Friday, April 30, 2010
Instead of my Friday Sexy Survey, I thought I’d attempt to define something that really has different meanings for most of us. Someone asked me earlier this week if I could write a blog asking the question – “What is Human Nature?” He’s writing a thesis on the subject, and wanted to get our input on what it means to us.
At first, I dismissed even attempting to define something so broad and so unique to us all. Since all humans are different, human nature can mean anything depending on the individual, right? In simple terms, “human nature” is the basis of character, the temperament and disposition of a person; that indestructible matrix upon which character is built, and whose shape it must take and keep throughout life. This is a person’s nature.
A person’s nature can take on the worst traits of humankind (vengefulness, cruelty, jealousy, hatred, arrogance) or the best traits of humankind (love, compassion, thoughtfulness, kindness, humility). Depending on what messages we absorb around us, our nature could be anything. We sometimes seek and are in need of something outside of ourselves to define our nature and make us whole. They say the BASIC nature of a person, once formed, cannot be changed – and we resist change, almost to the point where we try to make others conform to US.
But if human nature were the work of man it would require a great deal of rectification. Yet since it is created by God, we can be assured that it is potentially God-like. In fact, human nature and Divine Nature are analogous. To me, though human, we are the incarnation of the Spirit, a reflection of a Divine light. The great challenge for each of us is to let go of our limited view of ourselves and trust the intimations of our soul – the “human nature” that whispers to us “you are an expression of God.” We focus outward to define our nature when the beauty we long for is already within us.
When God said He would make man in His image, most times we’ve mistaken those words to mean God was re-created in MAN’S image and likeness. But it was not the “man” - with all his flaws - that God created in his image. We were made in the likeness of God in that, through love, we can create; through love we can be fruitful and multiply; and through love, we can return to that Divine place that is the beginning.
The oneness of God, out of love, gave itself away and divided itself into duality throughout all creation. And just as in the unique features of every face, every eye sees from its own angle. Human nature, because it’s divine, is unique and manifests itself in infinite variety. Our nature was breathed into us, brought into the world by words spoken by the Spirit, and should be nurtured by us. The power is yours. The best of human nature is yours to create.
Have a great weekend!
RIP Kevin Mitchell
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
There is still time to join Serena's team and walk or run on behalf of Ovarian Cancer on Mother's Day weekend. The race is Saturday, May 8th in Reston, VA at 8am. Out of her $500 goal, they have raised $460!!! They're almost there, and every little bit helps!
Just go to this link - and click "Join the Team." Your $25 donation will go towards their goal.
Not in the area? Well, you can click on the link and donate either to the general team page or one of the four members that are running or walking. GO TEAM!
- I always find it funny (and curious) when I hear some Latinos speak with a heavy Spanish accent, but they can't actually speak Spanish. What's THAT about?
- Is it me, or are people becoming increasingly more rude in the street? Bumping into you, no apology or "excuse me"? Or the old ladies who practically knock you over to get on the train before you do just to get a seat. Really?
- Did anyone see Oprah's interview with Todd Bridges yesterday? Whoa. So sad.
- It needs to get warm outside...and STAY warm! Like..now.
- Can't wait to go to DR - 29 more days!
- I always make my lunch and never want it the next day. I'll eat it anyway though :-(
- I want to lose 15 lbs in May. Ambitious goal, but I'm gonna do it - so Deebo better work it!
- He trained us last night even though it wasn't our training night. He's awesome, but he liked to kill us!
- Did I mention Deebo knows how to dance salsa? He's the dancing trainer :-)
- Fury, are you blogging for me on TMI Tuesday? It's NEXT Tuesday, so let me know!
- And NO Fury, you're not allowed to get your "Tiger Woods on." :-)
- Brian told me about this song last night and I had no idea what he was talking about until I looked it up. Wow...talk about kickin' it old skool!
- Are the Bucks about to eliminate the Hawks in the NBA playoffs? Interesting....
- Speaking of playoffs, remember this shot from the 2009 Cavs/Magic game 2? I was watching this laying on a bed with Martha and DMoe while a party was going on in DR last year...
And to show I'm a good sport...for you Rameer :-)
- Mayweather or Mosely?
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
So, if you were listening to Hot97 this morning, maybe you heard the "He Said, She Said" feature they do daily. Today's dilemma was something along the lines of a woman feeling like she should only have sex when she wants to - and if he wants to and she doesn't...then oh well. He said he felt like it was her "obligation" to satisfy him since he's her man. She feels that since she's the "breadwinner," she don't have to do SHIZNIT of she doesn't feel like it!
But does one have to do with the other? I don't think so.
I think the bigger question is: are you obligated to satisfy your partner at all times, even if you have a headache, Aunt Flo is in town, or if you're just plain tired?
Now, I don't think this would even be a question for me...or an issue. It's very rare that I'm not in the mood, and if I'm not...it doesn't take much to GET me in the mood. But if you're with someone who has a very different sex drive than you do, this can be a problem.
So, while you all tell me if you are OBLIGATED to satisfy your partner sexually, I'll list some benefits to having sex....even when you don't want to.
1. If you have sex at least twice a week you will look at least 5 years younger. This has been discovered by English researchers who compared couples who have sex regularly and couples of the same age who prefer sexual abstinence. Couples having regular sex looked much younger than their actual age, while those who opposed sex looked their age at best. There is just one disclaimer though: in order for the body and soul to be young you should have sex with a regular sex partner who you care about rather than sleeping around.
