Friday, August 26, 2011

TGIF!

So when news broke of the rumored breakup of Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, black folk around the world were heard with a collective “NOOOOO! Say it ain’t so!”

Personally, I didn’t believe it, and I tend not to lend much weight to gossip rags. I can’t say that I would have been devastated, and most people wouldn’t have been surprised by the news at all given that they are indeed a Hollywood couple. But those of us who love us some Will and Jada might have been saddened by the news…if not heartbroken.

As soon as the rumor broke, people wanted to know why, how, what happened, and whose fault it was. Speculation ensued and topics of discussion quickly turned to their sex life – which has been a subject of interest with these two for years now.

Both have been rumored to be bisexual, or to use each other as “beards” for their individual homosexuality. Other rumors have been that they’re swingers, or share an open marriage. None of it has been proven or substantiated - but hey, it’s their business right?

But it DID make me wonder about something – if a couple DID have an open marriage or relationship – is that a sign that the relationship needs help, a recipe for disaster, or is it the modern couple’s answer to infidelity?

Some say a polyamorous relationship, when discussed openly with everyone on board, spares all involved the hurt and disappointment of cheating. However, others disagree, saying this type of arrangement may seem all good at first, but really it’s a recipe for hurt, disappointment, jealousy and breakups.

So the question of the day is this: Is welcoming another person(s) into your bed and your marriage a ticking time bomb waiting to explode? Is it genius? Or are you of the mindset of live and let live?

Personally, I don’t see an open relationship as something I’d ever consider. If I wanted the freedom to love and have sex with anyone I wanted, and he were to do the same, I see no point in being in a relationship at all or getting married period. But that’s just me. What say you?

Would you ever consider engaging in an open relationship? Have you ever tried it? If so, what were or would your ground rules be, if any?

Go!

-b

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- Meetings again all day today...zzzzzzz.

- If someone doesn't appreciate you, let them go. Life is too short...and there is always someone out there who WILL appreciate you.

- Dreary day...hurricane is coming! Anyone planning on getting flooded in this weekend with their boo? ;)

- My office is cold...and I don't even have the air on. I wonder if there's a way I can turn on the heat!

- My office chair sucks too.

- Had yogurt for breakfast and now my stomach is touching my back. Can't wait to get lunch today - what to eat?

- Please leave the Pinkett-Smiths alone.

- Steve Jobs steps down...

- Everyone got all weirded out feeling the tremor of the earthquake in VA up here in NY. Not that deep people.

- I need some new music.

- Weezy can't hold a candle to Jay...not even close. And I can't stand it when the ONLY thing fools can say about Jigga is that he's "old." He's only getting better with age...and anyone who thinks Weezy can come even remotely CLOSE to Jay lyrically is a clown. Yeah...I said it!

- The "Beats, Rhymes and Life" doc on A Tribe Called Quest is still showing down town for those who still haven't seen it. It's a must-see for any hip hop fan.

- I always wear the wrong clothes when it rains.

- In the mood to buy shoes...or boots. Take your pick.

- This week is draggin' ass.

- RIP Aaliyah...can't believe she's been gone so long.



-b

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Good afternoon mi gente!

Ever have one of those days where someone just pisses you off? That’s me today…and it’s been a few days in the making. The thing that really irks my nerves is when someone pisses you off, you react, and then they tell you to "calm down"…when they’re the reason you’re pissed off in the first place!

Excuse me, I'm having a "wooo-saaaa" moment.

I hate being angry. I hate being angry at work even more. I’m usually a very even-tempered person, and most people don’t get to see my angry side. So when I show it, I mean it. But even in that state, I try to “fight fair” and come up with a respectful response when someone tells me to calm down, even though my first inclination is to spit back a fiery “f*ck off!” But even with my new office, the walls are thin…so I need to restrain myself.

I don’t get upset over parking tickets, or when people cut me off in traffic. I usually just utter “asshole” and keep it moving. Sometimes I see people spazz out at Starbucks because the barista forgot to add a splash of soy milk to their overpriced coffee, or because their flight was delayed…and they just look….crazy.

That was probably me today yelling in my office. Crazy.

One of the things I hate about being angry and arguing is this: from the outside looking in, you simply look like an idiot. People can't relate to why you're angry if they don't know the details, and most likely, you don't get sympathy, you get the side eye. Like I said, it takes a lot to push my buttons, but when they’re pushed, it’s hard to “UN-push” them. Then an hour later, I’m pissed at MYSELF for allowing myself to get angry in the first place – especially when I KNOW that was the intended goal. Now I need a drink.

