Brookey's Cafe Blog

TGIF mi gente!

Instead of my Friday Sexy Survey, I thought I'd try something a little different today. Yolanda suggested we make Sexy Friday's about connecting sexy singles - and y'all know I'm all about the hook-up :-) So today, I'm introducing a sexy single who will also be my guest blogger. I met him at the gym in boxing class, and we've been buddies ever since. He's a twenty-something year old actor, model, and all around hottie - and he has some things to get off his chiseled chest when it comes to dating and what we SAY we want in relationships. Show him some love!



Why Make Things Harder Than They Need to Be?
by Christopher Pollard

First off, I would like to thank Brooke for giving me the opportunity to guest blog today. This is something that has been on my mind for a while in regards to dating and relationships. Nowadays, I have NO clue why some men/women make things harder than they need to be. I have to touch on the men first.

The majority of men (not all, but some) want to treat women however we see fit. We’ll show the nice, sweet and sensitive side of us when we want THAT girl. We’ll romance her, tell her sweet things and make her feel as if she’s the best thing that ever happened. Then when we know we have them (as far as marriage or hence forth), we turn the tables on them by cheating, hitting them, etc. - which I don’t understand. If I meet that “one” for me - she has a great personality, down to earth, beautiful, intelligent, faithful and I know the relationship is worth having - why would I want to fuck that up? The crazy thing is, these types “win” and get away with it, and the women stay with them. I don’t get it - and it messes it up for others who are “men” and do right by their lady. I feel that the ones who do this bullshit came out of someone’s ass - especially for all the shit they’ll put woman through.

I mean...I came from a woman, and I have eight sisters. I base all my actions on how I treat women around them. I'll be damned if I let someone hurt my sisters - cause I’ll hurt them. But yet, men who DO have siblings and a mother who still choose to act this way are proving themselves to be hypocrites when they turn around and get mad at the next man who mistreats one of their own when they mistreat women as well. A REAL MAN protects his woman from getting hurt - they don’t cause it any way, shape or form.

Now ladies, you are just as bad sometimes also. I understand a lot of you have been hurt by some men, but some of ya’ll take it waaaayyy too far and don’t know how to spot someone good. Some complain and complain about how there aren’t any good men out there, but yet when you finally DO meet one, you treat it as if it’s a language you can’t understand. Why do you ladies feel that you don’t deserve a good man just because all you’re used to is crap?? If you’re a good woman, I feel you deserve a good man. You pray to God hoping that He will bless you with someone worthwhile, and when you get it, you take it for granted….WHY???? It makes noooo sense whatsoever.

To be honest with you, if that’s the case stop wasting your time by praying for one. Why do it in the first place if you can’t receive that blessing? What some of you should do is stop thinking that every guy is the same just because he has a penis. Just because the last person mistreated you doesn't mean that the next one will as well. Remember, not every guy shares the same mindset or last name.

Lastly, if you're in a relationship with someone who's messed up, don't venture out looking for someone who will give you what the guy you're with isn't giving you while you're still with him. Frankly, in my view, that's kind of selfish - and not fair to the other person who IS giving you what you know you deserve and who you know you SHOULD be with. Or (and this applies to both sexes as well) you’ll deal with the next man, but yet you’re not over your ex when he treated you like crap.

Honestly I just feel that some people continue spinning the wheels on this cycle when it should be broken. Some need to stop using other men and women who are sincere as “punching bags” because of what the last few have done to you. His/her issues are not the next ones. If you feel you need to take out your frustrations on something, join a gym and hit a bag…..literally. Take ALL the frustration you want out on that bag! You might feel better and get all that energy out. Stop running games on others - because if they wanted to play games with you, they'd invite you over to play Monopoly, XBox or PS3 (if they have it that is lol). Also, stop using the saying “No one's perfect” just to excuse the bullshit that you're doing to others. If you’re not perfect, make yourself better for you and your possible future relationship.

These are just some of my thoughts on relationships, and this is coming from a guy who’s in his 20's - an age bracket that most would view a male to be “immature”. Hopefully I gave you guys some food for thought. Feel free to comment. Take care all…..

-Christopher

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Can I just say...I *HEART* President Barack Obama! He gave a good, centric, sometimes (a lot of times) sarcastic speech - but he was gettin' in dat ass a lil bit right? Is it me, or was he channeling Diddy last night - "We won't quit, I won't quit...and we won't stop, cuz we can't stop...take dat, take dat!" LOL!!

