tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post2909692842864525313..comments2024-02-02T01:18:39.737-05:00Comments on Brookey's Cafe Blog: Why Are Black Women Scaring Off Their Men?Brookehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-89985368108984657942009-01-23T12:38:00.000-05:002009-01-23T12:38:00.000-05:00You're right, it's not just us. Good words of wisd...You're right, it's not just us. Good words of wisdom!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-6229346087977090052009-01-23T12:15:00.000-05:002009-01-23T12:15:00.000-05:00Brooke, thanks for blog love on my post How To Lov...Brooke, thanks for blog love on my post <I>How To Love a Black Woman</I>. I have to concur with Rene the Harlemite on all his points. <BR/><BR/>It's all about coming together to make things work. Getting off that high horse, no matter how high he or she may think (or have been told) they are because at the end of the day true love could care less about any of that and the only way to achieve true love is to get past all of the posturing and pontificating. <BR/><BR/>Compromise is often misunderstood and difficult to swallow in our community. So while the battle of the sexes rages on over semantics and appearances, many who could be together remain alone or are together in dysfunction. Compromise and not being free enough with oneself to be vulnerable with others are typically the two culprits behind most of this insanity. But this is true for all people, not just black folk.E.Paynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10528770883222243631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-81061353587176423492009-01-22T11:05:00.000-05:002009-01-22T11:05:00.000-05:00it's hard to not go for your dreams since you can'...it's hard to not go for your dreams since you can't really depend on ment ot be around. me not growing up with a father (from early teens to adulthood) i don't expect for guys to stick around and granted i'm only 24 but every guy that i've had a relationship thus far has always looked at me like i'm too busy or are not making that same efforts as i'm making to have a successful career. so as the saying goes, if their not on your level, leave them where they're at" i'm sure that right one will come along, but i'm not looking. =)<BR/>-fsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-76003154397718084842009-01-16T19:28:00.000-05:002009-01-16T19:28:00.000-05:00Brooke, I'll think about this over the weekend. Tr...Brooke, I'll think about this over the weekend. Try to come up with some really juicy! :-0.<BR/><BR/>- MalikAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-888658280099604752009-01-16T18:40:00.000-05:002009-01-16T18:40:00.000-05:00Stephanie! Welcome, and thank you for responding! ...Stephanie! Welcome, and thank you for responding! I hope Rameer does that blog soon, I'm interested in reading his perspective as well, trouble maker that he is :-)<BR/><BR/>(Ram..jus jokes :)<BR/><BR/>Nicole, you're right...there is some truth to all stereotypes, but like Peggy said...she's aware of them, but she doesn't wear them. The test is to dispell them. <BR/><BR/>Thank you all for such eye opening discussion today. I knew this article would get the dialogue going and as always, I love and value all of your insight, opinions, comments, etc.<BR/><BR/>Hope everyone has a great weekend. History on Tuesday! And even though I'll be off on Monday and Tuesday, I'll be blogging!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-21226852386793004172009-01-16T18:26:00.000-05:002009-01-16T18:26:00.000-05:00OK I'm back and the first thing I have to say is I...OK I'm back and the first thing I have to say is I find it very disturbing that I agree with a weed head??!?!!?!?<BR/><BR/>Momo, Brooke, Rameer and Ricky and Ox, you all made very great points on e of which I will touch on in my opinion so many guys these days do have a negative opinion of the black woman as being to picky or always wanting to act like the man, just as women have a negative opinion of men being dogs...We have to get rid of the stereo type by changing ourselves and disproving it. Let's face it a stereo type is what it is because there IS some truth to it!!!! <BR/><BR/>When you have it going on then you look to someone to share and enhance your life with and I think you are more open and at ease. <BR/><BR/>And I also think that somewhere along the lines finding that special someone that you want and the desire to marry has gotten lost in the shuffle. Now a days some women just want to bypass the "significant other" or the "husband" and start a family on there own, but I think that that is a mistake because the man is just not a sperm donor he is a companion a person that will be a witness to your life, a part of your history (of course there are exceptions to every rule).