Brookey's Cafe Blog

Tips for Healthful Eating on a Budget

2012-01-30T10:47:00.006-05:00

Happy Monday everyone!

If you're looking to make a lifestyle change by eating healthier AND saving money, this is a must read! I had to share these great tips with my blog family - thanks to our guest blogger, Ms. Violet Reign!

Tips for Healthful Eating on a Budget...by Violet Reign

In this economic climate, we’re all struggling to find ways to make do with less. With food prices soaring, it can be difficult to find ways to stay on task with our budgetary goals while also eating healthfully. With careful and creative planning, you can prepare healthy meals on a budget. Let’s review some fundamentals for healthy eating:

■Limit alcohol – It slows down your metabolism and adds unnecessary calories

■Drink water –Aim for one ounce per pound of body weight, but at least 8 glasses per day

■Avoid foods with high salt and sugar content

■Avoid eating out – Do so as a treat. Eating out multiple times each week wrecks havoc on your diet and your wallet.

■Variety – Don’t be afraid to try new foods.

Try the following to save money without sacrificing nutrition:

1.Know what your body needs. Numerous meal-planning programs are available on the internet. Understand your body’s nutritional needs. Get a sense of the ratio of protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats in order to plan your meals effectively.

2.Set aside a few hours each week to plan, shop, and prepare your meals for the week. We tend to overeat when no plan is in place. Think ahead.

3.Search for recipe ideas. Try a new recipe each week to prevent boredom and give you something to look forward to.

4.Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Here you will find healthy proteins, fresh fruits and vegetables, and most of your unprocessed foods.

5.Don’t buy pre-made meals – Too much convenience translates into more money leaving your wallet and extraordinary amounts of sodium. When in doubt, see step 1.

6.Buy foods in season or on sale- Eat fresh fruit and vegetables in season for optimal taste and nutrition. Prices on proteins like beef, chicken, and fish occur in cycles. Start tracking the trends at your store. When prices hit a low, stock up and freeze. Ask the manager about upcoming sales.

7.Make seasonings your friend. Curries, marinades in moderation, herbs and spices are great ways to add flavor to foods without adding calories.

8.Use self-checkout lines – This helps you avoid impulse buys such as last minute items to snack on - items not only blow your diet but stretch your budget. There is a reason why stores place the candy at the checkout.

9.Use cash– Have you ever noticed how money seems to leave your account whenever you use your trusty debit card? Most financial analysts agree that if you use cash, you have greater control over your budget and spend less.

Finally, as with any journey, remind yourself about your commitment to healthy eating as part of a lifestyle change. There will be ups and downs and times when you resort to old practices, however to get yourself through, think of the rewards – a healthier you – both physically and financially.

Indecent Proposal - Question of the Day

2012-01-27T11:12:00.004-05:00

TGIF!!!

So...question of the day.

If you and your partner were heavily in debt, and saw no sign of relief, would you let your boo/significant other/spouse sleep with a wealthy person for $5 million dollars? Think Indecent Proposal...cash, tax-free.

If so, would you want to know the details? Or just "git dat money"!? Do you think your decision - either way - would have a negative impact on your relationship?

Let's go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2012-01-26T12:56:00.004-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- So...Giants and Pats in the Super Bowl...who you got? Do you care?

- I have sticky wings for lunch!

- I want to go to Orlando for All Star Weekend - DMoe is going! Hook me up!

- He's also going to Mardi Gras and walking in a parade. He's living it up! Jealous!

- What is up with Demi Moore?

- I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing weight either. What up wit dat? need to step it up in my training sessions.

- Just had a taste for deviled eggs. Weird.

- My EVP just gave me gourmet chocolate drizzled caramel corn. Oh my...

- It's time for me to write my annual self assessment for my review. I've been here almost 9 years...how many different ways can I say I'm awesome and give me a fat raise?! :-)

- I love Lisa Ling.

- Shout out to Elimu on The Game!

- Okay...I need to hide this popcorn from myself.

- My desk is a wreck. I kill a lot of trees.

- These people from Kicksbaby are really f*ckin' with me about returning these sneakers. I'm about to go off.

- Any chance I can get out of this ticket? Court date on Monday...wish me well...or send me $130! LOL!

- Today's double throwback!

-b

Your Man and His Ex - Can They Be Friends?

2012-01-25T10:44:00.006-05:00

Happy Hump Day everyone!

So I'm contemplating writing an article for a magazine that focuses on one question - Would you mind if your man/woman was close friends with an ex? I've been thinking about this for a while now, so I wanted to get my blog family's thoughts on it...as my research.

Let me paint the picture.

Your man (or woman) calls an ex daily - sometimes several times a day....early morning, late night, and always contacts her when you're NOT around. You've never met this "friend" - all you know about her is that he used to have feelings for her, they may or may not have slept together (they did), and he feels the "friendship" is extremely important enough to him to not let it go, despite his current girlfriend's objections. So...what would you do?

Being friends with an ex for most people can be tricky. I have exes who are friends, but I use that term lightly. We don't hang out. We don't talk on the phone. At best, we might be Facebook friends. So is that really "friendship?"

My exes are exes for a reason. That's not to say I think they are bad people, or that they were bad boyfriends. It just didn't work out for one reason or another. But none of my exes are on a level with me where I still call them to confide any personal details of my life. I've moved on.

I know for some, ending a relationship can be painful...and depending on who did the breaking up, we might even feel guilty. The thought of never speaking to a person you once shared your body with, as well as any emotional connection, can be scary for some people because it means you have to move on - so they feel that holding on to a platonic relationship is better than losing that person completely. But at what point does holding on to your past cost you your future?

This is the part where I want you all to weigh in.

I know some of you need more information - like do the exes share children, did a betrayal occur, was the breakup amicable and mutual, or was one person blindsided? Are both parties still attracted to each other? What will the nature of the friendship be if you decide to remain friends? Will you still have bowling nights? Feel free to imagine any scenario.

So...what say you? Is it cool to remain friends with an ex, especially if you have a new boo in your life, or do you stay away from them and move on? Should your current boyfriend or girlfriend understand and not be insecure about your friendship with your ex, or should you do more to make sure he or she feels secure? Let's hear it!

-b

Love Behind Closed Doors

2012-01-23T11:23:00.004-05:00

Let's kick off this Monday with a guest blogger - our VERY OWN Serena Wills! :-)

Love Behind Closed Doors...by Serena Wills

Sometimes love from the outside isn't what's going on behind closed doors - (Inspired by Heidi Klum and Seal, Jada and Will).

We all admire couples that we see making it happen! Will and Jada, Heidi and Seal. But what lurks behind closed doors we'll never know. Nana always told me to be careful of what the naked eye can see and not envy people's relationships.

She's so right. All I can do is trust in God and ask Him to show me MY path and not be envious of someone else's. In regards to love, I've watched so many couples over time that I adore. People that are my good friends and even family. I pray that their relationships are just as healthy behind closed doors as to what I see.

Then there are those I've seen that I just knew had it going on, and then I hear of the split. The stories of what was happening behind closed doors pour out after we discover they were putting on a facade to throw people off. Also, the facade was denial hoping that what was seen on the outside would trickle back down behind the closed doors.

I'm not saying the couples stated above didn't have love, but over time something happened and that love went awry.

I only pray that when a person is placed in my life that God wants for me that he will be ready to love, and open to letting what we have grow into a Divine love. I pray this prayer not just for myself, but friends as well. This year - 2012 - won't be the year for limbo or fake facades. It also won't be the year to pour energy into someone that won't allow themselves to be open to you.

I truly admire the couples above and hope the best for them - although they are celebrities. What I saw from the outside exemplified love. I've seen love before in what my grandparents shared. They loved each other inside and out.

Relationships are unique - none are the same. Ask for a beautiful, endearing kind of love from the inside that will pour outside. I wrote this because too many times I hear people say, "I want the kind of love like Will and Jada" or some other couple. Heck, even I'm guilty of saying stuff like that - but I have learned that I want what God has for me. I just have to sit and be patient and know it's coming. When it does, the love we will share will be displayed from the inside out - and it will be a love that was Divinely designed by Him.

Sincerely,
Serena Wills

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2012-01-19T14:34:00.004-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Gettin' cold out right? BRICK!

- been having a bit of writer's block lately.

- sushi for lunch twice this week so far, I have a new favorite place!

- can't wait til the weekend so I can just chill.

- January seems to be flying by to me...let's get winter over with!

- I'm terrified of going ice skating, but it looks like so much fun....if you can actually keep from falling. I have a fear of falling...especially on ice. I'm broke up enough as it is.

- The question of the day this morning on the radio was: "Is it ever okay to go through your man/woman's phone if you suspect they're cheating?" What say you?

- I want that "trendy top" thingy that I see on tv.

- Who's going to see Red Tails this weekend? I am...let's go support!

- I had a conversation last night with coworkers about supporting films with a majority black cast - should we automatically support..."just because?"

- Speaking of black - if you are a person of color (for example, of African/Caribbean descent), how do you prefer to be called..."Black" or "African American?" Some would argue that if you are American, then you shouldn't call yourself "African American" unless you were actually born and raised in Africa and then come to the United States..ala Charlize Theron. Do you care either way?

- My hat is on too tight, giving me a headache. My head must be getting bigger...cuz I doubt my hat shrunk.

- People think that because I adore my nephews, I'm maternal. It's not the same thing.

- How do you know if you're meant to be a parent? Still trying to figure that out.

- I need new clothes. I'm bored with my old ones.

- and a nice new lipstick.

This week's throwback!

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2012-01-12T11:46:00.002-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I'm hyped by the throwback of the day today....so let's lead with it shall we? :-)

This was my JOINT!! Haven Hall - HOLLA!!!

- Dreary day today :-(

- Just caught the woman in the next building over staring at me through her window. Creepy much?

- Paid bills today...always fun. Not.

- Thankful to be able to pay bills though.

- Here's a question of the day - how important is marriage to you?

- Anyone have any cool ideas for an article they'd like to read about relationships?

- I don't feel like doing anything but watch tv all day.

- Guess I shouldn't say that too loud where I work.

- People are silly.

- Women are A LOT stronger than men think. We can handle just about anything.

- Need my nails done...AGAIN.

- I don't have a 2012 calendar yet.

- How old is too old to suck your thumb? I say children should never do it...but that's just me.

- It's mid January already...let's just roll through winter!

Go!

-b

Blue Ivy - What's in a Name?

2012-01-10T10:35:00.004-05:00

Hola mi gente!

So unless you have no tv, no radio, can't read, or have no gossipy tabloid loving friends, you've probably heard by now that Beyonce and Jay-Z had their baby girl over the weekend - and her name is Blue Ivy.

It's an interesting name to say the least...some say it's strange, others love it. I guess I'm kind of indifferent to it...maybe it needs to grow on me. I instantly liked "Nahla" (Halle Berry's little girl's name) and I thought "Suri" was unusual, but fitting for Princess Cruise. I was kind of hoping, half expecting, that Jay and Bey would name their daughter "Brooklyn"...but I'm glad they didn't. That's going to be MY child's name...but I digress :-)

Seriously though, one of the first and singular most important tasks for new parents is to give their child a name, and identity, that has significant meaning as they embark on this journey called life. Many have speculated that the color "Blue" is important to the Jigga man, ala his album names "Blueprint"...2, and 3. He rocks an all blue Yankee. He even dated Blu Cantrell.

The name Ivy, they say, was conceived out of the Roman numeral IV, which represents the number four...a number with meaning for both Beyonce and Jay as their birthdays both fall on the 4th of their respective birth months (September and December). The couple also got married in the fourth month of the year - 4/4/08. So I think you get the picture.

Whatever Blue Ivy means to them, it seems they gave their daughter's name some serious thought. And while the name "Blue" may not mean "warrior princess" in Swahili, it has some deep meaning and significance to Bey and Jay - and with powerhouse parents like those, hopefully the name will embody the energy, drive and ambition needed to succeed in life as they have.

While success can be measured in many different ways, they say what you name your child will have a profound effect on their development, personality, self confidence...even their career path. Maybe that's why celebrities tend to give their children names that stand apart from the rest. Even non-celebrities try to give their children interesting names in the hope that one day their name will be known by millions. After all, with a name like "Plaxico," you just HAVE to be famous...right? :-)

One of the first words, if not THE first word, a child learns and recognizes is his/her name...so the hope is that they take ownership of it, breathe life into it and make our parents proud. I for one, am proud of my name simply because my maternal grandmother named me. I never met her, as she passed away before I was able to be cradled in her arms, but I feel connected to her in a special way simply because she named me. I was named after Brook Benton....a man - my grandmother's favorite singer. I would have been named Brook(e) whether I was a boy or a girl.

Which brings me to my question(s) of the day: What does your name mean? Is there any special significance your name holds that you'd like to share? If you have a child, what is his/her name and why did you choose that name? If you don't have a child, but plan to one day - do you have a name already picked out, or will you decide once you see your child's face for the first time what his or her name will be?

Let's share :-)

-b

Money Monday - Post Holiday Financial Assessment

2012-01-09T11:31:00.004-05:00

Happy Money Monday!

Post Holiday Financial Assessment...by Austin the Realtor

Welcome back and I hope your New Year has started off prosperous and fulfilling. As we continue on the journey of financial awareness and success, it's time to make an assessment of where we are and where to go from here. Holiday spending is long gone, and now it's time to get on track and utilize some of the tools we discussed in previous Money Monday discussions.

1 – Lay it all out on the table: Literally get all your bills and lay them on the table to see what you are dealing with. As discussed, prioritize by interest rate and setup up your payment amounts and schedule.

2 – Grab your list of “Trimming the Fat” items and keep it close so we can keep up with it as much as possible. Post on your fridge if needed so that it can be reviewed every morning. Go for the gusto and see how far you can go and make small adjustments as needed.

3 – Track your spending and the differences so you can see if you are actually making a difference or see if an adjustment needs to be made in your daily spending to maximize the value of your money.

4- Lastly, let’s try a change in mindset. Ask yourself, “If I can’t pay it off by months end, can I go without buying it?” It’s easy to charge an item and say, "I’ll pay it off later." Think about this statement: “I’ll eat this entire cake and work it off later.” How often do you immediately work off calories consumed, pound for pound? Debt works the same way! It’s much easier to maintain it as you go along as opposed to spend, spend, spend and then say, "let’s fix this."

I’ve found the more you repeat something, the more you grasp it and it becomes second-nature, so this is a recap of what we already discussed as a refresher. In the coming weeks, we are going to discuss various saving and investment objectives so we can put all that money saved to work.

Topics to be discussed:
Mutual Funds
401k tips
529 Plans (saving for college)
Real Estate – the process of buying and tips

Let’s make this your best financial year yet!

-Austin the Realtor

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2012-01-05T11:32:00.003-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- My whole body is sore from training last night. Not a good look for me, but it means I did something right! Can't wait to get back in shape.

- Need to paint my nails...gonna do it myself and save some money.

- I have a good lunch today, can't wait to eat it!

- But I need some fruit.

- SU basketball is #1 - just thought I'd throw that out there :-)

- Someone offered me a Snapple yesterday and I turned it down. That may seem minor to some folks, but Snapple is like crack to me!

- Please send prayers out to DMoe - he lost his grandfather yesterday :-(

- Gotta run to the bank...for some reason that's such a chore to me. Let me stop complaining cuz at least I'm making a deposit!

- Baby Jordan is 5 months old already!

- I miss my family in Philly.

- Can't stand when people let their children act a fool. Your child is NOT as cute as you think he/she is.

- My arms are on fire.

- I've been thoroughly entertained by Facebook lately :-)

- Universal's been slacking on my movie screenings...unless the mail room guys have been jackin' me for them. Waiting on one for Contraband. I think that's what it's called...Marky Mark :-)

- Let's try an R&B throwback this week - thanks to L-Train...aka LaDante McMillon!

Go!

-b

Is There a Such Thing as a Homewrecker?

2012-01-04T10:36:00.004-05:00

Happy Hump Day!

So this morning I'm listening to the radio as I pull on my thermal top (it's colder than a Witch's tit outside!), and the "rumor of the day" was about Amber Rose calling Kim Kardashian a "home wrecker." It went something like this:

They were both cheating! They were both cheating on me and Reggie with each other. She was sending pictures, and I was like, ‘Kim, just stop. Don’t be that person.' I thought at least she’d be woman enough to respond to me. She never responded.

It’s very important that us women stick together and we don’t f**k each other over like that.

Read more: Amber Rose Blasts Kim K As A Homewrecker: ‘They Were Cheating On Me & Reggie With Each Other’ Necole Bitchie.com

I normally don't give a rat's ass about anything Amber Rose has to say - although she rocks a baldy better than anyone I know - but her comment got me thinking...and thus the question of the day.

Should other women (and men) respect someone else's relationship?

I've heard everything from, "Well, if she was doing her job, then he wouldn't be coming to me." Or, "He must not be hittin' it right...which is why I break her off."

But is that disrespectful, or should the blame soley be placed on the one who is in the actual relationship? Are men and women obligated to look out for each other and not screw over (literally) someone else by infiltrating their relationship - or are all bets off if everyone involved is a consenting adult - and out to get theirs?

What say you? Have you ever been the "other" person? Have you ever held a third party responsible for the breakup of your relationship?

Let's go!

-b

Skype Was Built For Freaky Stuff...

2012-01-03T11:33:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year, Feliz Ano Nuevo and all that good stuff!

I couldn't think of a better way to open 2012 than with a TMI Tuesday blog from who else? The FURY!!! He's back, and freakier than ever...and if my dad is reading this, just remember, I DIDN'T WRITE THIS! LOL!

Skype Was Built For Freaky Stuff...by The Fury

"What's your Skype name?"

Uh oh.

I knew with that simple query things were going to get interesting. The only reason for someone to ask for your Skype on social media is to do something freaky. I responded to the Twitter direct message and asked why?

"Be around in about an hour," Fire responded. Fire was a social media friend. One who had never seen my face. She was a mutual friend of my close friend Phoenix (who had seen more than just my face).

Ummm.

In about an hour an half I was expecting friends over…

I never log on Skype. I only have the account name so no one else occupies it. After 738292719202 attempts at my login info, then the password change process, then angling the camera away from my face, I finally logged on.

Phoenix greeted me on the other side.

"Whassup Fury!?" she smiled.

"Whassup," I responded tentatively as Fire brought her face into view with a giggle.

I explained I was expecting company. They said they wanted to show me something. Immediately Fire put her mouth on Phoenix's. Their tongues swirled around each others. I perked up immediately ;-)

Fire did not waste time. Her lips slid down Phoenix's neck with moaned approval. Within moments, Fire's mouth licked and sucked Phoenix's beautiful DDDs. The erect cocoa nipples lit a fire in me. I wanted to jump through the computer screen. The only word I could muster was…

"Oh."

"Tell us what to do Fury," Phoenix looked at me with a smile.

I was perfectly happy with the view, but I encouraged them to take things further. Soon Fire was topless and Phoenix returned the favor.

Then my bell rang.

"Be right back," I whispered. I pressed mute on the computer and placed my gmail screen over it in case someone wandered into my office.

I welcomed my guests, got them settled in front of the television with drinks and excused myself momentarily. "Sorry…still on a conference call."

Back in the office with door closed, I plugged in my headphones and a mic so I could hear and be heard without the guests knowing the true tone of the conference. I dropped the gmail screen and….

Fire was naked and moaning. Phoenix was sucking at her breasts…apparently very well. She too was naked. Golden brown skin, tits, tattoos and ass were live on my screen.

"That's what I like to see…," I said into the mic.

The two of them popped up.

"Welcome back, Fury." Phoenix smiled like a Cheshire cat.

"No fair. Fire is getting all of the play here. Shouldn't you be doing something too?"

"Should I?" Fire asked.

"Yes. Right now," I commanded.

Fire was a newbie to bisexual relations. It didn't stop her from following instructions. Phoenix was taken aback when Fire pushed her down and buried her face between her legs. The moans erupted into my headphones. I couldn't see much but Fire's head planted between Phoenix's spread legs. Then Phoenix's head popped up. She winked at me, moaned and grabbed the back of Fire's head as she felt her velvet tongue on her pleasure center.

"Fury!? What channel is ESPN?" a voice shouted.

I ran to my living room concealing my erection.

"Anybody ever Skype?" I asked my friends.

A string of No's erupted.

"One time I worked from home and my boss asked me to Skype into a meeting, but that shit is basically for freaks I think," my friend laughed.

"Are you Skyping into a meeting right now? Let me go act like you and see if they notice," another said.

"NO!" I shouted. "Almost done. Be right back."

The gmail screen dropped and I was welcomed by a close up of Phoenix's lady parts being digitally manipulated by Fire's deft fingers. The moans were loud. The squishy wet sound of arousal danced in my ears. Their two golden brown bodies writhed. Asses jiggled, breasts bounced, my mouth watered.

"Like that.... " I surprised them with my return. "Faster. Don't stop," I instructed.

Fire obliged.

"Use your mouth too."

She did.

"Looks like she's done this before," I said into the mic.

"MmmmHmmm," Phoenix moaned in agreement.

Fire shook her head. Either to answer my question or for Phoenix's enjoyment.

Footsteps approached my office.

"Fury, is your food burning?"

Shit!

"Gotta go, ladies," I motioned to close the screen. "Wait, Give me something to remember you by…"

"This ain't enough, n***a??" Phoenix laughed.

Fire looked into the camera lustfully, licked her own hard brown nipple, sucked her wet fingers clean then went back to work on Phoenix.

I closed the screen and stumbled back to the kitchen in shock. In the living room, I interrupted the football conversation with...

"I think you're right. Skype was built for freaky shit."

They call me The Fury and my skype name is dirtydetails.

Have you ever Skyped? Is Skype built for freaks? What about Facetime? Ichat? Gchat? Would you ever do something sexy on videochat?

Happy New Year people! Let's start 2012 off right!!

-- The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Hump Day Question of the Day

2011-12-21T14:22:00.004-05:00

Happy Hump Day!

Speaking of humping, what would you do if you caught your boo gettin' busy with someone else? I mean, ass all in the air, red handed?

Has that ever happened to you? If so, how did you handle it?

It's not TMI Tuesday, but I wanna hear all the details anyway - go!

-b

Prenup, or Not?

2011-12-20T12:41:00.003-05:00

Hey, hey, hey everyone!

So I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the impending divorce between Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa. I'm sure you've also heard by now that there was no prenuptial agreement between them. This brings us to the question of the day.

If you are (or were to become) a man or woman of significant wealth, would you have your significant other sign a pre-nup before marriage?

If you are NOT a man or woman with means, would you still have your significant other sign a pre-nup?

Like Chris Rock said: "If I'm making $30 million, and my wife wants 15, so what...I ain't starvin'. But if I'm making $30 thousand, and my wife wants 15, I might have to kill her!"

Also, would you be offended if your partner asked you to sign a pre-nup? Would you take that as a sign that the other person planning the divorce before they plan the wedding, or does it make smart financial sense?

Let's hear it, go!

-b

Money Mondays - Saving During the Holidays

2011-12-19T10:52:00.006-05:00

Happy Money Monday!

Don't want to start 2012 in debt? Austin the Realtor is back for Money Mondays with tips on how you can shop smart and still enjoy the holidays without putting yourself in the poor house.

Saving During the Holidays...by Austin the Realtor.

Hope you all had a great weekend! The last official shopping weekend before Christmas. This is a great time to find ways to bring smiles to those you love with that special gift. If money was no object, what would you get? A new car, a new house, a trip to the Caribbean? Unfortunately, for many of us, money IS an object, so we get what we can - and sometimes what we can’t.

Many shop by pushing the limits with thoughts of dealing with the ramifications in the New Year. It is the season of giving, but it will not feel so good when you start receiving the bills associated with all your giving. It’s hard to decide who gets what on a limited budget, but it's more painful trying to dig yourself out of the debt created by trying to please everyone.

Many are going different routes this holiday season to try to soften the financial blow.

- Just buying for the kids this year
- A Secret Santa amongst family members
- Create games where the prizes are wrapped gifts
- Set a spending limit per gift per person
- Offer to perform a service as opposed to a tangible gift (wash the car or mow the lawn for a month coupons)

Many have traditions which they are not willing to part from, but in these economic times, you have to consider what is reasonable while trying to stick to your annual rituals. Consumer spending is up 15% so far from last year. This is interesting given all the reports on unemployment and home foreclosures.

I am a huge advocate of gift giving, but I’m a bigger advocate of ensuring we are not financially stressed after the holidays. You have to find your personal fine line where you can spread the holiday cheer and still maintain your financial sanity.

How do you balance the two during the holiday seasons?

-Austin

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-12-15T12:27:00.003-05:00

How did it get to be Random Thoughts Thursday so fast!?

I've been slippin' on the blogs lately....gotta fix that!

- I've lost another 3 lbs, woo-hoo!

- I have MANY more to go, but it still feels good to say :-)

- I got an iPad for work and just learned how to use it. It does all these fancy things, but I'll probably only play Angry Birds on it ;-)

- Have to hide it from my nephews.

- Been ripping and running in meetings all morning, but so thankful to have a job that I actually love. Thank God for blessings...praying for more for my friends and family.

- Finally got that mani/pedi. Pedicure is great! But my mani is messed up already. Never fails.

- Gotta get my Xmas cards out soon! I'm always late with that stuff.

- What to get my stepson for Xmas? Probably something educational...that boy is a genius!

- What is the new "hotness" when it comes to toys? Unless

- Miss my family - especially the boys.

- Can I PLEEEEEAAASSSEEEE hit the Mega Millions!? PLEEEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEE!!!!????

- Remember, don't act a fool at your company's holiday party.

- What is on your sexual bucket list?

Let's go!

-b

Savings and Debt: Part II – Debt Management

2011-12-12T12:35:00.003-05:00

Austin the Realtor is back with Money Mondays!

Savings and Debt: Part II...by Austin the Realtor.

Welcome back everyone!

Hope you had a great time with family and friends over the Thanksgiving Holiday. For many, Thanksgiving Day means spending time with family. For others, Thanksgiving Day is referred to as Black Friday Eve - a time of shopping and being out at all hours of the night trying to get the best deals possible. Some shop with the cash they saved up all year (Ha!). The majority may be using that plastic friend that is always there in the time of need ……Mr. Credit Card! Now that Black Friday has passed, now it's time to assess the damage. What we want to do is make sure we are making the most of our credit card payments.

This brings us to “Savings and Debt: Part II” – Debt Management”. Last time, we took a record of your income along with your voluntary (coffee, breakfast, gum) and not so voluntary (rent, gas, light) payments to see where our money goes. This allowed us to “trim the fat” in areas that we were able to reduce spending. Today, let’s discuss some tips to manage your credit card debt. This type of debt is considered unsecured debt, which will normally carry a higher interest rate than secured debt (car payment, mortgage). The goal is to pay as little in interest as possible so you would want to start with paying off unsecured debt first.