- "Let's try common sense." - Barack Obama.

- That should be our motto EVERY day.

- It was snowing big ole FAT FLAKES this morning in Queens. By the time I got off the train in Manhattan...nada. This weather is bananas.

- I have killer cramps! They only go away when I work out...so I guess I'd better stay my ass on the bike or the elliptical machine.

- Speaking of which, our spinning instructor not only sings now, but DANCES during class - instead of cycling with us. Monica and I just looked at each other smiling like "really??"

- There's a guy who works up in the tape library who is just so cute to me! Oddly enough, I can't figure out what ethnicity he is. Is he Black? White? Bi-racial? I can't tell! But it matters not - he's a young, lil hottie! I just wanna lick his lil 20-something year old face!

- Don't forget to pick up Michael Jackson's This Is It this week. I can't wait to get my hands on it, my mommy picked it up for me :-)

- I don't know what I did to my hand...well, I know what I did...but I don't know what damage I've done. It's been hurting for over two weeks now, and I can barely lift or hold anything with my left hand. There's still some swelling around my middle knuckle...and it hurts like hell! I need to have it looked at. I'm falling apart!

- Are you looking for skin care and wellness products that offer superior results without any unwanted chemical or animal by-products? that not only have an environmental conscience, but also a human one? Then check out my sister's site at nicolemalek.myarbonne.com. Arbonne International is a Swiss skin care and wellness line that offers amazing products without any animal products and/or by-products. Arbonne's products are inspired by nature and enhanced by science - and it's also my sister's business. Nicole offers free facial spa parties and makeovers, so let me know if you're interested. I'm going to be having a facial spa party soon!

- I need a vacation - somewhere warm and tropical. I wish I was in San Juan with Annamaria.

- Would you all come to a karaoke party if I had one for my birthday? I know Princess would ;-)

- I miss my family in Philly - especially my sister and nephews!

- There are a lot of movies I still need to see, but I finally saw Avatar! Loved it!

- I need chocolate.

- Some of y'all are pop-locking aren't you? I know you are :-)

Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Okay...let me tell y'all about the foolishness I heard on the train today.

Skinny Bit...I mean...Girl: "I feel so bad for my sister. She dates loser after loser. She just can't find a man."

Guy: "Well, why do YOU think your sister is having such a hard time finding a man?"

Skinny Girl: "I don't know. I think she needs to lose weight. No guy is gonna wife her when she needs to lose 50 pounds. You know how y'all are. I told her she needs to lose weight and then the quality of men she attracts will be better."

Guy: "I dunno 'bout dat. Big girls have a better chance of becoming wifey than a skinny chick if you ask me."

Skinny Girl: "Why you say that? Women attract men with their looks, so if she's fat, ain't nobody checking for her unless they just wanna hit it. She's just fat."

Guy: "Maybe...but big girls can cook, they clean, and their lovin's better cuz they all soft. They don't get much attention, so they do what they gotta do to take care of their man - and men like being taken care of. So while we might not admit it, we got love for the big girls too!"

And then they get off.

Where do I even start with this?

First of all, I can't believe this woman would tell her sister that if she lost 50 pounds, she would meet better quality men. Who says that? And how does that make sense?

Since I don't know her sister, or her for that matter, I can't pretend I know the whole story. Maybe her sister isn't really "fat" by any means...since the term "fat" is relative. Maybe her sister dates losers because she's insecure. Maybe she's insecure because she has a sister who tells her she's fat!

But the guy's comments took me back a bit too. They cook? They clean? Their lovin' is better?

Well, that part might be true...wink, wink ;-)

But what is he trying to say? That big girls are domestic and we have to learn how to take care of a man in order to keep him because we gets no play?

Child please.

Just like there are men who won't date a big girl because she's big, there are women who won't date a man because he's short...or broke...;-)

But who cares about those shallow people? I doubt they make up the majority of men and women out there who are truly trying to "wife" or "boo" somebody. People who seek genuine, loving relationships look for more in a potential mate than what size jeans she wears or how tall he is flat footed.

While I agree that we usually attract people by our outer appearances first, that isn't what usually KEEPS our interest. Men love a pretty girl, but they "wife" a good woman. They want a woman who takes care of them emotionally, spiritually and sexually...and of course it helps if you can whip up a cheese sammich and keep the house dust free.

