Not With MY Daughter You Won't!

Hayden is back for another take on fatherhood - enjoy!

Not With MY Daughter You Won't!...by Hayden Greene

Marshall Dillon…
The Ghost Busters…
Superman…
Shane…
The Green Lantern…
Hayden M. Greene…

What do all these people have in common? They are all protectors.


Whether it's a town or the earth or the universe, they ensure that the people they are charged to safeguard don't ever have to worry about being harmed. So then why is my name on that list? There is this little girl named Clarke for whom I am the sworn protector to the end of my days. You should know that as I say that, I push out my chest and imagine a flowing cape billowing behind me like I am a super hero. Because I am. I am HER superhero. And I always will be even when my puffed out chest is overtaken by a puffed out gut and the cape is tattered - I will always be her champion.

Unfortunately the brunt of my superhero practice will be enacted on her suitors, male or female. I've already started practicing. It's always cute for some parents of children of comparable ages to "set up" future couplings between them. Some parents. Not me. I have found myself saying ridiculous things like the following to people:

· I'm sorry, Clarke has lost her ability to speak to all members of the opposite sex who are within 10 years of her age. Doctors say it should clear up around her 35 birthday. Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please check back at that time.

· I am not going to worry about Clarke getting phone numbers from boys: there won't be any phone installed in the ivory tower, and I have a BB gun for any carrier pigeons that are brave enough to attempt to deliver a message.

· There will be no need to use scare tactics on her dates since Clarke will not be dating anyone from the top of the ivory tower. When the time comes for her to descend, I will probably be too old to enact any fearsome tactics and my only recourse will be to throw my dentures at them with what little vigor I have left after and try to suffocate them with my uncontrollable farting. If they still want to date her after they see what their Thanksgivings and family BBQ's are going to be like, they are a better man than me and deserve her. Mazel Tov!

As you can see I am pretty ridiculous when it comes to my daughter. Most of it is in good fun, but there is a LOT of truth in there!

Here's my honest opinion: Clarke should know that her father is going to give anyone she brings home a hard time. In fact, she should want to use that as a way to discern who to date. I want my daughter to only date people who have self confidence and have strong wills. If they are too chicken to face her old man, then she shouldn’t want to be with them to begin with! In my eyes, I consider this a favor to my girl. Yeah...let's spin it that way. In the interim, I'm going to come up with more and more creative ways reek havoc on whomever she decides to date...

God. Help. Them.

- Hayden

Hayden M. Greene has been working to produce artistic beauty for many years. In his early years, he was known for painting jackets and jeans - but that was just was the beginning. He is also a successful spoken word poet, a writer, a faithful citizen of the People's Republic of Brooklyn, and, of course, a photographer. Many of his photographs picture places that he has travelled to, but his most beautiful ones are of the people that he has met or had the pleasure of photographing. He has a discerning eye and is able to capture the ‘beautiful’ from the seemingly ‘ordinary’. He created Greene Light Photography to share that vision with you.