2. Exercising in bed is a pleasant alternative to exhausting exercise in the gym. There has been a study done proving that 26 minutes of having sex with climaxing at the end burns all the calories you consume by eating an entire pizza! The study even said the simple jaw exercise of unhooking a woman's bra with your teeth burns 86 kilocalories right away. Imagine how many calories you burn doing "other" jaw exercises ;-)
3. Hormones serotonin and oxytocin produced during orgasm help get rid of insomnia. Both of these hormones have a relaxation effect and serve as a great sleeping pill. This explains why the moans of ecstasy and bliss are quickly replaced with the steady breathing of sleep.
4. Unfortunately, with age, men hesitate to have sex, which is too bad since regular sex life actually helps men to maintain potency, stay in good shape and have a good mood.
5. Bad mood is also a reason to have sex. During sexual intercourse, endorphin is produced - which is the hormone that stimulates good moods and optimistic perception of the surrounding world. That is the reason why sex relieves stress and improves your mood. Endorphins' effects are multiplied by the hormones serotonin, cortisol and dopamine, which actively fight depression and cause the after-sex euphoria.
6. The skin of sexually active women is smooth and silky. A regular sex life increases the production of collagen protein, which is the element that improves the skin metabolism, moisturizes the skin, and makes its surface smooth and soft. You are unlikely to see the face of a sexually active woman covered in pimples...so I'd do it for that reason alone :-)
7. It turns out that women that enjoy giving oral sex have easier and more enjoyable pregnancies than those women who prefer traditional means of lovemaking. There has been an experiment performed by Australian scientists on a hundred women - the results of which were that regular intimate relationships before pregnancy - and especially oral sex - help a woman's immune system get used to the partner's sperm. Most inconveniences during the nine months of expecting are caused by the struggle of the mother's immune system with the foreign body or fetus. However, if the husband and wife's bodies "communicated" a lot on the sexual oral level, the woman's body is more likely to accept the new "guest" without causing any issues. Sounds like a man came up with these results if you ask me ;-)
8. Male hormone pheromones normalize the woman's hormonal balance. A weekly portion of this substance eliminates any menstrual cycle abnormalities. Hmm...do I believe that? maybe....
9. Out of all the known sedatives sex is the most pleasant and healthy. During the climax, the tensed muscles contract intensively which leads to absolute relaxation. During this time, the person not only completely relaxes physically...but also mentally. This is exactly the reason why people who have satisfying sex lives are more friendly and content than those who avoid the pleasures of sex. Now THAT makes perfect sense to me :)
10. Sex with the person you love is a great medicine against migraines. It definitely helps American women according to a study conducted by Illinois scientists on 50 sexually active women suffering from migraines. Every fourth of them had a noticeable reduction of a headache after each sexual encounter, and every eighth woman had a headache go away completely. I get migraines, so I need to have sex for no other reason than to get rid of them!
11. Sex is the best prevention of prostate inflammation and cancer, both of which lead to a decline of male's sexual abilities. Regular ejaculation for a man is not only the pleasurable moment of orgasm, but also the emptying of the prostate gland, which is the required condition for its health.
12. A passionate and sensual woman who has sex often is very likely to have an ideal flat stomach - which is no wonder since the movement of the penis inside the vagina and the muscle contractions at the moment of orgasm are a great exercise for your abdomen. Strong pelvic muscles not only keep your abs in great shape, but also your back. Therefore "exercising" in bed replaces any diets. And here I am killing myself in the gym with Deebo!
13. Sex is a great stimulant of the immune system. Those who have sex once or twice a week have 30% more immune cells produced than those who are sexually passive, hence the conclusion that sex can protect against getting sick.
14. Regular sex is a good exercise for a heart muscle, therefore reducing heart diseases.
15. According to British scientists, sexually active people live much longer than sexually lazy ones. There is another observation they made - those who have a good sexual appetite and are married also live longer, and being married is an obligatory requirement for longevity of the same importance as sex. I knew there had to be a loophole :-)
So, all that being said...is sex still an "obligation?" What are y'all doing tonight? ;-)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
And Happy Birthday to our very own FLOYD BERRY!
Sorry I didn't post yesterday - I was kidnapped by aliens! Okay, so maybe not aliens, but that's neither here nor there :-) I'm back now though, so let's get to it.
This article was sent to me by a friend as a possible blog topic - so I decided to go with it...and his title too :-) On Friday's Sexy Survey, my first question asked something along the lines of if you'd want to, or consider living with someone before you got married. Another question on the survey touched on how you'd rather spend an extra hour of leisure - with your partner or alone. I think the article brings these two questions together, and ties in...just a bit.
Now, if you don't feel like reading the entire article, here is the first scenario:
The art of living apart
Boy meets girl. Boy has two kids. Girl would rather keep her own place, thank you.
Couple: Marisol and Rob Simon
Their challenge: Marisol, 45, a chef and author, and Rob, 55, a new-media entrepreneur, may have fallen in love -- but that didn't mean they wanted to join households, which in Rob's case included two kids. Their solution? In the seven years they've been married, they've happily maintained separate spaces. Sleepovers allowed.
In their case, they didn't have a desire to live together - before OR after marriage. Now, this may seem odd to some people, but I don't necessarily think it is. My mother started dating a man when I was 16 years old. They were both divorced and saw no need to get married again, so they happily dated and lived apart for years until he passed. He was like more of a father to me than my biological one, and I never felt like they were less of a couple simply because they didn't get married or live together.
As a matter of fact, I'm sure they stayed together as long as they did BECAUSE they didn't live together. Maybe, like the couple suggests in the article, they had a chance to actually miss each other. And even though they only lived 15 minutes away from each other and saw each other several times a week, they still needed to maintain their own space.
Now, here is the second scenario in the article:
Together forever, all the time
For some, it would be too close for comfort. For them, it's all in a day's work.