But that's not a big or skinny girl thing. That's a good woman thing. We all have our preferences with looks, body type, height, weight, etc. But ole girl on the train is delusional if she thinks skinny girls get their pick of all the "good" men, while us thick chicks sit back and take the leftovers. Great guys come in all sizes and shapes too - just like assholes do...and you can't tell which is which with just one look.

Some men will smash a chick who is...how do I say this..."unfortunate" looking in the face, simply because she has a slammin' body. She might be dumb as a bag of rocks, but she has a small waist and a big booty - so he'll still hit it. So telling her sister to lose weight doesn't mean she'll automatically meet a great guy - or that she in turn will become smarter, prettier, or a better woman. She might be healthier, but that doesn't equate to "wifey" material. It's a bit more complicated than that.

If her sister needs to get healthy, she should do it because she wants to - not because she wants to find a man. Most big girls I know don't have a problem getting attention from men, and they appreciate men who can see past the superficial in order to get to know the real them underneath those Spanx. If you don't like the way you look - then change it. But do it for the right reasons, not because you think the only good guys walking the earth will only look your way if you're a size 6.

Confidence is sexy - and that's what most men gravitate to. If you carry yourself like a lady, stand with your head held high and walk assuredly swaying your curvy, sexy hips - men will notice. Good men.

Identifying an asshole and staying away from him is something all women should know how to do - no matter what size they are - and maybe this woman hasn't figured out that maybe her sister just ignores the red flags that all 'bad" men undoubtedly wave. Her problems with men may not have anything to do with her size, but more with her feelings of self worth. Or maybe she's just been unlucky in love. Who knows!

But to say that all her problems will be solved by hitting the gym 7 days a week and eating celery is NOT the answer. She should talk to her about any negative patterns she finds herself repeating, how she feels about herself, and what she can do differently than what hasn't worked in the past when it comes to failed relationships. She should encourage her sister, not shoot her down. This woman needs her sister, not a critic.

We all go through rough patches when it comes to dating. The trick is determining what you really want in a relationship, and then going after it. But you have to feel that you're worthy of the love and relationship you deserve. That begins with loving yourself first, and then finding someone who loves you for you - just the way you are.

-b

Happy Tuesday!

So Cable Guy asked me to write about my take on "homewreckers" after our discussion about jilted wives, mistresses...and anyone in between. Some say another person can't wreck a home that is already wrecked, while others say men and women who are married are off limits - period . But then there are some that believe there is a grey area, and that if a man or woman is separated, then they are free to date whomever they choose and move on with their lives.

While I don't consider myself a "gossipy" type of person, I DO take delight in sites like Witches Brew to read about the dirt and shady goings on in La La Land from time to time. And while reading about Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats or Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt may be the distraction I need from work and meetings and emails, I really don't care what they're doing in their personal lives. Only they know what they did, didn't do, the timeline of events and who wrecked what...or not.

But what I find interesting in most cases is that you never hear of a "man" homewrecker. Is there a male equivalent? Or can men be considered "homewreckers" too?

The reason I ask is because most women will say, "Well...Alicia should have more respect for the wife and not mess with her husband." Okay, maybe this is true. But why is it no one ever says that about men?

While I think there are men who have some level of respect for marriage, I never hear such things being said about "male solidarity," and that a man should respect other men in terms of smackin' bellies with some dude's wife. Even while watching the Saints game this past Sunday with my man friend, he said - half jokingly, half not - "Yes, Reggie Bush...I'd spank your girl's ass!" While Reggie Bush isn't married to Kim Kardashian, I think it would be safe to say that if he WAS, most men would still willingly hit it if they had the chance...f*ck a damn Reggie Bush!

But women are supposed to be "bonded" with other women when it comes to love, sex and relationships. It's not that we should only respect another woman's marriage, but the feminists will say we should respect her as well...simply because she's a woman. I don't think men have this same ideal placed on them. The only rule they follow mainly has to do with not trying to knock the bottoms of out of a relative's girl or one of their boy's exes. Other than that, another guy's woman is fair game if she's with it. There seems to be no gender equivalent to a "homewrecker" for men. Or is there one and I'm just oblivious?

