Brookey's Cafe Blog

TGIF!!!

This week seemed to FLY by to me! I hope you all had a productive week, and I hope will have an even better weekend!

So, yesterday Rameer mentioned that he had gone out and spoken to a group of young girls about self respect. I think it's one thing to hear from our mothers, grandmothers and sister-friends about self respect, but it's quite another to get a man's perspective. I was so impressed that Rameer took the time to do this, because our young girls need to learn more than ever that they are more than their bodies and their sexuality. They should know their worth, know that they are beautiful, and know that they are God's children.

Last night as I browsed through my friends' status updates, links and photos on Facebook, I clicked on a link from TheFrisky.com that featured Michelle Obama. In the story, she was quoted from People Magazine:

"I had a father and a brother who thought I was beautiful, and they made me feel that way every single day," says Obama, 45. "I grew up with very strong male role models who thought I was smart and fast and funny, so I heard that a lot. I know that there are many young girls who don’t hear it."

Good parenting - especially the love, support and encouragement she received from her father - helped her to become the intelligent, beautiful, confident woman, wife, mother and First Lady that she is today.

This morning as I signed into email and Blogger to post my blog for today, I received my daily notice from Makes Me Wanna Holler - E. Payne's blog about family, being a husband and a father. The title of his post for today was Father Involvement, so of course I had to read it since it seems that between yesterday and today, that seems to be the recurring theme. He posted a video of a commercial I'm sure you've all seen before, but I love it...so I'm posting it again.



The first time I saw that commercial, I laughed...and then got very emotional. While I knew my father and spent time with him and his side of the family growing up, I didn't grow up with him in my home on a daily basis. My parents divorced when I was 12 years old, but were separated for years before then. My dad always told me I was beautiful and smart, but the daily encouragement and love that allowed me to love myself came from my mother. She told me that I was smart, beautiful and worthy everyday. She always said I could do anything...and I believed her. She was always there to listen to me as I read my essays and reports to her. She stayed up with me doing homework that she didn't quite understand; and she was there front and center at all of my awards ceremonies - ever the proud mother. She did the same for my sister. A day never went by where she didn't tell us how much she loved us. She does this still.

But TWO parents telling you that everyday - a mother AND a father? How powerful that is! If you had/have that in your life, you're truly blessed. I'm not just talking about two people living under the same roof who happen to be married with kids. I'm talking about two people who take a vested interest in raising their children to feel loved, to be encouraged, to feel like they matter and who validate their existence everyday. Being a parent is more than conceiving a child and putting clothes on their back. It's about shaping a mind, cultivating a spirit and loving unconditionally.

And it doesn't stop at parenting. Like Rameer, you can "parent" by mentoring - to both young girls AND young boys. To whom much is given, much is required. Share your heart, your time and your knowledge and wisdom with a young person who may need encouragement and love. You have no idea how much you can change a life simply by giving of yourself.

While I could have waited to write this blog for Father's Day, I feel the urgency is now. If you are a parent, soon will be, would like to be one day or are a mentor, the responsibility is great - but the rewards are ten times greater!

Have a great weekend!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

It's another hectic day for me today so let me just jump right into it!

- Last night a STUNNING woman hit on me in the gym. I think I felt flattered :-)

- I hate doing push-ups...HATE IT!!

- Kickboxing class was awesome though!

- I want the HOT weather to come back :-( It's been a cool couple days, but I want it to be HOT!

- I'm accepting donations for my nephew's school fundraising dinner this Sunday, anyone want to make a donation?

- I can't wait to see my babies, it's been a few weeks, I miss them!

- My arms and legs hurt.

- Ant is going to send me a "mold" for my toy...one that he made himself especially for me, if you know what I mean ;-) That's just what friends do for each other :-) LOL!!

- Oh, and LADIES! I'm going to host a toy party with a rep from "Booty Parlor" coming to show us some goodies if you're interested ;-) I'll probably do it when I get back from vacation, so let me know what dates in June work best for you and we'll make it happen. Since I can't seem to get out to get one, I'll bring the toys to me!

- Someone remind me to pay my cable bill.

- Finally, it's been 2 years today since we lost Kevin Mitchell. R.I.P. Kevin, we miss you!



Go!

-b

Happy Hump Day!

Today has been a HECTIC day so far, and it shows no signs of slowing down. So today I'm going to try to keep it short and sweet and get some late conversation going.

Yesterday I asked who forgave infidelity easier, or more often - men or women? I said that women tend to forgive easier and more often and I think for the most part everyone agreed with that (except Annamaria) ;-)

Well, today, my question is a little different. My question to you today is who takes heartbreak harder - men or women?