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-90542146809135624322009-01-16T18:23:00.000-05:002009-01-16T18:23:00.000-05:00Wow Brooke antother great blog.I have to agree wit...Wow Brooke antother great blog.I have to agree with the bitchassness. This is my first response to your blog. I'm interested in your next guest blogger Rameer. He was on point about a lot of things. Keep up the good work. Stephanie the BarriodivaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-12957193455977593642009-01-16T15:46:00.000-05:002009-01-16T15:46:00.000-05:00Craig we aren't BFF or anything BUT we cool. I...Craig we aren't BFF or anything BUT we cool. I might let you get out this blog without getting tased... BUT don't get it twisted. You ever slip up & step out of line my taser will come out QUICK!!!!!!!! <BR/><BR/>P.S.-Yes I love the new name... If the baby is a girl that is what I will name her! lolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-34541984329349030932009-01-16T15:41:00.000-05:002009-01-16T15:41:00.000-05:00Okay, I am keep this short and sweet. There are w...Okay, I am keep this short and sweet. There are way too many Novellas on here. I feel like I am back in school. <BR/><BR/>Black men and women are too worried about what our image is and how we look to others rather than being happy within yourself and share that with someone else.<BR/><BR/>Many create these great resumes of things that they are involved in and when it comes to the homefront (personal life) that is empty.<BR/><BR/>You can't do everything alone no matter how independent you want to be.<BR/><BR/>Seeking balance and happiness is crucial.<BR/><BR/>When creating your body of work make it for overall hapiness<BR/><BR/>DONE!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-80773749233282141652009-01-16T15:39:00.000-05:002009-01-16T15:39:00.000-05:00Diggin' the new name Ana! Does that mean we cool? ...Diggin' the new name Ana! Does that mean we cool? We're like friends now, right? Bossom Bloggers?So...you not gonna Taze me...right?Craig n 'emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06505418409919391082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-64751268419204579752009-01-16T15:31:00.000-05:002009-01-16T15:31:00.000-05:00Ox, whenever you have something that you want to t...Ox, whenever you have something that you want to talk about that you think would be of interest, I'm all for it. I don't have specific days for guests, so maybe we can look at a day next week?<BR/><BR/>AnaJolia, I love that!<BR/><BR/>"Craaiiiigggggg" (you have to say it like how they say in Friday) LOL!<BR/><BR/>Rameer, start writing your blog too, cuz Glee is waiting!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-55279852488576110152009-01-16T15:16:00.000-05:002009-01-16T15:16:00.000-05:00Brooke anytime. When you ready for me to "Guest it...Brooke anytime. When you ready for me to "Guest it up" hit me.<BR/><BR/>As usual your blog is on fiya. <BR/><BR/>- Ox (Malik)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-69292898844508392512009-01-16T14:48:00.000-05:002009-01-16T14:48:00.000-05:00CRAIG... I never start off by giving a shout out.....CRAIG... I never start off by giving a shout out.. BUT I figured this was a good day too! lol..<BR/><BR/>And damn you it took me all this time to read all these responses cause my A.D.D. done acted up & my focus was just off!!!<BR/><BR/>Peep the new name.. Thanks Craig!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-31336086126230731122009-01-16T14:33:00.000-05:002009-01-16T14:33:00.000-05:00Random shout out forgot to say Happy Birthday to S...Random shout out forgot to say Happy Birthday to Serena. I can't wait for the blog about bitchassness because that's something that really bothers me. Whether it's in someone I date or just people I have to interact with throughout the course of my day.Georgia Peachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02512812467528547952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-31784052452515708772009-01-16T14:13:00.000-05:002009-01-16T14:13:00.000-05:00What can I say? I like smoking BLOGS...What can I say? I like smoking BLOGS...Craig n 'emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06505418409919391082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-24967879492579438112009-01-16T13:22:00.000-05:002009-01-16T13:22:00.000-05:00Oh yes, I know bitchassnes is everywhere, which is...Oh yes, I know bitchassnes is everywhere, which is why I said that men in NYC are not like the ones in Philly...IN THE EXACT SAME WAY...but I didn't wanna get off topic. There is ALOT of bitchassness here. Men in NYC want you to chase THEM...especially the ones who look good on paper. It's like "I'm a commodity, you better work hard to get me cuz I got 5 more in my pocket." Yet, they fail to realize who they're talking to, as if I'm not fly my damn self! <BR/><BR/>It's because they know we don't have more to choose from than they do, so the bitchassness comes out. I'd rather be alone before I deal with that sh*t. I recognize good men when I see them, and it has nothing to with how they look physically or how much money they make. I feel that some men in the NYC just don't get that. <BR/><BR/>But like I said, that's for another blog :-)<BR/><BR/>B, congrats on finding your Queen, and KNOWING IT! You are definitely one of the Kings out there - you both are fortunate to have figured that out.