Couple: Andrea and Scott Zieher
The challenge: A cohabiting couple for almost a decade (they married last summer), Andrea, 34, and Scott, 44, also opened a business together seven years ago. Their New York City art gallery has two employees: them. Just the two of them. In one room. All day.
I think this would drive me crazy. But there are several couples who met at the job, so they not only live together, they work together too. My best friend and her husband met at work - two lawyers on opposing sides. They fell in love, moved in and married...and saw each other all the time until she had their first son and became a stay-at-home mother.
Some people LOVE spending every waking moment with their partner - which is why I asked the question if you had an extra hour of leisure, would you spend it alone or with the person you love. Now, if there are 24 hours in a day, then ONE alone won't kill you right? You'd think you'd NEED that hour to yourself. But there are some folks that are SO in love and SO enveloped in their relationship, they would spend ALL 24 hours with their boo if they could. Nothing wrong with that either. I guess... ;-)
So tell me, which of these two scenarios is you? Or could be you?
Personally, I'd like a balance between the two. If we didn't live together, I'd see no need to get married. One of the benefits of marriage is splitting a mortgage and household expenses so that you have more money to save. If we maintained two different residences, we might as well keep everything else separate too - and not be married.
And since the woman in the first scenario didn't have - or want to be around - kids, I'd think it would be difficult to be married while raising kids and live apart.
But I'd also not want to be on top of each other all day either. While I love spending time with someone I love, it can be a bit much if I see them all day AND all night too. I want to be able to miss him, and hear how his day went instead of just knowing. I think it's great when couples want to be with each other all the time - but for me, I wouldn't want either of us to feel taken for granted or stifled. I think that can happen when people don't have room to breathe.
So what do you think? Which scenario do you think your relationship would thrive in most?
Friday, April 23, 2010
1. Would you want to, or have you, lived with a prospective mate before getting married? If so, for about how long?
2. If every day next year you had an extra hour of leisure, would you rather spend all of it with your partner or by yourself? It must be one or the other.
3. What type of body do you respond to the strongest? Who comes to mind as the perfect example of that body type?
4. You are beginning an exciting romance and learn that your partner, who badly wants children, would almost certainly leave you if he or she discovered that you were unable to have kids. If you were almost sure that you could never have a child, would you try to hide the fact for a while or reveal it right away? Is it a deal breaker for YOU if your new partner couldn't have children?
5. If you could either double or halve your desire for sex, which would you do? How do you think your choice would affect your relationship (if you're in one)?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Happy birthday Deebo! AKA my trainer Bobby :-)
And Happy "Earf" Day...as my nephew Kyce calls it. That's "Earth" for those of you who didn't get it. :-)
- RIP Guru and Dr. Dorothy Height. Legends.
- Speaking of Guru, what is Solar's deal? Crazy suspect.
- And speaking of REAL hip hop, check Serena's poem "Ode to Hip Hop" - hot!
- So Donovan wants T.O. to come to the Redskins huh? Interesting...I'd watch that. T.O. is a hot mess, though...and I wasn't a fan of his when he was in Philly (although he was doing some work.) That man has issues.
- Speaking of issues - did you all hear about the Phillies' fan who THREW UP on a guy and his 11-year old daughter at a Phillies' game?
I was grossed out for a long while after hearing that story. And I'd probably be in that jail in the Linc, cuz he'd have caught a beatdown if he had done that to me AND my child. You'd think spitting on a person would be the worst thing someone could do, but vomit?? Yeah, there would be all kinds of crazy unleashed on dat ass. What the hell is wrong with people??
- While we're talking about sports, is a 6 game suspension enough for Big Ben? I mean, the rape charges were dropped and all...but still.
- My trainer is a PIMP. He has several...uh..."girlfriends." :-)
- Work has been kicking my ass for a week now. I actually look forward to leaving to go to the gym.
- Monica sent me the link to Ciara's new video "Ride." I see Witches' Brew posted it as well.
Not sure what I think about it as far as its entertainment value - not completely sold on the song - but sex sells. And I can't hate - CiCi's body is sick! If I had moves like that, I might not be single ;-) Geesh! 50 is probably goin crazy!
- I need to post that video on my trainer's FB page - give him a challenge...something for me to work towards :-)
- Every time I see Ciara, I miss Aaliyah that much more.
- Finally, here are some pics from Annamaria and Austin's Engagement Party. Good times!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
So I got my first "Dear Brookey" email from a GUY!! This should be interesting, let's go!
I don't know if you've ever gotten a "Dear Brookey" email from a man before, but I figured I'd get your take on something from a woman's point of view. I'm a single father of a son that I have custody of. His mother and I split visitation, I have him during the week and she gets him every weekend - sometimes for long weekends. We have a great relationship as far as being parents is concerned, but nothing more. I'm having a hard time dating, and it's frustrating since I feel I'm ready to have a relationship. I understand it's hard dating men with kids, but Black women are always saying how hard it is to find a good man, I figured that maybe they wouldn't be AS picky since they're so hard to find. I consider myself a good guy and I just want to ask you what you feel are the red flags or pitfalls are to dating a man with a child so that I can ease a woman's fears about getting involved with me? I'm a very proud father and I take this very seriously. I don't want just any woman around my son, but I feel like I can't even get a woman to open up to dating me once I tell her I have a son who lives with me. Any help? Thanks!
This is a good question, and I think it's great that you want to understand a woman's fears about dating a man with children in order to put these fears to rest. Not every woman is hesitant to dating men with children, but there are several who feel this is a deal breaker. While I agree women may be limiting themselves by disqualifying a man who has children, I do understand that everyone (if they're completely honest with themselves) knows what they can and cannot handle and what works best for them.