Tip #1: If you have more than one credit card, pay the minimum on all except the card with the highest interest rate. You want to pay down the card that will cost you the most as fast as possible. Budget how much you can afford and pay that every month. Once that card is paid off, take that monthly payment amount plus the minimum of the next highest credit card and continue your payments...and so on.

Tip#2: Contact your Credit Card company and ask them to reduce your interest rate. You may be surprised how many companies will reduce your rate if you simply ask. When I had credit card debt, I did this every quarter (Operative word here: HAD, it really works). If they say no, you will be paying the current rate anyway so what do you have to lose? Try again next quarter.

Tip#3: If you are carrying a zero balance, ask your credit card company to increase your limit. This may sound scary, but there is a benefit to this. Let’s say you incur an unexpected expense of $5,000. Let’s say you are looking to buy a house (hint: www.austintherealtor.com) and your bank is looking at your debt ratio. $5,000 on a card with a $20,000 limit has a better ratio (25%) than $5,000 on a card with a $10,000 limit (50% ratio)

What other tips have you discovered that has helped you eradicate your credit debt?????

Go!

- Austin

Wanting To Be Loved

2011-12-09T11:51:00.004-05:00

This is a declaration shared with me by a dear friend, and it spoke to my soul in a way that left me wanting to share it with all of you. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. That's what we all long for.

Wanting To Be Loved...by Su.

I recently listened to “Empty Prayers” from MJB’s album My Life II: The Journey Continues, for the first time. To say that the song touched me would be a huge understatement. That song moved the earth beneath my soul. For the first time in a long time, I heard music set to the simple, honest words that I myself have been too scared to feel or admit out loud.

The feeling of wanting someone to love you, to be chosen, to be cherished, is monumental when you really examine it - yet it is such an innate, raw, human emotion that most of us desire and need. The feeling of being loved can overwhelm and sustain you, suffocate you and cloud your judgment, lift you to the highest highs – and level you when that love never shows up – or worse, shows up and then leaves. The world sees my tough-as-nails defensive exterior, but if you really knew me - the me that is fearful of letting down my guard - you would know that internally my soul just wants to be held and loved for all the days of my life. Not the self-love type of love or the type of love that you get from a friend or family...for that I am thankfully blessed in abundance. I’m referring to the type of love that would have you on your knees “begging God”. The type of love between a soul and a mate – that rare kind of love that lasts a lifetime – even if the lover is lost or left, the feelings never die – kind of love. The type of love that you would give everything not to lose: true love.

I don’t know if I know what it feels like to be truly, unconditionally loved by a man. Perhaps my father loved me in that way...I honestly don’t know. He never saw me at my worst. He never witnessed the wrath of my tongue, the spite in my spirit, the revenge of my nature, or the stubbornness of my ilk. He only saw the “weekend” me who was just so happy to see him - my best behavior overflowed. I loved my Daddy, but I did not learn how to love or be loved by a man by being in his presence. I know he loved me dearly in the way a father loves his pride. I loved him and forgave him – and overlooked everything else. He loved me as he could and I treasure and miss each moment I spent in his presence. Perhaps not having that leading example has left me at a disadvantage in the "getting and keeping love" department.

As I age, I have come to accept that I am not an expert at love by any means or stretch of the imagination. If you believe, and I do, that we learn our love lessons from the very beginning, I have to accept that my soul-mate love examples never showed up for me - and I have been looking, yearning for it ever since.

I’ve loved and lost, made bad love decisions, loved more than I should have and at times, have not loved enough. In my yester-year, I have been fortunate enough to have been deeply loved by a mate, but that love-light - that all-spark - has managed not to land on me or stick to me in a long, long time.

I want it.

I want to be loved. I want to be chosen by the mate that I choose. I am ready. I welcome love into my life, into my heart, and I pray and beg God that when He blesses me again – nothing will separate us till death do us part. Hear my declaration universe and let me claim what is meant for me. Let the love shine on me and fill this lonely heart of mine.

There. I said it. I want you to love me, love me, love me!

… I promise, I will love you back.

S.A.A.D - 12/9/11

-Su

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-12-08T14:58:00.004-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Brrr...it's chilly!

- I'm slowly but surely getting into the Christmas spirit. Time to decorate the tree!

- My partner and I have started a business! It's called Expert Land Management, and if you're in the NYC area, call us for your snow removal, lawn care, hauling and light maintenance needs. We do all your "honey do" handyman stuff around the house, haul away your junk, paint your house, dry wall, small electrical work, you name it! Call us for a free quote/estimate - 267-586-0889, day or night. The snow is coming, so tell a friend!

- I had the best fish for lunch!

- I haven't gone spinning in a while, and I'd probably die if tried it today. Not sure I should try.

- I've been eating healthier though :-)

- I love seeing pics of baby Jordan on Serena's FB page. Always makes me smile :-)

- Looking forward to Yolanda and DMoe's random thoughts today :-)

- Annamaria says Mountaintop is an awesome play, so I'm gonna make it my business to go see it soon!

- Did I mention we started a business? Pass it along! :-)

- I'm so glad the week is almost over!

- DMoe's throwback!

Go!

-b

Question of the Day

2011-12-07T14:43:00.004-05:00

Happy Hump Day!

So I'm sitting here watching "Good Hair" on HBO and they're discussing weaves, among other things. Some women on the documentary say that their men pay for their weaves, and the men have all gone to the poor house supporting their women's "weave habit." Some weaves can cost up to $5k!

That is pure fuckery.

Maybe I feel this way because I'm not a woman who spends a lot of time on her hair. Pull it back, put it in a pony tail. If it's not long enough to be put into a pony tail, I slap on a hat. Done.

I don't like sitting all day at the salon unless I'm getting my hair braided. I don't color my hair, I don't weave it, I don't pay much attention to it other than wrapping it up at night...and then my scarf inevitably slides off. Hair just doesn't do it for me.

But for those women who get it poppin' with their do's, they have a hair budget. If a man isn't footing the bill, I don't know how they do it. Getting your hair did every week can cost a small fortune, and some stylists even allow their clients to put their weaves on layaway.

Again, pure fuckery to me. I hope their stock portfolio's are a healthy as their hair.

Anyway, the question of the day....

What is the most you've ever spent getting your hair done? Any women have their men paying for their hair upkeep? Men - ever tricked on a chick's weave?

Let's hear it!

-b

That Time I Shaved Her...

2011-12-06T18:50:00.008-05:00

It's TMI Tuesday - Late Edition!

That Time I Shaved Her...by The Fury.

Satin grabbed my hand and looked me dead in my eyes.

"Please be careful. I trust you, but…"

"Be careful." I finished.

"Yes!" She laughed and took a deep breath.

Satin was sitting on a stool in her bathroom. Her legs were propped on opposite sides of the stool, spread eagle. She was totally nude from the waist down and I was holding a small electric razor in my hand. The razor clicked on with a buzz and she involuntarily flinched.

"Calm down." I said. "You can't do that when I'm shaving you. Just relax. I promise I'm a steady hand. I work well with these hands." I smiled.

"I know…I know…" She smiled flirtatiously.

I eased the razor to a spot an inch or so below her waistline and smoothly shaved off the hair that had grown there. When I looked up for reassurance, she was staring intently at her exposed vagina. Another gentle stroke of the razor and Satin exhaled. She was comfortable now. I sat with the buzzing device in my writing hand like an expert calligraphist and carefully trimmed off the hair above her plump sex.

I carefully eased the razor south. There were no words between us. Just the sound of the buzz and the occasional sigh from Satin. By the time I reached her labia, her eyes were closed and she seemed to be concentrating her thoughts on prayer. My fingers eased her lips aside and gently clipped any errant hairs closer to her entrance. She was visibly excited. Her petals plumped. Honey dew formed.

The lower I got the wider she had to spread her thighs, arch her back, lay further back, further exposed…and further excited.

I moved back up to the little area I had avoided. The clippers vibrated near the hood of her clitoris. She tensed for a moment then relaxed. Perhaps she enjoyed the vibration of the clippers so close to her pleasure point.

"All done." I said.

Her eyes opened to see a well manicured slim strip of hair above her bald privates.

"That's kind of embarrassing." She referred to the increased wetness visible on her lower lips.

"Not at all…I've been there before. Remember?"

"Yes and you'll be there again. Right now." She undid my belt with a hungry grunt.

Have you ever let a partner shave you? Would you ever? Have you ever let a partner do a routine act of maintenance and it turned you on? Wash your hair? Manicure? Pedicure?

They call me The Fury and I have a steady hand and a gentle touch.

-The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-12-01T11:41:00.005-05:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Mine was great! So much to be thankful for.

- It's December already. Geesh!

- Any fun holiday plans coming up? New Year's Eve parties?

- I want something good for lunch, any suggestions?

- I've been in need of a mani/pedi for over a month now. My toes are crying the blues right about now.

- Still trying to get rid of this cough. I'm in the season where my cold just lingers for 2 months. Sucks.

- My back is getting better....slowly.

- Sherri Sheppard irks my nerves.

- Are Greys Anatomy and Private Practice new tonight?

- T.I. and Tiny have a show...I sense some hot country ghetto mess coming. I need a translator to understand what Tiny be talkin' bout.

- It's a bit chilly out today - winter is just about here...and I'm NOT a snow person.

- What's going on at Syracuse man?! There's a special place in HELL for people like Sandusky (Penn State), Bernie Fine AND his simple ass wife. What is WRONG with people???!!!

- NBA is back! Who's happy? (DMoe, that's who ;-)

- Herman Cain is a clown.

- Question of the day: Has cheating ever made your relationship STRONGER? curious to hear responses on this one.

The throwback today - courtesy of DMoe!

Go!

-b

Money Mondays - Savings and Debt 101...by Austin the Realtor

2011-11-21T11:04:00.004-05:00

Today kicks of Money Mondays with Austin the Realtor!

Ever run out of money before the end of the month? Do you sometimes feel like you're robbing Peter to pay Paul? For many people, thinking about their finances and understanding how money works can be a bit overwhelming - they simply feel like there is too much going on, most of which is out of their control. However, it doesn't have to be that way. People looking for help are either buried with too much information or don't trust the people giving financial advice. With Money Mondays, Austin doesn't want to overwhelm, confuse or hoodwink you. He simply wants to try to provide information succinctly and simply, and his advice is FREE.

Financial planning is the art, if you will, of understanding money, how it works, where it goes, and how to keep more of it. Your money is yours, and keeping your money in your pockets (as much as possible) is the goal of financial planning. It doesn't require a college degree, nor does financial planning require a keen mathematical ability. All you have to bring to the table is a desire to gain control over your money, and a willingness to do what is necessary to secure the financial future of you, your family, and your future generations.

Austin's goal for Money Mondays is to teach you how to gain control over your money and make it work for you - not someone else. Today is the first entry of Money Mondays, so we'll take it slow and build from there. If there is ever any topic you want to learn more about, simply suggest it in the comments section or visit Austin the Realtor's site for helpful hints. With that said, let's go!

Savings and Debt 101...by Austin the Realtor

Ok, I’ve been asked to provide some insight on what we will call “Money Mondays.” As noted on previous blogs, I’m a licensed Real Estate Agent and a Licensed Financial Representative, so I may some information that can be helpful.

I would like to start off the series by being inclusive of the blog family. Today I would like to focus on Savings and Debt. As we progress, together we will set up tools to assist in achieving short and long term goals. I will also provide some insight on the home buying process which may fall in line with some of these goals.

Let’s go…….

Let’s start off with the fundamentals. Knowing where your money goes is a good way to see where your money went! You would be surprised to see how much is spent on small frivolous purchases that can be avoided. It’s always good to have a record of expenses - and include ALL expenses. Everything from mortgage/rent to that cup of coffee every morning at your local coffee shop. A simple excel spreadsheet would suffice. Once your outflow is determined, record your income. Once this data is determined, you may see why you run a little low just before your next payday. Now it's time to trim the fat. Look at your list of outflows and see what you can do without. Make coffee at home instead of buying Starbucks (aka Four Bucks!). Buy a pack of bagels from the supermarket instead of spending $2.50 at Au Bon Pain. Whatever works for you - see how the numbers start to add up.

Note: Pay yourself just like any other bill. Set a dollar amount that is dedicated to savings and pay that with all of your other bills.

There are many apps that can assist with the record keeping also. For Android users – Tap Money and Budgetroid. For IPhone users – Budgetbuster and CoinKeeper.

Share some other tips you use to “trim the fat” without drastically changing your lifestyle - Go!

-Austin the Realtor

"Like" Austin on Facebook

Random Thoughts Thursday...by Serena Wills

2011-11-17T11:31:00.003-05:00

Send good thoughts to Ms. Brooke! I love you!

RIP to the Heavster! Today is his public viewing in Money Earning Mt. Vernon.

I'm still in denial that he's gone.

Live life to the fullest will be the motto from here on out.

What's up with the crazy weather! Monday it was 75 and sunny, today its chilly and gloomy! Boo!

Thanksgiving is in 1 week! What are you thankful for?

Interviews went well everyone! Waiting on an offer!

Can a sista get a gift card to Jiffy Lube for Christmas lol!

How about a shopping spree at Ann Taylor Loft! Let's throw in 9 West while we're at it!

Wishful thinking!

Feel better Rameer!

NBA postponed until Dec 15th! Boo!

I hope they burn the coaches statue at Penn State! Shame!

Shots at the White House! Don't they know the Obama's will roll on dem fools!

Hit the dance floor on Saturday and African danced my butt off! I literally think I left my butt on the dance floor lol!

I'm going grocery shopping today! Yeah!!!

Craving Red Velvet Cake!

I want some Juniors too!

If you don't know what Juniors is you better ask somebody!

I have an airline credit that I must use by March 1st! Where should I go?

Loved DMoe's RTT last week!

My son rolled onto his tummy all the way today! Yeah!!! He's getting so big!

I smell shrimp quesadillas and can taste the sangria already! A job offer is coming sooooooooon!

This weeks throw back! Again RIP Heavster!

And...go!

-Serena

If You're Gonna Lie...

2011-11-16T11:59:00.006-05:00

Happy Hump Day!

I started to make this into a “I call bullshit” blog – but the only thing that’s really bugging me today is liars, lying, mentirosas…you get the picture. I despise liars. But what I hate even more than a liar, is a BAD liar. If you’re going to lie to me, at least make an effort to think up a good one. If you don’t, that’s just wrong…and pretty insulting.

I’m not here to preach on the morality of lying. There are all kinds of lies – white lies, little fibs, slight untruths, lies by omission – and there are a plethora of reasons why people tell lies. Some lie to avoid personal harm, or by wishing to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings or to protect them. And then there are those who lie to actively seek to get something from someone else, whether it’s something material, social, emotional or sexual. The ethical nature of lying is not subject of my post today, but rather how you should lie once you’ve decided that you’re going to lay your personal morals and ethics by the wayside and just go ahead and lie anyway.

So…how do you lie and get away with it? Well, there are no guarantees that you’ll succeed in your deceit, but I do have some pointers on ways you can be a “better” liar so that people don’t suspect you. I’m pretty good at spotting a liar, mainly because I have a great memory and I pay attention to people. I also have a 6th sense when it comes to these things, and I tend to trust my gut. So by recounting the many mistakes that bad liars have made, I’ll help all of you out there with some tips so that those who decide that they want to indeed become a liar can be good at it.

1. Own your decision to lie. Once you’ve made the decision to lie, make peace with it. For some people, namely sociopaths, lying is like breathing. It just comes naturally. But for others, it’s a real struggle. Good lying means you’ve moved past your morals or faith filter and justified to yourself that telling the lie is necessary. A poor liar struggles with the morality of lying, so if you want to lie successfully, you need to reach a place where you feel the reason for the lie is justified in your own mind. But keep in mind: don’t lie so much that you actually become a chronic liar.

2. Consider the likelihood of getting caught. Before launching into your lie, ask yourself what the chances are of being found out. Only you can answer that question, in which case you’ll have to consider the worthiness of lying about the matter. Things to consider include:

- Have I lied about this or to this person before and gotten caught? You’d be surprised how often (simple) people tend to tell the same lies, to the same people...over and over again...even AFTER they’ve been caught before. This takes audacity…but it’s also very stupid. If you’ve lied to someone before and he/she caught you, they're not likely to believe you this time.

- Were there witnesses? If you were making out in public with someone you shouldn’t have been making out with, keep in mind that someone probably SAW you.

- Do you feel confident about revising events to make a whole new story? Some people can’t tell a story worth a damn.

- What are the likely repercussions if caught? Is the person likely to be forgiving, or to feel totally betrayed and toss hot grits on you? Is it a tiny lie the person can get over, or is it something that goes to the heart of trust in your relationship, that once broken, is unlikely to be mended? Think about it.

3. Get your story straight. Once you've made the decision to lie, you will need to come up with your plausible alternative to the facts. As part of this, you need to figure out what you're going to say and what sorts of questions are likely to be asked, so that you can have answers to those questions already sorted out in your head. Women are great at this. Men…not so much. Let me give you the tips to why women are so good at this.

- Women tend to think of some specific true thing (place, person, event, story) that her lie will fit into, and use those details if you are questioned. This gives you a bank of specific details to draw on so you don't have to keep making things up as you go along. Men tend to make up the lie as they’re saying it, and this gets you busted every time.

- Women keep it simple. The more things you have to lie about to support your original lie, the more likely you are to be tripped up. Lying is a bit like chess–you must always think ahead. Anticipate what the person you're lying to is going to ask, and be prepared with a response. Make sure you've thought about who you're lying to. What do they already know? Writing out the lie can help. The act of writing can enhance your memory of it, and also helps you to sort out the sequence and come up with details that can make a big difference between a believable lie and an obvious load of bullshit. This however, should not be confused with being over elaborate or over embellishing. Men tend to tell lies that involve other people for corroboration or multiple events. The more people needed to back up your story, the more likely a hole will open up as soon as one person forgets their "role" in it – and a woman WILL pounce on it. Equally, if something you've said can be confirmed, such as checking dates and/or public or phone records, checking your credit card transactions, etc., then you are going to find it difficult to get out of facts that are there in black and white – because a woman WILL check.

4. Use your imagination and envision the lie. In your mind, enact the lie as it "actually happened." This will create the event in your mind like you’re watching a movie, so you'll be "remembering" it when you begin to retell it to others. In a way, you are convincing yourself of the revision of reality, so when you retell it, it begins to sound as you're telling the truth.

5. Don’t do what liars do. Liars tend to stutter, fidget…they don’t make eye contact. They appear shifty. In a normal conversation your eyes will move and you will look away to think, but otherwise you will maintain eye contact. In all likelihood, there will always be some subtleties that a good liar spotter will notice, but the average person can probably be hoodwinked with careful attention to avoiding some of the following giveaways:

- Maintain eye contact. Liars tend to look away. Appear earnest but not too eager when looking the other person in the eye. Don't look around, but don't stare either. In a normal conversation people do avert their glance from the other person's eyes naturally.

- Relax. Don't fidget, twirl your hair, or shuffle your feet. Again, these are signs of someone trying to deflect the conversation away.

- Keep your hands under control. When people are lying, hands tend to drift towards the face to cover the mouth or fiddle with parts of the face. Keep your hands relaxed.

- Don't use big words unless you usually do. Anything unusual about your language or tone will suggest something shady is up. Dummies mess this up all the time.

- Unless you're known for stuttering, don't stutter and definitely don't get flustered. Some people blush, sweat or begin to stutter, because in some cases the subconscious panics. Keep calm and collected.

6. Bring the lie up first before you're confronted. It's better to lie to the person in advance than to have the person question you first on the subject. If the victim discovers your dirty deed before you explain yourself, they'll have time to deduce what has happened with a fair degree of certainty before they ever even question you, making it much harder to convince them of your innocence. Nine times out of ten, if I get a chance to ask you what you did, I already know the answer before I asked you.

7. Make a truthful admission about something else you did wrong. If you sense that someone suspects you of lying, admit or make them suspect you of something smaller or something else completely. They will take the bait and think that that is all you were lying about in the first place.

8. Play dumb. Coming off as too stupid to lie is a great defense. I actually know a few people who I thought weren’t clever enough to lie, and they proved me wrong BIG TIME. Lie as badly as you can about something small, but never actually admit to doing it. You will be free to lie about much bigger things and never be suspected in the future. Faking memory loss can go hand in hand with playing dumb too, but watch out for this one. By simply saying you don’t remember, that may get you off the hook. But when lying to a woman, she might go ballistic if you appear overly confused about something you should clearly remember. Use caution if you take that approach. You might get swung on.

9. Appear indifferent. Another way to work your way out of an uncomfortable situation is to act indifferent and to avoid responding defensively. Keep your voice steady and don't protest too much, because people who are defensive appear guilty. Act like you don't care whether or not the person believes you. If you're really good at this, you can even make it seem like you're shocked or disappointed by their lack of faith in you – just be willing to be forgiving of them for “not trusting you.”

10. Ginko…and a good memory. Good liars REMEMBER their lies. One of the real reasons why lying doesn't pay and isn't a good means for getting through life is that you have to remember it, in all of its glory, possibly for the rest of your life. You can’t forget about your lie and its details, and you will have to go on treating it like it actually happened.

Bonus: Know when not to lie. Finally but importantly, if you're going to lie, know when it's perfectly stupid to try and do so. There are many moral and faith based reasons for not lying, and those are within your own personal realm of struggle to deal with. But there are some other realities where it has nothing to do with karma and where lying isn't going to help anything, let alone you. So, with this in mind, never lie under these circumstances:

- To officials (government, police, serious job interviews): Unless you fully understand and are prepared to accept the consequences. In the majority of nations, lying to a police officer or in a court of law is a serious, illegal offense. For your own sake, be honest about criminal activity; you may find that the penalty is lessened or that your lawyer can find technical or legal loopholes if you are honest from the beginning. The sooner you get a lawyer and start working on your release, the better; lying first will hold things up and can make whatever honest explanations you do make seem sheisty.

- To your doctor or lawyer: Ask them if you are speaking in the course of a professional relationship (doctor-patient or attorney-client). If they say yes, things you tell them are privileged, and they cannot reveal them even to a court or to the police. This does not hold true if your doctor/psychologist feels you may commit a serious offense, such as murder. Also, some other circumstances may change your relationship with your lawyer/doctor but don't forget that a lawyer is paid to defend you - so don't think with your reptile brain that wants to hide; use your neocortex and think smart defenses instead. And lying to your doctor can keep him or her from treating you properly…so go on and tell your gyno about all the unprotected sex you had last month ;-)

- To defraud: Never lie to people to get their money, life's savings, and other valuables from them. Not only is this an illegal thing to do, it's a really f*cked up way to behave. Ask Bernie Madoff....asshole.

- To an attacker: When you are being held at gun-point and having someone demand your wallet, your life is worth more than pretending you don't have your wallet on you.

- To your kids. Avoid lying to your kids about family deaths, divorce or anything else major. They're going to find out sooner or later and lies just makes things worse. Set a good example for them.

- To cover up for someone else: If someone else has committed a crime, let them pay for it, otherwise you'll pay for it by being an accessory if you know about it but don't tell. I’m snitchin’.

-b

My Life As a Mother - Guest Blogger

2011-11-14T11:10:00.005-05:00

Hola mi gente!

This was too good not to share - Serena's heart bursts through this post :-)

My Life as a Mother...by Serena Wills

Its been a long time since posting to my blog. Between the tail end of my pregnancy being full of unpacking my new apartment, getting ready for the newest addition to the world and then giving birth I've been busy. My life has changed since Jordan was born 3 months ago...but for the better. Every time I tried to write about my life and motherhood I became stuck. Almost speechless because there aren't enough words to describe how I feel.

What helped me to get unstuck in regards to my writing was watching how short life can be. My family has lost a couple of family members and our community has lost legends. I thought to myself, what if my time was up? My son would have no recollection in writing about how I feel as a mother. So here we go...

Dearest Jordan,

You're the sunshine of my life! I never knew I could love like this until I held you for the first time in my arms. I didn't want to let go of you and when I looked into your eyes I knew there was a God! Now don't get me wrong...I know God is real. But having you confirmed that God can make people love again, He can also show adults like me that love truly exists! After your Grandma Sauti passed away I crawled into a shell...I was at a loss. I didn't think I could love again or open up because I was (and still am) hurt that she had to leave us. Then I reconnected with your father and then came you.

I loved being pregnant with you and now that you're here I love leaning over the crib to say "Good Morning" and in return I get a huge smile!

I pray to God that we have a long life together! There are so many things to show you, dreams I have, stories to tell you and things to experience through the eyes of being your mother. You're so special to me and quite a few people. You're even blessed to have (3) living great grandparents!

We're going to have fun together between taking you to African dance class (I danced with you for 8 months of my pregnancy) to running (you're already practicing with those active feet)! I want you to have a life greater than me and your father's put together! I want you to see the world with those huge eyes of yours!

Loving you is a treasure! Jordan I thank you because one of my life long dreams was to become a mother and now I have you. I love you so much.

-Serena

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-11-10T15:26:00.002-05:00

DMoe's running RTT today - let's go!

Random Thoughts Thursday!...by DMoe.

- What up y'all? The QB (The Queens Brookey) hands RTT off to Dmoe! I got the ball! Watch me run the RTT rock.

- Joe Frazier? Damn….RIP bruh. You had a golden heart and a platinum chin.

- Heavy D? Damn…RIP bruh. Your music was just plain fun when i was in high school and now. "The overweight lover" still rocks it - consistently. Then again, you (and Musiq Soulchild) was the reason people be askin' me whats wrong with my eye, since in all my FB photos (all 2 of them) I got my shades on…."Uh no…It was a sunny day when i snapped this photo. Swear to god!"

- I'm goin to hell dressed in gasoline boxer briefs for that comment. Bright side: Its gonna be sunny in hell, so I'll need my shades. (We do know the sun shines in hell...there's just no sunblock).

- Co-worker asks, "you don't have any candy on your desk?"
Dmoe: "Why do I need to buy candy for my desk when I can just steal yours?"
Co-worker: "You take my candy when i'm not there?"
Dmoe: "Honey, your here asking me about it…Which means you are not your desk. Someone is stealing from you RIGHT NOW. Did you turn the alarm on before you left?"

- Jill Scott's live album (the new House of Blues one) is straight funky.

- Da hell is Maxwell's next album?

- I'm goin back to school. Why? Cuz I'm too good for some of the BS I deal with.

- I know the water snobs are judging me for my store brand water bottles. I got something for y'all azzes. I'm rollin with Fiji all next week. Ballin! (Swish)

- I've decided to "Kirk Franklin-ify" (copyright, Dmoe) any songs I like to listen to from now on.
Scene: You at a party, standing in a group talkin to friends, and LL Cool J's "Rock The Bells" comes on….Instead of rappin the lyrics, SPEAK THEM to the group BEFORE LL raps it. Priceless, and Kirk's got a billion dollars.