<BR/><BR/>Craig, I wonder what you would sound like "UN-high"? I think you're deep because you ARE high! That's how that works right? I've never smoked anything, so I don't know...I wonder what I would sound like high? LOL!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-62768261270644315782009-01-16T13:15:00.000-05:002009-01-16T13:15:00.000-05:00At Brooke's request, I will definitely hold off on...At Brooke's request, I will definitely hold off on going deeper into the "Bitchassness" discussion, but suffice to say that Phillygirl is <I>completely</I> on the right track. And yes - Buffalo is A.R.D. Central (Awful Relationship Dynamic). <BR/><BR/>There's a lot to add to it and that can be explored, but she knows what she speaks of...oh, and Brooke, Bitchassness is rampant everywhere, perhaps in different forms, but it's everywhere. I believe Puffy said:<BR/><BR/>"That's a very contagious disease in our community..."<BR/><BR/>True Story. I'm off to go drink tea, with my sick self....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-13950094797015159802009-01-16T13:04:00.000-05:002009-01-16T13:04:00.000-05:00First, I’d like to start off by saying that I’m ma...First, I’d like to start off by saying that I’m mad at AnaJolia for starting off the COMMENT trail with a shout out…This is NOT Mediatakeout! <BR/><BR/>Okay now…wait a minute…(Taking a long pull)<BR/><BR/>Now, the answer is….(Violently Coughing)<BR/>Sorry…as we all should know, is that there is no answer. And there never will be. What we do have is perspective. What we are dealing with is a living organism, not an equation. This is by far an exact science. We can raise the issue a million times over but when you are in the trenches of a relationship, sometimes its really hard to navigate your way.<BR/><BR/>Many of us may have the right intentions and perspective going in but it’s when Perspective meets emotions…when intentions meet emotions…When love meets fear…this is when things can change lanes.<BR/><BR/>Now all things are amplified and harder to do when you’re in the midst of a storm of emotions…Trying to find the right umbrella, jacket or hat that symbolizes the appropriate shelter for your feelings. This can be anger, frustration, a smile that hides your pain, or simple withdrawal.<BR/><BR/>You know what? It may not be an exact science but maybe it IS an EQUATION. Maybe it is mathematics. We are all trying to concoct the perfect potion for love and security, right? And this is mathematics in its simplest form. Addition and subraction…<BR/><BR/>Add more patience…<BR/><BR/>Subtract anger…<BR/><BR/>Add a smile…<BR/><BR/>Subtract the eye roll…(I hate that shit…very dismissive)<BR/><BR/>Lead less…<BR/><BR/>Follow more…<BR/><BR/>Lead more…<BR/><BR/>Follow less…<BR/><BR/>Give more…<BR/><BR/>Take less…<BR/><BR/>And the list goes on…<BR/><BR/>This comes with self-knowledge and understanding. I myself am working hard to come to grips with certain realities about myself. But that’s a life long journey. And the journey we’re talking about here is with a partner.<BR/><BR/>I believe most men and women want the same thing. We just have to fight harder for it…Or harder than we anticipate when we are in it…It’s recognizing the fight while you are in a fight…How hard do I fight for this man? How hard do I fight for this woman? Is it worth it? Is it the right thing to do? No different than trying to discourage a drunk person not to drive. You have to learn when to say when. <BR/><BR/>At times, we all become drunk in our range of emotions, allowing it to overshadow the right choice. The title to this article could have easily been “Why are men scaring off their women? ”It’s goes both ways. These scenarios and examples can be interchanged. Men and woman BOTH get a bad rap and are falsely generalized sometimes. We all have an ugly side. Men and Women are both RIGHT and WRONG. All the books and seminars and prayer sessions in the world can’t make that final choice for you…Fight to stay or fight to go. <BR/>At the end of the day its two people trying to become one…Mathematics…;-)<BR/><BR/>No answers…Just perspective…But perspective can lead to better choices…<BR/><BR/>This was kinda long…I apologize AnaJolia…I have to keep your A.D.D. in mind next time…;-)<BR/><BR/>Ok…now I’m hungry….Craig n 'emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06505418409919391082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-42427892214364003542009-01-16T13:02:00.000-05:002009-01-16T13:02:00.000-05:00First...I have to say that after reading that long...First...I have to say that after reading that long as article there was no way I could read some of the long ass comments. (LMAO) just joking y'all cuz I'm about to leave a long one. Anyway... I think the article may have a tiny bit of truth to it... but not much.