Which brings me to the second reason I hate being angry – some people just like pissing other people off. I try to avoid those people at all costs, but sometimes they creep up on you and next thing you know you’re ready to cut someone’s head off. I’m not talking about the person who cut you off in traffic and didn’t realize it because they have the music blasting. It happens, and while you’re sitting in your car flipping them off and cussing them out, they’re completely oblivious to it. But I’m not talking about that person.

I’m talking about the person who WANTS to upset you, maybe because they weren’t hugged enough as a child, and they want you to be just as miserable as they are. Yeah, THAT asshole. When I react to them, they’re getting exactly what they wanted, and that just makes me even MORE angry…at MYSELF. Being angry usually only hurts the host, not the person he or she is angry at. And I KNOW THIS....but damn it's hard to remember in a heated conversation!

If you really want to mess with someone who flips you off in traffic, try smiling and waving back, and watch the confused look on their face. Now, that may be harder to do with a boyfriend or your mother-in-law, but with time, you can even learn to appreciate and love these tortured people (bizarre I know) for the important role they serve in life: helping to remind you how NOT to live or behave. Don’t judge them, they are just at a different point in understanding life - just don't keep these people close.

Now that I’ve “calmed down” and taken my frustrations out in this post, I have to try to remind myself that in the midst of anger and "pissedoffedness", there is always something to be grateful for, and I should never let anyone take me out of my element again. From now on, I’ll simply walk away, or hang up the damn phone….or not answer it in the first place. My life is blessed, so why be angry?

Instead of being reactive, I should be proactive in ridding my life of all negative things and people who don’t have my best interest at heart. Of course there are going to be friends and family who get on your last nerve, and usually the people you care about are the one who hurt you the most. But at the end of the day, no one should be able to steal my joy, so that is something I need to work on…DAILY. There is too much good in the world to be angry and ungrateful. There is something good in every situation, and you can find it - even if it’s just that you’re grateful for the chance to practice being grateful.

How do you deal when something or someone pisses you off? I could use all your help today – pray for me!

-b

Monday, August 22, 2011

Happy Monday!

I'm trying to get myself situated in my new digs at work - I have a brand new office that I'm totally in love with! At first I thought I wouldn't have time to blog AND unpack, but a compromise would be to ask a question of the day...so here it goes!

This topic came up over the weekend, so I'll pose the question to you all today. What are your dating/relationship deal breakers?

Personally, addictions, abuse (verbal or physical), selfishness, infidelity and lying are at the top of my list. Those are usually at the top of MOST people's lists, although I'm sure exceptions can be made in some cases and everyone is different.

The list doesn't have to be that serious, heavy, light or detailed, but I'm curious to see what you all have to say: bad breath, he's too short, she's too tall, you have different religious beliefs, he or she is too messy or have children or multiple marriages. Let's hear it - what are your dating/relationship deal breakers?

I won't date him/her if _____________

Go!

-b

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- I've been working and packing my office for our big move tomorrow, so sorry I haven't written all week. I miss you guys!

- At least I'm off tomorrow! woo-hoo!

- Hopefully it doesn't rain all day tomorrow though - today's dank weather is a downer.

- My "stepson" Dante is here and has all the women in my office in a tizzy over his "winning smile." Pretty boy :)

- It's meeting after meeting today!

- I'm so happy football is back! Gotta get on the phone with Meer Cat to figure out this draft.

- The sun looks like it's trying to come out now....good!

- what's for lunch?

- Basketball Wives LA starts on the 29th and I have no desire to watch even though I watch the current one. I can only kill but so many brain cells.

- Serena just bbm'd me that she's going thru Brooke Blog withdrawal....awww! It's coming!

- Why am I watching the Jamie Foxx Show on BET? Shows you what kind of morning I'm having.

- Out of all the things the movers are handling from my office, I'm most worried about my plants. I've managed to keep them alive and thriving for months now - so proud of myself!

- I need one more beach day before Labor Day...just one!

- Time to take the braids out. Looking kinda fuzzy...just a lil bit.

- Tempted to cut all my hair off for the winter. Makes wearing a skully that much easier :)

- Wish I could rock a natural like Yolanda, Monica, Princess and Tanisha, but I don't have the head for it.