We've all been there. We've all had our heart broken. Well, MOST of us anyway right? Raise your hand if you haven't....didn't think so ;-) Heartbreak doesn't discriminate. It touches man, woman, black, white, young, old - all of us. However, when it comes time to deal with a heartbreak, who handles it better - men or women?

I can hear Annamaria now - "all situations are different, each circumstance is unique, you can't make a generalization."

Well, I'm about to :-)

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that men handle heartbreak worse than we do. And here's why.

Women tend to be more in tune with our emotions. We're emotional creatures - sometimes to a fault - so this may make it seem like we take heartbreak harder. When our heart is broken, we cry, we call our sisters, our mom, our girlfriends. We have a support system in place for such things.

"Girl, forget him, it's HIS loss."

"Girl, it's gonna be alright, he was ugly anyway."

They usually know exactly what to say to make us feel better. They'll even offer to help you slash his tires, bust the windows out his car, burn all his pictures and clothes or bury the body. Well...maybe that's just MY friends ;-) LOL!

I kid (a lil bit) but you get the point. Women seem to go through the emotions of a breakup sooner. We face the trauma head on, we mourn the loss early. Personally, I will call my sister and friends and talk their ears off til I'm tired of talking about it, and then suddenly....POOF! I'm over it! And good friends will be that shoulder for you until you need them to be...most likely because they know they'll need you the same way down the road. Give and take - good girlfriends are PRICELESS!

But men on the hand rarely go running to their boys crying talking about, "I don't wanna be alone! I'll never find someone else!" If it happens, it must take place in some deep, dark dungeon somewhere. Men tend to channel their frustrations and heartbreaks through other things - like work, sports, drinking...OTHER WOMEN. Most of the guys I know who got their heart broken looked for sex from an ex or the next chick just so they can try to take their minds off the woman they REALLY love. Not all men do this, but my point is that a lot of men will try to hide or dismiss their feelings altogether. I think men take longer to commit, so when they do they give it all they have. We all know men have HUGE (yet fragile) egos and believe they'll never get hurt or aren't capable of getting hurt. So when it happens, it's a huge blow. And if they have no support system to vent these feelings or don't seek one, then they can bottle all their emotions inside til the bottle breaks and everything comes spilling out.

Now of course this is all my opinion, and there are those who will say this is too general of a topic to base such an opinion - but let's talk about it. Now, of course my opinion was not meant in any way to discount feelings, or offend anyone's sensibilities. I'm just going by what I observe and my and others' life experiences. All heartbreak hurts - man or woman - and we all deal with it differently. But generally speaking, I believe men seem to take heartbreak much harder than women. What do you think?

So much for keeping it short and sweet! LOL!! Holla!

-b

Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!

So it seems my boy Maliek made a lil jokie joke on Facebook the other day about me hurting Rameer's feelings - something about the stripper being my baby daddy and Rameer getting all bent out of shape - ha ha...very funny :)

Maliek said that I shouldn't "get Rameer back like dat." :) Funny as hell, as Maliek tends to be, but it got me to thinking about the lyrics to "Song Cry" and "Back like That." Let's start with Ghost Face and NeYo's joint.

Shorty what is you thinking bout
Didn't I put you down
Flyest whips, rollin' round like yea
That's the bosses chick, on the side
I might of had, one or two
Them silly broads wasn't nothing on you
Rolling with him, try'nna get revenge
That's what you just don't do

Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but...huh?

How does a man justify his cheating or doing dirt by saying "I know what I did was wack, but you don't get your man back like that"? Actually, messing around with one of his enemies is a GREAT way to get him back for cheating on you....right?

...back to that in a minute...

How about Jay's lyrics...

"Word back home is that you had a special friend
So what was oh so special then?
You have given away without gettin at me
That's your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a nigga livin was whack
But you don't get a nigga back like that!
Shit I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that
You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
You don't throw away what we had, just like that
I was just fuckin them girls, I was gon' get right back"

Again I say....huh?

Oh, so because you were just f*ckin' those girls, it's okay...right?

WRONG.

These are just lyrics to songs, but it begs the bigger question - who is more forgiving of cheating - men or women?

I think women are...and here's why.

First, a man's ego is bigger than his woman's heart and the love he may have for her. If you damage his ego, chances are the relationship is over. Not saying a man can't forgive, just less likely that he will...especially if he's not married. If he's married with kids, he may consider it...maybe. A woman may be more likely to forgive in a marital situation, especially if children are involved because no woman wants to raise children alone. She may put up with infidelity if it means more financial stability and safety for her children.

Also, men are more territorial. The thought of another man sniffing around their woman will make a man crazy. If he plants his flag on a woman, he feels she's his forever. Maybe that's why they're always asking "who's p*ssy is this?"....or so I've heard ;)

If a man admits to - or most likely gets caught - cheating, usually the first question a woman will ask (after "who is the bitch?") is "do you love her?" If a woman admits to cheating (cuz most women are 2 steps ahead of her man and rarely gets caught), the first question the man asks (after she gets up off the floor after receiving a Chris Brown style beatdown) is "did you f*ck him?"