<BR/><BR/>First off... i will finally admit... black women don't have a lot to choose from if they are staying in their own race! There are not that many single brothers out there. And compound that if you are an educated sistah looking for an educated brothah. I tried to do a singles event not too long ago and dammit if I couldn;t find any truly single brothers. Now there were a few who were willing to be single for the event... but honestly speaking they had two or there women out there who thought they had a boyfriend!!!<BR/><BR/>Now the small bit of truth to the story... is the "I don't need a man" syndrome. OK... since there are not that many dudes out there... I can understand that sentiment. How ever.. that sentiment is destroying the black community. Let me say this in no uncertain terms... I need, want, and I am determined to marry a woman... and if I can be so bold... A Black woman. (Nothing against those who date outside your race... that's just what I need) I admire a black woman's independence to a degree, I admire their strength, I admire that black women have carried the burden of the black community for soooo long. But the I think the line about not needing a man..is detrimental to our community. We need the resurgence of a the black family. Which requires some adjustments on both sides! Ladies... fellas like to feel wanted, not to pay your bills or send you to get a manicure and pedicure, but that overall you want to share all aspects of your life and that sometimes you could use a little help. <BR/><BR/>So maybe it's OK to not "need" a man. But Ne-Yo said it best and I am paraphrasing. But I think he she's the kinda women that "wants you but don't need you!" <BR/><BR/>I have to admit... a negro finally found something like that. She can handle her own biz if she need to... but she makes me feel like she wants me in every since of the word. She allows me to be her King. And as her King, i vow to respect and cherish my queen.Pretty Ricky What Dey Call'emhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16426322462620415403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-75368097397931180062009-01-16T12:56:00.000-05:002009-01-16T12:56:00.000-05:00There were alot of interesting and strong points i...There were alot of interesting and strong points in this article. Its so deep I have trouble wrapping my mind around it because there are so many causes. I was just talking to my sister yesterday and she was saying how the black family is almost becoming extinct and was wondering if anyone else noticed. To be honest I really dont think black women are scaring off black men. I just think we are making men bring there "A" game and there not stepping up or feel intimidated. I think sometimes women get "drunk" off that power and it pushes away men that are trying there best to either be on the level or exceed it. I love an intelligent man that aspires to have more or to take care of his family the best way they can. But my aspirations may be different from his. He may just be content with working his 9to5 and making his income. I think it all boils down to communication and knowing what you want. Im at a point in my life where im setting out to reach my goals and knowing what i want in a relationship. Im trying to better myself so when I do find the man of my house I will have something to bring to the table. People change and relationship change and I feel you have to be willing and open to learn oneself and the other to better understand what you can do to keep things together. Im the head of my household now because I have to be. When I recieve the man that is blessed to me then I will be more than happy to let him take lead. Like another poster said there has to be balance, communication, give and take and some subside of egos.<BR/><BR/>oxtail i just read a book by eckhart tolle and it talks alot about the ego. Your right on point with thatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-66412175429556160252009-01-16T12:55:00.000-05:002009-01-16T12:55:00.000-05:00It is a very difficult balancing act considering t...It is a very difficult balancing act considering the social pressures put on black men and women and to an extent there needs to be a definition that both are comfortable with so that somewhat "normal" things arent looked at as being "caveman like" like cooking for your man, or a man wanting to provide for the household even with the success of his significant other or wifeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-38283691426730568612009-01-16T12:52:00.001-05:002009-01-16T12:52:00.001-05:00Now not sure if I'm making an assumption here ...Now not sure if I'm making an assumption here soo excuse me if I am wrong. I didn't just go into little house on the prairie mode & my man just sits there beating his chest!! LMAO<BR/>He takes EXCELLENT care of me. Moreso now that I am carrying his child. That man has gone above & beyond to put a smile on my face. I want for nothing. He is loving, affectionate & EXTREMELY SUPPORTIVE!!!! He has been at every doctors appt, he has held my hair up everytime I've gotten sick with morning sickness, has endulged my one or two cravings and when I had to go to the ER in the begining he was right there with me. I would never stop being the strong woman that I am because it would make me miserable & I wouldn't even know how.. All I'm saying is that we've managed to figure out how to strike that happy medium in which I can let him feel like the MAN I asked him to be from day 1.