- Drake's new song "The Motto" is positively euphoric. Its the kind of song my grown-azz be trying to learn the words to, or add a line from for my status updates.The album is out Tuesday. Gotta cop that. (Insert Rameer here: "Uh….got it")

- Saints/Falcons game this weekend: My fam and beaucoup (Louisiana/french word for "a whole bunch of") friends are on their way to ATL. In an annual pre game tradition, a bunch of Saints foolishness/new swag (tomato/tomato) comes in the mail via Amazon and NFLshop.com. We goin hard, and we gonna party either way, but um….I need that win. Bad. Who Dat?

- Speaking of the deliveries, I'm borderline (scratch that, I AM) OCD when it comes to "trackaging" (copyright, DMoe)
This is where you give me a tracking number, and I watch the package from the moment it leaves your warehouse, to the second it hits my doorstep.

- Speaking of that game this weekend, another tradition is to go dry the entire week before. Clean…Nothing but water from Sunday - Sunday.

- So, I'm chillin the other night after a long day. I'm all set to relax, and I got a fresh Crown/Sprite made. I'm headed down to play a lil Call of Duty 3 (stress relief - and THE greatest video game ever made) on my PS3 and boom….I miss the first stair. Needless to say, I miss the second, then….the third. At this point, Sh*t! Its official: I'm falling down the stairs. Don't panic Dmoe. Don't. Eventually, I regain my balance with a couple of bruises and some lost cool points. My cocktail? Not a drop spilled! I mean, seriously….that takes talent.

- Wait, didn't I say i go dry the entire week before? Ok, so i screwed up a little.

- Meat with marinara and cheese on it doesn't necessarily make it "Parmigiana"…Hate to be a wet blanket. Just keeping it real.

- Since this is my RTT…and I'm a guest, technically, I get to say "First Beeyotches" right? No? Lame.

- Playlist is on the way...

Your friend and mine,
Dmoe

Be Inspired - I Got Nothing But Love For You

2011-11-09T10:46:00.005-05:00

Good morning everyone.

I'm sure by now you all have heard that one of Hip Hop's icons has passed away at the age of 44 - Dwight Arrington Myers, the rapper known to us as Heavy D.

I have to admit, I'm feeling some kinda way about this one. I've been in my feelings all night and this morning, sad...my heart heavy. The Overweight Lover is gone...too soon.

A friend of mine posted as her Facebook status the other day, "You gotta love the people God gave you, because he may want them back one day." He called Heavy D home, and we miss him so much already.

First Smokin' Joe Frazier, now Heavy D. We mourn our legends as we stand on their shoulders. How many of us will be so lucky as to leave the type of legacy they did? They say Heavy D's last tweet was "Be Inspired." That's exactly what he did for us in his life, through his talent and his kind spirit - he's left his mark on us all.

As we celebrate his life, be inspired to make the changes necessary in your life to be the person you want to be, achieve the goals you want to succeed and leave the legacy you want to be remembered for. All that you touch, you change. All that you change, changes you.

I got nothin' but love for ya!

Look for him in the throwbacks tomorrow for RTT!

-b

Secrets

2011-11-08T09:00:00.005-05:00

Good morning folks!

Going to check out the Watch the Throne concert tonight - I hope my lower back holds me up!

Speaking of my back, I was talking to my father the other day about my ailments. I told him if it wasn't lower back pain giving me grief, it was a migraine. The last few days have been unbearable and physically draining, so much so that I'm beginning to wonder if there is something deeper going on. Perhaps stress? I asked my dad what he thought and his answer surprised me.

Secrets.

Excuse me? Did he just say "secrets"?

Yes, he did.

He said there was an old wives tale that states when someone is experiencing severe pain physically, it's because they may be housing secrets.

I'd never heard that before, but it got me thinking...hard. Was there anything I was hiding from people? Am I keeping any secrets that are physically harming me? Good question.

I couldn't think of anything, but subconsciously, sometimes we may keep things to ourselves in order to protect ourselves...our hearts, minds and souls. I know we tend to bury hurtful memories or experiences as a way of emotional and mental survival. I don't believe I'm "actively" keeping a bunch of secrets that have wreaked havoc on my back, but who knows...am I?

Keeping secrets is ultimately about trust, or lack thereof. If something is eating at you, or you feel someone is keeping something from you, that can drain you of your energy, and sap your ability to trust if you try to walk around it. It can make us overly suspicious, a little paranoid and give us disturbing gut feelings with no words to wrap around them - making us wonder if something is off and struggling to trust our intuition. One of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to trust the messages that are coming from within us, therefore making it even more difficult to trust someone else.

Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust, making relationships doomed never to experience true, long lasting intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. He or she is not so much concerned about the other person having sex with someone else, but more so it's about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets, and deception that make you crazy and drain you emotionally and yes...physically. Trust is essential for ANY relationship to work, be it a romantic relationship, parent/child relationship or a friendship.

Now, as far as keeping secrets, I'm not saying that you all should sit down with everyone you know and divulge your top 50 secrets of your illicit past. Everyone has the right to privacy, and we're all capable of discerning the difference between being deceitful and being discreet. If you have resolved issues from your past that no longer affect the present or your future - i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development - then they do not qualify as a pain causing secret that you must share with the world.

However, if in the course of trying to establish intimacy in your relationships you want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now, you can do so at your own pace. If you feel a secret is taking up room in your mind, heart and spirit, to the point where it's literally making you sick, don't let it hold you back from healing yourself and growing in the many stages of intimacy that lead to meaningful relationships. Talk to someone you trust or a professional and let it all go.

And if you feel someone is keeping something from you, let that person know that your intuition is sending you a message that something is wrong. Make them feel safe to share their secrets with you, be open, and listen without judgement. If your relationship, whatever that relationship is, is valuable to you, you will nurture it. And in doing so, you'll free up space in your heart to trust, release pain and stress from your body...and you'll be free.

-b

Random Thoughts Monday!

2011-11-07T09:00:00.003-05:00

Hey mi gente!

Sorry I've been MIA, but a sista has been having bad lower back problems. So while I get acupuncture and electro treatments, I'm taking offers for guest bloggers this week while I'm on the mend :-) Since we missed Random Thoughts Thursday last week, our sisa-friend Serena volunteered to pick up my slack...Random Thoughts Monday...let's get it!

RTM!!!...by Serena T. Wills

Miss you and feel better Brookey!

Is it me or did 2011 fly by?

I have not 1, but 2 interviews tomorrow! Wish me well!

This will be a good week!

Why is Kim K getting so much dag on attention? Really??? I'm sick of hearing about her!

I'm craving a good old school party!

Also some salsa dancing!

So what it's the holidays! I still want a couple of people tased! Annamaria get the taser warmed up!

The cable guy came on Friday to take away my box (sniff...sniff) I'll get cable again soon!

He was nice to look at though ;) lol!

Happy 3 Months and 2 days Jordan!

Need a vacation!

Hawaii next year? Bet!

Mani and pedi would be great too!

Can someone wash all of this thick hair I have?! Nothing like getting your scalp scrubbed!

Craving chocolate! (Rameer send me some man)!

Shrimp quesadillas and a sangria are on the menu the day I get a job offer!

What are people's holiday plans?

Free gas for a year would be nice!

I'm an undercover biker chick! Can't wait for the National Bike Show to hit DC! I want a chopper...no maybe a cruiser one day ;)

I love my friends!

Love the fam!

I love being a mom and waking up to Jordan everyday!

Marathons 2012! Here I come!

Congrats to my peeps that ran in the NYC Marathon yesterday!

Here's the double throw back for the week! Me and my crew had routines to these back in the day!

Everyone have a great day and week...and...go!

Sincerely, Serena Wills

Halloween and the Excess of Sexy

2011-11-01T10:54:00.005-04:00

Happy November 1st!

It's TMI Tuesday, so you know what that means! How many of you dressed up in Fury's mask for Halloween? ;-) Let's go!

Halloween and the Excess of Sexy...by The Fury.

This weekend I saw a couple of slutty nurses, a class worth of naughty school girls, a naughty nun and an entire team of slutty SWAT girls. Literally an entire team. Twelve scantily clad SWAT chicks. Two of them wanted to arrest me. I wasn't resisting. Halloween is the perfect excuse for women to wave their freak flags in the spirit of "It's just Halloween." What is it about October 31st that makes women show off booty cheeks, mountains of cleavage and the shortest, tightest fitting outfits they can squeeze into? ...and why isn't this holiday once a month like TMI Tuesday? Because you can have too much of a good thing.

If naughty nurses walked around looking like naughty nurses all the time, I wouldn't appreciate them as much as I do on Halloween...or that day someone decides to dress up for me. Even I like a break from freakdom so I can appreciate the five members of the sexy SWAT team gyrating on top of the tables next to the naughty school girls right next to the freaky fairies.

A woman once told me that she's a size queen (definition: prefers much larger endowed men) but doesn't usually have relationships with men that are very well endowed. She called them "fun time men," not "daily workouts" because to her "a really big dick is great for once a week, but as a daily lover I don't think I could handle." Too much is too much.

I can think of the time I had too much sex (a week of what felt like continuous wanton banging). I can think of the time I orgasmed too much (ending in what seemed like every ounce of moisture leaving my body at once). I remember the time I had too many drinks and woke up the next day in bed with only a faint idea how I got home. There have been excesses and EXCESSES. After it's all over, you're happy to have enjoyed it, but relieved it's not an all the time occurrence.

Halloween is the day you binge on ice cream and cake and chocolate and caramel apples and candy and pie and and and and and until you wake up on November 1 and realize you're only 61 days until a new year and you have yet to really work on that "yearly to do list." It's also the day after you see a sexy mummy in a thong gyrating on a guy dressed as War Machine and say "That mummy chick was doing way too much...I can't wait until next year."

What about you? What's too much? What costume did you see that was just too much? When is the limit only the limit for one day? How big of a penis is too big? How many orgasms are the limit? What bra size is the limit of handling?

They call me The Fury and I want it all...but not all the time.

-The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com/
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-10-27T11:51:00.005-04:00

Happy Rainy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This weather blows.

- I wanted to stay curled up in my blanket this morning - why didn't I call out sick?

- I think it's now been a month since I got a mani/pedi...I need a treat. Doing my nails myself just doesn't look or feel the same.

- What do you all consider sexy?

- I've been wearing my new boots non-stop - so comfy! Breaking them in nicely.

- So hungry!

- I made chili for lunch but I don't want it. Could go for some Amish pizza - Monica knows what I'm talking about. Perfect day for it.

- Spin class tonight! I'm skerred.

- Where did October go?

- Anyone going to any fun Halloween parties this weekend? They're having a costume contest for PETS in my apartment complex this Sunday...should be so cyute!

- I just want candy. Reeses, Twix, Milky Ways, Snickers, alladat!

- Trick.....or treat? ;-)

- Don't you just love it when you're (arguing) debating with someone and you see in their eyes the exact moment they realize they're wrong? :-)

- My fantasy team is sucking ass big time. I lost by HALF A FREAKIN POINT last week. I was robbed! Muddafuggin Flacco!

- Anyone on the blog still in love with an ex?

- My homemade iced tea is bangin'!

- I need a hot stone massage....asap!

- I stole this week's throwback from Rameer's Facebook page. He was on a 90's hip hop rampage last night! This was my joint!

Go!

-b

Comfortable Enough to......

2011-10-25T13:24:00.003-04:00

Happy Tuesday everyone!

So this past weekend, friends and family gathered for my nephew's 5th birthday party. It was mostly a group of my sister's friends who have become my "friends" by default. They were all sharing stories of their marriages, husbands, how sleeping in flannel pajamas is not sexy and passion parties. However, what struck most of the women was one woman's claim to have never farted in front her husband of over a decade.

They all wondered how that was even possible. Never???

She says she will get out of a warm, cozy bed and walk into another room to pass gas, rather than let a little one go in her husband's presence....whether he was awake or not.

I guess she feels some things should remain a mystery - and since she's not really a "gassy" person, it's easy for her. Other women, however, said they felt comfortable enough to fart in front of their husbands, even before they got married. One woman said she regularly let loose around her man, even when they were simply dating and out at the movies.

That got me to thinking about dating, and when is a good time to let someone see "the real" you, or "all" of you. So the question of the day is: When should we be comfortable enough to fart in front of our mates - or should we always keep SOME things a mystery? Obviously this question isn't limited to passing gas, but feel free to tell us what you will do in front of your mate, or what you will NEVER do or let him/her see...ever in life so long as you can help it.

Go!

-b

All I Really Want Is To Be Happy

2011-10-21T10:51:00.004-04:00

TGIF!!

I have another guest blogger today! Let's see if we can help her with her dilemma - hopefully the men will chime in to give us some perspective. Let's go!

All I Really Want is to Be Happy...by Emotionally Done

The title of this post was inspired by a friend on Facebook that had it as her status. I immediately snagged it from her not knowing that we were in the same boat. Too many of my friends in 2011 are sharing a similar journey. Some even have kids with these guys. The boat we are in is love with no commitment.

All of us are in love with guys that won't commit. I tried to "control" my feelings last year. I was in denial because I just knew that I had my guard up! But by the holidays of 2010 I knew I was in love with him.

I confessed my love and he said he wasn't there yet - which is fine. The one thing I know is that people don't always feel the same way at the same time.

But what happens when almost a year has gone by and still nothing? The guys we love stated that they are attracted to us, deeply care for and even love us...but are not "in love." However, they all said that they want a woman that loves them and cares for them...but yet when God gave us to them, they don't know what to do!

Emotions are even more on a high when there are kids involved. We have a young daughter together and he said a child doesn't make a relationship. Well that's true, but I had these feelings before I even knew I was pregnant. So now what? Sometimes I wish that my feelings would just fade to the back!

I asked Brooke if I could write to the blog. I read her blogs but never really comment, but love the blog fam. I'm baffled and hurt. There have even been times when people called me his girlfriend and he doesn't correct them. Even some of his family thinks we're together...and yet he won't correct them either! WTH???

Remember that scene from Love Jones when Nia Long slept with a pillow in between her legs because he was in the next room...yeah that was me recently. Not cool!

What have I decided to do with my situation? Suppress my feelings. Why keep showing love when it's not being returned? I'm physically starved for affection but I'm tired of being a "play girlfriend."

I would love to hear what the blog has to say...especially the men. Is he scared? Does he just want his cake and eat it too? Maybe feelings from the past are haunting him? Let me hear your thoughts and if you have ever felt this way.

Signed,
Emotionally Done

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-10-20T11:56:00.002-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- So glad it's Thursday - can't wait for this work week to be over!

- My nephew Ibrahim's birthday is Sunday - he'll be 5 years old! Woo-hoo!

- People tryna test me this week...and I caught a cold. Not cool.

- What to eat for lunch?

- I'm in desperate need of a mani/pedi, but I keep putting it off. I need to treat myself.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.

- I realized today on the train that I'm not a big fan of high school aged kids.

- Do any of you still collect dvd's?

- I need to make a trade in Fantasy Football. I'll be reaching out to Meercat for help soon...if I have time to do my research!

- How is it Oct. 20th already??

- So thankful for all of my blessings...truly!

- If you don't "like" MadameNoire.com on FB, "like" it today :-)

- I have three scarves at work. Three. Cold much?

- Sometimes free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

- The DMoe throwback for this week!

Go!

-b

Do You Care What Your Friends Think?

2011-10-18T12:52:00.003-04:00

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Here is a question of the day: How many of you care what other people think - be it friends or family, or society in general - about the person you date/love? This has been a topic of conversation between my friends and me for a little while now, so I thought I'd ask the blog how much influence others have on who you date, love, marry, etc.

It doesn't even have to be as deep as who you choose for a life partner. How many of you have been out on a date, ran into someone you knew and immediately tried to 1) HIDE! 2) size up your date to make sure he/she looked good enough to be introduced to your friend, or 3) wanted to flaunt your date cuz you knew he/she was hot like FIYA!? Whether consciously or subconsciously, I think we all have cared to an extent what others thought of our love choices.

I think women do it more so than men. When we tell our girls about a new guy we're dating or interested in, the usual questions typically follow. They want to know his stats - what does he do, what does he drive, where does he live, does he have kids, how many, how many baby mamas, etc. Rarely do my friends ask upfront if he makes me happy, rubs my feet, takes me to church, listens to me or if he's a good guy. While I know they want to make sure I'm taken care of, we don't normally get to THAT part of the conversation right away. They want to see a picture first to make sure he's FINE, and THEN (100 questions later) they ask me if he's good to his mother.

Men, I don't think they care what their friends think...as much. I'm sure they do to some degree - in the realm of what she looks like, if she's smart, has a job, no baby daddies and can fry up a mean steak. But for the most part, if their boy is happy, they're cool. Unless she's throwing bricks through his window or slashing tires...you know, the usual ;-)

Ultimately, I'm sure we can say that we care what our friends and family think in some way, shape or form. Some more than others - and there's nothing wrong with that. I value my close friends' opinions, because I know they have my best interest at heart. I trust anything my sister says, because she's always honest...to the point where it makes me uncomfortable to have to look at myself in the mirror and see that I just might be wrong, delusional, irrational, too sensitive, blind to what's in front of me or just plain trippin'. We all need that from time to time.

But then there are times where we care TOO MUCH what others think, to the point where we block our own happiness. You have to know the difference between someone giving you sincere advice, and someone simply hating on your happiness. There's a difference between genuine concern and someone being judgemental. It's up to us to be able to discern so that we don't live our lives for someone else.

At the end of the day, we're adults who can and will do whatever we want...so live your life for yourself. And if you put true love on hold because of how it looks to others, you’re sacrificing your own happiness for no real reason.

I know it's easier said than done when assessing the opinions of people you care about compared to your own desires, but someone who loves you will love your partner, too. Why? Because you love him/her and because he/she makes you happy. Anyone who can’t fall in line to support your choice in mate is putting their needs/desires/prejudices before what’s really important: your happiness.

So back to the question of the day: Have you ever ended a relationship because of what your friends and family thought? Not because they’re protecting you from a player/asshole/addict/violent/abusive person, but because they selfishly wanted you to marry someone just like you? Just like THEM? If so, how did you reconcile this?

Let's hear it!

Go!

-b

What About Your Friends?...by Serena Wills

2011-10-17T11:07:00.005-04:00

Happy Monday everyone!

Our very own Serena Wills asked if she could guest blog today, so of course I said yes! This video makes me want to go back to the 90's, even if only for a day. They don't make music and videos like this anymore :) Anyway, to the blog...let's go!

What About Your Friends?...by Serena Wills.

I'm at a real crossroads these days and decided to ask other artists and entrepreneurs how they felt about being supported. I always assumed that when I finally became published and took stage that I would have a sea of friends in the crowd buying my books. Everyone talked about supporting me as an artist, but once my dreams started taking place and happening, I saw different.

At first I was heart broken (still am sometimes) that I have friends that don't have any of the books I'm published in, or say they will come to an event where I'm the feature or an open mic and bow out on me at the last minute.

When I asked artists and entrepreneurs if they were going through the same thing, most of them answered yes. One artist out of Dallas said she's had her art exhibited in multiple shows and galleries, and maybe a couple of friends attended. A musician I interviewed said something so honest that I had to take what he said and write it on a wall. He said, "At first I was upset. People are happy for me, but when it comes time to buy my music or come to shows, they don't. However I'm not pursuing my dreams because of them! I have to keep moving forward, there's a whole world out there that wants to hear me."

He's so right...there is a whole world out there. We can't keep relying on our comfort zone. We just automatically assume that the zone will support - but sometimes it won't.

In 2012, I'm going to take a lot of what others have said and re-brand myself. Reach out to more people and places. Since I've been back east, I've had a lot going on and now I have to refocus. In Dallas, I either did shows or was vending every month! I met so many people from all walks of life that ended up supporting me because they liked or loved my writing and framed poetry collection.

In closing, pursue your dreams despite who really supports you or not. Also remember you have to move forward with your dreams because they are yours! God gave them to you. Lastly, reach out to the world with your gift and step out the zone. I have to do so because right now I'm stuck in it and frustrated.

Questions for the group - if you're an entrepreneur/artist/etc. what's your gift, how do you market your product, do you or did you feel stuck, and what's your plan to build on your dreams? Do you want to retire the 9-5 world and just work for you?

Go!

- Serena Wills

Relationship Pet Peeves

2011-10-14T14:45:00.002-04:00

TGIF mi gente!

So last night at dinner, my colleagues Crystal and Beverly and I were discussing relationships and if there is a benefit to being single rather than being coupled up. Being mature, single women who live alone, we thought maybe we (read ME) were a little too set in our ways to share our space and make compromises for the sake of a relationship.

It was a light-hearted conversation, and we laughed at each other's lists of "things that annoy the hell out of us."

Beverly said it bugs her when people wear their shoes in the bathroom, or take the last bite of food in the house. I said I can’t stand when people (read MEN) sit on the sofa in a wet towel, sit on my pillow or let the toilet seat slam down. Crystal didn’t really list her pet peeves, but I’m sure she has some. We all do.

While some pet peeves may be silly or downright irrational, it doesn’t change the fact that we all know what we like or don’t like when it comes to dealing with our partners in relationships. Our little quirks can make us adorable at first, but can quickly go left after the honeymoon stage is long over. Next thing you know, we can’t stand the way our partner breathes…”you blink too loudly!”

Every relationship has its little annoyances, and if not addressed can cause resentment…which will inevitably lead to the beginning of the end. So with that, here is the question of the day: What are some of your relationship pet peeves? They can be silly, or they can be serious character traits that are eventual deal breakers.

Mine?

1. Thoughtlessness
2. Combativeness
3. Lying
4. Broken Promises
5. Neediness

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-10-13T12:35:00.004-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I had a great time last weekend with my family - especially celebrating my sister's birthday with her! I miss them!

- It's mid October already - I feel like we're speed racing to New Year's!

- Can't wait to eat my Korean short ribs from Trader Joe's today - but Monica is tempting me with Hale and Hearty soup! Can't do it though...cuz I'm having barbeque for dinner tonight! Yum! Not to mention an open bar and appetizer's afterwards at the premiere party for our new series Bordertown: Laredo. I'll work it all off.....tomorrow ;-)

- I need to call T-Mobile to figure out what all these mysterious fees are. My bill is too high.

- I bought boots today - couldn't help it.

- I think it would be cool for my nephew to have his birthday party at a place that makes chocolate. That may just be a bit self serving ;-)

- I'm waiting for my muscles to get sore from this killer workout Monica and I did last night. There's always a day delay with me, but BOY I'm gonna feel it. Yikes!

- Almost finished reading the book for the book club! Maybe tonight on the train....

- Should I make cheesecake and bring it to Annamaria's to share with the group? Hmmmm.....

- I've missed Basketball Wives: LA for the past 3 weeks and don't miss it at all. Over it.

- Did anyone check out the BET Hip Hop Awards, or Reed Between the Lines? Thoughts? I caught only the Shady Cypher and Heavy D's performance...check it!

I think of DMoe every time I hear "errbody Dougie, err, errbody Dougie!" LOL!

Some other Cyphers...the only thing really worth watching on the Hip Hop Awards:

Why did Rosay have a blouse on? Anyway...

International flow, I see you Estelle...holla!

Okay, that should be enough - this week's throwback!

Go!

-b

Stop Talking About It and Just Be About It...My Journey to Fitness

2011-10-11T11:56:00.003-04:00

Happy Tuesday!

I have a dynamic guest blogger today - and some of my SU alum may know her well. She's a force to be reckoned with, and her post inspired me to the point of wanting to share with you all. Please show some love :-)

Stop Talking About It and Just Be About It...My Journey to Fitness
by Loree Johnson

Days have passed since I stepped on stage for the very first time and I continue to struggle to capture what this experience has been like for me. I look at my competition photos and do a double take. I ask myself repeatedly "Is that really me?" It might seem like a silly (cliché-ish) question to ask oneself, but it's true.

I have always prided myself on being an intellectual, and therefore I felt a little embarrassed to share my decision to compete. Would people think I'm too vain? But this competition was never about vanity for me.

My journey toward competition has been long and varied. My journey to fitness did not begin with a desire to compete. Over the years, I gained weight, lost weight, and gained weight again. I valued being physically fit, however I never fully understood the proper balance between nutrition and exercise to achieve my goal. Like most women, I have also had a long and complicated relationship with my body, which centered around that number on the scale.

For many years, I was on autopilot. My twenties and early thirties were devoted to completing my education and establishing my career. I completed a doctoral program in Marriage and Family Therapy. I became licensed in two states. I launched a private practice with two thriving office locations by the age of 36. I was driven (and still am).

My career as a professional who helps others has always been rewarding. I delight in my clients' successes and in knowing I played some part in inspiring and supporting them in achieving their personal and/or professional goals. However, along the way of helping other, I lost sight of myself. I lost my focus on eating properly and I neglected exercising, especially as the challenges of maintaining a work/life balance became a daily reality. I sought more comfort in eating instead of physical activity. Even as I talked about the importance of balance with my clients, I struggled in my own right.

After watching a dear friend compete for the first time at the age of 40, I decided to stop talking about changing my body and my nutrition and decided to actually start doing something about it. Many competitors, who offered words of encouragement along the way, noted how I was about to embark on a journey in which I would learn a lot about myself. I kept asking myself, "What did they mean?" I had already gone through so many hurdles in life that had tested my strength and fortitude. Surely a little training would not be any more of a challenge than what I had already endured. I could not have been more wrong. I woke up at 5am for four straight months to hit the gym for at least two hours before heading into the office for a ten hour day (not including my commute). I was exhausted as I sat and listened to my clients as they recounted their personal struggles. At times I became frustrated because of my own fatigue. But through all of this, I remained determined.

During my training there were times I felt like crying and there were times when I actually wiped away a few tears, but I still pushed myself to finish my workout. I could be upset (or mad, sad, insert any feeling here), but I had to be upset while doing what I needed to nurture me. I was tired, cranky, and wanted to give up, but I refused, which is symbolic of how I live my life. I may get discouraged and a little derailed, but I always get back on track. There's something invigorating about challenging your body, thinking that you can't push any further yet harnessing a little more strength from deep within - taking yourself to the limit to find out what you're really made of.

I also looked to other competitors in the field for support and inspiration, such as Earnestine Shepherd, a woman who discovered bodybuilding in her 50's and Teresa Anthony, a professional figure competitor, who works as a contractor for NASA. These women personify strength and muscularity with style and grace. I was also fortunate to work with two individuals who guided me at different points along my competition journey: my nutritionist, Dr. Philip Goglia, and my posing coach, Nancy Georges. Their experience, insight and encouragement were invaluable.

Most importantly, I looked to one person whose support was priceless - my partner, Michael. Through the early morning training sessions (yes, he trained right along with me), the adventures of changing meal plans from week to week, and the ups and downs of life, he offered words of encouragement and reminded me of the commitment I made to myself.

Through this process, I connected with the strength that I had lost sight of and I stayed connected to the commitment I made to myself, which I had often sabotaged in the past. Stepping on stage was the culmination of my following through on that commitment. It was rewarding to finally stop talking about it and just be about it.

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-10-06T08:19:00.006-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Rest in peace to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, who passed away yesterday at the age of 56. His innovative spirit, vision and genius has changed the world, and we all can learn from his greatness and leadership. What an amazing legacy to leave behind, and I am grateful to have witnessed it in my lifetime. Be inspired...for "those who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who actually do."