See...two different questions. Why? Because when men cheat, it's usually all about the moment and the physical. When women cheat, it's mostly due to her emotions. We care about feelings, men just wanna know if another man hit it.

Sex to men is fleeting. They can separate love from sex. They can separate "like" from sex. They barely have to know your name. It's a physical release to them - busting a nut and nothing else. But men know that if a women has sex with another man, chances are it's more than just something physical for her. There's usually an emotional connection, and no man wants to believe that about their woman.

If a man cheats, he expects us to forgive him based on his logic that it was strictly sex, not love. If a woman cheats, and says that it was just about sex, he probably still won't forgive her...because that logic doesn't apply to us. Men are taught that women are nurturers. They believe that we are, or SHOULD BE, monogamous creatures that stick by our men.

Most women believe that all men cheat - that that's just what they do. So forgiving them comes with the territory because they believe all men are naturally born that way and that monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic. So we forgive. We don't forget, ever. NEVER EVER EVA. Women will bring your infidelity up in a heartbeat! Five days later, 5 months later, 5 years later - she'll never forget. But she'll stay with you and continue loving you...she'll just have a hard time FULLY trusting you again.

Men...not so much. If they don't trust you, that's it...over...done. Or so it seems.

And not for nothing, women tend to worry more about the woman the man cheated with, not the man himself - which may be another reason why women forgive more often. They feel that if they leave, the other woman will get her man...and that the other woman will "win." She'll be DAMNED if another woman benefits from all the hard work she put in with her man. She's not giving him up; she'll stay with him and try to figure out how to "train" him. Buffoonery I know...but hey...didn't say it made sense.

And if that man has money and/or fame, he can humiliate her Kobe Bryant style, and the woman will STILL be on tv looking crazy holding her man's hand while he sits there crying because there is NO WAY a woman will give up her millionaire to another woman so that he can spend his loot on HER. Hey, that's how a lot of women think. Not saying it's right, but it it what it is sometimes.

So, do you agree? Are women more forgiving of infidelity than men are? If so, why do you think so?...if not, same question.

Or is each situation so unique that we can't make a general statement about it? You tell me. We can explore how to forgive or survive cheating tomorrow if you like, but for now, let's discuss who's better at forgiving infidelity. Break it down for me...

-b

Happy Monday!

I don't think we could have asked for a more perfect weekend weather-wise. Gorgeous wasn't it? Saturday night was a great night for a bachelorette party!

Now, for those of you who are on Facebook, you may have noticed my status update. It said something along the lines of Renee's bachelorette party and my baby daddy...who knows, I can't really remember ;-) This is for you Maliek!



(I think one of them actually DID dance to this song :-) LOL)

Ahem, anyway, we had a blast! We went to a "Hunk-a-Mania" show at club Element in NYC, and the blushing bride-to-be had a lot to blush about. She got a lot of special attention from some of the hottest men I've seen...including "Captain Tyson" as he was so affectionately known (we'd make some beautiful babies).

While I wouldn't REALLY procreate with stripper man, they were all easy on the eyes. But that's about it...just the eyes. Most shows like that don't get down and dirty and you don't see everything. They may tease you, do a few tricks, gyrate in your face - you know, the usual. But nothing really crazy ever happens. Women are screaming and yelling, not really at the men...but at what the men are doing to whoever the honoree is. Bachelorette parties are for embarrassing the bride, not about trying to get busy with the stripper. Most women barely want to touch the strippers because they're all sweaty. They might let you slap their ass...and women mostly touch them to stick a few singles in the thong thingy they're wearing.

All innocent.

Bachelor parties though? I've heard it's a very different story. However, I have YET to find a man who will go into ANY type of detail about what REALLY goes on. They'd never provide colorful commentary, no matter how tame or untame it may have been. Men have a code - what happens at the bachelor party STAYS at the bachelor party. A new world will be built before you find out what goes on there...at least from guy's perspective anyway. I used to wonder if it's really as bad as we think it is.

Well, a girlfriend of mine is a bartender - both in clubs and for private events. The stories she has told me about what goes on there is just straight up nasty. She said she's seen it all - from orgies, to men getting blowjobs in the middle of the room, having sex in random rooms of a hotel suite - you name it, she's seen it. She said she was actually quite horrified to see some of the men doing these crazy things - most of them with wedding rings on their fingers - using NO PROTECTION whatsoever with women who could care less so long as they were making money. Now, I always viewed bachelor parties as an excuse for the guests to act a fool, not really the groom. The Best Man feels the pressure to provide a kick-ass party, complete with strippers, even if the groom says he doesn't want any. It's not really for him, it's for THEM. My friend's stories have pretty much confirmed that. While she says that she's seen the groom get special attention in private rooms, the parties were mostly for his boys. She said it made her glad she was single, because nothing respectful was going on.

