Brookey's Cafe Blog

Hey everyone!

I neglected to mention I was on vacation this week, so I'm taking a break from blogging. But I wanted to take some time to thank you all for following my blog and posting your comments all year, every day. It means more to me than you can possibly know! I feel like I have my own little blog family in all of you, and hearing from and interacting with you all is the highlight of my day...every day :-)

I want to wish you all a wonderful new year and I look forward to nothing but continued blessings, great health, prosperity, wonderful friendships and new experiences for us in 2010!

Enjoy and be safe!!

-b

Merry Christmas Eve!

Whatever your beliefs, or non-beliefs, some could argue that there seems to be a bit of magic in the air around Christmas time. Maybe it's because everyone is in the holiday spirit, spreading good will and cheer, and being a little extra nice as the new year approaches.

It's especially gratifying to see this magic in the eyes of a child. And even though my nephews are Muslims and don't celebrate Christmas, even THEY seem to have that extra sparkle. I think it's just the season of giving and love.

While we should celebrate generosity and love all year round - I must admit I love the feeling of Christmas. Decorating my tree, listening to Christmas music, addressing Christmas cards, hot cocoa, spending time with family and friends - all of that just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I thank my family - particularly my mother - for instilling that Christmas spirit in me as a child, and I hope to one day pass that along to a child I may have one day. While Christmas should be about giving and not receiving, I look forward to the day when a child of mine wakes up to a lit tree wondering if Santa ate the cookies we left out for him - looking for reindeer dust. I look forward to him or her watching Rudolph, Frosty, The Grinch and A Charlie Brown Christmas - all the things that bring wonder to a child's imagination and a twinkle to their eye - making their hearts burst with joy.

As many of us grow older and begin families of our own, the magic of Christmas and the excitement of this special season can sometimes get lost in all the commercialism of the holidays. Decorating, putting up lights and standing in all the long lines at the mall can easily become a nuisance - and slowly start to take away our Christmas spirit. The very activities that once made Christmas so fun and special for us as children simply become a hassle to us as we grow into adults.

Don't let that happen. Don't forget why you believe this season is special. If you have children, simply watching how excited they get around this time of year should reignite the flame of Christmas joy. Children naturally seem to have it, whether they expect gifts or not. Tell them the reason for the season - love, giving and fellowship. Christmas is more than Santa and Rudolph, and definitely more than toys and material things. It's a wonderful feeling, sprinkled with a little Christmas joy that lives inside you and has always been there.

This season, spend time with family and friends, donate your time to a shelter, give to a family in need and spread a little Christmas magic - and continue to spread it all year round.

-b

Happy Hump Day everyone!

Since Thursday is Christmas Eve, I decided to do Random Thoughts Wednesday again since most of you won't be around, last minute shopping or spending time with family. I'll be lurking tomorrow and will still post a blog on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but if I don't "see" you - have a wonderful holiday!

Now...

If you're in the Northeast, you know we got hit hard with snow this past weekend. And if you were a 49er's fan in Philly this past Sunday, you might have gotten hit hard with a snowball:



I know, I know...so wrong. I'm not saying I'm proud of it or condone it - but folks gotta know by now what they're getting themselves into when they step into the Linc surrounded by crazy, drunk Eagles fans. You should be able to cheer for any team you like without worrying about getting hit with snowballs...or bottles...or batteries - but it's Philly. Ah well...

But THIS snowball fight just seemed like FUN!



Only in NYC.

- They said we had "thunder snow" this past weekend. Da hell!?

- This whole week, I saw no fewer than 3-4 people a day having FULL conversations with themselves on the train and on the street. And the sad part is, I don't think they were "crazy." I looked for earpieces to see if they were on their cell...but no...they weren't. They must've just had a lot on their minds - and didn't care who saw them looking a little coo-coo.

- My Christmas tree is pretty :-) I just have to keep my cat from knocking the balls off the bottom limbs - he likes to roll them around.

- My mother is coming to NYC for Christmas, I can't wait to see her tomorrow! It's our first Christmas in NY and we're going to my best friend Val's house for dinner. Gonna be great!

- Why is Mom nervous about taking the train though? She thinks she's gonna get lost. How???

- Is it bad that I had chocolate covered pretzels for breakfast?

- RIP Brittany Murphy.

- Did anyone hear about the EMT's who refused to help a 25 year-old pregnant woman when she went into distress because they were on their "break?" The woman and her unborn baby died - and she leaves behind a 3 year-old son. Where was their humanity? Unbelievable. The EMT's may face charges - and I support that.