- Rest in peace to Rev. Fred Shuttlesworth, a major civil rights leader and icon. He was described by Martin Luther King, Jr. as "the most courageous civil rights fighter in the South."He died yesterday in Birmingham, Alabama at the age of 89. We salute you, and thank you.

- It's been really "autumn-like" out there past few days, and the crisp air is so refreshing! I think it's gonna warm up one last time this weekend and early next week and then Fall will be in full effect!

- I want boots. Real bad. I think I'm gonna have to give in before the weekend comes.

- Good news: I lost 3 lbs so far this week. Bad news: I brought lasagna to work today for lunch. Sigh.

- I'll work it off in Tru Dog's class tonight.

- Still waiting for Kim to tell me how the Michael Jackson Circ du Soleil show was in Canada - we're going in April!

- Yes, I'm an MJ fanatic :-)

- Can't wait to see my sister this weekend - we're celebrating her birthday! woo-hoo!

- Trying to hold off til next Wednesday for a mani/pedi.

- I want my braids back for the winter.

- I saw a woman in labor on the train today. She was doing her panting/breathing thing, clutched onto her man's arm with her pillow gripped tight in her other arm. Everyone on the train looked nervous, but no one looked more terrified than her husband/baby daddy/whoever he was. She just kept asking, "Are we there yet?" I wonder if they made it and if she had the baby by now. I pray she delivered a healthy baby.

- I have meetings all day today, so let me get right to the throwback!

Go!

-b

TMI Wednesday - The Dilemma of The Split Second Fantasy

2011-10-05T14:43:00.003-04:00

It's TMI Tuesday...a day late, but worth the wait ;-)

The Dilemma of the Split Second Fantasy...by The Fury.

"Fury, do you mind stepping into my office for a second?" The Executive VP of Global Operations whispered to me with her head poked out of her doorway.

"Umm..Sure. Not a problem." I replied.

I wasn't scared for my job, she wasn't a direct report of mine. I was very curious as to why the extremely business savvy, mistress of the business universe and eye-wateringly gorgeous woman was staring at me across her desk with her steely blue eyes.

"This is the first time you've been in here, isn't it?" She said with a giggle as she saw me staring around at her degrees, awards and pictures of her family.

THAT body pushed out two kids? Wow.

"Yes. Thanks for the privilege" I joked. She laughed.

"Well I actually need to ask you for a privilege…"

Immediately my mind raced to thoughts of her begging for knee quivering sex.
I could make use of her solid oak desk. It would take just a nod from her for me to slide her pencil skirt over her slim hips and plant my tongue on her pleasure center. But she was an authority figure right? There must be all manner of repressed needs in her head. She would like to be dominated, right?

She wanted me to force her to her knees. She wanted a mouthful..no she wanted to gag on my mandingo stem.

"How can I help you?" I smiled.

"Well, I was hoping to offer Mark on your team a position on mine and I wanted to clear it with you first. I know he's a hard worker and also wanted your opinion and your blessing."

Shit!

My mind went too far again. It does that.

Sometimes brief interactions can create some of the deepest, darkest, dirtiest thoughts in my mind. It's rare that my face will crack. I don't wear my emotions on my shoulder. But the thoughts are vulgar. So very nasty.

I know I'm not alone in dirty thoughts. It's the depth to which they go.
They hit the bottom (smirk). They run the gamut. The thoughts become entire scenarios. Filthy things I want to do to her or have her do to me. Or to them...

On the occasion that I actually find myself alone and naked with an object of these thoughts, I have to train myself not to reenact the thoughts…well at least not immediately;-)

I'm not crazy. I'm not a perv. I just have a very active imagination.

How about you? Have you found yourself thinking the dirtiest of things about people you interact with? Having dreams about people you'd never imagine?
How do you handle those thoughts?

They call me The Fury and two pennies for my thoughts may make you blush.

--The Fury

11 Sex Dreams...Repost!

2011-10-04T16:10:00.003-04:00

Happy TMI Tuesday!

I totally dropped the ball and forgot to remind Fury that TMI Tuesday was coming up. You'd think he'd have these marked on his calendar by now...ahem...but I'll take the blame since it's my blog and no one is responsible for it but me.

Anyhoo, since we don't have Fury's freaky blog to read today, I thought I'd re-post a blog I ran across that some of you might find interesting.

Remember I mentioned in Random Thoughts Thursday last week that I had a disturbing - somewhat sexual - dream about one of my (female) friends - and Fury was helping me to interpret it? Well this article might have come in handy right after I woke up to give me some insight.

We'll have TMI "Wednesday" tomorrow with Fury, but for now....

11 Sex Dreams That Don't Mean What You Think They Do
Published Friday, June 5, 2009

This isn't apropos of anything. I just found myself on a dream interpretation website and thought I'd bring it to 11points. I like dream interpretation -- nothing is what it seems, everything means something else. No matter what Freud said, a cigar is never a cigar. For today, I'm analyzing 11 different sex dream subjects to let you know what they REALLY mean.

1. Dream of a dominatrix, find God.If you dream about... a dominatrix it means that... you're looking to find God. Apparently, dreaming that you're a dominatrix means you're looking to step up your spirituality. Not sure how digging your spiked high heel into someone until they say the safety word (most likely "razzmatazz") is a sign that you're looking to be born again, but hey, who am I to argue with a book?

2. If you dream about... watching someone get naked it means that... you're compassionate. Watching someone get undressed shows you want to understand that person better so you can empathize and become more comfortable with them. I suppose this even applies if you're watching them get undressed through binoculars outside their window.

3. If you dream about... castration it means that... you feel uncreative. Makes sense, getting your genitals lopped off is akin to not being able to express yourself by painting seascapes or making a bunch of pots.

4. If you dream about... orgies it means that... you need to have fewer hobbies. Take a note: If, in your dream, you're getting spread too thin by simultaneous sex with a half dozen people... maybe it means you're getting spread too thin in real life. So give up stamp collecting or you're going to keep dreaming of getting gangbanged.

5. If you dream about... an erection it means that... you should finally start writing that novel you're always talkin' about. Erections don't mean erections in dreams. They mean you have power and energy you need to use, and, most commonly, use in a creative way.

6. Wear a chastity belt, go relax.If you dream about... wearing a chastity belt it means that... you're too protective. Clearly. If you want to put your lady genitalia under lock-and-key, it's a sign that you need to relax.

7. If you dream about... condoms it means that... well, it depends on the condom. If the condom is wrapped, it means you need to start letting other people voice their opinions. If you're a woman and you dream about a man wearing a condom, it means you feel emotional protected. And finally, if the condom is unwrapped, it means you're sexually frustrated (naturally, because every dream interpretation has to be the opposite of logical).

8. If you dream about... incest it means that... you forgive a family member for an argument. Seriously. Your subconscious mind rewards them sexually. And yes, that's gross, but it doesn't mean (1) you're sexually attracted to your sister or (2) that you should take the dream as a sign and act on it in real life. She gives you a nice birthday present, just thank her with a heartfelt hug.

9. If you dream about... performing oral sex on yourself it means that... you're a selfish bastard. But hey, I respect you for dreaming of something so ambitious.

10. If you dream about... being gay it means that... you're not gay. It just means that you accept yourself and you're compassionate.

11. But if you dream about... being bisexual it means that... you're gay. And those two interpretations back-to-back really sum up the seemingly random and illogical art of dream interpretation.

.....so....anyone have any interesting dreams lately?

Go!

-b

TGIF Sexy Survey!

2011-09-30T12:04:00.002-04:00

TGIF!

We haven't done one of these in a while, so I figured....why not?! Hopefully I didn't ask too many tricky questions for your "Friday-end-of-week" brains :-)

1. Does/Can a kiss give you an indication of how good…or bad…the sex will be?

2. Once a cheater always a cheater?

3. If you are dating more than one person at a time, and one of those persons gives you a gift or leaves something (a toothbrush, an article of clothing, etc) at your place – do you hide it before the other person you’re dating comes over, or do you leave it out with the understanding that you’re not exclusive?

4. Would you want to live with a prospective mate before getting married? If so, for about how long?

5. If you could watch a video of yourself having sex, would you want to?

6. If for some reason you could never again be sexually intimate with anyone of the opposite sex, would you seek such intimacy with someone of your own sex? If so, what would someone of your own sex have to be like in order for you to find them sexually attractive?

7. If you could either double or halve your desire for sex, which would you do? Why?

8. Have you ever been in love with someone you knew you couldn’t trust?

9. Has sex ever made you feel guilty?

10. Would you prefer a wild, passionate, turbulent relationship, or a calm, warm, consistent one? Why?

Go!

-b

The Older I Get.....

2011-09-28T11:14:00.004-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

Finish this sentence:

The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to _________________.

I'll go first:

The older I get, the more difficult it is for me to lose weight.

Go!

-b

If I Were a.............

2011-09-27T15:51:00.002-04:00

Happy Tuesday!

Finish this sentence:

Ladies:

If I were a boy, I'd ________________.

Fellas:

If I were a girl, I'd ________________.

My answers?

If I were a boy I'd...

- pee standing up.
- probably wear the same one pair of jeans 4 times a week.
- have ALOT of sex.
- buy lots of condoms.
- fall in love. Get my heart broken. Then f*ck every girl in sight to get over the pain :-)
- hide text messages and take my phone to the bathroom with me, and still get caught anyway ;) - probably never change my sheets.
- probably have trouble dealing with my emotions because I was told to be a man.
- probably cry less.
- probably NOT call some girls back. And not for any reason other than I'm a guy.
- would play sports, and be really good at it. I'd still be smart tho ;-)
- be hung like a horse and a sexual God :-)
- be genuinely sorry but I’d keep making the same thoughtless mistakes and no one would be convinced that I didn’t mean them.
- put my foot in my mouth.
- try to be a man that would make my family proud.
- have integrity and be loyal.
- be a man of my word.
- hope that if one day I had a son, he’d be a better man than me.

Go!

-b

Sexy Rainy Days

2011-09-23T13:38:00.004-04:00

TGIF!

I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but it's pouring here in the NYC. Sometimes there's nothing sexier than a rainy day....but not so sexy when you're at work.

If I were at home, I'd be bundled up on my sofa with fuzzy socks on, drinking hot chocolate and watching movies - that is....if I was alone. But if you've got a boo, here are some sexy rainy day ideas for you:

1. Make love all day. Even better if it's a thunderstorm. Nothing is sexier than that.

2. Cook together. We always want comfort food when it's cold and rainy outside, and cooking together creates an intimate experience. Hook up a steak and potatoes, feed each other...then work it off later if you know what I mean. Have each other for dessert :-)

3. Take a long, hot bath together. Light some candles, put on some Prince...Sade....Jill Scott - whoever does it for you on sexy days like today. Just relax, be a little romantic and wash each other. Dry each other off, and follow it up with an oil massage. Many sexy things can begin in the bathtub.

4. Make it a romantic movie night. Pop some popcorn, break out the candy, cuddle on the couch and watch Love Jones. ("I love you...that's urgent like a muthaphucka.") You might have to put it on pause for a nookie break ;-)

5. Dance together. Dim the lights, or turn them off completely, plug in your iPod to your stereo and hit the "slow jam" playlist. Hold each other close and let the music move you. I'm getting a little tingly just thinking about it ;-)

What are your favorite, sexy things to do on rainy days? I'll look to DMoe for the rainy day playlist...Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-09-22T12:57:00.003-04:00

Good Afternoon!

- RIP Troy Davis. Such a sad turn of events. An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. It could easily happen to any of us. Send up prayers for peace and healing.

- As Princess would say, I'm hungry like the wolf!

- Time heals all wounds. People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go.

- Name some good side hustles - I want to buy a house.

- This week is creeping by.

- I haven't watched any new TV shows yet this season. Anyone watch X-Factor last night?

- Getting my car inspected Saturday before my Godson's birthday party. Car stuff is a pain, but glad I got some good wheels!

- People keep complaining about the new Facebook but it hasn't hit my page yet...wondering what all the hoopla is about.

- Eagles vs. Giants this weekend - I hope Vick is okay to play! Otherwise, we're doomed with Kafka. E-A-G-L-E-S - Eagles!

- I want new boots. And a new winter coat. Maybe I feel this way because I'm in my office freezing!

- My eyebrows are crawling across my forehead...I need to get them waxed.

- So many birthdays coming up! I'm about to be broke!

- I haven't had a Snapple in over a week - so proud of myself. Snapple is CRACK to me.

- What I DID have though, was a frozen apple martini (Texas size) from BBQ's that "accidentally" had a triple shot in it. I was promptly laid out on my ass. Never again.

- In honor of my hangover, today's throwback :-)

Go!

-b

Tidbit Tuesday!

2011-09-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry I've been MIA, but I've been a bit under the weather. I'm slowly making my way back, and thanks go out to Cable Guy for holding down Random Thoughts Thursday for me last week. But while resting on the couch, some thoughts of my own have been swimming around in my head, and I have to get them out. We'll just call today "Tidbit Tuesday" - I think Ant has these on his blog from time to time. I won't bombard you with them ALL, but here are a few things on my mind today:

1. Floyd Mayweather.

This guy is a clown. He's a great fighter, but he's a clown. Now we can debate that (sucker) punch all day. Was it legal? Yes. Should Ortiz have protected his neck at all times? Absolutely. But that shot was bitchassness at it's finest...and there seems to be no honor or sportsmanlike conduct in sports these days. I predicted Mayweather to win, and I still think he would have won sans sucker punch, but true warriors don't have to win THAT way. The punch, however, is neither here nor there - what I want to really discuss is the post-fight interview.

What the hell was that?

Now, Merchant screaming that he wishes he was 50 years younger so he could whip Mayweather's ass was ridiculous as well, but Floyd Mayweather threw a tantrum like a child - simply for being asked about a questionable shot. Any reporter/commentator would have asked him about it - and rather than answer the question, he danced around it, promoted himself some more and then blew a gasket like a spoiled brat.

He's supposed to be a professional athlete, so where was his professionalism? I understand he just won a fight - emotions and adrenaline are on steroids...but c'mon son. He was yelling at an old man who was doing what he always does...and made himself look like a complete ass in the process. What is even more sad are those who defend this type of behavior. Ignorance should NOT be the standard, and hood sh*t should not be celebrated. True champions know this and hold themselves to a higher standard. I call bullsh*t on anyone who thinks that was funny, cool or justified.

2. Ray J.

First of all, why does anyone even still care about Ray J - or Fabolous for that matter?
Okay, if you're a fan of either of these gentlemen, I won't diss you, but Ray J really needs to go sit his ass down somewhere. If you haven't heard the story, supposedly they got into a fight and Ray J recently went on the radio to defend reports that he got knocked the EFF out man! Take a listen:

Ummmm.....Ray J sounds crazy. And he's going to hire someone to "rape" Fab? Really? And he knows these people...how? He played himself. No wonder he's friends with Floyd Mayweather, b*tches of a feather flock together.

3. Ron Artest.

Speaking of playing oneself...here's...uh..."Metta World Peace"...is it?

Buffoonery.

4. Miss Universe.

Now they're saying she's not "really black." Fuckery.

5. Fantasy Football.

Congrats to Ant on whoopin' my butt in Fantasy Football...has nothing to do with anything, but I'll be back and victorious next weekend!

Bonus tidbit question of the day: Ladies - What type of guy would you NEVER date because you'd think/assume/swear he was gay (if you're heterosexual that is)? None of this means he actually is - and it's completely ignorant - but this came out of a conversation I had with my girl Su. My guesses?

- a "hair dresser." Not a barber...a "hair dresser."
- a figure skater
- a ballet dancer
- Fonzeworth Bentley

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-09-15T11:40:00.004-04:00

Random Thoughts Thursday...by the Cable Guy!

Brooke isn't up to blogging today, so she said I could kick off RTT! Ahem....

- I hope Brooke has a great day. The rest of you too :-)

- Thick chicks are sexy.

- RIP to Brian Urlacher's mother. It kills me how some feel he should still play on Sunday, even though he just lost his mother. Imagine how you'd feel if your mother passed? Nuff said.

- I love my mother...dearly.

- We're in mid-September already - Christmas will be here before you know it.

- My son told me this morning that he wants to grow up to be "cool" like me. That's my man!

- Parenting is the biggest joy in the world, but only if you're up for it. If not, don't have kids.

- This Cougar tried to rape me the other day as I was installing her modem. I told her I only have eyes for Brooke and to keep it moving! You'd be surprised how many naked women answser the door waiting for the cable guy. Desperation is not sexy.

- That said, I do feel kinda sexy in my uniform ;)

- If it wasn't for football and ESPN, I'd never watch tv...and I'm the Cable Guy.

- My favorite game growing up was Dodge Ball.

- I need a new ride.

- The new Ms. Universe is BANGIN'! I don't normally pay attention to those things, but she can get it.

- Brooke is even letting me choose the throwback for today - this goes out to B!

Let's Get It!

- Cable Guy

Single in Your 30's - Are You Doomed?

2011-09-09T11:17:00.003-04:00

TGIF!!

Today's topic comes to me from a question asked in a forum I belong to on Facebook. The question was: Is it typically more difficult or easier to have committed relationships in your 30's?

I've had this discussion a few times with female friends mostly, and the answers varied widely. I'll give my answer based on my experiences, and you all can chime in with yours.

Ironically, the most meaningful (and monogamous) relationships I've had were in my 20's. I always thought your 20's were supposed to be your "free" years - a decade of discovering yourself, having fun and building your career. I never set out to settle down into a relationship with any one man, but somehow, that's where I always landed.

Then I hit 30.

Fresh out of a 3 year relationship, I wanted to take some time to breathe. Well...I've been breathing for the better part of 8 years now. Don't get me wrong, I've dated. I've met some great men and had plenty of fun. Male company is not something I lack. Finding a date is actually rather easy. It's that elusive "relationship" I was having a hard time with.

Maybe it was easier to get into a relationship in my 20's because I wasn't expecting to be in one. They always say, it's when you're not looking that you find someone. In high school, college and your early 20's, you don't really know what you want, so you probably don't weed people out as quickly as you do when you're 35 and know EXACTLY what you want. You're pretty much open to dating....anybody.

When I was 23, I'd date a man who wanted to explore things with me - build something that we could discover together. But once you start working, living on your own, traveling the world and establishing a life - you've then built a world that someone now has to fit into.

At 30-something, I had a cat...so if you were allergic, you either pop a Zyrtec or keep it moving. I live in NYC, and any man who didn't like the big city (or any area close to it) need not apply. And if he didn't want to get married (again) or have (any more) children, then the party is over. If you are "selectively honest," or faithful, there would be no more calls back. I'd simply disappear. Afraid of commitment? Time for me to go. End of courtship. The list goes on.

Having kissed a few frogs in my time, I've found that my "list" grows longer with time and becomes VERY specific. My tolerance for bullshit is at an all time low. You develop a list of "warning signs" that you know will likely lead to problems, and out of simple practicality you don't even bother giving people with these problems the time of day. It's almost involuntary.

The list of deal breakers gets longer as you get older, simply because you experience more things you don't want to be involved with, and you yourself have had more time to sort through your issues - and expect your counterpart to have done so as well.

I know myself better, I know what I can and cannot deal with, and I do a greater job at identifying compatibility with potential dates than I did when I was 25. Most importantly, I now know when to end things when they aren't working out rather than holding on for no reason. I don't have time to waste, and doubt I could do it even if I wanted to. At 38, I have to be true to myself. I simply can't help it.

But does that limit us in our quest to find our perfect (for us) mate? While I see nothing wrong with having a "been there, done that" attitude, are we blocking our blessings by being so set in our ways? Are we doomed once we hit 35 and haven't yet found "The One"?

I don't think so.

Just because it may get more difficult, doesn't mean it's impossible. For some, maybe it IS easier to have a real relationship in your 30's, because if both parties know exactly what they want and are in agreement, then no time will be wasted, no games will be played and they can get right to the business of building an inclusive life together.

I honestly think the things that make it harder for me to find a compatible partner as I get older aren't necessarily so bad. I'm finding that I have time to become my own person and discover the life I really want to live. I'm still learning to screen out issues and character traits that would eventually become problems anyway, so I'm dodging bullets left and right. While I think finding and maintaining meaningful relationships may be more difficult as I get older, I feel the quality of a relationship I WILL find will improve. Being selective, in my opinion, isn't such a bad thing...so long as the end result is a happy one.

What say you?

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-09-08T10:33:00.004-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This weather is definitely "fall-like" already. Summer was OUT!

- We're having a company wide pizza party today. "Yay!" for not buying lunch, but "boo!" for having to really sign up for spinning today to work it all off :-(

- Annamaria has a book club and I'm in it! We're reading "The End of November" by Nicole Sharpe if anyone wants to read along :-)

- I haven't read a book in months....that's so sad.

- I want a Pepsi right now for some reason. Guess I'll go get water instead.

- I hate when people go thru my stuff.

- Jordan (Serena's baby boo) is gorgeous! His smile just melts your heart :-)

- I saw my Godson Lee this past weekend. That boy is a little genius. Love him!

- Hug and kiss the ones you love - and tell them you love them every day.

- I'm in meetings all day today...not fun.

- I've taken care of two plants for almost a year now and they're thriving. I've never been able to keep plants this long. I'm pretty darn proud of myself! I had a little bit of help though - shout out to Tanisha for helping me water them :-)

- I need to hit the lotto.

- Why do mothers work your nerves so bad? I love her dearly, but sometimes.......

- Never mind...I'm grateful for her.

- I can't believe we're coming up on the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Still praying for those who lost loved ones that day.

- Happy Birthday LockSmiff :-)

- Is anyone else sad that Det. Stabler won't be back on Law & Order: SVU this season? Just me? Ok.

- Don't let me forget to do my football picks today - SUpreme Fantasy Football League with Rameer in full effect!

- Today's throwback courtesy of our favorite RTT Playlist guru - D to the Moe!

Go!

-b

Real Sex Education - How'd You Learn?

2011-09-07T12:51:00.002-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

Since I totally flaked and dropped the ball for TMI Tuesday, let's just call this TMI Wednesday - even though it doesn't quite have the same ring to it. I was off for a few days, was hanging with the fam, and just enjoying some down time...but I promise to get back into the swing of things for the Fall. Damn, where did summer go!? Anyway, let's just jump right in shall we?

Real Sex Education - How'd you learn?...by The Fury.

The summer has unofficially left us. Here in the NYC, the warm weather has immediately made way for rain and sixty-degree temps. This time of year always reminds me of school. School always reminds me of sexy teachers. I've had maybe one or two actual sexy teachers during my schooling years, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about hot teachers with short skirts and glasses biting from apples.

In the bedroom, however, I've had plenty of teachers. I'm a willing and dutiful student. Sure I've taught and instructed, but the ones that teach me always have a special place in my memories. The behind-the-door teachers are the ones that enlighten you to new things, make you try stuff you'd never try, or help you overcome the tension and just relax.

I had a bet with Poetry; she taught me physical education. Because of her I learned I could go down on a woman for an hour or more…and enjoy every second.

Satin was very sensitive and an extremely loud screamer. I learned how to be extra gentle. I learned calligraphy. How to coax and easy stroke and get great results. How to make her shudder without hitting her with the "poundcake" which almost had the neighbors calling the cops.

Pree taught mass communication. There's no time like the present and a closed mouth won't get fed so if you want it…you better speak up and ask for it.

BJ helped me realize that it was ok to fly the freak flag and just be me. I learned to say whatever I like in the bedroom…and there's nothing like revenge sex. I guess we'd call that philosophy.

I learned how to handle two courses at once from Honey Rider and Phoenix. While Honey Rider taught Yoga - the brilliance of flexibility and stretching - Phoenix was learned in the importance of a great cheerleader and persuasive communication.

Mercedes taught Swimming. My first coed shower. I learned how to share the water…while doing the breast stroke.

Ebony was the professor of city planning. Do it wherever you can.

Those are just a few of the courses I attended. I've learned tons and had lots of great teachers. What about you? What have you learned sexually? What have you taught?

School is in session…there's the bell…

*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG*

-The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com/
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http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-09-01T11:30:00.002-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This weather (post Irene) has been splendid!

- I love the Fall - but sad summer is coming to an end :(

- I feel like shopping for boots. Nothing good can come of that.

- Do any of us really care why J-Lo and Marc Anthony split up? It's sad, kids are involved, yada yada yada...but a full media sweep starring Marc Anthony? C'mon son.

- I'm so happy for Beyonce and Jigga - she looks so cute preggers!

- Anyone wanna spot me a Rock the Bells ticket? ;)

- Having Naya for lunch today - and it'll probably taste even better since it's the company's treat! Gotta love lunch meetings.

- Anyone have any show ideas they wanna toss out there?

- Picking up my family from JFK this Sunday...counting down the days! I missed them so much!

- I feel like I've been thirsty all week!

- Gonna go spinning tonight...on the wack new spin bike. I want the old ones back - I wonder what they do with them. I'd love to have one in my house.

- This week's throwback!

Go!

-b

Polyamorous Play

2011-08-26T12:07:00.005-04:00

TGIF!

So when news broke of the rumored breakup of Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, black folk around the world were heard with a collective “NOOOOO! Say it ain’t so!”

Personally, I didn’t believe it, and I tend not to lend much weight to gossip rags. I can’t say that I would have been devastated, and most people wouldn’t have been surprised by the news at all given that they are indeed a Hollywood couple. But those of us who love us some Will and Jada might have been saddened by the news…if not heartbroken.

As soon as the rumor broke, people wanted to know why, how, what happened, and whose fault it was. Speculation ensued and topics of discussion quickly turned to their sex life – which has been a subject of interest with these two for years now.

Both have been rumored to be bisexual, or to use each other as “beards” for their individual homosexuality. Other rumors have been that they’re swingers, or share an open marriage. None of it has been proven or substantiated - but hey, it’s their business right?

But it DID make me wonder about something – if a couple DID have an open marriage or relationship – is that a sign that the relationship needs help, a recipe for disaster, or is it the modern couple’s answer to infidelity?

Some say a polyamorous relationship, when discussed openly with everyone on board, spares all involved the hurt and disappointment of cheating. However, others disagree, saying this type of arrangement may seem all good at first, but really it’s a recipe for hurt, disappointment, jealousy and breakups.

So the question of the day is this: Is welcoming another person(s) into your bed and your marriage a ticking time bomb waiting to explode? Is it genius? Or are you of the mindset of live and let live?

Personally, I don’t see an open relationship as something I’d ever consider. If I wanted the freedom to love and have sex with anyone I wanted, and he were to do the same, I see no point in being in a relationship at all or getting married period. But that’s just me. What say you?

Would you ever consider engaging in an open relationship? Have you ever tried it? If so, what were or would your ground rules be, if any?

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-08-25T10:29:00.003-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Meetings again all day today...zzzzzzz.

- If someone doesn't appreciate you, let them go. Life is too short...and there is always someone out there who WILL appreciate you.