Now, I'm not saying a bachelorette party can NEVER reach that level...but I have yet to hear of one or attend a party like that. For women, bachelorette parties aren't about a "last night of sexual freedom" - meaning possible sex with someone else before she ties the knot. I'm not saying all men view bachelor parties that way either, but sometimes it makes you wonder...do men feel that they HAVE to have a bachelor party for that reason? One last night of freedom?

I'll pose the question to both men and women:

1. Do you want - or feel that you HAVE to - have a bachelor/bachelorette party?
2. If you're married - did you have one? Was it tame, or ig'nant off da hook?
3. If you weren't having a bachelor/bachelorette party and your spouse-to-be wanted one, would you allow him/her to have one?
4. What would you do if you found out they had one against your wishes?
5. Have you ever been to a party where someone (or yourself) did something they weren't supposed to do at the party with a stripper? If so, would you ever tell?

Let's hear what y'all have to say about this one? Enjoy the weather today - another beauty!

-b

TGIF!! What a beautiful Spring Day!!!

First off, congrats to Dre (aka Black Cloud) on his brand new baby girl born yesterday!! Many blessings to you and yours Dre!

I want to go see The Soloist tonight. Rameer gave it a glowing review - and I'm not surprised - I've been wanting to see this one for a while. Rameer and I had a discussion about crazy chicks the other day on Facebook, so that inspired my blog today. Today's blog is dedicated to movies that feature crazy chicks :-)

Many of you have said that you have no interest in seeing Obsessed, which is out in theaters today. While I want to see it, I don't want to pay for it :-) I'll figure something out...but in the meantime, if you haven't seen the trailer (which I find unbelievable since they've been promoting the hell out of this movie) - here it is - with some commentary from Idris Elba, Beyonce and Ali Larter.



Okay, so doesn't look like the BEST movie ever, but hey...never hurts to look at Idris Elba's fine ass! LOL! Kinda reminds you of:

She was a nutso....kinda like Erika Christensen in Swim Fan:



Even Martin had one:



Some women even obsess over other women:



...whoa

So, seems everyone needs to beware of the crazy chick. And to all my men out there, I hope the kitty kat doesn't trump this kinda crazy ;-) LOL!! Just jokes Rameer!

Tell me your favorite crazy chick flick :)

Have a fantastic weekend, the weather is going to be FABULOUS! Enjoy!

-b

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

First things first! I have a few new followers! Welcome Lady, NightFall914, Toni and Leslie! Feel free to comment and join in on the fun!

-I'm slowly figuring out Twitter - follow me @brookeybaby if you have an account. I'll figure it out sooner or later :-) I feel like a Twiddiot :-)

-I watched Rush Hour last night and was cracking up like it was my first time seeing it. "I no punk bitch!" "This ain't no cigarette, this cigaweed!" LMAO!!

-Can y'all believe the CFO of Freddie Mac killed himself? Insane.

-Is anyone else as excited as I am that it's going to reach the mid 80's this weekend? Mani/pedi with cute sandals...I'm ready!

-I am officially excited about going to DR. Now I just need to figure out how I'm getting to Newark International by 5am.

-I need some funky sandals to take on vacation.

-Idris Elba is fine as hell. I don't believe him and Beyonce together in that movie though, just don't see it.

-Going to see an Alvin Ailey performance tonight for the first time and I'm so excited! Liz is going with me!

-I feel some kinda way about men who rock tight ass cardigan sweaters. Something about that looks suspect to me...I dunno...

-I talked Time Warner into giving me 4 premium channels for free for a month after I called to complain about a slight discrepancy in my bill. They took off the extra charges and gave me more channels...which is why my ass hasn't been going to bed on time and why I haven't been signing on my computer at night. I might suffer withdrawal when the month is over, but only for a bit. I haven't watched this much tv in a WHILE! No withdrawal from the computer though, I needed that break. Facebook can go on without me...unless I do it from my phone :-) LOL!

-Now that the weather is starting to break, I see women wearing flipflops...no problem. BUT...what is up with the LONG ASS TOE NAILS??? I mean, not overgrown, but intentionally long...like acrylic nails added to toes? Buffoonery.

-The part just below the abs, above the top of his jeans, that little line...is one of the BEST parts of a man's anatomy to me.



-I want to go see Beyonce when she starts her tour in June. Everyone seems to hate on her, but I think she's dope...gonna definitely try to make that happen!

Go!

-b