- T.I. is out of jail - and in a half-way house. I bet Tiny's lil ass is happy :-)

Go!

-b

Happy Tuesday!

Only three days before Christmas, and it got me thinking...have any of your "boo's" suddenly vanished?

A friend and I were discussing this the other day. She said she noticed that all the guys that usually call, text or email her on a regular basis have fallen off - and seemingly just as December rolled in. None of them have asked how she's been, sent their daily "hey sexy" texts or asked her what she's doing for New Year's Eve. Nothing. Poof! They're gone.

I told her I wasn't surprised. Most men and women who disappear around the holidays either don't want to buy you a gift, or they're spending the holidays with their REAL boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens, and after St. Paddy's day, they come sniffing around again - just in time for the first warm breeze.

But what if you're in a relationship with someone already, and you know it's run its course - do you wait til after the holidays to break up? Or do you do it before so that you can save yourself the trouble (and money) of buying a gift for someone that you know you're on the outs with?

My answer to that is simple - break up before the holidays. I know some may think that's cruel, and it may hurt them now, but put them (and yourself) out of their misery. There's no need to try to fake the funk, buy gifts that you really don't want to give (unless you genuinely are friends regardless of any problems in the relationship) and spend time with someone you really don't want to spend time with. Holidays are usually for family, so they'll have their family to comfort them - and you don't have to bring him or her around YOUR family for Christmas dinner. You can bring in the new year with a clean slate, and they'll get over you just in time to find someone else to spend Valentine's Day with.

And don't keep someone around just so you can RECEIVE a gift. That's just tacky :-)

Most likely, the person you want to break up with knows what the deal is - they know something isn't right as well - so the break up will probably not come as a surprise. Besides, holding off a break up simply for the sake of a holiday will just drag it out - there will never be a good time. You can't say, "Well, breaking up before Christmas is mean...I'll wait til New Year's." And then New Year's will come, and you'll want to wait til afterwards so that they don't associate New Year's with a break up and deem you an asshole. So then Valentine's Day rolls around, and you'll be a jerk for doing it right before or after Valentine's Day. And if you're Irish, maybe breaking up around St. Patrick's Day is in poor taste too :-) Then Easter, then Memorial Day, when will it end??!!!

Just get it over with already. And if you're one of those guys or gals that breaks up with someone just for the holidays hoping to get back together later just so you can avoid buying a gift - then keep it movin'! Don't show up or send me a text in April talking about, "I miss you, I've been thinking about you"... cuz my NEW BOO might be around ;-)

Hey...jus sayin ;-)

-b

Happy Snowy Monday...well...here in NYC and most other places in the northeast today. One thing I appreciated about winters in Syracuse when I was in school was how well they cleared off the streets and sidewalks. In Queens...not so much.

Anyway...I got another "Dear Brookey" email on Facebook - this time from one of Ms. Penn's friends. She identified herself as "not one of her 'shallow' friends"...which I thought was cute :-) The timing was perfect, because I didn't have any idea what to blog about today. So, with that said...let's get to it!

Dear Brookey,

My name is Courtney and I wanted to reach out to you for some advice. I am one of Ms. Penn's friends, but not one of her "shallow" friends :-) I thought you gave great advice to her last week, so I thought I'd tell you of my dilemma to see what advice you had for me. I talked this over with Ms. Penn and she gave me her take on it, but we both wanted to see what you had to say.

I've been dating this guy for a couple months. When we first met, I asked all the obligatory questions - are you married?, do you have kids?, etc. He answered "no" to both of those questions. We started going out and one thing led to another.

Fast forward to this past weekend and he's telling me he had to brave the snow storm to go Christmas shopping. When I asked him what gifts he felt were so necessary that he had to go out in a blizzard to get, he said he had to finish shopping for his son. SON?? What son???

When I told him he lied to me about having kids, he said he never said he didn't and that I never asked. I reminded him of our conversation and he said he "must not have heard me." But he DID hear me because if he didn't hear me, he wouldn't have answered me. He THEN told me that asking someone about their kids is a personal question and he wanted to get to know me better before he started divulging information about his family.

I now feel like he can't be trusted and I'm hurt that he lied to me. Having a child isn't a dealbreaker for me, but lying is. The trouble is, I've already really started to like him. What should I do - leave him alone, or continue to see him and get to know his son?

Courtney -

I feel like the answer to this question is easier than Ms. Penn's question last week. I've been through something similar, so I understand where you're coming from. That said, I'd leave him alone. I know this may be easier said than done, but you already said it...you don't trust him, and lying is a dealbreaker for you.