- Dreary day...hurricane is coming! Anyone planning on getting flooded in this weekend with their boo? ;)

- My office is cold...and I don't even have the air on. I wonder if there's a way I can turn on the heat!

- My office chair sucks too.

- Had yogurt for breakfast and now my stomach is touching my back. Can't wait to get lunch today - what to eat?

- Please leave the Pinkett-Smiths alone.

- Steve Jobs steps down...

- Everyone got all weirded out feeling the tremor of the earthquake in VA up here in NY. Not that deep people.

- I need some new music.

- Weezy can't hold a candle to Jay...not even close. And I can't stand it when the ONLY thing fools can say about Jigga is that he's "old." He's only getting better with age...and anyone who thinks Weezy can come even remotely CLOSE to Jay lyrically is a clown. Yeah...I said it!

- The "Beats, Rhymes and Life" doc on A Tribe Called Quest is still showing down town for those who still haven't seen it. It's a must-see for any hip hop fan.

- I always wear the wrong clothes when it rains.

- In the mood to buy shoes...or boots. Take your pick.

- This week is draggin' ass.

- RIP Aaliyah...can't believe she's been gone so long.

-b

"Pissedoffedness"

2011-08-23T12:50:00.006-04:00

Good afternoon mi gente!

Ever have one of those days where someone just pisses you off? That’s me today…and it’s been a few days in the making. The thing that really irks my nerves is when someone pisses you off, you react, and then they tell you to "calm down"…when they’re the reason you’re pissed off in the first place!

Excuse me, I'm having a "wooo-saaaa" moment.

I hate being angry. I hate being angry at work even more. I’m usually a very even-tempered person, and most people don’t get to see my angry side. So when I show it, I mean it. But even in that state, I try to “fight fair” and come up with a respectful response when someone tells me to calm down, even though my first inclination is to spit back a fiery “f*ck off!” But even with my new office, the walls are thin…so I need to restrain myself.

I don’t get upset over parking tickets, or when people cut me off in traffic. I usually just utter “asshole” and keep it moving. Sometimes I see people spazz out at Starbucks because the barista forgot to add a splash of soy milk to their overpriced coffee, or because their flight was delayed…and they just look….crazy.

That was probably me today yelling in my office. Crazy.

One of the things I hate about being angry and arguing is this: from the outside looking in, you simply look like an idiot. People can't relate to why you're angry if they don't know the details, and most likely, you don't get sympathy, you get the side eye. Like I said, it takes a lot to push my buttons, but when they’re pushed, it’s hard to “UN-push” them. Then an hour later, I’m pissed at MYSELF for allowing myself to get angry in the first place – especially when I KNOW that was the intended goal. Now I need a drink.

Which brings me to the second reason I hate being angry – some people just like pissing other people off. I try to avoid those people at all costs, but sometimes they creep up on you and next thing you know you’re ready to cut someone’s head off. I’m not talking about the person who cut you off in traffic and didn’t realize it because they have the music blasting. It happens, and while you’re sitting in your car flipping them off and cussing them out, they’re completely oblivious to it. But I’m not talking about that person.

I’m talking about the person who WANTS to upset you, maybe because they weren’t hugged enough as a child, and they want you to be just as miserable as they are. Yeah, THAT asshole. When I react to them, they’re getting exactly what they wanted, and that just makes me even MORE angry…at MYSELF. Being angry usually only hurts the host, not the person he or she is angry at. And I KNOW THIS....but damn it's hard to remember in a heated conversation!

If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. Now, that may be harder to do with a boyfriend or your mother-in-law, but with time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these tortured people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live or behave. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life - just don't keep these people close.

Now that I’ve “calmed down” and taken my frustrations out in this post, I have to try to remind myself that in the midst of anger and "pissedoffedness", there is always something to be grateful for, and I should never let anyone take me out of my element again. From now on, I’ll simply walk away, or hang up the damn phone….or not answer it in the first place. My life is blessed, so why be angry?

Instead of being reactive, I should be proactive in ridding my life of all negative things and people who don’t have my best interest at heart. Of course there are going to be friends and family who get on your last nerve, and usually the people you care about are the one who hurt you the most. But at the end of the day, no one should be able to steal my joy, so that is something I need to work on…DAILY. There is too much good in the world to be angry and ungrateful. There is something good in every situation, and you can find it - even if it’s just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.

How do you deal when something or someone pisses you off? I could use all your help today – pray for me!

-b

Dating/Relationship Deal Breakers

2011-08-22T13:27:00.005-04:00

Happy Monday!

I'm trying to get myself situated in my new digs at work - I have a brand new office that I'm totally in love with! At first I thought I wouldn't have time to blog AND unpack, but a compromise would be to ask a question of the day...so here it goes!

This topic came up over the weekend, so I'll pose the question to you all today. What are your dating/relationship deal breakers?

Personally, addictions, abuse (verbal or physical), selfishness, infidelity and lying are at the top of my list. Those are usually at the top of MOST people's lists, although I'm sure exceptions can be made in some cases and everyone is different.

The list doesn't have to be that serious, heavy, light or detailed, but I'm curious to see what you all have to say: bad breath, he's too short, she's too tall, you have different religious beliefs, he or she is too messy or have children or multiple marriages. Let's hear it - what are your dating/relationship deal breakers?

I won't date him/her if _____________

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-08-18T10:45:00.003-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I've been working and packing my office for our big move tomorrow, so sorry I haven't written all week. I miss you guys!

- At least I'm off tomorrow! woo-hoo!

- Hopefully it doesn't rain all day tomorrow though - today's dank weather is a downer.

- My "stepson" Dante is here and has all the women in my office in a tizzy over his "winning smile." Pretty boy :)

- It's meeting after meeting today!

- I'm so happy football is back! Gotta get on the phone with Meer Cat to figure out this draft.

- The sun looks like it's trying to come out now....good!

- what's for lunch?

- Basketball Wives LA starts on the 29th and I have no desire to watch even though I watch the current one. I can only kill but so many brain cells.

- Serena just bbm'd me that she's going thru Brooke Blog withdrawal....awww! It's coming!

- Why am I watching the Jamie Foxx Show on BET? Shows you what kind of morning I'm having.

- Out of all the things the movers are handling from my office, I'm most worried about my plants. I've managed to keep them alive and thriving for months now - so proud of myself!

- I need one more beach day before Labor Day...just one!

- Time to take the braids out. Looking kinda fuzzy...just a lil bit.

- Tempted to cut all my hair off for the winter. Makes wearing a skully that much easier :)

- Wish I could rock a natural like Yolanda, Monica, Princess and Tanisha, but I don't have the head for it.

- I hope I get to keep my HBO in the new building.

- Today's throwback!

Trailer provided by Video Detective

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-08-10T23:55:00.005-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- It's almost mid August already...where is the summer going?

- Got my mani/pedi yesterday...feeling kinda pretty :)

- I want ice cream...won't do it though.....maybe ;)

- I wish I had the patience to wear my hair natural...and a nice shaped head :)

- Finally got my cell phone working again...but the batter SUCKS!

- My apartment is a sweat box as soon as I turn the air off. My electric bill is gonna be RIDICULOUS.

- I've also been getting headaches from all the heat, then AC, then heat again, then AC. I can't take it.

- I need to get the complete dvd set of The Wire and watch it. I only watched the first season on HBO...don't shoot me.

- So many summer movies I still haven't seen.

- Rameer, I still owe you a call to talk football!

- Can someone send me the new Jill Scott cd? Please and thank you :-)

- And while you're at it, can someone front me a Jay Z/K West concert ticket?

- I miss my family over in Morocco. It's about time they come home now :)

- Acting like a jerk to me doesn't win you any cool points.

- This week is too long. I need a break...looking forward to the weekend.

- I think I owe Annamaria a sexy story for her blog too. Tony and Domina*Tricks can go first :-)

- TV One is airing Dave Chappelle's Block Party on Saturday. Rock out!

- It feels good to be loved :-)

- Navy Seals killed this past week - so sad. Please remember to keep those fighting for our country in your prayers, whether you think they should be fighting or not. This war is still very real. We appreciate you.

- I give better hugs than Tanisha :-)

- Would kill for a breakfast sandwich right now! But alas, it's time for my meeting.

- This week's throwback courtesy of Big Giant!

Go!

-b

The "P" Word

2011-08-10T11:57:00.002-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

So the lovely Ms. Tanisha and I were having a discussion at work and somehow we got on the subject of the “p” word. I think we were talking about personal grooming when Tanisha referred to it as a “twaticus.” Don’t ask me if I spelled that correctly, as I’ve never heard that term used for a vagina in my life. It gave me a chuckle, mainly because it sounded more like the name of an ancient dinosaur than female genitalia. She said she also calls it “snacks,” “goodies” and “poon poon.”

Personally, I’ve never really liked the “p” word. I have a hard time even typing it. The word “pussy” always seemed so crass to me. I’m not offended by it, I don’t think it’s demeaning (unless you’re referring to man…cuz then it takes on a different meaning), but I’ve just never liked it. I had to get used to writing it for my sexy Brooklyn stories, but saying it is an entirely different thing for me. I’m not much of a “dirty talker,” but I’ve said it when asked of me in the heat of the moment. It just doesn’t roll off my tongue.

Pussy. Five letters. Each letter by itself is harmless, no impact. But put them together and I cringe. It’s a slightly vulgar term to me, just like cock, cunt, f*ck (another word I have a hard time using when referring to the act of sexual intercourse…even though, sometimes, f*cking is the only way to describe what you’re doing….but I digress). I put the “p” word in the category of words I’d never ever say in front of my mother – not that I go around using the word “vagina” all willy nilly around her either. I just don’t understand why the word bothers me so much.

I’m a open person when it comes to sexuality, as many of you know about me by now. Human sexuality is a wonderful, natural thing, and to suppress that is unhealthy. Our bodies were designed to work a certain way, and to claim that sexuality or desire is wrong when it involves two consenting adults would be to deny the very purpose of our anatomy and biology. The human body is a wonderful thing and I don’t think there is anything wrong with discussing it in any way. I’m not ashamed of the word when describing female genitalia because I don't understand how anyone could be so ashamed of something so beautiful. It just simply isn’t a “beautiful” word to me.

So am I the only one? Is it just me seeming "prudish" - even though I’m not? And to be fair, I’m not that fond of the word “dick” either when referring to male genitalia – although I don’t have ANY problem saying it when someone is ACTING like a dick. Go figure.

Call me a sucker for textbook terminology, but that’s just the way I was raised. My mother always used the proper terms for our private parts, and it stuck with me I guess. Like I said, it doesn’t offend me when I hear other people say it, but there are just some words that you’d have to yank out of my mouth if you ever want to hear me say them. I know the “P” word may be sexier and evoke more passion, but for me, it’s a bad word.

So, that being said – what do YOU call your private parts? Any favorite slang terms for it? Va-jay-jay, kitty kat, or as Martin Lawrence called it in Boomerang…"the TWIZZOD!” Actually, that may be worse! LOL!

Let’s hear it! But please try to keep it tasteful – it’s not TMI Tuesday :-)

Go!

-b

Welcome Baby Jordan!

2011-08-08T13:46:00.004-04:00

I remember when I first got the news that Serena was expecting. A sonogram photo popped up on my cell phone screen….one of my most special birthday gifts. Serena is going to be a mom.

My first thought upon reflection of the news was Sauti – Serena’s mother. There is a new Sun coming up over an ocean, a new little baby to be rocked by a cosmic mother. He looks like our ancestors; those that have walked in this place before us. New energy is starting to come in from radial directions now. This energy is coming from the source of all that is, that is everywhere, all that ever will be. It is the center of the center. This energy is coming from the future and our new orientation point that our ancestors gave us. This energy is coming from everywhere, and it is washing over us. It is so delicate and so refined that there is no way that I could describe this energy properly other than new life…a blessing manifest. We can only feel it. Be in it - in our hearts right here and right now. And now, he is here.

Creation takes many steps before it arrives in a physical dimension. When we start to create something, we have to imagine it first, and manifesting in spirit is one half of the process. It is also the part we quickly over look, because we can’t see it with our eyes. But Sauti saw it in Serena, and Serena believed with faith that it would one day be. We receive energy from a reflection of something bigger than ourselves – this is the act of creation. This is a new Sun and with it will come the ability to manifest with pure light and not just a reflection of it. This new energy will manifest and reflect how our hearts relate to our world. The Ancestors say we are part of this manifesting process, because we have Suns inside of us. So the new Sun that is being born on the outside, the one that spiritual people and angels speak about in their prophecies, is also a new Sun that is being born in us. This is what God does.

God manifests in infinite variety, and it is His pleasure to give us boundless gifts of love and life. Even in a crowd of sorry, he can bring us joy…a new arrival that bursts into our hearts with the speed of galaxies, suns and worlds rushing toward the center of the universe to collide in a big bang of creation that is in God’s likeness…God’s self portrait. Welcome to the world baby Jordan Oladele Ince. You're finally here, we've been waiting for you :-)

-b

I'm a Bad Wing Woman

2011-08-05T13:24:00.003-04:00

TGIF!

So last weekend I met up with a guy friend for movies and lunch. After the movie, we hit a restaurant, grab a table and suddenly up pops our cute waitress. Natalie. She’s pretty – long curly hair, petite frame, nice smile…something about her reminded me of Olivia from Love & Hip Hop – except much younger and thinner. My guy friend, who is married with 2 kids, instantly responds to her…but not in a gawking, jerk’ish way. More like a “If I was single and about 10 years younger” way. Totally innocent…so we decide to have some fun.

“Want me to hook you up?” I ask with a mischievous grin.

He looks at me like I’m about to start some trouble.

“No” he responds in a sarcastic tone that indicates he doesn’t need any help – pimp that he is.

“Aww come on, it’ll be fun. Let me be your wing woman.”

Before he could answer, our waitress comes back and I blurt out, “He thinks you’re cute.”

She gives me this awkward look like she wants to run, but realizes she can’t because she has to take our order. She just smiles and asks if we’ve decided on our meal.

Okay…that was all wrong. He’s looking at me like he wants to strangle me, and then looks at her to see if what I said moved her in any way. It didn’t.

We order appetizers and drinks, as we need more time to figure out what our entrees will be, and I can tell she was thinking, “Great…now I gotta come back….AGAIN.”

Meanwhile, I’m tickled pink. I think it’s the funniest reaction ever and I can’t stop laughing.

She comes back to finish taking our order and I notice that now she’s only looking and smiling at me. Even when he tells her his order she doesn’t look at him…not once. But oddly enough, she’s EXTRA friendly with me. Maybe she thinks he’s my date and doesn’t want to offend me? Maybe she thinks he’s funny looking (although some would say he favors Kobe Bryant)? Who knows…but all of her attention is on me and I'm oddly intrigued.

When she brings our food, he says to her, “You didn’t really believe her did you?” She pauses for a second and then says, “No.” There’s another awkward pause and then she skidaddles away again.

Now I’m in tears. For some reason this is ten times funnier than the movie we saw – which was Friends With Benefits.

We eat and forget about the waitress while we chit chat and catch up. As we finish up, he says, “Maybe I should put my work number on the check when she brings it just to see if she calls me.” I say why not…let’s see if she bites.

She brings the check and I say to her, “By the way, he’s not my date, we’re not together.”

She looks at me as if to say “Who gives a flying fig” and puts her hands up and smiles, “Okay…whatever.”

She barely walks away before my friend screams on me, “YOU SUCK AT THIS!”

Now I can hardly catch my breath I’m laughing so hard. I have no idea why I’m finding this so funny, but it made my entire afternoon.

So…that being said, I am the worst wing woman ever in the history of “wingwomandom.” Maybe I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have because I knew he was married and that he really didn’t want to get with her. But if he DID want me to be his wing woman, let me tell you all where I went wrong, and how I can do better next time…with my SINGLE guy friends.

1. Strike up a real conversations first. I didn’t engage her in any girl talk. I just said “he thinks you’re cute,” so I didn’t even warm her up to me first so that she’d take anything I said seriously or believe anything I said. If I got her to like me, then I wouldn’t have to try hard to convince her of how worthy my male friend is of her time. I went in too soon, and being too forward can send a target running for his/her life.

I should have just provided positive anecdotes about him in a more non-transparent way - like “Women love him, he’s so athletic…kinda hard not to love a dude in the NBA anyway.” Okay, so my friend isn’t in the NBA, but lies are okay…the more outrageous the better! I would have said it in jest anyway to gauge her reaction, and my friend is over 6’3 so she probably would have believed me. Then we would have been able to determine her level of interest in HIM, not his interest in her. But by all means, if the friend you’re trying to hook up is GENUINELY interested (and not playing around like we were), then be honest and sincere. You don’t want the target to think you’re just blowing smoke up their ass and ruin your friend’s chances at scoring.

2. Make sure the target is single. She could have been engaged or married for all I knew, even though I didn’t see a ring on her finger. But if she’s booed up already, then nothing I say would make her give up the digits....unless he really WAS in the NBA ;-)

3. Make sure the target is interested in men (or whatever sexual orientation the friend you’re hooking up is). Once our waitress started paying more attention to me, my friend joked that maybe she’s more interested in me than him. It never occurred to me that she might be a lesbian…and after all, I AM cute ;-) Oh, and if you find that the target is more interested in you than you friend, then back off. A good wing man/woman has to be trustworthy.

4. Another mistake I made was not assessing her personality correctly. She seemed a bit shy, so my outgoing nature probably freaked her out. While being extroverted is probably the trait you need to being a good wing woman, keep in mind not everyone responds well to such personality types. She probably thought I was silly…or creepy, or simply just weird.

5. Lastly, my real mistake was trying to be a wing woman in the first place. It was all in jest, we were having fun and no one took it seriously - but if a friend asks you to cut it out, don’t go trying to hook him or her up without their permission. It’ll just be awkward for all involved, and they may be embarrassed or resent you for putting them in a tight spot. If they truly want you to hook them up, they’ll let you know and give you the go-head, smoke signal, code, whatever. Don’t take it upon yourself to be a wing man/woman – it’ll just end badly. Find your OWN target.

Anyone have a funny wing man/woman story to share? Anything you wanna add? Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-08-03T23:45:00.005-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- August already....summer just flew by!

- I miss Cole :-( I want him back.

- Serena's baby boy will be here soon!

- Every (romantic) relationship that ends is not a failure. Sometimes it's just bad timing.

- Chicken breast for lunch today...and broccoli. Gotta get right again!

- They got new spin bikes at the gym...and I'm not feeling them. I have to hurry up and get used to them so I can get back on my grind!

- Anyone want to contribute to my Deebo fund?

- I hope my family in Morocco is having a nice Ramadan. I miss them, can't wait to see them again.

- I love wearing braids...I just hating putting them in and taking them out. Sigh.

- I'm so excited for football it's not even funny! Thanks Rameer for all your Fantasy Football help! I still need to chat with you though.

- My pheromones be poppin'! Must be something in the water :-)

- What's with all the animals on the news lately? Peacocks...deer in people's swimming pools? What in the Madagascar is going on?! Next thing you know they'll be a tiger at Grand Central!

- In desperate need of a mani/pedi...I have claws.

- A lot of my peoples told me they printed out Fury's 69 list..........it was a good list :-)

- I really need a winning Power Ball ticket.......like, today.

- So thankful for all of my blessings.

- I still have my Morocco tan, yeah baby!

- If Morocco isn't on your list of places to visit, add it....ASAP!

- Morocco pics will be coming soon.....I took about 900 photos and haven't gotten around to organizing them yet....but (as Fury would say).....soon come! Or is that "soon cum"? I dunno...

- I was told I was a bad wing woman....I may tell that story tomorrow.

- Lead whatever lifestyle you want to lead, as long as you don't hurt anyone....directly or indirectly. Karma is a BeeYotch!

- I've seen Cars 2 like five times and still have no idea what's going on....because each time I watched it in French. I have a slight idea...but I really need to check it out in English.

- Sometimes I really can't believe how old I am. Not that I think I'm old, I just don't feel my age. In my mind I'm 27 :-)

- but my gynecologist keeps reminding me that I'm not 27....and that my eggs are drying up like the Sahara. She really needs to mind her own business.

- She's good though....so I can't be mad at her. She's just doing her job. Oh well....sigh again.

- I miss Michael Jackson.

- and Bernie Mac.

- I used to hate my curly eyelashes...now I kinda dig 'em :-)

- Our intern's last day is next Friday and I don't want her to leave. She's great!....and I have so much more for her to do!

- They done messed around and gave me premium channels on my cable line-up at work. And I have a dvr too? Why am I paying for this at home again?

- I'm ready for another vacation...where to next? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

- I'm going to wear a string bikini in Mexico next year. Not sure what I'll look like in it...but I'm wearing it nonetheless. Get ready!

- This week's throwback courtesy of Dmoe!

Go!

-b

Dear Brookey...

2011-08-03T13:43:00.002-04:00

Dear Brookey,

I’ve fallen for a great guy and I’m totally in love with him. He’s kind, generous, intelligent, motivated and treats me well. He has no children, but he was married once before. We are discussing marriage, and I have a feeling he’s going to propose soon, but I’m skeptical for 2 huge reasons - the first reason being he admitted to hitting his ex wife. The second reason is he also admitted to cheating on her once before as well. I know those are two HUGE reasons to be careful, but his marriage ended over 10 years ago and he says he has sought help to deal with his past actions. I simply can’t even imagine such a gentle and caring man doing those things in his past, which makes me think he has overcome those demons. Am I naive for believing in my heart that he’d never do those things to me, especially since I haven’t witnessed any behavior like that in the 2 years we’ve been dating? What do you think?

Wow. This is major…and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my first instinct was to tell you to RUN!

That being said, people can and DO change. If his past behavior was something that he recognized as being abusive and he realized it was wrong and wanted to change, then he absolutely could have. Without knowing anything about him, it’s hard to tell if he’s done the necessary work to be a better person, but everyone is capable of doing it. I’ve had people in my life with questionable backgrounds that I simply can’t fathom based on the type person they’ve shown me they are today. We can judge people by their past, or give them the benefit of the doubt. People develop, grow and mature…and when you know better, you can do better.

All of that being said, you still need to be very careful…as many habits are hard to break. I don’t know if he hit his ex-wife once or if it was full on abuse (even once is one too many times), but ask him what type of treatment he sought to deal with it. Talk to him about his past. Most people tend to repeat behavior they witnessed growing up, so maybe that was his trigger and he sought therapy for it. If the abuse was due to drug or alcohol issues, then the problem may have been corrected through sobriety. If, however, the abuse was brought on by anger issues, the problem may be more likely to resurface in the future, so try to understand what prompted the violence so you know what signals to look for.

As far as cheating goes, some would say that if they’ve cheated once, they might be tempted to do it again. Don’t dwell on the matter, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye out for warning signs. Again, ask him why he did it, what they were going through at the time, if he felt any remorse, if he feels he may be tempted to do it again, and his general feelings about fidelity, marriage, monogamy and adultery. You will be able to tell in his responses if it’s behavior that he’s likely to repeat, or if he truly has changed and will be faithful to you.

At the end of the day, only YOU know this man – and if you feel that he’s a changed man, then he very well may be. Trust your instincts, pay attention to him and his actions and be honest with yourself. Don’t see what you want to see, see what is actually there. Sometimes love blinds us to signals that are like flares because we choose love rather than truth. He was honest with you, which says a lot, so you know what the truth is now. Just proceed with caution.

I think it’s great that you two are in love and discussing marriage and all that wonderful stuff, so don’t take away from that TOO much by only dwelling on all the negative. Everything you've mentioned about him so far sounds positive, so trust your judgment. Your fears are valid, and it sounds to me like you know you should be careful and aware...but enjoy being in love too. Great love involves great risk, so just keep your eyes open and always love yourself first.

Blog fam, what say you?

Go!

-b

69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

2011-08-02T10:40:00.004-04:00

You should have known by the title that it was TMI Tuesday and that Fury was in the building - enjoy!

69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life...by The Fury.

When you woke up and rolled over this morning, did you see some "regular old crackers"? Are you three days, three months, three years, seven years or more in a relationship and thinking things have to get better because this gumbo has lost its spice?

Need some help spicing up your relationship?

Never fear. The Fury is here.

1) You first have to decide if your partner really wants to spice things up. If not, it won't matter. This kitchen needs two cooks. If both people aren't focused on the dish, it won't be successful.

2) Honest communication. It's time to share those deep, dark, filthy fetishes without judgement and then decide what you both feel comfortable doing.

3) Explore, push the envelope and go at it with reckless abandon!

A friend of mine decided she was ready to explore her freaky side with her new mate. One morning when he walked back into the bedroom after his morning shower, she was playing with her toy, well lubed and told him to give it to her...anally.

He was shocked, thrown off balance...and intrigued.

Another friend webcammed from work with her husband and proceeded to pleasure herself right then and there. She stopped before climax and instructed him that it was his job to finish it when they got home.

They never put their kids to bed faster.

Pushing the envelope works. Here's 69 ways you can do it:

1. Go to the sex club and watch...hell...participate!
2. Go to the strip club together
3. Strip for your man/woman at home
4. Give each other lap dances with a happy ending
5. Role play as soon as they walk in the door
6. Wear a sexy costume
7. Do that freaky thing you always fantasized about but were scared you'd be judged
8. Watch porn together
9. Give her/him some unprovoked, out of the blue, surprise head in the kitchen
10. Swallow for the first time...and enjoy it [or do a great job of acting as if you do]
11. Be gentle with her
12. Tease her
13. Give her/him a massage with a happy ending
14. Have sex in public
15. "Christen" every room in your place (both places if you live separately)
16. Dress. No panties. Let him see you/touch you in public
17. Try new positions. There are LOTS of them.
18. Have a threesome
19. Have a foursome
20. Have a fivesome (...get the picture?)
21. Have sex with all the lights on
22. Have sex with only candles lit
23. Have sex in pitch blackness with only your voices and bodies to tell the tale
24. Have anal sex
25. Titty f#ck
26. Ask for the facial if you really want it
27. Ask her if you can give her a facial if you really wanna try it
28. Record it, watch it together, have more sex, erase it...(ERASE IT!)
29. Record something for him/her
30. Do it with the music blasting
31. Send him sexy pictures while he's out with his boys
32. Send her a sexy picture while she's out with the girls (Don't show anyone those pictures)
33. Go to the spa together
34. Write a sexy story for each other and read them aloud
35. Exercise together
36. Cook for him/her wearing something sexy..or just an apron
37. Talk dirty during sex
38. Tell him/her how you want it...during
39. Spank her
40. Spank him
41. Whip him
42. Whip her
43. Tie her/him up
44. Blindfold her/him
45. Bring out the toys
46. Use her toy on her
47. Use his on toy him
48. Use her toy on him (no judging)
49. Let him watch you pleasure yourself
50. Let her watch you pleasure yourself
51. Mutual masturbation
52. Give him head during Sportscenter
53. Give her head during Basketball Wives
54. Sext
55. Read The Dirty Details together (shameless plug)
56. Have tipsy sex (wine is a wonderful de-inhibitor)
57. Rent a hotel and leave it a wreck from the wild sex you had
58. Have sex in a hard back chair
59. Have sex on a counter top
60. Have sex on a table (please don't break the table)
61. Give him head while driving (stay in the left lane, proceed with caution)
62. Digitally stimulate her while driving (see note above)
63. Flirt with another woman in front of him
64. Whip cream, honey, chocolate syrup, peanut butter...(that was not a recipe)
65. Baby oil, plastic sheets...(that was not a child care tip)
66. Use a toy on her while you're having sex
67. Lick her from the back
68. Lick him from the back
69. 69

They call me The Fury and I suggest you print out this list and leave it on his/her pillow with your favorites circled.

