-after friends who can tell that report on the single, lonely, high achieving yet desperate, cat-loving Black (Latina) woman to kiss their ass.

And as for my single friends...well, they're happily dating. Some juggling multiple suitors at a time. None of them are home wallowing in their sorrows eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's. They're living life, achieving goals, and being happy...knowing that one day their time will come.

Love is love, no matter where you find it...no matter which race you find it with. In all fairness, all of the women I know - White, Black, Latina, Asian, Indian, French, British - have had trouble at one point or another navigating the dating pool. Finding love is one of life's universal journeys. The chips aren't stacked in anyone's favor, but I'm a firm believer that making yourself the best person you can is an essential part of being ready when the right mate does come along.

An innate drive to be better, to do better, to sharpen your skills, to reach for the stars and never settle, is one of the things that make "high-achieving" women attractive. As long as somewhere along the road we keep our eyes open to love and make time to embrace it and follow our own rules -- wherever and whenever we find it -- we'll all have our own happily ever after.

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Can I just say....I love Barack Obama! Watching him sign the health reform bill this morning was amazing. Congrats to him! Congrats to us all!

Now...can I ALSO just say I hate when fools ring my phone at 3 and 4 am. I'm tired as hell today because someone decided it would be a good idea to see if I was awake at that hour. He will get the cuss out later today.

Why do men do that? Why do women do that? Unless I've given you the firm "go-ahead" on calling during booty call hours, don't do it. It's not cute, and it'll guarantee that you'll never get any. EVER.

Nothing dries me up faster than an inconsiderate man. My phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning tells me that he was only thinking of himself and what he wanted...whether that was simply to talk, to see if I'd be up for a visit, whatever. There was no consideration as to if I was asleep, if I had to wake up early for an early meeting at work (which I did) or if I would even entertain a conversation with him. This is someone I've had no previous "nookie" relationship with, so how in the hell would he think he could call during "nookie" hours?

Baffling. And rude.

I've known plenty of men who had the potential to get it, only to do or say something stupid to ensure that they will never, ever see it or smell it. Most times, all they have to do is play it cool, try not to say anything too crazy, and be patient...and chances are the woman will come around and break you off a lil somethin. But nooooo....y'all wanna jolt someone out their sleep and then make them cuss you out for it. Stop the madness.

While I'm on a rant, here are some other things that dry me up:

- Worse than an inconsiderate man is a desperate one. Don't ask me on our first date when you can hit it, or try to bed me too soon. Over-eager and over-anxious is not sexy. At all.

- Dirty fingernails, funky underarms and bad breath. Please bathe and brush your teeth.

- Loud, attention seeking men. Okay dude, I see you...bring it down a notch. I don't need to hear King Lion roaring all the time trying to get my attention. Be a bit more creative than just being loud for no damn good reason.

- "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground...you looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!" Pull your pants up, you're over 30 for goodness sakes! Grow up.

- Wack conversation/Idiot men. Nothing is "un-sexier" than a man who can't "conversate." And yes, if you say, "can we conversate?" - I'm done talking. Ignorance is a total turn-off.

- A bad kisser. If you can't kiss....if you wet my whole face up, bite my lips to the point where they're red and swollen, or peck at me like a bird, then the va-jay-jay will dry up like the Sahara. Trust.

- Wack sex. You only get ONE time to cum before I do. Do it more than once, and it's a wrap.

- No oral skills. If you don't like it down there, then don't go down there. I'd rather you just stayed away from Miss Kitty than pretend to know what you're doing. It'll just piss me off.

- Bitchassness. Nuff said.

Ladies, tell me what dries you up. Fellas, tell me what makes you...uh...limp...I guess? :-)

Go!

-b

Happy Monday!

I know it's not Random Thoughts Thursday, I know this...but I'm all over the place today.

First...

The House of Representatives passed a sweeping overhaul of our health care system—a major victory for our President, and millions of Americans who want health care. We wanted change, we got it! The bill is far from perfect - and whether or not you agree with some of it, none of it, or all of it - this is history.

Second...

Congratulations to Annamaria (A-Buzz) and Austin (Powerz) on their engagement! Bust how he proposed...

He took Annamaria to see the play Platanos and Collard Greens (how apropos) for her "birthday." Afterwards, the playwright gets up to speak to the audience about the play and thank everyone for coming out, asking everyone to tell their friends to come see the play, blah blah blah. But then he says he has to give a birthday shoutout and asks if there is an Annamaria (insert last name) in the audience. Of course she's there, so he calls her to the stage to wish her a happy birthday. But oh no, it doesn't end there. He then tells her that there's someone who wants to say something to her. Powerz comes up on stage, gets down on one knee, and pops the question in front of a theater audience!! And we all know she said yes! Love, love, love that!



(men, are you taking notes?)

If there are any married men on here (and I know there are), tell us how you proposed to your wifey boo :-)

Anyway, congrats again to Annamaria and Austin!

Now that we got the happy stuff out the way, let's move on to some f*ckery shall we?

- Politicians spitting and yelling out racial slurs...what...the...f*ck. We elected these people? Really? There's a special place in hell for them. Send them all there with gasoline drawz on.

- Baby Killers? It's okay to kill them in war though right?...and we're funding THAT, and that's okay? Whatever.

- Should men have a say in abortion rights? That's a real question.

- What the hell is up with all these crazy jumpoffs? First all of Tiger's women done lost their damn minds putting out text messages all willy nilly. Now Jesse James' (Sandra Bullock's dirty, scruffy husband) side piece is posing with swastika's on her body, calling him her "vanilla gorilla." What the hell is wrong with these men and the women they choose to have as side "jawns?" (that's Philly slang). Unbelievable.

- I can't stand to hear Miley Cyrus speak. Her voice urks the sh*t outta me.

- Deebo is senile...I'm convinced :-)

- Someone needs to throw Elizabeth Hasselback off a cliff.

- Why does Tavis Smiley hate President Obama so much?

Okay...done with f*ckery...for now....

- I know everyone's brackets in the NCAA Tournament are all messed up. Kansas got knocked out! But my beloved Orangemen are still going strong...showing everyone how a REAL #1 seed does the damn thang! Go 'Cuse!

And finally, congrats to Serena who completed her marathon yesterday...running for cancer and in honor of her mother. She said she felt her mother's warmth emanating from the sun as she crossed the finish line, smiling down on her. I'm so proud of you Serena! You are my hero!





Okay...I think that's all I have for now...

Go!

-b

TGIF Sexy Survey!

1. How many times have you had sex this week? (let's see who answers this) :-)

2. How much of your week would you like to spend having sex if you had a willing partner and enough time?

3. Do you think your friends believe your sex (life) is better or worse than it actually is?

4. Is sex more of a way for you to express your love, or to gratify your physical needs?

5. Which sex do you think has the most difficult role in dating? in marriage? in having sex?

6. If you were going to teach a virgin a sexual "trick" to use the first time they had sex - what would it be?

7. If you had to make love either in complete darkness, or where background noise would prevent speech and/or hearing, which would you prefer?

8. If your lover asked you to do something sexual that you found distasteful, would you try to overcome your feelings or simply refuse?

9. What character and personality traits are so important that you would never marry someone who you felt lacked them?

10. Should prostitution be legal?

Go!

-b