- I hope I get to keep my HBO in the new building.

- Today's throwback!


Trailer provided by Video Detective

Go!

-b

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- It's almost mid August already...where is the summer going?

- Got my mani/pedi yesterday...feeling kinda pretty :)

- I want ice cream...won't do it though.....maybe ;)

- I wish I had the patience to wear my hair natural...and a nice shaped head :)

- Finally got my cell phone working again...but the batter SUCKS!

- My apartment is a sweat box as soon as I turn the air off. My electric bill is gonna be RIDICULOUS.

- I've also been getting headaches from all the heat, then AC, then heat again, then AC. I can't take it.

- I need to get the complete dvd set of The Wire and watch it. I only watched the first season on HBO...don't shoot me.

- So many summer movies I still haven't seen.

- Rameer, I still owe you a call to talk football!

- Can someone send me the new Jill Scott cd? Please and thank you :-)

- And while you're at it, can someone front me a Jay Z/K West concert ticket?

- I miss my family over in Morocco. It's about time they come home now :)

- Acting like a jerk to me doesn't win you any cool points.

- This week is too long. I need a break...looking forward to the weekend.

- I think I owe Annamaria a sexy story for her blog too. Tony and Domina*Tricks can go first :-)

- TV One is airing Dave Chappelle's Block Party on Saturday. Rock out!

- It feels good to be loved :-)

- Navy Seals killed this past week - so sad. Please remember to keep those fighting for our country in your prayers, whether you think they should be fighting or not. This war is still very real. We appreciate you.

- I give better hugs than Tanisha :-)

- Would kill for a breakfast sandwich right now! But alas, it's time for my meeting.

- This week's throwback courtesy of Big Giant!



Go!

-b

The "P" Word

Happy Hump Day!


So the lovely Ms. Tanisha and I were having a discussion at work and somehow we got on the subject of the “p” word. I think we were talking about personal grooming when Tanisha referred to it as a “twaticus.” Don’t ask me if I spelled that correctly, as I’ve never heard that term used for a vagina in my life. It gave me a chuckle, mainly because it sounded more like the name of an ancient dinosaur than female genitalia. She said she also calls it “snacks,” “goodies” and “poon poon.”

Personally, I’ve never really liked the “p” word. I have a hard time even typing it. The word “pussy” always seemed so crass to me. I’m not offended by it, I don’t think it’s demeaning (unless you’re referring to man…cuz then it takes on a different meaning), but I’ve just never liked it. I had to get used to writing it for my sexy Brooklyn stories, but saying it is an entirely different thing for me. I’m not much of a “dirty talker,” but I’ve said it when asked of me in the heat of the moment. It just doesn’t roll off my tongue.

Pussy. Five letters. Each letter by itself is harmless, no impact. But put them together and I cringe. It’s a slightly vulgar term to me, just like cock, cunt, f*ck (another word I have a hard time using when referring to the act of sexual intercourse…even though, sometimes, f*cking is the only way to describe what you’re doing….but I digress). I put the “p” word in the category of words I’d never ever say in front of my mother – not that I go around using the word “vagina” all willy nilly around her either. I just don’t understand why the word bothers me so much.

I’m a open person when it comes to sexuality, as many of you know about me by now. Human sexuality is a wonderful, natural thing, and to suppress that is unhealthy. Our bodies were designed to work a certain way, and to claim that sexuality or desire is wrong when it involves two consenting adults would be to deny the very purpose of our anatomy and biology. The human body is a wonderful thing and I don’t think there is anything wrong with discussing it in any way. I’m not ashamed of the word when describing female genitalia because I don't understand how anyone could be so ashamed of something so beautiful. It just simply isn’t a “beautiful” word to me.

So am I the only one? Is it just me seeming "prudish" - even though I’m not? And to be fair, I’m not that fond of the word “dick” either when referring to male genitalia – although I don’t have ANY problem saying it when someone is ACTING like a dick. Go figure.

Call me a sucker for textbook terminology, but that’s just the way I was raised. My mother always used the proper terms for our private parts, and it stuck with me I guess. Like I said, it doesn’t offend me when I hear other people say it, but there are just some words that you’d have to yank out of my mouth if you ever want to hear me say them. I know the “P” word may be sexier and evoke more passion, but for me, it’s a bad word.