- The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-07-28T12:15:00.002-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Nice day today :)

- I'm wearing my favorite summer dress....for the first time this summer. How did THAT happen!? I saw it in my closet today like, "there you are!"

- My twists are starting to unravel.

- I wish I was by the Mediterranean again. Tangier was awesome. But I'll settle for Rockaway Beach :)

- Getting back into the swing of work is not as bad as I thought it'd be. Makes me feel like I can take longer vacations in the future - I had great backup!

- I kinda missed NYC...a lil bit ;)

- Rameer, call me tonight about Fantasy Football if you can. I need help with the draft :)

- I feel like I have a lot of movies to see still....maybe I'll do that this weekend.

- Serena is 38 weeks! That baby will be here SOON...he's coming! The time seemed to fly and I'm so happy for Serena and her sweetie on their new blessing to come. Congrats again! What an amazing mother you'll be :)

- No throwback today. But maybe DMoe can give us another rockin' playlist!

- Tammy on Basketball Wives is officially coo coo for Coco Puffs.

- I need a pedicure in the worst way...but I don't want them to scrub the henna off.

- I'll send a better link to pics once I organize the 1000 photos I took :)

- Thank you to everyone for my welcome back wishes and travel prayers.

Go!

-b

Mixed Signals

2011-07-27T09:00:00.002-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

Okay, so I'm still in a bit of a blog block state, but luckily a friend gave me a topic for today. He told me a story about his boy who went on a date with a woman, she came back home with him, she took a SHOWER with him, but then rejected him when it came time to do the dirty dirty.

No sex. He could kiss her, fondle her, caress her and wash her....but no sex.

How DARE he assume that a woman who gets fully naked and lets soapy water run all over her body in his presence wants to have sex with him!?

Well...in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. If I were dude, I'd think she wanted to jump me too. Girlfriend was being a tease, and who knows why she didn't do it. Maybe she had every intention on freakin' this guy, but then saw what he was working with and changed her mind. We do that sometimes you know.

....and why did he even share that story? He should have taken that to his grave...but I digress.

While I don't think this guy was wrong for thinking he was gonna get some, I WILL say that most men misread signals and get the wrong ideas more often than not. If I return a smile and say hello to a dude on the street, he thinks I want to sleep with him. If I bump his arm on a crowded E train, he thinks I want to smash. If I say, "Can you please pass the salt?" that's code for "take me now." Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, but y'all DO do that.

When it comes to reading women's non-verbal signals - a smile, a gaze, body language, tone of voice - some men can be complete illiterates. A lot of times, men perceive sexual intent in women's behavior where there was no intent to convey. While smiling, moving closer to him, touching his arm, or even kissing him may show romantic interest, sex isn't always the ultimate thing on her mind (even though she already knows if she's gonna do it or not).

Now, that chick getting naked and taking showers is some ole other ish. Teasing and sending signals like THAT can lead to an unwanted situation. Date rape is real, so she should be careful about the messages/signals she's sending. There are ways to be intimate without being overtly sexual, and I can't say that dude was wrong in assuming sex was on her mind and that she'd welcome it.

That being said, men should take care to pay better attention so that they don't find themselves in these situations. No need getting blue balls because you think all women wanna screw you.

Now if you're not sure, let me give you some clues as to whether or not a woman is open to having sex with you...even if it's not RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Again, these are clues according to BROOKE, not ALL women...and ladies, feel free to add your own.

1. She grabs you by your shirt, pulls you to within an inch of her lips and whispers, "Let's smush Big Daddy." The most obvious way to know that she wants to have sex with you is if she TELLS you she does. Since I know some women would rarely do that....let's go to #2.

2. Pillow Fighting. Yes...pillow fighting. If I up and whop you in the head with a pillow, I have some sexual aggression I want to unleash on you. It's up to you to pick up on this. Now there are some dudes who will knock your ass out back with a pillow - wrong move you moron. The "play war" I'm initiating with you is a dare for you to subdue me. Most women want a man to "take her" in the bedroom - so if I hit you with my pillow, I'm assuming you'd use our chemistry and your sexual, physical strength to pop me with a pillow, then pound me with something else soon after. If you don't know this is why women do this, now you do.

3. Play wrestling - same thing, only to a bigger degree. If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me if I wanted to wrestle, I'd have....well....that's not important. But when women initiate "play wrestling" they want the same thing you do - to do the horizontal mambo. We're already on the ground, or the bed, or the couch, and play wrestling lets you know that we want to get physical with you. Just don't act like you're on WWE and body slam her. We trust you to not ACTUALLY physically harm us. Well....at least *I* don't want you to anyway.

4. Tickling. If I tickle you, I'm in a playful mood. Playfulness in women usually is synonymous with horniness. No? Just me? Well....whatever. It gives me an excuse to touch you. Now, don't just sit there and act all manly and macho like you're not ticklish to prove to us that nothing phases you. Use your brain and figure out that this is your cue to touch us back. First it might start under the arms, or the feet...then the stomach...and then you can accidentally tickle my neck...with your tongue, and then go from there. Men who don't take advantage of tickling to see if a woman will go there are idiots, or they're gay...cuz who can resist once we're all giggly and squealing and whatnot? Laughing is sexy.

5. If we touch you in your man space. If I touch you on a natural erogenous zone, then I can't get any clearer than that...especially if it's subtly in a public place. Your chest, your butt, your crotch...it means I can't keep my hands off of you and I'm giving you permission to touch me in those places back. Again, make sure it's clearly a personal space where she's touching you. If she accidentally bumps your shin under the table, that's not a sexual signal.

I would add that if I change or undress in front of you, but ole girl messed that up by taking showers with dude and whatnot. I guess I can add it as an honorable mention, along with if I ask you for a massage, but just to be clear - if I take a shower with you, we're gettin' busy. Case closed, period, end of story.

Are there any signals/signs I'm missing ladies? Let's go!

-b

Random Thoughts Monday! I'm back!

2011-07-25T09:00:00.000-04:00

Random Thoughts Monday!

I'm back! I missed you guys!

I'm out of the office today and tomorrow at an offsite meeting, so I may not be able to respond as much as a want to...but I'll be checking in!

- Morocco was amazing! My family there is amazing! I miss them already so much :)

- If you want to see pics, feel free to browse :)

- The weather was perfect over there - was a little hot in Marrakesh, but otherwise it was glorious! The sea breeze felt great....I wish I could have sent it over to you guys here in this heat wave :)

- Everyone thinks it's hotter in Africa as a whole than it actually is.

- Women don't go to cafes/coffee houses out there to sip, sit and chill - I only saw men out and about drinking coffee. Women tend to drink coffee/tea at home. Interesting.

- There were a lot of cats in Morocco roaming around. They just be kickin' it :) I wanted to bring one home...but I think they'd prefer to be in beautiful Morocco rather than Queens. By cats I mean felines ;)

- Driving out there is bananas! There are no real traffic rules other than whoever gets in the roundabout first wins. I got used to it a little bit....but not really.

- Speaking of, we got into an accident while in a horse drawn carriage with a BMW truck. Guess who won? Horses nearly took the ENTIRE door off the truck. That BMW was brand new, and wrecked!

- I need to brush up on my French and take a few Arabic classes. I think I did pretty well out there though! My favorite phrase? Zwin bzzaf! (very nice/very beautiful)

- The young Moroccan men wear these acid wash looking skinny jeans while the women wear looser ones. They must be all the rage because they ALL had them on. Weezy would be proud.

- Mazagan Beach Resort was spectacular! And even more spectacular is my brother-in-law Fouad for treating us all to a magical time there. "Thank you" can't even begin to express my gratitude. He made our vacation wonderful and I will forever remember this visit because of him. My sister is a lucky woman.

- I've never seen fish eat bread before going to Morocco. Apparently they eat anything...I didn't know that.

- The McDonalds out there is POPPIN' at midnight! It was packed!

- The security in the Casablanca airport caught an attitude with me cuz I didn't speak French. He actually rolled his eyes at me. I felt like saying, "My bad son!" Geesh!

- Laila and Fouzia (sisters-in-law) can cook their asses off! The food was amazing...now I gotta figure out how to get rid of the 8 lbs I gained while I was there. We ate ALL THE TIME! But it was sooo goood! Deebo, make some time for me...cuz I'm gonna live in the gym.....once I get rid of the cold I caught :(

- I miss Nouhaila so much! This 12 year old girl out there stole my heart, I just wanted to bring her back with me! I have a new niece :)

- Sorry I OD'd on the photos of Morocco on Facebook, but I wanted to capture everything! There were so many beautiful things to take in there, I wanted to download it all! Can't wait to go back!

- Thank you all for your well wishes, prayers and comments on my travels....means more than you know! Luv y'all!

Go!

-b

What is a Good Mom?

2011-07-08T12:42:00.007-04:00

As promised, I am posting a pregnancy photo of our very own Serena Wills – radiant beauty in all of her mommy-to-be splendor. There are some women who you just know will make a great mother.

From the moment I found out Serena was expecting, I thought to myself, “What a lucky child her baby will be…to come into this world through her, to have her for a mother.” I thought the same thing about Annamaria too…and my sister…and all my friends with children. And yet they’re all different – with different ideas and different styles of parenting - yet all great mothers.

Motherhood has become a spectator sport for me. Since I don’t have children of my own, watching women (and men) with children in the street, on the subway, at the mall, in a restaurant – anywhere – can be particularly intriguing to me. And I find myself doing it - making judgments. I’m not proud of this fact, but it happens.

I cringe at the mother who is giving her baby soda and donuts for breakfast on the train. I wince when a mother curses at her child at the mall. And I try to keep myself from giving a disapproving stare when I see a child scream or hit their mother and call her out her name because she told little Johnnie “no” when he asked if he could have a toy. I catch myself thinking, “I wish a child of mine WOULD…”

But I have no children…so what do I know?

What you feed your kids, how you handle a tantrum, what preschool you send your kid to – those are all personal decisions that have nothing to do with anyone else. And I’m sure if I ever become a parent, someone will make snide comments about how I choose to raise my child. I experience self-doubt in this area everyday, even as my eggs remain unfertilized month after month. What kind of mother will I be? Should I even be a mother? How do women do it?

I have friends who never yell at their kid(s). I have friends who look fabulous ALL THE TIME – never a hair out of place, all while baking 100 cupcakes for their child’s class, working a 9-5, going to the gym and PTA meetings, having drinks with their girls and catering to their husbands. Who are these women and what planet are they from?

When I picture myself as a mom, all I see is TIRED. My nephews run me ragged. On the weekends that I visit, they’re all mine. I pull my hair back and put on an outfit that I don’t mind getting Cheeto dust or peanut butter on. I get all dirty at the playground and my pedicure is busted cuz they ran over my toes with their scooter. I try to enforce good eating habits, only to find myself at Mickey D’s getting chicken nugget Happy Meals with apples and chocolate milk or apple juice. And then I go to bed exhausted, only to wake up to them in my face asking me every 5 minutes when I’m getting up and them sticking their finger under my nose to see if I’m still breathing. Then I go back to Queens to FINALLY get some rest.

These aren’t even MY children, so I can only imagine what it’s like to do that 24-7. Motherhood seems like an occupational hazard!

I catch myself in my GYN’s office – the only non-pregnant person in the room most times – reading parenting magazines since that’s all they have around. You should breastfeed until the kid is 20 years old, only feed them organic food, start teaching them different languages at 6 weeks old, they should be a piano prodigy by the time they’re 3, and should get into Harvard with no problem if you follow those guidelines.

I’ll be lucky if I change the diaper correctly.

Arming yourself with information can be useful. But too much expert advice can lead you into the trap of believing that there is one right way to do things and that if you’re not doing it that one way your kids will suffer: A perfect recipe for mother’s guilt.

The reality is, there is no recipe for what it takes to be a good mother. Sometimes mothers lose patience. They yell. They feed their kids junk sometimes because it’s just easier at that moment. And sometimes mothers let their kids get away with things that they shouldn’t because they’re just….tired. But one of the things that those articles never mention is that children are very resilient, and smart…and they know that when you act in love that you’re acting on their behalf. That’s being a good parent.

If I ever am blessed enough to be a mother, I’ll just have to trust my internal mothering guide. They say kids don’t come with directions, but they kinda do in a sense. The directions are your instincts, your values and they’re the basis on which all of your decisions are made. If you make a decision about your child that comes from love, prayer, listening to and trusting in God and having faith in yourself, you’ll do just fine.

It’s the internal critic that many of us need to muzzle because it does the most damage. Without that little voice inside our heads creating doubt about our mothering skills, comments and judgments made by others would be less likely to take hold.

Doing what you believe is best for your children and your family makes you a good mother, no matter if it fits anyone else’s standard. There will always be decisions you make that others will be able to find fault with, but your true allegiance is with your kids. When you’re comfortable with your decisions, you need to just stand in them and own them and recognize that the only one you have to answer to is yourself, your child later and God. You don’t have to answer to anyone else.

When all is said and done, being a mother means tuning in to what really matters. Look into your child's eyes – when you see that sparkle, and he gives you a hug and you know that he loves you – that’s the best feeling. I feel it from my nephews and all the children in my life…and that little feeling right there gives me confidence that I just might join my sister, and Annamaria…and now Serena, in making a great mother one day.

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-07-07T01:01:00.004-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This week is flying by because I'm SO BUSY! All this last minute stuff at work to do and my brain is already in Morocco.

- We leave on Sunday! God Willing.

- Ask me if I've packed one thing.....ONE.

- The answer is no. And I have no idea when I'm gonna start. Tonight? Saturday?

- I can't wait to meet my extended family over there :-)

- There's nothing good on tv this summer.

- I'm so sorry I'm gonna miss Serena's baby shower this weekend. And no...it's not a surprise, I didn't ruin anything :-)

- And I'm gonna miss the SU DC BBQ this year. Have fun for me!

- No idea if I'm gonna be able to braid my hair before I go. I have no time to do anything.

- Looking forward to reading a book on the plane. I have a nice 8 hour flight ahead of me.

- The summer seems to be going by fast. It'll be almost August by the time I come back - gotta get my beach days in!

- My face is breaking out like crazy! Stress? Heat? Not drinking enough water? What's going on!?

- Steak for lunch!

- Don't be stingy with compliments. If you think someone is the shiznit, tell them so :-)

- Zoo Keeper was corny.

- I wanna see Transformers though...wonder if I can sneak that in before Sunday.

- Annamaria is the Blog Police.

- Buttercup/Magnolia Bake Shop cupcakes are the best!

- I have meetings all day today - how am I gonna get all this work done?!

- To spin or not to spin tonight? That is the question.

- Anybody having a summer of love? :)

- Today's throwback! This was the joint right here!

and if you wanna hear it with The Wu...

I'm head boppin' at my desk!

Go!

-b

Viagra Spam and Other Things Men Need Not Worry About

2011-07-06T13:23:00.003-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

So I woke up this morning to find texts and emails from my male friends telling me my Yahoo account was hacked. I was a bit surprised since I’m usually very careful about what I click on the innawebs, as Yolanda calls them. I asked what type of spam they got from me and they all said the same thing: a link about Viagra, Cialis and every other sexual dysfunction pill you can think of. I chuckled as I realized that NONE of my female friends contacted me to tell me I’d been hacked. Not one. Meanwhile, some of the responses I got from men were: “I thought you were trying to tell me something.” “How did you know???” “I don’t need no damn Viagra!”

Geesh! Sensitive much?

I promptly changed my Yahoo password and apologized on Facebook to all who had gotten spam from me. I’ll be more careful next time. I thought it was interesting how many of my man friends seemed to feel some kinda way about Viagra, sexual dysfunction and the like. Are men REALLY that sensitive to that type of thing?

It got me to thinking about some of the insecurities some men have and the myths surrounding them. So men, I’ll do you a favor and debunk some of these myths for you so you can go forth being the manly stud muffins that you are. This is BROOKE’S OPINION ONLY. I realize some women may disagree with me on several of these, but men…if you wanna bumble with the B (that’s me), then fret not. Here goes:

1. Penis size. Yes, it’s nice if you can knock the bottom out of most chicks, but it can be a gift and a curse. Schlongs are like money; some of you who have a lot don’t know how to spend it! Seriously, sometimes a man with a big d**k is like a trust fund kid - lazy, isn’t willing to work for it, rests on his laurels….and is…boring. I’d rather do a broke guy who is a hard worker, if you catch my drift.

2. Chest hair. I love it. I know a few women who want their men shaved clean, but not me. Let me rub my soft hand on your carpet, maybe even grab a few curly strands. Something about a man with hair on his chest moves me.

3. Facial hair. Okay, seriously…whose deal breaker is facial hair? You got a beard, mustache, goatee, five o’clock shadow, whatever…just keep it shaped up. I love a hairy man…woolly caveman, alldat. I may be in the minority here, but it is what it is.

4. Scars. Battle wounds are interesting to me. Means you’re not afraid to get scuffed up and maybe you can hold your own. Now, I’m not saying I think gang stab and gunshot wounds turn me on, but if you cut yourself up fixing things around the house or the car or something, I can dig it. A man with NO scars or marks on his body gets the side eye from me….pretty muthaphucka.

5. Sweat. Men are supposed to sweat. Sweat is sexy. Sweat makes sex SO MUCH better…I like slip sliding around :-) A man who doesn’t want to sweat during sex can go sit down somewhere…OVER THERE. We all do it, and the only time it’s not cool is when it’s boob sweat, or when it’s running down your leg on the subway platform on your way to work.

6. Sex. You’re not a porn star and neither are we. You don’t need to hold me up in a reverse cowgirl, plank position to get my attention. Sometimes missionary is really enough…it’s actually my favorite position. Maybe that’s boring, but I like to face you and hold you, it’s more personal for me. Start having me hang from monkey bars and we might have a problem. #charliehorse.

7. Erectile dysfunction. It happens to everyone. If it happens over 50% of the time, then go see a doctor and then we’ll talk about Viagra. You might be tired, depressed, need some exercise or vitamins, but we can figure it out together. Women don’t look at you as less than a man if you can’t get it up ONE night. Don’t beat yourself up about it…happens to everyone.

8. Premature ejaculation. Stop worrying about this. This condition is usually labeled that way for men who can’t last 1-2 minutes once he penetrates a woman…and most men I know can last at least 5. You all worry about how long sex should be for no reason. Should it be 15 minutes, an hour? You think if it’s too short, she’ll tell all her friends you’re a two-minute brother, but if it’s too long, she’ll get sore and raw down there. Take your time, enjoy your partner, listen to each other and pay attention. Sometimes a quickie is all y’all need…and sometimes marathon sex happens when you least expect it. It’s different every time, so stop worrying about it.

9. Condoms. Yes, most times it feels better without one…but honestly, if you know what you’re doing, it feels the same to us WITH a condom too. Just stay lubricated so that the friction of hot ass rubber doesn’t start a small brush fire down there. We don’t like that.

10. Orgasms. Yes…the orgasm is the desired result, but most women don’t care that much about it. Our most satisfying sexual experiences come from feeling loved, desired, passionate, happy, arouse and erotic…in a nutshell, feeling connected to someone. The orgasm is simply the icing on the cake. And that's what toys are for ;-)

Did I miss anything?

-b

Don't Let No One See This Naked Pic of Me, Ok?

2011-07-05T12:59:00.004-04:00

Don't Let No One See This Naked Pic of Me, Ok?...by Fury

I'm going to need you wayward, out of pocket men to learn how to keep a secret. If you can't keep a secret, at least act like you are. Day after day, naked pics are sent from women to men. Then all of a sudden the relationship goes sour and the sorry emotional ass guy shares the pics with the world.

What is it? Do you want everyone to see what you had? Your ego is hurt because she moved on so you want to strike back? Or were you dumb enough to send it to your boy with the neck tattoo of Tweety Bird and expect him to just see it and delete it?

I'll wait…

Fellas, this leaking/sharing/putting the pic on realexgirlfriends.com shit has got to stop. You're starting to mess it up for the rest of us! I'm a visual creature. I like to see things. I like to imagine things. I like the excitement of the cellphone chime when the topless shot has been sent. You emotional ass men are making this hard. Women are putting those of us that keep a secret in the same basket with ______(insert celebrity dummy here)

You dummies with significant others leaving the photos in your phone are making it harder. Delete it! Hide it in a new clandestine email account..no….you know what..you're not smart enough to keep that hidden. Just delete it you emotional dummy and let the real men handle this nude pic business.

If a woman as fine as say…Amber Rose.. sent you some naked shots, be smart enough to be on the mailing list for future blessings. Unfortunately for Amber, her last batch of leaked shots came from an untrustworthy intern, but I bet that intern sent them to a dumb ass dude. Dumb ass.

Here's the thing: women like a man that's truly a man about his. In public and private. That means keeping a level head and not going all twitpic with her nude shots.

Ladies, the same goes for you. If a member of congress sends you a picture of his package, just delete it if you don't want to see it. Don't put the dude's meat on front street for laughs. The same goes for the rest of the non-congressional set.

I'll say this, I have one or two pics of my manhood in the ether. The trust is the sexy part. You keep up the trust even after a break up and well…you stay on the sexy list. That could mean something or nothing to you, but I value trust more than printed money.

How do you feel about sending nude pics? Do you like receiving nude pics? Have you ever shown other people pics sent to you and the person found out? Did you publish them on purpose for revenge?

They call me The Fury and pictures, video and audio are accepted here….under the tightest of security.

-- The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com/
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-06-30T11:45:00.008-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Beautiful weather today!

- I love when things just come together :-)

- My friend's short just made it into the International Film Festival! Dope! Well deserved.

- Also, pre-order my friend Dre's novel The Unholy Servants. My peeps is doing big thangs!

- If you're blessed with talent, please don't waste it.

- Don't underestimate the power of networking.

- ...and prayer....

- Annamaria is worrying me to death about these blogs! Blogger's Block is VERY REAL! LOL!

- People need to stop clicking on fake sex tapes on Facebook - you're getting hacked!

- I feel like Chipotle for lunch!

- Then I might sneak into the Gap for a hot second.

- Any fun plans for the long weekend? I might go check out a band tomorrow night.

- Thinking of braiding up the hair for Morocco - 10 days to go!

- I have so much work to do! My brain is already on vacation.

- Send up some prayers for DMurray and his unit over in Afghanistan.

- I'm off tomorrow! Four day weekends are so lovely.

- Beautiful couple! Congrats again Annamaria and Austin!

- Brian is back from Mexico - This week's throwback!

Outkast - Elevators (Me & You) (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: OutKast

Go!

-b

Things I Don't Have Time For...

2011-06-29T16:23:00.007-04:00

Things I don't have time for:

- I don't have time for newly married Puerto Ricans telling me I'm slacking on the blog :-)

- Fake eyelashes on women that leave them looking like Janice from the Muppets

- Women with flat asses who wear sweat pants with the word “Juicy” across the bottom.

Just because it says "juicy" doesn't mean it IS "juicy." Stop playing.

- People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” You just did…now beat it Scram Jones!

- Arnold Schwarzenegger for saying: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." He's a jackass.

- Speaking of....straight people opposed to Gay Marriage. Why do you care? There was a time when black and white people couldn’t wed, but we became enlightened – and we should be just as enlightened with gay marriage. If your life won’t change if your gay neighbors got hitched, then why so serious?

- People who curse excessively in their Facebook statuses…what’s THAT about? Why so angry?

- MORE politicians sexting…how do you NOT think you'll get caught?

- Terrell Owens.

- People who try to make you eat food you already know you don't like. I said NO.

- Ear hustlers.

- People who are unemployed BY CHOICE. Think Jody from Baby Boy. No able bodied adult should be living off their mama because they CAN. I know we're in a recession, but you can at least pretend to look a little harder.

- Anyone who follows Lil Wayne on Twitter...or any other coontastic celeb. If you're an adult, there is no excuse for this. Even worse if you re-tweet.

- Women in FULL MAKEUP while working out at the gym. Then they leave looking all smeared after they sweat it off...that's IF they sweat. Do people really get dressed up to go to the gym?

- People who never have anything nice to say about anyone or anything.....EVER.

Go!

-b

Teenagers and Sex at Home

2011-06-27T14:09:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday!

So I was bullied into blogging today. This little, newly married Puerto Rican named Annamaria Williams called bullshit on me when I said I had blogger's block, so here is today's blog - courtesy of a shank wielding, taser prone Anajolia.

Recently, the blogosphere has been abuzz about the subject of parents who allow their children to have sex in their home. Their reasoning is simple: Kids will do it anyway, so we might as well allow them to have sex "safely" in the home rather than out in the street....or car...or wherever kids have sex nowadays.

When I heard about this on the radio last week, all I could think was, "My mother would FLY MY HEAD if I even THOUGHT about having sex in our house." Would never happen. I wasn't even allowed to have male company while my mother wasn't home, let alone get a lil somethin' somethin'. That would be just asking for an ass whoopin'.

But are parents changing with the times? We all know teenagers are having sex at younger ages, and if they are intent on doing it, it'll happen - whether we like it or not - and it will probably happen in your home when you're not there anyway. That, or under the bleachers, or parked cars...or over their friends' houses. If a kid wants to have sex, they'll make a way - so are parents smart to control the environment and keep their kids "safe?" Why is it "safer" anyway?

Personally, I don't see me being THAT cool of a parent. I'd hope to have an openly communicative relationship with my child where we could discuss contraception, the consequences of having sex while so young, the emotions involved, STD's and the possibility of pregnancy and what decisions come along with those things. It's heavy to think about, and I don't even have kids...so let me ask the people out there who do: Would you allow your child to have sex in your home? Why or why not? What if you found out your child's boyfriend/girlfriend's parents allowed it - with no regard to whether or not you condone such an action? If your child told you they were sexually active, would provide contraception/birth control, or would you try to talk them into abstinence?

I'm curious to read varying opinions on this: After all, it's your home - so you set the rules based on your own comfort level. Let's discuss!

-b

Dear Brookey...My Boyfriend Wants a Threesome.

2011-06-24T00:58:00.004-04:00

Dear Brookey,

This is a bit personal, but aren't all "Dear Brookey" letters? Anyway, I'm writing you because my boyfriend has been hinting....ALOT lately, that he'd like to try/have a threesome. I feel like all men want this fantasy, so when he first mentioned it, I didn't think much of it. But he's been bringing it up more and more lately. Is this something I should be worried about? What do you think this means?