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-77231396174267293152009-01-16T12:52:00.000-05:002009-01-16T12:52:00.000-05:00Oxtail, Now that's a DOPE MC! And hopefully a futu...Oxtail, Now that's a DOPE MC! And hopefully a future guest blogger!<BR/><BR/>Karen, you are SO RIGHT about the Philly men. And it's even more glaring to me when I come home on weekends since men in NYC are not like that...well, not in that same exact way anyway. But that's a blog for a different day :-)Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02584160320846679744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-50639923029989795112009-01-16T12:49:00.000-05:002009-01-16T12:49:00.000-05:00rameer, I agree..especially abt eh bitchassness pa...rameer, I agree..especially abt eh bitchassness part!..not necessarily, on the tip where men cower, or men do not pull thier weight( this is true too), but Im on the simple outward image of men who seem( & maybe this is just philly) a bit too LIKE a wman, concerned with thier hair lines/beards( wering that black & white makeup to make the line perfect) ..too concerned with what clothes they wear( i mean be clean & neat, but guys here seem to go to the extreme & they think it's cool) ..too much gossiping and caring about other peopel, Im like DO YOU, you're a man, be concerned abt your own buisness, life , family, career, etc...too clean/cool to go get a kids ball if it goes in the bushes( gonna get boots/sneaks messed u) ..BS like that REALLY IRKS ME....now..all that said women are not perfect, but since I referred to the bitchassness I figured i'd expound!! HAPPY WEEKEND!..& rameer, one of my best friends spent 4-5 years in buffalo for some educational job/thing, &I can attest to the DROUGHT of suitable people up there( hearing all her woes all the time)..Stay warm! & E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!!!:-)phillygrlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09803104040072735135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4984100112542285026.post-77833368771827655112009-01-16T12:45:00.000-05:002009-01-16T12:45:00.000-05:00You know, I've dated a lot of women, mostly black ...You know, I've dated a lot of women, mostly black women, but I have had a healthy amount of relationships with "other", and other is the following: white or Jewish, indian, korean, chinese, puerto rican, etc. <BR/>Now my dating escapades in the non-black category had NOTHING to do with the following:<BR/><BR/>1. Black women are too difficult<BR/>2. I"m curious about other races<BR/>3. I like light-skindid' women.<BR/><BR/>What I will say is this. Relationships are already a very delicate and tough area to conquer when a man and a women are balancing work, ambition, school and personal baggage. In my view, men and women (irrespective of their race) are very ignorant of some of the most basic matters on building a healthy relationship. Money and beauty have become a bigger priority than things like: How good of a mother or father are you going to be, how righteous or truthful you are, level of compassion, humility, lack of arrogance, and a couple other things that I see are very critical.<BR/><BR/>The problem is these things are secondary for most people and for the life of me, I have no idea why people believe they can build a relationship without these qualities I just mentioned. The one thing that existed among many of the women I dated was they had a very arrogant nature and self-centeredness, if you will, about them. I want to reiterate, this was not exclusive to black women. I did not see anymore issues with black women than I did with non-black women. The bigger issue was culture. In this country and many other countries, there is a culture of "it' all about me and my worldliness". In Islam it's called nafs (self/ego) and Dunya (this world). <BR/><BR/>Too many people have become so narcissistic and materially driven, that they leave very little room for the humane, humble, intelligent, and compassionate expression needed for a relationship to thrive. For many, even their sense of spiritually is wrapped up in prosperity and devoid of proper worship. I won't get too deep into the religious angle, but if your spiritual way of life is dysfunctional, it's very likely that many other things are dysfunctional too. I'm not sure people are prepared to make the necessary behavioral and material sacrifices that are needed to build a relationship. People say a lot of things, but their actions and intentions are usually in conflict (way too much cognitive dissonance out there)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com