There are several reasons why a person - man or woman - may not want to date someone with a child, so I'll try to narrow down what I think are the main ones. Maybe once you identify some of these reasons, we as a blog family will be able to come up with ways for you to allay some concerns a woman may have when it comes to dating you.
1. The Mother. Most times, the MAIN reason a woman will not date a man with children is because we know that - for the most part - where there's a baby...there's a baby's mama. If you two are co-parenting, that means you always have to talk to the mother, spend time with the mother and put the mother first in a lot of instances where it pertains to your child. Some women are uncomfortable with the amount of contact you have with the mother of your child, and don't like the fact they'll forever be second or third in his life. The child is a constant reminder of the mother's existence, so dating a man with a child may be too much for her to deal with because mom is always lurking around somewhere. You may have to see her at soccer games, or she may drop the child off at the house and come in to say hi and you see her there. She may not like you, especially if it was a bitter break-up, so there may be tension or even resentment. This doesn't sound like it's the case with you and your child's mother, but women think about these things and if it's worth taking a chance on. Only a truly secure woman can deal with ANOTHER woman in her man's life.
2. She doesn't like kids. Not all women are maternal. Some women genuinely do not like children and don't want to have any - yours OR her own. You can't get around that one. You have to date a woman who likes, or who can at least tolerate, children. If she's the busy, independent type, then she might not even have time for you, let alone your child - so doing things with you that revolve around children may not be her cup of tea. She may not want to get stuck in the house babysitting or watching Nickelodeon when she'd rather be out on a "real" date with you. If she doesn't like kids, keep it moving.
3. She wants her first child to be your first child too. I know this may not seem like a big deal to some people, but for some women (and men), they want their first child to be the first child for their significant other as well. I don't know how old your son is, but if he's say, 3 years old or older, then you've already seen him crawl, take his first steps, say his first words, he's potty trained, etc. You've seen your son reach several milestones already, so she may think that those things are no longer "new" to you, and therefore can't share in her excitement the first time any future children you might have with her reach these same milestones. While that may not be true, some women want the experience of sharing these "firsts" with a man who has never experienced them before with someone else.
4. Her "mother potential." You said that you take parenting very seriously, and that you don't want just any woman around your son. That makes total sense. But some women don't want you to judge them based on what kind of mother they'll be, especially if they have no desire to be one. It's hard enough dating as it is, and many people have a long list of attributes they want their future mate to have. Adding "mother" to that list may be a bit too much for a woman who knows that you're looking, not just for someone for yourself, but for someone who's a good fit for your son as well. Too much pressure.
5. Baggage. Some women (and men) think of you as "damaged goods." You've already had a kid with someone who you had a failed relationship with, so she may think you have some issues that need to be resolved. I don't know if you were once married, or just had a kid with an ex or whatever, but most women wonder why you're not still with the mother and automatically think it was your fault the relationship ended. Or they may think you have babies all willy nilly with people with no commitment if you were never married. Again, probably not the case with you, but this is what some women think.
6. There are restrictions. Most people with children aren't very spontaneous, especially if they have custody of them. You probably can't just up and go to the movies or out to dinner when you feel like it because you have to find a sitter at the last minute, or the child's mother isn't around to take him. If she's the spontaneous type, this will frustrate her because she'll feel limited in the things she can do with you. Also, most likely if your son lives with you, that means you can't have wild, screaming, hot-butt-nekkid sex in the house either - because your son will hear you. If she's loud and wants to be free, she can't do that in your house, and begins to resent you for making her tame her passion. Whether it's having "quiet" sex all the time, or no last- minute weekend getaways, no one wants to date a person they feel they'll be restricted with.
7. Some women are selfish, and want all of your undivided attention. They don't like to share her man with anyone - not the child or the child's mother or anyone else. If she can't come first, then she's not going there. She won't, and knows she can't, compete with the child - so if she's not your focus, then it's not happening chief.
8. She thinks you're broke. Most women don't date men who have children because, if you're a good father, that means you're taking care of them emotionally AND FINANCIALLY. Some women hear "child" and think "CHILD SUPPORT." If half of your check is going to your child and the child's mother, then that means (in her mind) that there is less money to take her out with, or go on vacation with, or enough to save towards a future with her with. Again, if you're big ballin' like Diddy, then this may not be an issue. But if NY State is taking 17% of your salary and giving it to someone else, then she may resent the fact that you're limited in things you can do with her - or that her man's money is going to his child through another woman. Kids cost money, so women automatically assume that men with kids don't have any.
I'm sure some of you can think of more reasons why a woman wouldn't date a man with children, so I'll stop there so this blog doesn't get too long. I know men share some of the same reasons why they won't date a woman with a child either. But if I left anything out, feel free to add more to the list. Also, help give "Single Dad" some ways he can help alleviate some of the reservations a woman may have when it comes to dating him. If you refuse to date someone with children, give us your reasons why. And if you don't have a problem dating a man with children and want me to hook you up with "Single Dad" - holla at me!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I know I wrote a blog about jumpoffs, f*ck buddies and friends with benefits before.
I know this.
But it seems the question of "the rules" keeps coming up between my girlfriends and I on this subject...so I figured I'd revisit the topic to make some things absolutely clear.
Now, I'm not saying I know ALL the rules, or that they're the same for every person - but I think it's safe to assume there are a few standards when it comes to casual sex.
A friend of mine who recently broke up with a guy after a year and a half of dating asked me if and when it's okay to have a jumpoff, and how to go about getting one. Usually, these things "just happen" - but if you have your heart set on finding one, then may I suggest a few things....?