The "every woman for herself" view is very unpopular when it comes to dating or messing around with men who are married but separated. It can be linked to a woman's self esteem. But if the guy shows you that he's separated, you have his home number, can be seen out in public with him and he doesn't appear to be "sneaking" you around - are you still wrong? Are you still disrespecting another woman, even if that woman has moved on herself?

Infidelity in marriage or a committed relationship can tremendously hurtful - especially if you've been blindsided by it. If you pick up the paper (or come across a billboard in Times Square) and discover that the happy home you thought you had is now in disarray, or that the man who promised to love you forever is in love with someone else - then that can be devastating.

But chances are that isn't the case. Most people, if they're honest with themselves, know when their relationship isn't working. They know when their marriage is in trouble, and they know when it's beyond repair. They know when it's time to throw in the towel and move on - so any knowledge of their spouse dating someone else may not come as much of a surprise.

It's when other people start to know about it that we may start to feel some kinda way. It's okay if your ex, who may not be your ex legally yet, dates someone else...unless that someone else is a mega superstar like Alicia Keys...or your hot best friend ;-) Or maybe you don't care at all, and it's OTHER people who are making it out to be a big deal, and that is what sets you off. Ego can be a bitch sometimes! It sucks when that happens right? :-)

Anyway, while I wouldn't advise people to go around dating other people's spouses all willy nilly, I'd simply say that sometimes we don't know the whole story. Sometimes we don't need to know and married folks are strictly off limits. Or sometimes it's a case by case basis and you take a risk and hope for the best. You can respect the bonds of marriage if you choose - or some Gloria Steinam respect for other women if you want - or both - or neither. That's up to you. But just be sure that no matter what you choose, make sure you can sleep at night or look yourself in the mirror...and that you never lose respect for yourself.

-b

Happy Monday!

So...last Friday morning as I crossed E. 45th Street, I looked up and noticed that the billboard that I had seen for months had changed - from what used to be an ad for Stella Artois, to one of a black couple seemingly in love. The caption said something to the effect of "you are my soulmate forever," and there was a link. I dismissed it as an ad for wedding planning perhaps, or someone showing off their love by posting a billboard of their engagement. Who knows. Who cares. Whatever.

Until the noon news came on. The anchor said, "Have you seen these billboards around town?" I immediately turned up the volume on the tv so I could hear what this billboard was selling. My eyes got bigger with every word. "Oh NO SHE DIDN'T!!!"




I was floored when I heard this. Not because a guy was cheating on his wife - that never surprises me anymore, or anyone else for that matter really.

But I was stunned by the amount of money this woman must've shelled out in order to put him on blast! I mean, this chick has PRIME REAL ESTATE in midtown! She had one up in Times Square for goodness sake! And more in San Fran and Atlanta?? Wow. She wasn't playin!

Now, the story itself is typical. Man had mistress on the side. Wife most likely knows about it. I love you, I'm leaving her, blah blah blah.

But what the hell happened??

Clearly this woman was content being the side chick for 8 and a half years. I'm sure, based on the notes/letters, etc., he was telling her stuff like he was leaving his wife, it's complicated, hang in there with me - all the nonsense married men (and women) spew to keep their side pieces in check. So why now? And why like THIS?

Some may see these billboards and think, "That's what he gets!" But all I could think of is how crazy she seems to have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on billboards in Midtown Manhattan, as well as other cities, just to get back at someone who she thought wronged her. I mean, did she really think she was gonna be wifey? What could have possibly happened to move her to publicly humiliate him? And what did she PAY for all that??? (some have said it could be as much as $250k)

Who the hell knows...and it's not like he's getting any sympathy from me. When you play with fire, you're likely to get burned.

Anyway, if he IS reconciling with his wife, I wonder if these billboards are a setback. I mean come on, you think it's all good - and then BAM! Scandal! She has to be thinking, "I'm a fool if I take his ass back now!" But then again, if she knew about this affair - which he admits was a serious relationship - then maybe she doesn't care. Maybe it just makes the other woman look like a sore loser.

Either way, you gotta admit, this woman has some balls! Some might say she's nuts - and I might agree. I damn sure wouldn't spend MY hard earned money on a loser - but then again, she clearly has the means to do whatever she wants. I might have taken out a full ad in the Metro (free paper) and that's about it...that's all I could afford! She should have donated that money to Haiti and written it off in her taxes, and written him out of her life. Just move on.