So, that being said – what do YOU call your private parts? Any favorite slang terms for it? Va-jay-jay, kitty kat, or as Martin Lawrence called it in Boomerang…"the TWIZZOD!” Actually, that may be worse! LOL!

Let’s hear it! But please try to keep it tasteful – it’s not TMI Tuesday :-)

Go!



-b

Monday, August 8, 2011

I remember when I first got the news that Serena was expecting. A sonogram photo popped up on my cell phone screen….one of my most special birthday gifts. Serena is going to be a mom.

My first thought upon reflection of the news was Sauti – Serena’s mother. There is a new Sun coming up over an ocean, a new little baby to be rocked by a cosmic mother. He looks like our ancestors; those that have walked in this place before us. New energy is starting to come in from radial directions now. This energy is coming from the source of all that is, that is everywhere, all that ever will be. It is the center of the center. This energy is coming from the future and our new orientation point that our ancestors gave us. This energy is coming from everywhere, and it is washing over us. It is so delicate and so refined that there is no way that I could describe this energy properly other than new life…a blessing manifest. We can only feel it. Be in it - in our hearts right here and right now. And now, he is here.




Creation takes many steps before it arrives in a physical dimension. When we start to create something, we have to imagine it first, and manifesting in spirit is one half of the process. It is also the part we quickly over look, because we can’t see it with our eyes. But Sauti saw it in Serena, and Serena believed with faith that it would one day be. We receive energy from a reflection of something bigger than ourselves – this is the act of creation. This is a new Sun and with it will come the ability to manifest with pure light and not just a reflection of it. This new energy will manifest and reflect how our hearts relate to our world. The Ancestors say we are part of this manifesting process, because we have Suns inside of us. So the new Sun that is being born on the outside, the one that spiritual people and angels speak about in their prophecies, is also a new Sun that is being born in us. This is what God does.

God manifests in infinite variety, and it is His pleasure to give us boundless gifts of love and life. Even in a crowd of sorry, he can bring us joy…a new arrival that bursts into our hearts with the speed of galaxies, suns and worlds rushing toward the center of the universe to collide in a big bang of creation that is in God’s likeness…God’s self portrait. Welcome to the world baby Jordan Oladele Ince. You're finally here, we've been waiting for you :-)



-b

Friday, August 5, 2011


TGIF!

So last weekend I met up with a guy friend for movies and lunch. After the movie, we hit a restaurant, grab a table and suddenly up pops our cute waitress. Natalie. She’s pretty – long curly hair, petite frame, nice smile…something about her reminded me of Olivia from Love & Hip Hop – except much younger and thinner. My guy friend, who is married with 2 kids, instantly responds to her…but not in a gawking, jerk’ish way. More like a “If I was single and about 10 years younger” way. Totally innocent…so we decide to have some fun.

“Want me to hook you up?” I ask with a mischievous grin.

He looks at me like I’m about to start some trouble.

“No” he responds in a sarcastic tone that indicates he doesn’t need any help – pimp that he is.

“Aww come on, it’ll be fun. Let me be your wing woman.”

Before he could answer, our waitress comes back and I blurt out, “He thinks you’re cute.”

She gives me this awkward look like she wants to run, but realizes she can’t because she has to take our order. She just smiles and asks if we’ve decided on our meal.

Okay…that was all wrong. He’s looking at me like he wants to strangle me, and then looks at her to see if what I said moved her in any way. It didn’t.

We order appetizers and drinks, as we need more time to figure out what our entrees will be, and I can tell she was thinking, “Great…now I gotta come back….AGAIN.”

Meanwhile, I’m tickled pink. I think it’s the funniest reaction ever and I can’t stop laughing.

She comes back to finish taking our order and I notice that now she’s only looking and smiling at me. Even when he tells her his order she doesn’t look at him…not once. But oddly enough, she’s EXTRA friendly with me. Maybe she thinks he’s my date and doesn’t want to offend me? Maybe she thinks he’s funny looking (although some would say he favors Kobe Bryant)? Who knows…but all of her attention is on me and I'm oddly intrigued.

When she brings our food, he says to her, “You didn’t really believe her did you?” She pauses for a second and then says, “No.” There’s another awkward pause and then she skidaddles away again.

Now I’m in tears. For some reason this is ten times funnier than the movie we saw – which was Friends With Benefits.