1. First - make sure you're a "jumpoff" type of person. By that I mean you're able to handle a casual sex relationship - no strings attached. Some of us are built that way. Others...not so much. Now normally I wouldn't advise my friends to seek out a f*ck buddy, and I don't think most of my friends are the casual sex types. But I DO think there are times in a person's life where a jumpoff comes in handy. After a breakup (especially a bad one) is one of those times.
Usually after a breakup, you want to be alone mentally, but not physically - and that's okay, so long as you're honest about what it is. But if you're the type to fall quickly, or have post nooky guilt, then maybe you're not emotionally ready to handle a strictly sexual scenario. If you expect your phone to ring after a hookup because you want him to think you're the shiznit, then you're not ready to have or BE a jumpoff. Usually jumpoffs don't care what the other person thinks of them.
2. Pick the right person as your jumpoff. Many times people make the mistake of hooking up with people they actually like. You know...that guy at the gym you've been pining over. Your coworker. That "friend" you've been keeping in your back pocket til you get drunk one day and cross that line.
Don't do it. Either you like the guy or not. And if he's not feeling YOU like that, don't settle for no-strings sex as a consolation prize. You'll just be setting yourself up for heartache later - and you'll play yourself.
Choose someone who you're attracted to enough to have sex with, but who you don't wanna be seen in public with. You know...the dude with all the muscles, but who has no damn sense whatsoever and can't put two sentences together. Or that guy who did a stint in jail for selling drugs. He's cute, but has no job...THAT dude. You know where I'm going with this.
Now I'm not saying he should be a total stranger either. You have to know him a little bit, and you must be safe as well. Hard to get your rocks off if you're fearing for you life. You should know him just enough to be excited to see him, but not enough to the point where you're not equally excited to see him LEAVE...and not call you for a few weeks.
3. Be safe. If you're grown enough to have a jumpoff, you're grown enough to be smart about it. You don't wanna catch anything and you damn sure don't wanna have the jumpoff's baby. Keep condoms handy...men AND women. Jus sayin.
4. Don't catch feelings. Sex is an intimate act, so there's a chance emotions may become involved. If this happens, be honest about it and either 1) cut off contact til you get your head right or 2) be honest about it to your partner and see if he feels the same way. Chances are he doesn't, because how you begin a relationship, especially a sexual one, usually determines how it'll proceed...and ultimately end. But hey, stranger things have happened. I don't personally know any couples who have gone on to live happily ever after after starting off as f*ck buddies - but hey, you never know! Don't get your hopes up though.
It's easy to get caught up in situations like this if you're spending a lot of time shagging your jumpoff. You start wondering what it would be like holding hands and actually going out on dates and whatnot.
Stop it and wake the hell up!
Your ass is probably turned out and you're addicted to the sex and it's got you thinking all kinds of crazy. Take a step back and really examine what's going on. If you still feel like there's potential there for a relationship, then tell him how you feel...delicately. He might be confused since you started off with the understanding that you'd be fine just hittin' it. But if he feels the same way, then see how it goes. Just be careful...and take a chance. You have nothing really to lose, and a lot to gain. Good luck with that.
Did I leave anything out? Let me know!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Happy Monday mi gente!
Today marks 2 months since Serena's beloved mother passed away. She's my guest blogger today - send prayers and love as she shares with us.
Moving Forward...by Serena Wills
Can I live without her? How do I start the healing process? Now what, Mom? Show me what to do.
These were all thoughts that crossed my mind as my mother took her last breath. It's been two months since my mother, Marguerite Sauti Wills passed away due to complications of Ovarian Cancer at the tender age of 60.
Only for 2 seconds did I not think I could do this life without her. Then I quickly discovered that I have to. There's a lot of unfinished business on my end, and who are we as humans to take our own lives when someone or something dies? We're no one. Moving forward after months of travel, talking to doctors, nurses, rehabs, etc. - my life as well as my families' shifted.
Think of it metaphorically. A ship puts its sails up, and instead of going north, the winds whip through and shift the ship east. You don't want to go east but you can't fight the wind.
In my case, I wanted Mom to be here - talking to me on the phone, cracking jokes... like old times sake. But God saw it differently and took her away.
I wanted to write this blog because I felt that there are some people on here that wanted to go in one direction, but instead you're being forced to go another. Maybe it's a job, and instead of you getting that promotion and moving up the ladder, someone else got the position and you feel stuck.
Or maybe it's that man or woman that you're trying to make amends with, trying to pull together a broken relationship - but instead you break up and don't even have a friendship afterwards.
Numerous people are forced to move forward - as Biggie's cd was titled, "Life After Death." That's what I'm learning as I go through various steps that will hopefully lead to healing.
There are a few things I want to point out before I go that I've noticed that happens when a natural shift occurs, even as tragic as mine.
#1. "Beware of blaming yourself." It's so easy to point the finger at yourself asking, "What could I have done differently?" "Maybe one more opinion could have healed her." "What did I do to make him/her leave me?"
#2. "Denial is real, but in some instances okay." I have picked up the phone to dial Mom and then forgot, she's not there. That's natural, as we had a daily routine. What isn't natural is to straight act as if nothing happened. Some don't know how to cry, shout, or scream. They hold on until they snap. Once you snap you may not be yourself ever again. I have a friend I've been praying for and she snapped a few times. She won't let go of the past and walks around as if nothing happened.
#3. "Haters are alive and well in this devastating time." They are even more upfront when they can't fathom how you're strong. They will try to knock you down because you're at your lowest point. Like my fave rapper said, "Can't Knock the Hustle" and "Kick that Dirt Off Your Shoulders." Watch your back because they are out there.
#4. "Cleansing your soul is amazing!" It's okay to cry, let go and get it out. Cleansing also is remembering the great times, and in my case, holding onto those memories. In a relationship that's gone awry, it's nice to reminisce - but don't do MJB and keep "reminiscing on the love you had." In that case, you have to pack that baggage up as He has something greater.