-Worried.

Dear Worried,

It means he wants to have sex with another woman - DUH!

okay...maybe that was harsh...let me back up.

It means he wants to have a threesome. Now, WHY he wants to have one may be what you're really asking.

If this guy is your boyfriend, I can see why you'd be worried...assuming he wants the threesome with another woman. If he wants it specifically with another man, then that might give you another reason to be worried....but PAUSE: we'll come back to that.

Bringing another woman into your bedroom could be a good way to ruin a relationship. Watching your man have sex with another woman might conjure up feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, insecurity or guilt - none of which is healthy in a relationship. And from the tone of your letter, insecurity is already creeping up.

If you've talked about it and you've hinted that you might be open to it, then he simply could be asking you to help him fulfill a life long fantasy. But if he's brought it up before and you've shut him down...and he keeps asking, he might just be using the threesome as a way to have sex guilt-free with another woman. If that's the case, he's trying to play you for the fool jack. Don't fall for the okie doke.

Maybe he thinks it'll spice up your love life. I don't know how long you've been together, but maybe he's bored with the sex, but not you. Maybe he thinks seeing another woman with her breasts all up in your face is hot and he wants to get off that way. Maybe he thinks it'll turn you on. Are you experimental otherwise? If you've done everything under the sun but that, then maybe he's gotten the impression from you that you'd be down for whatever.

If you're not experimental, then maybe this is his way of asking to you be a bit more adventurous. If the threesome thing spazzes you out, try other stuff first. A new position, anal, toys, handcuffs, blindfolds, new locations, porn - who knows. If spice is what he needs, give it to him in other ways until you either work your way up to a threesome, or find that he no longer needs a threesome because you've pleased and excited him in other ways.

Point blank: If you don't want to do it, then don't. If he can't respect that, then I think you need to question his motives and how strong your relationship really is. Maybe he hasn't sown all his royal oats yet and needs time to get it all out of his system...in which case I say, let him. Without you.

By the way, if he wants to have a threesome with a man - especially if that man is a friend or his brother - this man doesn't love you. Most women who have been "wifed up" feel that if their man loves them, he wouldn't want to share her with anyone - especially not with one of his boys or a relative. I have to say I agree. That's just skeevy. If he wants to do it with a stranger, ask him if he enjoys the company of men over women and get the hell outta there.

Okay, so maybe that's extreme...but it would give me pause...jus sayin'. Two erect penises in the same room just seems suspect to me. But that's just me. It doesn't have to be YOU. Again, he could just be a freak who wants to see you pleased by another man. If it floats your boat, rock with it. If he hasn't brought up a threesome with a man, ask him if he'd consider it. If he says "hell no!" then you have leverage to say no to him.

Sounds to me like you ain't wit it, man or woman. And that's okay. He should respect your boundaries and nurture his relationship with you rather than obsess over this fantasy.

How about this: Ask him if there's reason for you to be concerned. Novel ideal right?

Have a talk with him to see what his REAL reasons are for wanting a threesome, and give some good thought to the state of your relationship. If you feel it's working, is strong and healthy and can withstand a threesome (and you're interested) then maybe you'd like it - provided you both feel safe to explore within any boundaries you set. If you feel the relationship is strong, but you're not interested, then I'd say keep another woman out of your bed.

But if you feel your relationship is on rocky ground, then re-assess the relationship entirely and throw the threesome idea out the window. Let him go get his freak on with someone else, and you find a boyfriend who respects you, your comfort level and your feelings.

What say the blog family?

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-06-23T09:05:00.001-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Anyone ever watch that Toddlers and Tiaras show on TLC? Child beauty pageants are a bit extra to me. It was creepy actually. Five year olds should not be getting highlights, eyebrow waxes, spray tans and wearing lipstick. Fuckery.

- Speaking of eyebrow waxes, gotta get mine done TODAY!

- Should Tracy Morgan have apologized?

- I wanna see "The Mothaf*cka with the Hat" - only three more weeks with this cast, gotta go!

- How long has Cheaters been on?

- Morocco in 3 weeks! Anyone wanna guest blog for me while I'm gone?

- I could use a good, deep, tongue massaging kiss right about now...and I big hug!

- Love will always be love.

- Why are movie theaters always so cold?

- I need a beach...like....now.

- I've discovered that I like Special K cereal with strawberries.

- I saw a pic of Annamaria on her wedding day - stunning! Are they back yet?

- I have to choose the throwback this week since Brian is in Mexico...so here goes!

just cuz I wanted to hear it :-)

Go!

-b

Blogger's Block

2011-06-22T17:13:00.001-04:00

Blogger’s Block!

Over the past couple of days, I’ve gotten emails, texts, bbm’s, IM’s and posts on my FB wall asking the same thing – “no blog today?” It surprises me sometimes, because I just don’t think people miss it. Sure, we have a nice little blog family going on here – but I assume everyone is so busy living their everyday lives that they’d never miss a blog or two. So when I got a flurry of inquiries asking about the blog, my heart actually danced a little jig. “Awww, how sweet!”

Then I feel guilty, like I let people down. But sometimes, I simply don’t have anything to say – at least not “blog worthy” anyway.

That’s not to say that I don’t write drivel from time to time. Random Thoughts Thursday is a good example that. I just chose a day for us all to say whatever nonsensical thing comes to our minds. We don’t have to be clever, witty, smart, check our grammar or spelling or worry if it’s going to be a literary masterpiece. It’s just….whatever.

But can I do a random thoughts blog EVERY day? Can I write rubbish just whenever I feel like it? I’ve noticed that I put too much pressure on myself to actually write something that people will want to read and comment on – but does it have to be that deep?

I started my blog as way to keep my writing skills sharpened since my dream job is to write for a magazine. I even have thoughts of penning my own novel one day. I have no idea what I’d write about, but I’m hoping that through keeping a blog, it’ll spark an idea that would have landed me on Oprah’s Book Club list of required reading. Until then, I’ll just continue to muse about any and everything until something takes hold.

But so far this week…I got nothing. Zilch. Nada. Ever just sit at a desk, or on your couch in front of a blank piece of paper or empty computer screen waiting for the words to magically appear? Yeah…that’s me this week so far. The only think that comes to mind is, “I have nothing to say.”

Here I am - a 38 year old, educated woman who has absolutely no thoughts of any importance floating in my head that anyone would want to read about. My brain is on censor, my own worst critic – and the censor in my brain has gotten the best of me. Who knows what causes that censor to be there – a bad date, fatigue, a cold, bad episodes of Basketball Wives…who knows. And it doesn’t matter. The censor is there – writer’s block…a self limiting toy that even professional writers suffer from. So why take myself so seriously?

I don’t have to write a blog that I think will be the greatest blog ever written every single time I pop open my laptop. I don’t have to formulate the greatest, loveliest, most intelligent string of sentences in the history of the world. I can let that go and forget about judgment, or how unworthy I am to have blog followers or that I went to college but can’t put a few paragraphs together for fear of seeming like I’m rambling…kinda like I’m doing now :-) It’s okay…because out of my ramblings, something good may come - an idea may catch fire right there on the page, sparks will fly, a pattern will flow and the censor will be lifted.

So…for those of you who are still around and looking for a blog – here you go. Maybe it made no sense. Maybe it was a waste of time to even write. Or maybe I’m just saying hi to all of you. And I didn’t have to fill up a waste basket with balled up pieces of paper to do it – so I saved a few trees as well :-)

Thank goodness tomorrow is Random Thoughts Thursday, so I don’t have to think of anything fun to write about until Friday – but if you’d like to help me with my “blogger block,” feel free give me some ideas…or volunteer as a guest blogger for me sometimes. The idea for THIS blog actually came from Serena! I don’t have to do it all myself, and I want to hear what you have to say too…so let’s do it together. After over 600 posts, I think I’m entitled to have a little blogger’s block…so help me out mi gente – what chu wanna talk about?

Go!

-b

Phoenix Rising

2011-06-17T09:00:00.004-04:00

Phoenix Rising...by Patrick.

They’ve spent quiet times together in the living room, but today was special.

Shining through the curtain was the sun – (reminding him of her nickname – "Phoenix." He calls her "Phoenix" because she shines like one).

His rebirth came the day she was born, his soul reincarnated, his life complete and now worth living ever more.

Today is a glorious Saturday afternoon as he’s done reading from her favorite book of poetry, when he suddenly realizes for the hundredth time, the metaphors and similes of heartaches, sacrifices, and pain he had gone through. You see...he suddenly had an epiphany of sort – he was now a Dad.

She’s “Phoenix” to him, the torch he vowed and promised her on the hour of her birth, he would never let die.

That hour he gave his life to protect the only precious being he’s ever fallen for from first sight.

Yesterday, he was awarded Full Custody. Another rebirth. He calls her Phoenix, not only because she shines like one, but represents a new beginning - a reincarnation of his soul. He takes her proudly by the hand as they take a walk outside...father and daughter enjoying each other's company. Knowing fully the sacrifices, the allegations he had to overcome to wear the badge of “Dad” proudly on his sleeve - finally...his spirit has risen.

- Patrick

You Have Custody? Chronicles of a Single Dad

2011-06-16T09:00:00.007-04:00

You Have Custody? Chronicles of a Single Dad
By Sho E. Nuff

First off let me just say that the trials and tribulations of a single dad are no more challenging than those of a single mom. However, just as men and women are different, so are the challenges as moms and dads.

For those that have known me most of my life, I have been told that I was built to be a dad - mostly because of my protective nature of people close to me, as well as my desire to nurture, educate and empower. So when I became a dad it was the single most life changing event in my life. Even before my divorce it was decided that custody of my son would be mine, and that decision was mutual between my ex and I. I know plenty of people who are single dads, but I was the only one I knew who was a custodial parent.

I remember when I told my mom what was going to happen. She looked at me like she wasn’t sure she heard me right. “You will have custody?” and I said, “Yes, is that a problem?”

Now I do realize that it's not as common as mothers with custody, but it's not like I said I was getting a sex change. From that point on when I explained to people that I had custody, I felt as if I was spending my time either defending my ability as a dad...or defending my ex’s honor as a mom - mostly from other women who said things like, “Is it because SHE can’t handle it?” or “Well if it was me I couldn’t do that.”

It was as if I was a second class parent, or my ex was an unfit mother. Most of the time I felt like saying, “Well this ain’t you bitch, so keep your fuckin' judgmental tones to yourself!” Alas I didn’t because, well, it's not a good example for my son :-)

I have had to deal with teachers asking to have a conference with my ex and not me, or assumptions that his mother would be going on the school trips and not me. My parents have been divorced since I was like 3, and I spent time living with my mom and my dad...so I have seen a man as a custodial parent. Maybe that’s why it's not as hard for me to understand. People get so caught up in what the gender roles are supposed to be that they limit not only the person they are judging, but also themselves. We shouldn’t just enforce equal rights, but also equal roles. Why do you think its so hard for men to teach younger grades without a concern of “appropriate behavior”?

I understand maternal instinct, but some of us have a paternal instinct - and that is just as valid. I understand that there are plenty of baby daddies out there who aren’t doing shit for their kids, but show respect to those who are. Don’t forget my big piece of chicken too.

- Sho E. Nuff
@Fantastikeuphon

Happy Father's Day...To My Mother.

2011-06-15T09:00:00.009-04:00

The saddest thing is knowing that some men abandon their children...regularly. But the cycle of pain doesn't have to continue - it can be broken - as this heart-wrenching letter proves.

Happy Father's Day...To My Mother - by Rickey Brown

Dear Dad,

I want to begin this letter by acknowledging you as my father. We will spare the semantics and the embarrassment of trying to recount your contributions as either. I would love to tell you that you had no direct influence over my life in any capacity; unfortunately it is not the case.

In spite of my mother’s claims that you weren’t shit, I tried to love you with reckless abandon. The more my mother told me about you and the fact that you never attempted to contact me, somehow the angrier I became inside and yearned to be near you. Eventually, I realized that you were who you were, and at 16 or 17 I certainly could not expect that you would be in my life. However, I saw past your shortcomings because I inherited such a rich family to whom I am eternally grateful for the familial ties they’ve helped me to establish.

Because you were not around and my life inexperience, I was doomed to repeat some of the same mistakes that you had made. My mom is not perfect, but she was certainly in my life to impart upon me her lessons from her past mistakes. I would never need to touch a hot stove to know it burns had I seen your scar. Reminds me of when Jay Z said, “ Like I told you to sell drugs, nah Hov did that so hopefully you don’t have to go through that.”

I am now 38 years old with a family of my own. I buried my anger and resentment towards you to try to establish a father-son relationship. I attempted to do so by allowing you to be a part of the lives of my children - your grandchildren. We will never recover from the disappointment my sons felt after you promised to have them stay the night...only for you to not keep your promise.

You are a piece of shit. I am finally man enough to admit it even if you are not. You deserve this biting criticism for running away from your responsibilities. You are truly a coward. Of this I am resolute: I WILL NEVER BE LIKE YOU. In fact, I have spent my adult life ensuring that is the case. Here is what your cowardice gave birth to:

As I stated, I now have a family of my own. I only recently discovered I am the father of a biological daughter that is 18 years old and I did not have the honor or the privilege of being in her life. Although, her mother and I may never agree the decisions that were made, the fact remains she is my daughter. I did not exemplify the cowardice you displayed upon discovering this, but opened my arms and my heart to share in a life I feel so wonderful about. The connection to my children is a bond that will never, ever be broken. And that is your only legacy here.

Here’s how your absence affected me: Without you I have simply graduated from college, (the first in my family), own my own home (also a first in my family), have produced one step child and two biological children, and have a successful career. My daughter is now the first grandchild to attend college as well. This is actually the best father’s day present I could have ever received. Maybe if you had stuck around you would have something to be proud of as well.

Rest in Peace.

P.S. Since you have never taken the time to tell my mother "Thank You" for doing your job, it is only appropriate that my children and I celebrate Father’s Day with my Mother. Happy Father’s Day Mom! I love you...and sadly, you were right.

-Rickey Brown

Not With MY Daughter You Won't!

2011-06-14T09:00:00.008-04:00

Hayden is back for another take on fatherhood - enjoy!

Not With MY Daughter You Won't!...by Hayden Greene

Marshall Dillon…
The Ghost Busters…
Superman…
Shane…
The Green Lantern…
Hayden M. Greene…

What do all these people have in common? They are all protectors.

Whether it's a town or the earth or the universe, they ensure that the people they are charged to safeguard don't ever have to worry about being harmed. So then why is my name on that list? There is this little girl named Clarke for whom I am the sworn protector to the end of my days. You should know that as I say that, I push out my chest and imagine a flowing cape billowing behind me like I am a super hero. Because I am. I am HER superhero. And I always will be even when my puffed out chest is overtaken by a puffed out gut and the cape is tattered - I will always be her champion.

Unfortunately the brunt of my superhero practice will be enacted on her suitors, male or female. I've already started practicing. It's always cute for some parents of children of comparable ages to "set up" future couplings between them. Some parents. Not me. I have found myself saying ridiculous things like the following to people:

· I'm sorry, Clarke has lost her ability to speak to all members of the opposite sex who are within 10 years of her age. Doctors say it should clear up around her 35 birthday. Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please check back at that time.

· I am not going to worry about Clarke getting phone numbers from boys: there won't be any phone installed in the ivory tower, and I have a BB gun for any carrier pigeons that are brave enough to attempt to deliver a message.

· There will be no need to use scare tactics on her dates since Clarke will not be dating anyone from the top of the ivory tower. When the time comes for her to descend, I will probably be too old to enact any fearsome tactics and my only recourse will be to throw my dentures at them with what little vigor I have left after and try to suffocate them with my uncontrollable farting. If they still want to date her after they see what their Thanksgivings and family BBQ's are going to be like, they are a better man than me and deserve her. Mazel Tov!

As you can see I am pretty ridiculous when it comes to my daughter. Most of it is in good fun, but there is a LOT of truth in there!

Here's my honest opinion: Clarke should know that her father is going to give anyone she brings home a hard time. In fact, she should want to use that as a way to discern who to date. I want my daughter to only date people who have self confidence and have strong wills. If they are too chicken to face her old man, then she shouldn’t want to be with them to begin with! In my eyes, I consider this a favor to my girl. Yeah...let's spin it that way. In the interim, I'm going to come up with more and more creative ways reek havoc on whomever she decides to date...

God. Help. Them.

- Hayden

Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.

You Can't Make Me!

2011-06-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

Good Morning!

Every year I turn my blog over to wonderful fathers I know for a week leading up to Father's Day. It's often said that mothers get all the glory, while Father's Day is "just another day." But there are definitely strong, silent...and not so silent....father heroes out there who love, nurture, raise and provide for their children (and others' children) every single day. Kicking off my Father's Day week series is Hayden Greene - let's go!

You Can't Make Me!...by Hayden Greene

I once saw a commercial for a product that I don't remember of a grown man doing high school cheers. He looked ridiculous! The camera angle was tight, but as it panned out you saw that he was, in fact, practicing with his daughter - being there for her. Somehow she had gotten him to act like a post pubescent girl with pompoms!

I looked at that commercial and realized that little girls can get their fathers...daddies...to do whatever they want! I had not joined the fatherhood fraternity, so I wondered whether that would be me one day in our backyard doing pirouettes with my little one (I knew I would be blessed with a girl. How? That's a story for another blog) or turning double Dutch.

What I didn't know is that power to make a daddy do things that he normally wouldn't do would manifest itself quite differently for me. Firstly, you have to know that I don't cry. This isn't a machismo latent declaration of my toughness. I'm just very even keeled and laid back, so things don't move me to either extreme; sadness or joy. I'm ruled by logic, so emotions lay beneath the surface but aren't immediately obvious.

That was at least until Clarke came into my life. For me, the thing that my daughter has made me do that I wouldn't normally do is have those emotions bubble to the surface and break free. I have laughed like I have never laughed before because she got into a giggling fit and her laughter is infectious. I have cried when she was sick and I felt completely helpless because I couldn't be her superman. I have also cried tears of joy when she and I spontaneously broke into a duet on a song that I had been singing to her at night to put her to sleep. I was so happy that she was the daughter that I had always hoped for that I couldn't stop the waterworks that I had previously had complete control over.

Yes, Clarke makes her daddy do things that he doesn't want to do. Those things include skipping unabashedly down the street, humming songs from Yo Gabba Gabba unconsciously at work, and threatening 3 year old boys to stay away from my daughter (I'm not real proud of that last one! LOL).

However, the one thing that she made me do that I had no intention of doing was being a more emotional person. Strangely, it has made me a more complete human, and I believe that people around me have probably noticed and welcomed the difference. Basically, Clarke has made me a better man, and I am so happy to be her father. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go have tea with my daughter and her stuffed toys...

-Hayden

Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.

Proposal Fail

2011-06-10T13:27:00.004-04:00

TGIF!

I don't know about you all, but at least 5 of my Facebook friends posted this link to their Facebook page. Watch...and cringe. (Sorry about the ad you have to suffer through first)

Embarrassing: Man Proposes In The Club In Front... by thehiphopconsultant

Whoa.

Yes, it was probably very embarrassing for him to be rejected in a club...but we'll talk about rejection later. He proposed...IN A CLUB. Maybe for some women, that might be romantic. But for any potential suitors of mine I might have out there - don't do that. EVER. A club? Really?

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that you probably shouldn't propose unless you know she'll say yes. I think that's common sense, and I think most men know that - but clearly this guy misfired...badly.

Most people have discussed marriage prior to actually getting engaged. It's important to find out how the other person feels about having kids, how to RAISE the kids, finances, division of chores, merging accounts, religion, etc. prior to actually asking for someone to spend the rest of their life with you. If you have never talked about marriage, you should before thinking about proposing. They might not even want to get married. Or they might not want to get married TO YOU.

But if you all DO decide that you want to marry each other at some point and you're planning on proposing, may I suggest a few places where you SHOULD NOT propose? This is just a list according to Brooke - and some of you may even think the places I'm going to list are wonderful places/ways to propose. To each his/her own :-) But if anyone is ever planning on proposing to ME - let's just say I might find these places questionable. Feel free to add your own:

1. At a basketball/football/sporting event:

Stereotypically speaking, men love sports. But unless your beloved shares that feeling, you should probably avoid the "jumbotron" proposal. There’s nothing less romantic than screaming, drunk fans who probably couldn't care less about your proposal - and if you propose at a Philadelphia Eagles game, be prepared to be booed...whether she says yes or no. And if you get rejected, the jeers will ALL be directed at you.

2. The "Hide the Ring in her Dessert" Proposal:

Aside from it being a choking hazard (make sure you know how to do the Heimlich Maneuver), your bride-to-be really doesn’t want to have to hunt for her ring in a chocolate lava cake or accidentally drink it out of a glass of champagne. Worst-case scenario, she swallows it and you have to spend the next three days waiting for your fiancee to pass it. Save yourself the time and the latex gloves and simply pull the ring out of your pocket at the restaurant when you want to propose. Besides, you don't want to trust the waiter with something that costs 3 months salary.

3. At someone else's wedding:

Remember that scene in The Best Man where Taye Diggs proposes to Sanaa Lathan at Morris Chestnut's wedding? Wrong for so many reasons. Your boo may not want to share one of the most special moments of her life with anyone else, especially not a bunch of wedding guests she may not know. And it's just rude. That day is about the couple getting married, not you or your girlfriend. The proposal should be about your lady...and someone else's wedding should be about them. It's thunder stealing haterade...and just plain wack!

4. On vacation:

Only acceptable if you know she’ll say yes, because it’s impossible to escape if you’re rejected. Imagine she says no...now what? Y'all gonna be all mad at the pool? Are you going to go crying on the beach? Arguing over breakfast? For seven to fourteen days? Not a good look. You might just break up permanently, and your vacation is ruined.

5. On finding out she’s pregnant:

Searching for the right words to propose?

“You're period is how many days late? WTF??!! You told me you were on the pill! You're keeping it? Shit. I suppose we’d better get married then.”

Yeah, that ain't it. Nothing about those words sounds loving or romantic. Just because you and your unmarried partner find out you’re expecting, it’s not an excuse to phone in a half-assed proposal. Propose because you want to marry that person, not because the condom broke.

6. By phone/email/text/Facebook:

Speaking of phoning in proposals....just...NO. Email, text, dare I say Facebook? Don’t even think about it. The same applies to a paper note, with check boxes saying "Yes, No and Maybe." This will only work if you are nine years old and your wedding guests are Power Rangers.

7. During sex:

I know my loving is good, but c'mon son. It doesn't count. We all say funny things during the long stroke, but a proposal should never be one of them. In T minus 30 seconds, you’ll probably feel quite differently, and/or be asleep. But trust me, she'll remember...and she might call "no backsies!"

8. On TV:

Wouldn’t it be fun to take something private and do it in the most public forum possible? No it wouldn’t – too much pressure and potentially very embarrassing...especially if you're on live tv and they can't edit it out. And if you do it on tv, and she says no, it'll be on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter before you get home (like the poor fool in the clip I posted who proposed to his girl in a club).

What other ways/places to propose are potential disasters for things to go horribly FAIL? And if you have a proposal-gone-wrong story, feel free to share :-)

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-06-09T12:20:00.003-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- HOT, HOT, HOT!! Today is a perfect day to get some ice cream!

- I'll eat my steak for lunch and then go get some :)

- I feel sunny again today!

- Is "sexting" cheating?

- Lupe Fiasco is a clown.

- Bishop Long paid $25 million to settle - does that automatically mean "guilty"?

- I could go for some good gelato too! mmmm!

- Am I the only one who doesn't watch The Voice?

- I have some funny, sexy co-workers!

- Rock the Bells looks like it's gonna be the HOTNESS this year!

- Would any of you go on a stripper cruise?

- Should I go see Black Eyed Peas tonight? It's a scorcher! But I like heat :-)

- Today's throwback! Get your head nod on!

Go!

-b

I Would Break Up With You If You Ever...

2011-06-08T12:51:00.004-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

It’s hot as the devil with gasoline drawz on today! I love it! But if you’re one of those people who does NOT love it, stay cool. It’s da summa time!

Okay, now…on the radio this morning, they reported that Queen Latifah’s (alleged) girlfriend broke up with her. The reason stated was that she was tired of seeing the Queen eat, drink and smoke herself to death. Who knows if any of this is true or not, but it begged the question of the day: What would you make you break up with your significant other? They did it “fill in the blank” style:

“I would break up with you if you ever ____________”

I immediately thought of 5 answers off the top of my head.

If he ever hit me
If he ever gave me an STD
If he ever fathered a child outside of our relationship (think the Governator)
If he ever committed a heinous crime
If he was a chronic liar.

I'm sure I could think of more, but those came to mind instantly.

The listeners called up with some very similar answers, and some totally ridiculous ones. One woman said she’d break up with any dude who said Wacka Flocka was his favorite rapper. Clearly she jests…or maybe not…but that’s not unforgivable. A bit odd maybe, but not a “real” deal breaker. Okay…so maybe it is.

Anyway, what do you consider offenses that require an immediate kick to the curb? I’m not talking about “we had a big fight” or “we don’t agree on the small stuff.” After all, not every bad day has to spell the end of a relationship, and not every problem is insurmountable. If he finds other women attractive, that’s normal and not that big of a deal. But if he sleeps with your sister? A totally big deal…and he gets walking papers and a foot in the ass (and her too).

Sometimes we throw in the towel too soon while others stay a little too long. For many of us, it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but far too many of us fold before we’ve really tried to make it work. I’m guessing that the Queen’s boo hung in there for as long as she could and tried her best to make it work for the sake of love. But watching someone hurt themselves may affect us in such a negative way to the point where we have to let go because there’s nothing else we can do.

If she DID leave the Queen for the reasons stated – do you think she was wrong and abandoned her, or do you think it was time for her to move on? Under what circumstances do you stay with someone who is abusing themselves, if any? Love, marriage? Or do you leave and hope and pray they do what’s necessary for themselves to get well?

Lastly, fill in the blank yourself:

“I love him/her, but I would break up with him/her if they ever ___________”

Go!

-b

Dear FURY - I'm Addicted to Sex Toys!

2011-06-07T09:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Fury,

Last year I attended a pleasure party and purchased my first sex toy. Since then I enjoyed it so much, I now have a large collection of toys. My problem is I am now addicted to them and use them at least three times a day - sometimes more! It has come to the point where I even use them in the ladies room at work, I carry one with me all the time! I'm not interested in men anymore either - my toys are all I need and I don't go out on dates, or even have the desire to. Is this normal? Something must be wrong with me - help!

Sincerely,
Addicted!

Dear Addicted,

You seem to have the mother load of self pleasure, I'm certain some of the women on the blog would like to have a toy that makes them feel that damn good!

Seriously, having a healthy self pleasure ritual is important to having a healthy sex life. You get to learn what you like and then pass that information on to others. If you want to enjoy yourself, more power to you. Just remember, those toys cannot and will not take the true place of intimacy with a partner. Ain't nothing like the real thing baby! Nothing is wrong with you, but you are falling into the 21st century trap of immediate gratification. Text, Twitter and 24 hour news makes us all want everything immediately and not want to work for it.