We eat and forget about the waitress while we chit chat and catch up. As we finish up, he says, “Maybe I should put my work number on the check when she brings it just to see if she calls me.” I say why not…let’s see if she bites.

She brings the check and I say to her, “By the way, he’s not my date, we’re not together.”

She looks at me as if to say “Who gives a flying fig” and puts her hands up and smiles, “Okay…whatever.”

She barely walks away before my friend screams on me, “YOU SUCK AT THIS!”

Now I can hardly catch my breath I’m laughing so hard. I have no idea why I’m finding this so funny, but it made my entire afternoon.

So…that being said, I am the worst wing woman ever in the history of “wingwomandom.” Maybe I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have because I knew he was married and that he really didn’t want to get with her. But if he DID want me to be his wing woman, let me tell you all where I went wrong, and how I can do better next time…with my SINGLE guy friends.

1. Strike up a real conversations first. I didn’t engage her in any girl talk. I just said “he thinks you’re cute,” so I didn’t even warm her up to me first so that she’d take anything I said seriously or believe anything I said. If I got her to like me, then I wouldn’t have to try hard to convince her of how worthy my male friend is of her time. I went in too soon, and being too forward can send a target running for his/her life.

I should have just provided positive anecdotes about him in a more non-transparent way - like “Women love him, he’s so athletic…kinda hard not to love a dude in the NBA anyway.” Okay, so my friend isn’t in the NBA, but lies are okay…the more outrageous the better! I would have said it in jest anyway to gauge her reaction, and my friend is over 6’3 so she probably would have believed me. Then we would have been able to determine her level of interest in HIM, not his interest in her. But by all means, if the friend you’re trying to hook up is GENUINELY interested (and not playing around like we were), then be honest and sincere. You don’t want the target to think you’re just blowing smoke up their ass and ruin your friend’s chances at scoring.

2. Make sure the target is single. She could have been engaged or married for all I knew, even though I didn’t see a ring on her finger. But if she’s booed up already, then nothing I say would make her give up the digits....unless he really WAS in the NBA ;-)

3. Make sure the target is interested in men (or whatever sexual orientation the friend you’re hooking up is). Once our waitress started paying more attention to me, my friend joked that maybe she’s more interested in me than him. It never occurred to me that she might be a lesbian…and after all, I AM cute ;-) Oh, and if you find that the target is more interested in you than you friend, then back off. A good wing man/woman has to be trustworthy.

4. Another mistake I made was not assessing her personality correctly. She seemed a bit shy, so my outgoing nature probably freaked her out. While being extroverted is probably the trait you need to being a good wing woman, keep in mind not everyone responds well to such personality types. She probably thought I was silly…or creepy, or simply just weird.

5. Lastly, my real mistake was trying to be a wing woman in the first place. It was all in jest, we were having fun and no one took it seriously - but if a friend asks you to cut it out, don’t go trying to hook him or her up without their permission. It’ll just be awkward for all involved, and they may be embarrassed or resent you for putting them in a tight spot. If they truly want you to hook them up, they’ll let you know and give you the go-head, smoke signal, code, whatever. Don’t take it upon yourself to be a wing man/woman – it’ll just end badly. Find your OWN target.


Anyone have a funny wing man/woman story to share? Anything you wanna add? Go!

-b

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- August already....summer just flew by!

- I miss Cole :-( I want him back.

- Serena's baby boy will be here soon!

- Every (romantic) relationship that ends is not a failure. Sometimes it's just bad timing.

- Chicken breast for lunch today...and broccoli. Gotta get right again!

- They got new spin bikes at the gym...and I'm not feeling them. I have to hurry up and get used to them so I can get back on my grind!

- Anyone want to contribute to my Deebo fund?

- I hope my family in Morocco is having a nice Ramadan. I miss them, can't wait to see them again.

- I love wearing braids...I just hating putting them in and taking them out. Sigh.

- I'm so excited for football it's not even funny! Thanks Rameer for all your Fantasy Football help! I still need to chat with you though.

- My pheromones be poppin'! Must be something in the water :-)

- What's with all the animals on the news lately? Peacocks...deer in people's swimming pools? What in the Madagascar is going on?! Next thing you know they'll be a tiger at Grand Central!

- In desperate need of a mani/pedi...I have claws.

- A lot of my peoples told me they printed out Fury's 69 list..........it was a good list :-)

- I really need a winning Power Ball ticket.......like, today.