#5. "Listen." Mom told me a lot in her last 6 months. When I shared my fears the day she passed, especially about having kids and being married one day, she said, "You'll be better than me...you'll be a great Mom."
That compliment will always stick with me coming from a woman that adopted two medically challenged children. It's an internal affirmation.
So think back to when your life switched gears when you didn't want it to - and remember no matter how horrid, hard, or dark it may seem, that there is something in store for you.
Your pathway might have turned...twisted...and you might have come to a crossroads. But, the road didn't end. Learn from it - and as much as it hurts to walk without that person physically, just know you can make it. If you're like me and lost the person to death, then your stride will change - because now...you have a partner walking with you always. Mom is always with me, and when I feel her presence I welcome her in and onto my path.
May peace be with each of you.
Please donate to my friend Susan Grassi's fundraising page in memory of my Mom - Marguerite Wills - and to help create a cancer free world at http://pages.teamintraining.org/nyc/rnr10/sgrassi
Friday, April 16, 2010
Brookey's sexy survey - let's go!
1. What is the sexiest thing someone can say to you?
2. Does size matter?
3. What do you think about during sex?
4. Are you happier when single or in a relationship?
5. If tomorrow you had to decide to either marry the person you're currently dating, or leave them and never see them again ever, which would you choose?
6. Two women kissing is:
7. Two men kissing is:
8. Is sex better under the influence, or no?
9. Do you worry about what your body looks like naked during sex?
10. How important is sex in a relationship to you?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
Gonna be a beautiful day today!
- What is up with all these earthquakes? Pray for the people of China, Chile, and continue to pray for Haiti.
- Did you all hear about the man who punched his 7 month old child in the chest because he was jealous of him? He punched him so hard, the baby's heart stopped - the child died. How can anyone harm a child...a baby? There's a special place in hell for people like that. My heart is broken :-(
- If a man wears a belly ring, is that suspect? I think so...but that's just me.
- I'm going to meet Bob Saget today.
- People jumping off of buildings to commit suicide...da hell? Why choose one of the most painful ways to die? Between that and jumping in front of trains, I just don't get it. And sometimes you DON'T DIE! Then what?? You thought your life was jacked up before....?? Buffoonery.
- Saw Why Did I Get Married Too. I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it, but the ending? Didn't love it.
- I miss my nephews.
- My ass is on FIYA today! Deebo had me doing "booty exercises." I'm "booty challenged." :-)
- Someone told me I had the "lure of the animal"...like some super power. I'm not quite sure what it means, but I think I like it :-)
- I need another manicure. Toes are still going strong though!
- Soul Siesta is BOOKED! Count down begins to sun and sand! I've got 6 weeks to tighten up!Woo-hoo!
- DMoe will be in the NYC this weekend - flying up today. My iPod will finally get some new music!
- Today is TAX DAY - if you haven't done them yet, you better get on it!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
Speaking of humping, today's "Dear Brookey" question is right on time.
I can't believe I'm writing to a stranger about this, but I like the advice you and your readers give on your blog...so here goes. I am in a relationship with a great guy. I think we have a wonderful relationship and I'm insanely attracted to him. We have a healthy sexual appetite for each other...I think...but one thing really bothers me. He doesn't have an orgasm every time we have sex. While I do...multiple times actually...we can have sex for weeks without him having an orgasm. I'm not saying he NEVER cums, but there can be stretches of time where he doesn't. I worry that I'm not pleasing him, even though he says he's extremely attracted to me and that I please him. So what is the problem?? Is it possible that he's cheating on me, therefore can't get off all the time? I feel inadequate now, and it's affecting my ability to enjoy MYSELF when we have sex because I find that I'm only focused on trying to make HIM climax. After I climax, it's over. He's very affectionate and cuddly afterwards, and even seems relaxed and pleased, but I want him to bust! Am I trippin?
Hmm.....this is a good one. Maybe the men can chime in on this topic for me.
First let me say, there are MANY reasons why a man can't or won't climax EVERY time during sex. It could be stress. It could be that he's tired. It could be issues with his health - such as heart disease or diabetes. It could be that a man is having emotional issues, such as anxiety. And it could also be that he IS having sex with someone else, although in your situation, I don't think that's the case. The reasons are endless.
However, just because a man or a woman doesn't climax, it doesn't mean that the sex was wack or that you're not being pleased. I've read that 12% of women have never had an orgasm, but still enjoy sex nonetheless. Women feel that sexual appetite, libido, sex drive - whatever you want to call it - is higher in men because they have more testosterone than we do. And for the most part, this can be true. But appetite or desire doesn't necessarily translate into orgasm every single time. And since you said he does have orgasms, just not ALL THE TIME, I wouldn't worry.
Only you know if your man is trustworthy, so you would probably instinctively know if he was stepping out on you or not. But if he tells you that he's attracted to you, is pleased by you, is affectionately intimate with you, and has given you no reason to distrust him - I'd take him at his word. Stop stressing over it, because you'll just make HIM stress over it and then he REALLY probably won't be able to climax...or want to have sex at all. And you won't enjoy sex anymore either. If he enjoys pleasing you, then let him!
I know it can be a blow to the ego to feel like you're not pleasing your man (or woman) - I totally understand that. Perhaps you can try to give him a massage first, or take a long, hot bath together to relax you both. Chances are if the reason he can't cum is because he's stressed, this'll help alleviate that. Or if he's tired, take a nap and then wake up and jump his bones! See if that works :-) If you suspect health issues are the reason he can't or won't cum all the time, make him a doctor's appointment. And if you suspect he's having sex with someone else, then just ask him...or trust your gut and bounce. Again, I don't think he is, but he's YOUR man. You know.