I can understand why a man (or woman) might lie about being married. Clearly, he'd want you to think he was available and is afraid that if you learn he's married, you wouldn't give him the time of day. So I get that. Not saying it's right, but that makes sense to me.

But why a man would lie about his child is something else. Denying a child is just wrong.

I guess they use the same logic about wanting to appear available, or more desirable. There are some women who won't date a man with a child, so maybe he assumed you were one of those women. He may have wanted to make you like him first before he told you, or maybe he wanted to have sex with you and figured he would bed you before you found out. Since you two have taken it to that level already, blurting out that he had to buy gifts for his son probably didn't phase him because he feels that he bagged you already.

Asking someone their marital status or if they have children isn't a personal question - at least not to me it isn't - especially not in the "getting to know you" phase of a relationship. Asking someone if they're "happily" married might be intrusive - or asking how many baby mama's he has might be getting more invasive - but simply asking if he's married or has children isn't. That's a yes or no answer, and it's up to you to decide what to do with that information.

A person who is married or has kids won't be able to hide that for long, so being upfront in the beginning serves in everyone's best interests so that no one wastes their time. If a man or woman refuses to date you because of your marital status or because you have kids, that's THEIR decision...and you have to respect it. Tricking someone into dating you with false information, or attempting to deceive them is wrong - and it could backfire on you.

You didn't mention if he wanted to continue seeing you or not, but I'm assuming he does since you're torn on this issue. But I'd take a step back from him - especially since he lied AGAIN once you confronted him about his lying. He lied, then backpedaled...and it seems to me he can't be trusted and that he isn't mature enough to be honest within a relationship.

He should be proud of his son - and if he had sincere intentions on getting to know you, he would have been honest from the beginning so that he wouldn't jeopardize losing your trust later. Now he has to work to gain it back, which is one of the hardest things to do after you've deceived someone. If you know in your heart that you genuinely don't trust him, then you'll just doubt everything he says going forward - whether you know it or not - and that's not fair to either of you. If he'd lie about having a child, then there's no telling what else he'd lie about. If you've only invested a couple months, I'm not sure it's worth trying to make it work. Cut your losses and bounce.

-b

TGIF!!!

As Pretty Ricky would say, "it's colder than a witch's tit outside!" Or was that Fury? Who knows...stay warm!

Anyway...it's my Friday Sexy Survey!

1. Do you suck toes and/or fingers? Do you like it done to you?

2. If a month before your wedding your partner asked you to sign a prenup, would you? How would you react?

3. Could you fall in love with someone you weren't attracted to physically?

4. If starting now you could have $500 a day until you next touched your lover, how long do you think you could avoid physical contact?

5. What is the shortest amount of time it took you to have sex with someone you just met? The longest?

6. Are any of you repulsed by oral sex, but still do it anyway?

7. Do you find emotional or physical pain more difficult to handle? For example, would you suffer more by going through life afflicted with severe, recurring migraines, or by having your heart broken again and again?

8. Roughly how many times do sexual thoughts come into your mind in an average day?

9. Name one thing that turns you off during sex - what should someone NOT do to you?

10. Fingers or no fingers?

Go!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

I can't believe Christmas is next Friday! Happy Holidays everyone!

- It's BRICK outside!

- My Jersey Shore nickname is "B-Cat." I like it! Thanks Yolanda!

- There's too much food in my office. People keep sending holiday goodies - cookies, cakes, brownies, you name it. Not good.

- I know you all heard about this nonsense:



My mother would have snatched that teacher bald-headed. Pure fuckery.

- I love a man with sexy ass lips..YUM!

- Do men ever dream about their wedding day?

- I hugged someone and got their stinky perfume on me. It's giving me a headache. Hugs are great though :-)

- Men with beards but no mustache look funny to me. Especially if they have sideburns...and a bald head.

- Tiger Woods was named the Athlete of the Decade. "Transgressions" or not, I can't argue with that.

- Mo'Nique and Gabourey Sidibe snagged Golden Globe nominations for Precious - and Morgan Freeman was nominated for Invictus. That's awesome! They deserve it.

- Do any of you buy Christmas gifts for your coworkers? and I don't mean as part of an office Secret Santa - but on your own? People are giving me stuff today and I feel bad because I only give everyone cards. I work with too many people - is that enough? What to do??

- The woman who sits next to me talks SO LOUD. I think she has a hearing problem. Yet, if I breathe too loud, she's huffing and puffing. Really?!

- Kinda digging Alicia Keys new cd so far. Need to get MJB now.

- Elf Yourself and send to all your friends...including me! Go!


-b