- So thankful for all of my blessings.

- I still have my Morocco tan, yeah baby!

- If Morocco isn't on your list of places to visit, add it....ASAP!

- Morocco pics will be coming soon.....I took about 900 photos and haven't gotten around to organizing them yet....but (as Fury would say).....soon come! Or is that "soon cum"? I dunno...

- I was told I was a bad wing woman....I may tell that story tomorrow.

- Lead whatever lifestyle you want to lead, as long as you don't hurt anyone....directly or indirectly. Karma is a BeeYotch!

- I've seen Cars 2 like five times and still have no idea what's going on....because each time I watched it in French. I have a slight idea...but I really need to check it out in English.

- Sometimes I really can't believe how old I am. Not that I think I'm old, I just don't feel my age. In my mind I'm 27 :-)

- but my gynecologist keeps reminding me that I'm not 27....and that my eggs are drying up like the Sahara. She really needs to mind her own business.

- She's good though....so I can't be mad at her. She's just doing her job. Oh well....sigh again.

- I miss Michael Jackson.

- and Bernie Mac.

- I used to hate my curly eyelashes...now I kinda dig 'em :-)

- Our intern's last day is next Friday and I don't want her to leave. She's great!....and I have so much more for her to do!

- They done messed around and gave me premium channels on my cable line-up at work. And I have a dvr too? Why am I paying for this at home again?

- I'm ready for another vacation...where to next? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

- I'm going to wear a string bikini in Mexico next year. Not sure what I'll look like in it...but I'm wearing it nonetheless. Get ready!

- This week's throwback courtesy of Dmoe!



Go!

-b

Dear Brookey...

Dear Brookey,

I’ve fallen for a great guy and I’m totally in love with him. He’s kind, generous, intelligent, motivated and treats me well. He has no children, but he was married once before. We are discussing marriage, and I have a feeling he’s going to propose soon, but I’m skeptical for 2 huge reasons - the first reason being he admitted to hitting his ex wife. The second reason is he also admitted to cheating on her once before as well. I know those are two HUGE reasons to be careful, but his marriage ended over 10 years ago and he says he has sought help to deal with his past actions. I simply can’t even imagine such a gentle and caring man doing those things in his past, which makes me think he has overcome those demons. Am I naive for believing in my heart that he’d never do those things to me, especially since I haven’t witnessed any behavior like that in the 2 years we’ve been dating? What do you think?

Wow. This is major…and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that my first instinct was to tell you to RUN!

That being said, people can and DO change. If his past behavior was something that he recognized as being abusive and he realized it was wrong and wanted to change, then he absolutely could have. Without knowing anything about him, it’s hard to tell if he’s done the necessary work to be a better person, but everyone is capable of doing it. I’ve had people in my life with questionable backgrounds that I simply can’t fathom based on the type person they’ve shown me they are today. We can judge people by their past, or give them the benefit of the doubt. People develop, grow and mature…and when you know better, you can do better.

All of that being said, you still need to be very careful…as many habits are hard to break. I don’t know if he hit his ex-wife once or if it was full on abuse (even once is one too many times), but ask him what type of treatment he sought to deal with it. Talk to him about his past. Most people tend to repeat behavior they witnessed growing up, so maybe that was his trigger and he sought therapy for it. If the abuse was due to drug or alcohol issues, then the problem may have been corrected through sobriety. If, however, the abuse was brought on by anger issues, the problem may be more likely to resurface in the future, so try to understand what prompted the violence so you know what signals to look for.

As far as cheating goes, some would say that if they’ve cheated once, they might be tempted to do it again. Don’t dwell on the matter, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye out for warning signs. Again, ask him why he did it, what they were going through at the time, if he felt any remorse, if he feels he may be tempted to do it again, and his general feelings about fidelity, marriage, monogamy and adultery. You will be able to tell in his responses if it’s behavior that he’s likely to repeat, or if he truly has changed and will be faithful to you.

At the end of the day, only YOU know this man – and if you feel that he’s a changed man, then he very well may be. Trust your instincts, pay attention to him and his actions and be honest with yourself. Don’t see what you want to see, see what is actually there. Sometimes love blinds us to signals that are like flares because we choose love rather than truth. He was honest with you, which says a lot, so you know what the truth is now. Just proceed with caution.