Or maybe she's not crazy at all - but simply a woman who was in love and is now heartbroken. People in love do crazy things in times of desperation (and rage) - things they themselves probably thought they were never capable of doing. It's sad when it gets to that point.

If Tiger Woods wasn't example enough, let me say this to all the men (and women) out there who are or plan on cheating. No voicemails. No hand-written notes. No emails, texts or IMs. No credit cards. And please - No photos. Clearly, these are all the things you need to make a nice, neat Shutterfly or Snapfish keepsake album :-)

One may be asking himself, "Well, if I can't do any of those things, then what CAN I do...because that doesn't leave much else."

To that I answer...."Precisely."

-b

TGIF!!!

Friday Sexy Survey!!

1. What is considered "good" sex to you?

2. What is the maximum number of sexual partners you feel comfortable with your mate having had before you?

3. How much weight could your partner gain before it bothered you to have sex with him/her?

4. If you don't have an orgasm during sex, whose fault is it? If your partner doesn't have an orgasm during sex, whose fault is it?

5. What would it take for you to give up sex for a year?

6. Sex or sleep?

7. Do you plan for sex, or is it spontaneous most times?

8. Would you kiss someone with visibly chapped lips? And if not, would you let them use your lip balm?

9. Have you ever snuck someone in, snuck someone out, or hidden them in the closet? :-)

10. Big or Small? (you fill in the blank)

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Please continue to keep Haiti in your prayers. It's no where near over, and they have a ways to go. Have you given all that you can? If not, donate today.

- Oprah's show on Haiti yesterday was great. Wyclef, Rihanna and my (and Yolanda's) boo Maxwell were her guests. Wyclef showed his own footage of what he witnessed in Haiti - it was heartbreaking. He called it an apocalypse. But through it all, they still have hope. We all do.




- If you download either of the songs performed by Rihanna (her cover of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song") or Maxwell's "Fistful of Tears", 100% of the proceeds will go to Hope For Haiti Now.

- Speaking of Wyclef and the controversy surrounding his Yele Organization, I find it interesting that there was PROOF that the Red Cross didn't get donations to the victims of the tsunami in Asia or the victims of Hurricane Katrina and that they're STILL waiting on aid to get to them (a lot of money unaccounted for) YET we are still asking people to donate through the Red Cross for Haiti. Meanwhile, they're now questioning Wyclef about the handling of HIS organization - the organization he started with his own money. We should look into corruption everywhere, but let's think about that. Wyclef was there in Haiti trying to help his countrymen YEARS before the earthquake hit. Yele isn't a relief organization - it's been there doing its part trying to build Haiti up. I think some are just amazed that he was able to raise as much as he did in such a small amount of time...through text donations no less - and want to throw salt. Just my opinion.

- I hate writing my self evaluation for work...especially since they already know what % raise they’re going to give us. Can’t I just write “ditto what I wrote last year” and just leave it at that?

-I need to stop complaining and just write the dang thing. I’m grateful to have a job to write a self evaluation for. And to even get a raise. Thank you God.

- What is your greatest fear?

- Yesterday, Monica and I did a spin class and we had a "singing instructor." He was in his own world singing to our workout tunes. Good music though! That class was a killer! And he didn't even spin WITH us. Just told us what to do. Nice.

- I know this may be nitpicky, but I can’t STAND when people type “gud” for “good”, “wut” for “what”, “da” for “the”, and “n” for “and” in shorthand on IM or email. While I get that they may be texting and trying to save on characters, it looks ridiculous to me - and in most cases I find actually typing out the whole word requires only one extra character and won’t take you over the limit anyway. As I read these words, I hear them in my head and it just makes me think the person is illiterate. I know...a bit extra - but it drives me nuts!

- Last night on Wendy Williams, she said she was wearing a size 4 skirt. Her breasts and big hair make her look bigger than a size 4, but she does have narrow hips. She looked like she was about to topple over. Love her though :-)

- Halle Berry was STUNNING at the Golden Globes this past Sunday!

- I like Sandra Bullock, but there is no way she should have won over Gabby Sidibe. Who she appears to be in real life vs. Precious is like night and day. Congrats to Sandra Bullock though - she's cool :-)

- I think I'm still the only person who hasn't seen Avatar. Maybe this weekend.

- When people show you who they are, believe them.

Go!

-b