If you feel that nothing is wrong in the relationship and you have a great guy, then let it go. Sex doesn't have to end in orgasm for both partners all the time, and as long as you both enjoy it, that's all that matters.
Anyone else feel differently? Let's hear it!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Do any of you watch Dancing with the Stars? If so, you've no doubt noticed the sexual tension and romantic "goings-on" between ballroom dancer Cheryl Burke and her partner - football player Chad Ochocinco. Even Ellen picked up on it, check it out:
Stevie Wonder can see that these two have gotten busy. But hey, if they're "friends," then they're just friends.
Is it me, or do celebrities seem to enjoy denying that they're in relationships? I mean, Beyonce and Jay-Z stayed tight-lipped about it up until the wedding, even though errbody and they mama knew they were together. To this day, Mrs. Carter still doesn't discuss her marriage or her husband. And I get it.
If I were a celebrity, I'd probably want to keep my business to myself too. Hell, I'm NOT a celebrity, and I don't go around broadcasting my business all willy nilly. Some things people just don't need to know.
But do you find that people nowadays are afraid to admit that they're dating? Or are they reluctant to do so because they're not sure if they're actually dating or not?
I have a friend who's been seeing a guy for over a year, but says that he's not her boyfriend. They do boyfriend/girlfriend stuff...but they don't label it as such - sort of like what Cheryl and Chad said in that Ellen clip.
But do we have to label what we're doing when we're dating? What do we call it? Is there a certain amount of time that goes by after which one should say "Okay...what are we doing?" Or do we wonder about it until someone gets down on one knee?
Personally, I think most of us can tell when we're in a real relationship - or at least want to be. And I don't think I would be able to date someone for a long period of time without them professing some sort of feelings for me...is unapologetic about it, and doesn't care who knows. If there's secrecy involved, that means there's either doubt...or he's just really not that into me.
Now, I'm not saying people should rush to color themselves in a relationship or not. Most times it takes a while to figure out if someone is dating material, let alone relationship material. Because then of course, once you get to relationship stage, you wonder if they're marriage material. All of this can either be figured out fairly quickly, or it can take years. Everyone is different - and by all means, don't rush it.
But after you've figured out that someone IS relationship material...and you finally realize that you're actually already IN a relationship - how do you proceed from there? Do you have a "talk" where the rules and expectations are spelled out? Is it just assumed? Do you wait until the other person says "I love you" first before you decide that you're actually exclusive with someone?
Tell me how it's gone down with you in your past relationships that were actually "labeled" as such. And have any of you ever let a relationship go sour because no one was willing to step up and take it to the next level?
If only it was as easy as when we were kids - when all you had to do was pass the guy or girl a note that had one question written on it - "Do you like me?" And he or she had to check the box marked "yes" - "no" - or "maybe." If the answer was yes, you were "going out." See how simple that was? No fuss. No confusion. No room for misunderstandings.
Ah, the good ole days :-)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Did anyone watch this last night?
After watching that nonsense that was "Basketball Wives," I decided to settle in for "What Chilli Wants." Of all the bad tv I watched last night, this was the one that caught my attention. Not because it was Chilli from TLC, but because I felt that this was as show that most women could relate to. Why? Because there are a lot of women out there who have a "list."
You know what I'm talking about.
He has to be fine, taller than 6 feet, intelligent, drive this type of car, have this type of home, be athletic, love his mama, no kids, have all his teeth, and be packin'. That's not hard to find right?
What drew me in...or should I say "who" drew me in, was Tionna Smalls - the bombass wingwoman who literally felt up a man to see if he was packin' enough for Chilli since that was one of her requirements. Now THAT'S a chick to ride with! LOL!
Seriously though, I felt that she was honest and brought Chilli down a few when it came to her impossible "list." I appreciated that Tionna, T-Boz and most of all Missy Elliot ("date Jesus!"), expressed to Chilli how unrealistic she was in her requirements for a mate. I'm not saying she should settle, but if you find a man who is perfect in every way except that he eats pork, you MIGHT want to relax your standards just a bit.
There are certain things that should be dealbreakers, things you can't compromise on. Should he be intelligent? Yes. Should he have integrity? Absolutely. Should he believe in God? If God is your everything, then yes...he should. I get those things.
But if you discount a great guy because you don't share the same diet, or because he has a 4-pack instead of an 8-pack, or isn't Boris Kodjo's twin...then you might be missing out on what could be your happily ever after.
I'm curious to see how the season plays out for Chilli, as well as see what kind of advice Ms. Smalls dishes out to us ladies. Of all the shows on VH-1 that premiered last night, that was the only one I think I might come back for.
Seriously, "Basketball Wives?" How many of them were actual wives?? That nonsense may be a blog for another day. Maybe....
Anyway, do you have a list? If so, what's on it? What are traits that your mate absolutely has to have in order to win your heart? Or are you open to whatever the Universe brings your way? Let's hear it!
Friday, April 9, 2010
TGIF mi gente!
I have a guest blogger today! He feels how I feel about the Eagles and the Donovan trade, but articulates his disgust a little bit better than I do :-) Introducing Brian "Da Big Smooth" Gillard...let's go!
P.E. Heartbreak...by Brian Gillard
So it finally happened on Sunday night. I’m doing my usual ritual and flipped the TV to ESPN to check in on the daily sports happenings - and what do I see? Donovan McNabb has been traded to the Washington Redskins. I closed my eyes and opened them again. Then I read again. Saw the same thing. Donovan McNabb has been traded to the Washington Redskins. At first I was sad that D-5 (Donovan’s jersey number for the non-football fans) wasn’t an Eagle anymore. Then I became mad! The ‘Skins? Really?! They really sent him to one of our hated rivals?!