I think it’s great that you two are in love and discussing marriage and all that wonderful stuff, so don’t take away from that TOO much by only dwelling on all the negative. Everything you've mentioned about him so far sounds positive, so trust your judgment. Your fears are valid, and it sounds to me like you know you should be careful and aware...but enjoy being in love too. Great love involves great risk, so just keep your eyes open and always love yourself first.

Blog fam, what say you?

Go!

-b

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

You should have known by the title that it was TMI Tuesday and that Fury was in the building - enjoy!

69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life...by The Fury.

When you woke up and rolled over this morning, did you see some "regular old crackers"? Are you three days, three months, three years, seven years or more in a relationship and thinking things have to get better because this gumbo has lost its spice?

Need some help spicing up your relationship?

Never fear. The Fury is here.

1) You first have to decide if your partner really wants to spice things up. If not, it won't matter. This kitchen needs two cooks. If both people aren't focused on the dish, it won't be successful.

2) Honest communication. It's time to share those deep, dark, filthy fetishes without judgement and then decide what you both feel comfortable doing.

3) Explore, push the envelope and go at it with reckless abandon!

A friend of mine decided she was ready to explore her freaky side with her new mate. One morning when he walked back into the bedroom after his morning shower, she was playing with her toy, well lubed and told him to give it to her...anally.

He was shocked, thrown off balance...and intrigued.

Another friend webcammed from work with her husband and proceeded to pleasure herself right then and there. She stopped before climax and instructed him that it was his job to finish it when they got home.

They never put their kids to bed faster.

Pushing the envelope works. Here's 69 ways you can do it:

1. Go to the sex club and watch...hell...participate!
2. Go to the strip club together
3. Strip for your man/woman at home
4. Give each other lap dances with a happy ending
5. Role play as soon as they walk in the door
6. Wear a sexy costume
7. Do that freaky thing you always fantasized about but were scared you'd be judged
8. Watch porn together
9. Give her/him some unprovoked, out of the blue, surprise head in the kitchen
10. Swallow for the first time...and enjoy it [or do a great job of acting as if you do]
11. Be gentle with her
12. Tease her
13. Give her/him a massage with a happy ending
14. Have sex in public
15. "Christen" every room in your place (both places if you live separately)
16. Dress. No panties. Let him see you/touch you in public
17. Try new positions. There are LOTS of them.
18. Have a threesome
19. Have a foursome
20. Have a fivesome (...get the picture?)
21. Have sex with all the lights on
22. Have sex with only candles lit
23. Have sex in pitch blackness with only your voices and bodies to tell the tale
24. Have anal sex
25. Titty f#ck
26. Ask for the facial if you really want it
27. Ask her if you can give her a facial if you really wanna try it
28. Record it, watch it together, have more sex, erase it...(ERASE IT!)
29. Record something for him/her
30. Do it with the music blasting
31. Send him sexy pictures while he's out with his boys
32. Send her a sexy picture while she's out with the girls (Don't show anyone those pictures)
33. Go to the spa together
34. Write a sexy story for each other and read them aloud
35. Exercise together
36. Cook for him/her wearing something sexy..or just an apron
37. Talk dirty during sex
38. Tell him/her how you want it...during
39. Spank her
40. Spank him
41. Whip him
42. Whip her
43. Tie her/him up
44. Blindfold her/him
45. Bring out the toys
46. Use her toy on her
47. Use his on toy him
48. Use her toy on him (no judging)
49. Let him watch you pleasure yourself
50. Let her watch you pleasure yourself
51. Mutual masturbation
52. Give him head during Sportscenter
53. Give her head during Basketball Wives
54. Sext
55. Read The Dirty Details together (shameless plug)
56. Have tipsy sex (wine is a wonderful de-inhibitor)
57. Rent a hotel and leave it a wreck from the wild sex you had
58. Have sex in a hard back chair
59. Have sex on a counter top
60. Have sex on a table (please don't break the table)
61. Give him head while driving (stay in the left lane, proceed with caution)
62. Digitally stimulate her while driving (see note above)
63. Flirt with another woman in front of him
64. Whip cream, honey, chocolate syrup, peanut butter...(that was not a recipe)
65. Baby oil, plastic sheets...(that was not a child care tip)
66. Use a toy on her while you're having sex
67. Lick her from the back
68. Lick him from the back
69. 69

They call me The Fury and I suggest you print out this list and leave it on his/her pillow with your favorites circled.

- The Fury

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