However, toys will never ever disappoint you! God knows it is the safest possible sex you can have. I understand. It's a phase and you're allowed to work your way through it (wink). But I hope one day you'll return to the fold and allow a worthy man to savor in all of your sexy goodness as you savor in his.

I know several women (regular professionals you wouldn't suspect) who regularly carry their toys with them in their purse all the time and a few who have admitted to using their toys in the bathroom at work.

(fellas those bathrooms have got to be a hotbed of sex toy fun).

PLEASE don't get caught at work. Try to refrain from doing it there if you can.

In Brazil, a woman won a court ruling that allows her to masturbate in the bathroom at work because of an anxiety disorder! You're not her. You could lose your job. Watch out for that.

You say the toys are "all you need"...for now...but know there's more out there, but enjoy it while you're doing it.

Shameless plug - if you're looking for new toys, a new feature of my site will be toy reviews by a very unsuspecting, professional woman who has volunteered her body for the testing. *smirks*

They call me The Fury and I am master of my own domain...and others' as well...

--The Fury

http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/dirtydetails
http://dirtydetails.tumblr.com/

Question of the Day - Stripper Song

2011-06-06T12:50:00.002-04:00

Happy Monday!

I have to leave the office early today - so my question of the day will be short and sweet!

If you were a stripper, what would your stripper song be?

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-06-02T11:11:00.003-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- ahhhh, warm weather, summer breezes....gotta love it!

- My new deodorant smells like perfume...better than the perfume I wear.

- I woke up thinking about lunch. Cooked this morning and had it sweltering in my apartment. I may need to start cooking at night again...but I just never feel like it after I get home from the gym. Must be time for salad.

- I've always wanted to a be a part of a flash mob. I came close when I danced in Hammer pants in Times Square. Good thing there's no video of that :-)

- I wonder if I can get into baseball for the summer. The finals are doing nothing for me, and football is too far off...so I need something. Go Phillies! (that's for you Dave)

- So I got caught up on this "Weiner" thing (thanks Fury). Umm...how do you not know what your own crotch looks like? "I can't say with certitude..." Huh?

- I might need to play the Power Ball. This working mess is for the birds :)

- Grateful for my job though - the economy still sucks.

- Men who wear excessive jewelry look strange to me.

- Shaq Diesel is retiring. Do you think he's one of the greatest big men ever to do it, or no?

- I feel "sunny" today :-)

- Check out First 48 Missing Persons on A&E tonight at 10p EST!

- Brian's throwback this week!

Go!

-b

I Call Bullsh*t

2011-06-01T13:02:00.003-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

Have you ever just wanted to call bullshit on someone/something – but just figured it wasn’t worth the time or the air in your lungs? That’s the mood I’m in today…for no apparent reason other than it’s Wednesday.

So today, let’s call it “I Call Bullsh*t Wednesday.” Feel free to call bullsh*t on whatever you want today.

I call bullsh*t on liars and fake friends. A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy any day.

I call bullsh*t on people who say, “the condom broke.” I know contraception fails, but not that often. Do you know how hard it is to break a latex condom? Those things are pretty strong, so unless you used one that expired in 2002 or used one that was too small – it didn’t break. And if you used one that was too small, you’re an idiot. If you’re a woman who can eyeball a penis and know what size he should wear, but let him use one that was too small anyway, you’re an even bigger idiot. Either the condom was too big and it slid off (you’re not ALL Magnum built) or you didn’t really use one and you’re too embarrassed to admit that you didn’t use one with the jump-off who is now your baby mama/daddy.

I call bullsh*t on “corporate thugs.” You can’t be both. Stop playing. That doesn’t even make sense.

I call bullsh*t on people who say they didn’t get your texts. Yes you did, you just ignored me. I send hundreds of texts, HUNDREDS…and 99.9999% of the time, the person I send them to receives them, reads them, and responds to them. But the ONE text I send you asking you to help me move, or when you can pay me back is the one you “magically” didn’t get. Yet if I send you a text at 2am (when you’re supposed to be asleep) and ask you to come blow my back out, I get a reply within 10 seconds. Yeah, I call bullsh*t on that for real. Your phone works just fine.

I call bullsh*t on cold medicine. Yes, cold medicine. The sh*t doesn’t work – it just puts you to sleep. Damn the pharmaceutical companies and their greed – they can cure the common cold if they wanted to! It’s probably sitting in the same vault with the AIDS and Ebola vaccines. Okay, maybe I just watch too many movies…and am a bit of a conspiracy theorist :-)

I call bullsh*t on fake orgasms. If you still do this – man or woman – you’re just lazy and/or wack. Life is too short to not be broke off properly.

I call bullshit on bisexual men. You’re gay, you just happen to have sex with women to fool us :-) Or you’re just greedy :-) or Tyler Perry.

I also call bullsh*t on straight women who kiss and rub up against other women in order to get a man’s attention. You look silly…and it’s desperate. Where dey do dat at?

I call bullsh*t on any “light” items at a fast food restaurant. If I really wanted to eat healthy, I wouldn’t go to McDonald’s. Period.

I call bullsh*t on people who say they’re too busy to call you back, but update their Facebook and Twitter pages every 5 minutes. Yeah, you can miss me with alla dat.

I call bullsh*t on cable companies who say they don’t have any promotions going on…until you ask them to transfer you to someone to cancel your service. F*ckers!

I call bullsh*t on name droppers. Just because a celeb works out at the same gym you do doesn’t mean you know him.

I call bullsh*t on people who think the first Hangover movie was the best comedy of the century. And for that matter, people who go see movies and say the movie was hilarious simply because someone else or a movie critic said they should. Gimme a break.

I call bullsh*t on people who never call bullsh*t on ANYthing…or who call bullsh*t on EVERYTHING. ;-)

Go!

-b

Single Ladies on VH-1 - and Question of the Day

2011-05-31T12:15:00.007-04:00

Happy Back-To-Work Tuesday!

I hope you all had a great, long weekend! Look at what DMoe was doing in Puerto Rico:

Jumping off bridges with the locals and whatnot :-)

I am SO going somewhere next year for Memorial Weekend, although I had a GREAT weekend with my family - so much so that I stayed there late last night because my nephews didn’t want me to leave. I told myself that I was staying late to beat the traffic, but what I was REALLY doing was watching the 2 hour premiere of Single Ladies on VH-1. If you missed it, here’s a taste of what you missed from the trailer:

Single Ladies Christina Carter Keisha Greene Valerie Stokes

I can’t say that I didn’t like it. I can’t say that I loved it. I guess I’m still trying to figure out if this will be my new obsession or not. Since The Game is under performing for MY taste, I was eager to sink my teeth into a new series with a majority Black cast that would speak to me – and Single Ladies (since I am one) seemed like it might do the trick – or fail miserably.

I told myself I’d only watch a half hour of it. An hour later, I was still intrigued. The acting was so-so – at first it felt like I was watching a late night BET straight to dvd movie, like Trois 3. Well, it wasn’t THAT bad, but production-wise, that’s what it felt like to me. But the story flowed, and although gold diggin’ video vixens who steal and write books is nothing new, I rode with it. I wanted to see what was going to happen next, so there I was – 2 hours later – telling myself that at 11p, the traffic should be fine to drive back to the NYC.

So I guess I dig the show…for now. The acting will get better, hopefully, and if nothing else, it’s no less entertaining than say…Basketball Wives (which I missed). These women were strangely relatable on some level, maybe because they were in my age range…not that you’d know it. Stacey Dash is the QUEEN of “Black Don’t Crack.” Those heffas make you wanna throw out all the snacks in your crib, apply sunscreen and anti-wrinkle cream as if your life depended on it and do two spin classes back to back – DAILY. At 40-something, those women were WORKING IT.

So I’ll DVR it...and try to work out a side deal with Deebo :-)

Even the morning talent were talking about how great the show is as I got dressed – even though I think the guys liked it for a totally different reason :-) But the show sparked their question of the day – which I will make MY question of the day as well.

Val (Stacey Dash’s character) was dating a man for 5 years. She gave him an ultimatum – either put a ring on it, or bounce. So he bounced. Three months later, he was engaged to someone else (Lauren London). He said that by forcing him to make a decision, Val made him realize that he was “settling” with her. Although they got along, she was cool and never gave him a hard time, and she looked great on his arm, he just wasn’t in love with her. He felt that love would come eventually since she looked good on paper, but his heart was never in it.

Charlemagne (the God) said that he would never have let a woman as fine as Stacey Dash go – he’d have to just work with it – or simply cheat on her. He said when you have a woman like a Stacey Dash or a Halle Berry – it doesn’t matter if there’s no spark, no chemistry or if she’s crazy – you don’t leave someone like that who seemingly has it going on…no matter what.

So what say you? Do you stay with someone who is perfect on paper (Stunning, Handsome, intelligent, great body, great career, your mama likes him/her, etc.) but there is no passion, or do you go for someone who may be “less perfect” on paper – but perfect for you?

Curious to hear from the men on this one – go!

-b

50 Random Questions

2011-05-27T10:49:00.003-04:00

TGIF!!

I have a half a day today, so let's get it! I got this "Random 50 Questions" from my boy Jeff on Facebook, so thought it would be fun to do for the blog. Let's Go!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I was named after my grandmother’s favorite singer – a Black man named Brook Benton. I would have been named Brooke whether I was a boy or a girl.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Watching Oprah’s finale on Wednesday.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Love it!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Maple Honey Roasted Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Not Yet – but several “play” children. Two nephews, a Godson and 6 “play” nieces and nephews.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absofreakinlutely!

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? To perfection sometimes. I’ve been told I have a slick mouf.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? HELL no.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K Vanilla Almond (or Honey Nut Cheerios with the kids)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Never

-WHAT HAPPENED TO #12? I dunno, ask Jeff Dorcely…I got this from him :-)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Breyers Vanilla Bean or Cookies and Cream….or Dulce de Leche. I love ice cream!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they’re smiling (and teeth) and their eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? Red (lips!) LOL!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? That I procrastinate.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? Cole, my cat.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? Yes, I'd love to learn more about my friends.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Wearing a short black jersey dress and chocolate sandals

<----AGAIN...WITH #2O;...I should just come up with a couple extra questions myself to make it really be 50 questions. Maybe later.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My coworkers’ kids running around the office (get me outta here!)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Hot Magenta

23. FAVORITE SMELL? The ocean, my nephews’ hair after a bath, Agua di Gio on a man, fresh cut flowers

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My coworker Nicole

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? He a’ight ;)

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football and Basketball

27. HAIR COLOR? Dark Brown

28. EYE COLOR? Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Italian.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Brides Maids I think...at the theater. At home...Get Him to the Greek.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? See #19

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, definitely.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both – I give great hugs, but I love to kiss.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? My Strawberry Cheesecake

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Hard to say, it’s Friday, not sure who’s around on the blog today….Stef?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No idea.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Just got “Resurrecting Midnight” by Eric Jerome Dickey – will start that soon.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My nephew Kyce at a few months old.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Heat/Bulls game. Congrats to the Heat.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? My nephews cracking up, anything on my new iPod, when my cat used to snore lightly :-(

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Umm….Beatles I guess?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Japan – but I was born there – does that count? Okay, maybe L.A. :-)

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Some folks say I can write pretty well….all my other talents can’t be shared here ;-)

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Okinawa, Japan.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Craig’s.

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I’m not married.

49. IS THE CUP HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full.

50. IF YOU COULD SIT DOWN TO DINNER WITH FIVE PEOPLE WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? My maternal grandmother whom I’ve never met, (along with my mother and sister so we all could be together) Oprah, Barack & Michelle Obama.

BONUS QUESTIONS: Since there were technically only 48 questions, here are two more:

1. Would you adopt if you couldn't have children naturally? (me...yes)

2. What are you doing this Memorial Weekend? Whatever it is, please be safe and have fun! (going to Philly to do family stuff...first stop? Kung Fu Panda 2!)

Go!

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-05-26T11:37:00.004-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

This is post #601! Wow!

- Sunny and warm days, love it!

- Congrats to Dallas...next up....the Heat.

- I want all the men who wear sandals to know that it's okay for a man to get a pedicure. That's a hint.

- I'm not crazy about white shoes. Unless it's a wedding, they make me cringe. Not sure why.

- Eating Combos now...and I want Chinese for lunch today.

- I didn't do the "ugly cry" as Oprah's show ended yesterday - but the tears did fall. I can't even imagine 4pm without her. I feel like I've lost a friend...but I'm sure we haven't seen the last of her. She's an amazing force and I can't wait to see what's next for her.

- Her entire show yesterday could have been a book of inspirational quotes. "You have to know what sparks the light in you, so that you...in your own way...can illuminate the world" - Oprah.

- The strawberry lemonade at McDonald's is CRACK! I think I'll treat myself to one later today.

- Looking forward to the long weekend! I miss my nephews. And my Godson. I need to hookup a play date with them.

- The question of the day on the radio this morning was for the men: If your woman was more powerful than you are and made a ton more money, would you take her last name in marriage? I'd like the men to answer that...and I'd like the women to chime in as well on if they'd want their man to take their last name...or if they'd NOT change theirs. Think Oprah...or even Kardashian status.

- I wanna be in Mexico. I wish all my Soul Siesta folks safe travels today and a lot of fun!

- Basketball Wives starts on Monday...and I must say, I'm looking forward to it!

- There's nothing on TV but basketball for me now.

- I have to see this documentary - just watching this segment is heartbreaking.

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

We're all beautiful - each and every one of us...simply because we're a child of God.

- I'm wearing a bright red dress today - need to bust out the red lips!

- Today's throwback! "Aww man homie...my mind's playin' tricks on me!" LOL!

Go!

-b

Pretty...or Not So Pretty Friends

2011-05-25T13:00:00.002-04:00

Happy Hump Day!

I saw a man taking a “bird bath” on the subway this morning. By bird bath, I mean he was wiping himself down with a wet wash cloth, but doing it under his clothes. He didn’t appear to be homeless – his hair was cut, his clothes seemed clean…he just looked crazy. There is no reason to tell you this other than to say that he creeped everyone out on the train today – including me – and I couldn’t wait til Random Thoughts Thursday to share. That is all.

Now, the blog today.

I usually read other people’s blogs at night after I get home from the gym. It’s my time to relax and unwind and muse about the word around me. I catch up with the Witches (they can be a time suck at work if I’m not careful), Latinegro, Sugar Plum Smiles, Very Smart Brothers.com and The Fresh Xpress. Someone on my FB feed posted a link to an article on the Fresh Xpress titled “Why Are All the Pretty Girls Married?”

The article itself is not what intrigued me. I don’t think all pretty girls are married, but I DO know that being considered pretty has its perks. It’s all relative, like anything else.

However, the comments to the article were a little more interesting to me. Most of the women who commented said that they and their friends are pretty, but not married – which seemed to suggest a flaw in the author’s reasoning. The author, who is male, and other men responded this way: You may THINK you and your friends are pretty, but you probably really are not.

Wow.

What struck me is that men said most women think they’re female friends are prettier than they really are. They suggested that we judge beauty on less superficial things, like character, personality, intelligence, and generally what kind of friend they are. We think our friends are beautiful simply because they’re our friends.

While they conceded that that is what we SHOULD be judging beauty on, men rate women differently – and can separate a good person from a pretty woman. One man suggested that a pretty woman is a pretty woman…and if she just happens to be smart, funny and has a great personality – that’s just icing on the cake.

Now, I’m a woman who thinks all of her friends are attractive. I can honestly say that most of the women I can call friends are pretty…if not stunning. But then again, men and women judge beauty differently – and while I think I know the difference between pretty, cute, sexy, beautiful, striking or stunning – what women find attractive in other women could be (and usually is) TOTALLY different than what men find attractive in women.

But I also disagree that ALL women think all of our friends are pretty. Not so.

If you’re an insecure woman, you might surround yourself with women you may not think other men find attractive in order to make yourself look better. It’s sad to think that a woman would choose her friends this way, but I’m sure that it happens. And some say if you think you don’t have any ugly friends or fat friends…then YOU are the ugly or fat friend. Pretty harsh right?

But even if some women feel that they have an unattractive friend, or a fat friend, chances are she’d never admit it anyway. Friendships shouldn’t be about tearing each other down, but rather lifting each other up – which is why women probably can’t see their true friends as anything other than beautiful.

But what do you think? Are women blind to “beauty” (which is truly in the eye of the beholder) or see true beauty for what it is…from the inside? Or do you think we’re more insecure than we admit and choose our friends based on how pretty (or not pretty) they are?

Go!

-b

Question of the Day - Dating, Religion..and Other Stuff

2011-05-24T12:23:00.004-04:00

Hola mi gente!

That's me practicing my Spanish for no reason other than hating on my Soul Siesta friends who are going to Mexico without me this weekend. Can someone take me on a trip please? I'll be your bestest friend! Purrty please!

No? Well at least it's warm today...dang it!

I have so many ideas for a blog topic today that I can't narrow it down to one. My brain hurts, so I'm just going to ask a question of the day. This came to me out of a conversation I had this morning with the same co-worker who gave me my blog topic yesterday. I may need to stop by his desk every day to get some inspiration...and free tabloid magazines :-)

He said he was involved in a FB war with a friend of his who said that a couple can't be compatible if they don't share the same religious beliefs. He didn't agree, and thought that might be an interesting blog topic. And I agree.

I tend to stay away from potentially polarizing subjects - religion and politics being two - but it did make me wonder what in a person's life would keep me from dating or marrying him.

Personally, I feel your religious beliefs are your own and I have no problem dating anyone who isn't a Christian. Most people, I think, believe in something greater than themselves...and that's fine with me. We all stand before God alone on Judgement Day - and we're all responsible for our own salvation.

However, I think I'd have a harder time dating an atheist rather than someone who practiced a different faith...but that's just me. I'm not saying I can't do it - I think I actually have. But if anything, I think that would be the most challenging for me....assuming we wanted the same things out of life. If religion was the only thing that we didn't have in common, I think I could live with it. It might get tricky if children became involved, but open communication could probably help navigate that.

That being said, let me get to the question: What in someone's life - for instance, religion, occupation, ethnic background, age, health, or marital history - would keep you from marrying a person you had somehow already fallen in love with?

If there is something that that I didn't list, feel free to add it and give us your reasons why.

Go!

-b

Fantasizing Isn't Cheating...Is it?

2011-05-23T11:32:00.005-04:00

Happy Monday!

So my co-worker comes to me this morning, “No blog post today?” I tell him that I plan to write something…just don’t know what it is yet.

“Any suggestions?” I ask.

After we go back and forth about basketball and whether calling someone a “faggot” is okay or not in the heat of NBA playoff battle – I decide to save that blog for another day…it made my head hurt.

“I have one for you. A friend of mine and I were having a discussion about cheating. He wants to know if thinking of someone else during sex with your partner is cheating.”

Good one.

Of course, being me, I had to ask who he was fantasizing about. Was it Halle Berry…or an ex girlfriend? He said out of the hundreds of times he’s had sex with his girl, he only fantasized about someone else twice. Once was with a chick he never actually had sex with, but who he WISHED he had had sex with, and the other was with an ex.

I think I was more impressed that he had only fantasized about other women two times. That takes some serious mental stamina…cuz face it – most of us are just lazy. It’s easier to dream of Idris Elba or the trainer at the gym than to actually FOCUS on your partner…or is that just me? Just me? Okay…moving on. :-)

Men are visual creatures, so it only seems natural to me that they keep a bevy of exes, celebs and any woman in between in their mental playback during sex.

But guess what? Women do it too. I know fellas, it’s hard to imagine that we could possibly be thinking of that Pro Football Player one-night-stand we had while you’re giving us the long stroke…but it happens. More than you think.

If we’re honest with ourselves, most of us have probably fantasized about someone else while having sex with our partner - but should we feel guilty? I don’t think we should.

It’s okay for your mind to wander into the fantasy realm from time to time. But what does this say about your relationship? If you’re still pining after your ex and thinking of him/her while you’re having sex – then maybe there’s a problem. But if you’re dreaming of Salma Hayek, I think you need to just get over it.

Some people feel that any kind of connection, physical or emotional, to a person outside of your relationship is cheating. Others say it’s only human nature and we all do it…so it’s nothing serious. It’s not until you get into the grey area that we can spark any real debate. That grey area would be the relationship itself.

Fantasizing about someone other than your partner during sex could be a healthy addition to your sex life. It’s only a sign of trouble if there is some other disconnect happening where the thought of being with your partner physically is emotionally or mentally agonizing.

On the surface, it may seem hurtful to consider that your partner would think about someone else while having sex with you, because you think it means he or she doesn’t love you or is detached from you. But many psychologists say it’s actually a sign of a healthy sex life. Think about it; if you weren’t deriving any pleasure from your partner at all, you would be too bored or depressed to even fantasize. Now it might be LAZY of you to fantasize rather than focusing on your partner…but hopefully it’s only happening THAT NIGHT. His friend said he only did it twice, which suggests to me that MOST of the time, he’s getting all he needs from his girl both physically AND emotionally/mentally.

But throw in marriage, kids, routine, monotony, and you might need to conjure up an image of Beyonce or Boris Kodjoe to mix things up a bit.

Fantasizing is born out pleasure, not so much about wishing your partner were someone else. It’s an ego boost for you more than an attack on your partner’s self esteem. It can also be a healthy way to add variety to your sex life - again something which signals a sex life that is alive and thriving rather than one that has become boring or non-existent. You can think of it as a “safe” way to cheat :)

There is a world of difference between thinking and doing. Simply thinking about someone does not constitute making an emotional connection with that person - much less a physical one. And without that kind of legitimate bond, it can hardly be considered cheating. We’re all human after all: just because we commit to someone doesn’t mean we stop being attracted to other people. Cheating only comes into play when you ACT on that attraction.

So if you find yourself picturing Darren Sharper (that man is FINE) the next time your partner is beating the brakes off you doggy style, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s perfectly normal; and as long as your heart is in the right place, there is nothing wrong with letting your mind drift a little bit.

What say you? Is it cheating, and should you share your fantasies with your partner - or just keep them to yourself?

Go!

-b

Tomorrow is Not Promised

2011-05-20T11:21:00.003-04:00

TGIF!!!

So, I would ask you all what you have planned for the weekend…but since the end of the world begins tomorrow, I won’t. According to Harold Camping, the head of Family Radio broadcasting network, the apocalypse kicks off on Saturday, May 21…so there go my plans to see Thor.

All joking aside, while I DON’T believe the end of the world begins tomorrow, I DO believe that tomorrow is never promised to you. To us. To anyone.

But without a deadline, many of us don’t live life as if it’s our last day on earth…every day. There’s no urgency to say “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,”…no urgency to do something we know we should do, or always wanted to do. Since we cannot conceive of an end to ourselves, we think we have all the time in the world to do what we want when we get good and ready.

But if you knew the world would end tomorrow, what would you do today? What would you say to those you care about, or even to those who have no idea how you feel about them? Who would you want to spend your last few hours with, and what would you be doing?

Since most of us don’t have the luxury of knowing when we’ll take our last breath, or when someone we love will be taken from us, it makes sense that we should tell those we love that we love them every chance we get. I never hang up the phone with my mother, sister or nephews without saying “I love you.” Ever. It’s something that’s been ingrained in me since childhood – my mother never let my sister and I go to bed angry with each or without saying “I love you.” And I’m so grateful she instilled that in us.

But I can’t say the same about my girlfriends…or my male friends for that matter. If the world were to end tomorrow, instead of assuming they knew how I felt about them, I’d pick up the phone and call each and every one of them to let them know that I love and appreciate them all for their friendship, encouragement and support. If you’re reading this post, that means you :-)

But aside from love, what about forgiveness? Is there someone out there you’re holding a grudge against? Or is there someone out there you need to apologize to and ask forgiveness from? If so, what is keeping you from doing it? Whatever it is, let it go. Forgiveness is a powerful thing…whether granting it or asking for it. But since tomorrow isn’t promised to you, don’t hold onto or reject anything that doesn’t bring you peace.

If you could do anything in the world with your life, and knew you wouldn’t fail – what would it be? What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Many of us keep ourselves from doing bigger and better things in our lives because we live in fear - we’re afraid to fail, or to reach higher than our outstretched hand can grasp. Let go of your fears, don’t cling to the past, and accept the invitation to grow. Let your life unfold into a stream of amazing moments.

To me, living each day of your life as if it’s your last is about being grateful, and expressing that gratitude with every breath you take. We should be grateful for each experience that teaches us something and for whoever comes – because each has been sent as a guide from above. Every morning is a new arrival, and each day is a chance to do better, to be better and to love harder.

The moment we realize this, it’s amazing how the universe brings more love to your doorstep, begins to help you achieve your goals and works in your favor. The universe is God’s self portrait, and since no one knows when it’ll end but Him, put Him behind the thoughts that guide your every word, your every emotion and your every action. You’ll train yourself to be in the habit of giving love and showing gratitude every day of your life, and you’ll live each day with no regrets.

-b

Random Thoughts Thursday!

2011-05-19T09:00:00.004-04:00

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- This rain has got to go. It would be sexy if I didn't have to go to work.

- The Chicago/Heat series is shaping up to be a good one!

- Speaking of...I find that I'm not watching anything on tv nowadays except basketball. Not DWTS, not Law & Order, The Voice, nothing...not even the free premium channels I haggled for. It's either the news, ESPN or the playoffs.

- oh wait...can't lie....16 & Pregnant is my guilty pleasure. I'm terrified of having kids.

- and Oprah....I'm gonna cry when her last show airs. I feel it all in my chest :-(

- Derrick Rose is a cutie ;-)

- The Terminator played himself. Not that Maria Shriver is the bangin'est chick, but c'mon son.

- Should I be concerned that I can't find an expiration date on the rice I have in my kitchen? How long does it normally take for rice to go bad?

- I had waffles for dinner last night. That was all I could muster.

- My apartment smells like spiced apples....mmmmm!

- You all have been very entertaining on the blog this week :-) Thank you!

- My nails are so long I can barely type. Time for a mani...I feel like I have claws!

- Need to get my hair did too....it's starting to beat my brains out.

- Steak for lunch today! I just realized that I tend to eat steak on Random Thoughts Thursday :-)

- I need a beach and a fruity drink....and a warm sunset.

- I really miss Cole :-(

- How can any "doctor" or "expert" deny that Black women are some of the most (if not THE most) beautiful women on the planet? He can't be serious.

- Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga on SNL - is it really that deep that people are camping out and there's a tent city at 30 Rock? My living room will do just fine.

- I can't wait to just SLEEP this weekend.

- Anyone seen Thor? Is it good?

- So instead of a video to show you, Brian decided to give you all a gift for the RTT Throwback. If you are a Tribe fan, you should just let this play...a free (legal) download of the best of A Tribe Called Quest. You can thank him later...this ish is HOT!

Listen to DJ M-Rock x A Tribe Called Quest - The Best of A Tribe Called Quest Mixtape

Go!

-b