Before I really get into this post and dissect what this move really means to Eagles fans like me and how this relates to what happened in New York City a few years ago, I want to give you a disclaimer.
Disclaimer: Yes, I’m a born and raised New Yorker (Boogie Down Bronx representin’ here) and a sports junkie. However, this doesn’t mean that I’m one of those fans who roots for all NY teams, because…. I don’t. Here are my squads: NY Yankees (again BX represent), the Philadelphia Eagles (no NY there), and the LA Lakers (Magic is my favorite all-time b-ball player). With that said, I also like the NY Knicks (which has to do with this post) and the NY Jets. Dislikes - the NY Giants (sorry just hate ‘em) and all of the other teams in the NFC East, and the Boston Red Sox (I’m a Yankee fan. ‘Nuff said.)
OK, now that we understand each other, let me tell you why this post is titled P.E. Heartbreak. P.E. stands for Patrick Ewing, the great NY Knicks legend that repped this city the last time the Knicks were actually, I don’t know...GOOD. Remember that? "Heartbreak" stands for the way I felt when he got traded. This is the same feeling that I had on Sunday when Donovan got the boot. Put those together and you have P.E. Heartbreak - a little variation of the New Edition song, "N.E. Heartbreak." Get it? I know I’m dating myself. And what?!
The more I thought about this trade, the more I thought that from the beginning, Donovan’s career is very similar to P.E.’s in a few ways.
1. Lack of Appreciation - Both of these guys were the best to ever do it for the teams they were on, but most of the fans really didn’t appreciate them. They always focused on the fact that they never won a championship (even though these are team sports), and ignored the fact that they were killing teams almost single-handedly at times (see #2 for more detail on this). I mean, Eagles fans booed Donovan when he got drafted! Before he even suited up! Never appreciated. Disgusting.
2. Lack of Help - These cats have to be two of the best athletes that did the most with the least. Patrick never had a legit #2 player that most championship NBA teams have, but yet he got them to the NBA Finals. As for Donovan, he only had a legit player to throw the ball to for only one year (we won’t even mention that clown’s name), and got them to the Super Bowl and 5 other championship games. Good enough for me.
3. Don’t Let the Doorknob Hit Ya - Fans of both of their teams were happy and almost giddy when both of them got traded. Fans were and are like, “Yes! Now we can start winning!” even though a) they were winning already and winning a lot and b) not remembering the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for…." This irked me the most this week. Eagles fans on Facebook, Twitter, etc. saying that Donovan was overrated, that they never liked him, and that they were better off without him. Blah, blah, blah. Funny, I heard the same thing before - when P.E. got traded.
So in the aftermath of all of this, what do I hope for? The same thing that I hoped for when P.E. got traded. That people who hate on Donovan would find the “errors of their ways” or just shut up, whichever comes first. Also, as much as it hurts me to say it - that the ‘Skins beat the Eagles twice next year. I hope Donovan TORCHES Philly to prove the team and its fans wrong and FINALLY get the respect that he deserves. It took P.E. to get his number retired to finally get some ‘spect.
Oh yeah, by the way, I forgot to mention something else in the disclaimer. I’m Syracuse University alum like Donovan is, so I’m a little biased. Also, I was a big Georgetown fan growing up (before going to SU of course) and P.E. was my favorite college player. These were some of my favorite all-time college players that happened to play for teams I like and were done dirty by the fans of those teams. Now I ask you, do you think that this is why I’m a little pissed off by this?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
I'm late with this post...and Serena is waiting for me! LOL!
- I'm tired. No sleep last night.
- Got to work late. Plenty of work waiting for me too.
- But I'm still going out to lunch :-)
- Gorgeous day today!
- I hate getting parking tickets.
- Not ready for the trainer tonight, but I gotta get right for Soul Siesta!
- Gotta pay for my vacation to Soul Siesta! Probably this weekend.
- Denise is going! Woo-hoo! Now I just gotta get Monica on board and it'll definitely be a party!
- I think I have allergies on top of my cold. Not cool.
- My toes look pretty :-) or so I was told :-)
- Going to see Why Did I Get Married Too tomorrow. I hope it's as good as the trailer looked on Oprah.
- I want to buy flowers. Tulips.
- All the men come sniffing around when it gets nice outside. Like clockwork. If you weren't calling during the winter, don't call me now. Kick rocks!
- I need to drink more water. But I really want Snapple.
- Can I just cheat and eat pizza today? Just for today? I need it!!! LOL!
- I'm sad Donovan McNabb is a Redskin now...and PISSED at the Eagles for trading him. I hope he murders the Eagles when they face the Skins this coming season. I can't even be loyal right now. I know my loyalty will return, but I can't imagine when. I wish Donovan well and I hope he has a great season. I might just have to cop a crimson and gold #5 jersey....yeah, I said it!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Happy Hump Day!
I know I'm late, but I've been putting out fires all morning at work. It's hard enough being here on a fabulous, gorgeous day...but to actually work too? The nerve of them making me earn my paycheck! ;-)
At lunch time, I escaped and sat in the little park around the corner eating salad with Monica...soaking up the warm sun. After we finished, she headed back to work while I stopped and got a much needed mani/pedi. My toes were jacked, and you can't be rocking sandals with chipped polish on your toes. Not cute.
As I was sitting getting my legs massaged with scented lotion, I noticed a woman making the most ugly screw face I'd ever seen. I followed her gaze out the window to see a woman walking across the street, switching with a "I know I'm the shiznit" walk, rocking a short, black dress. It was fitting her snugly, but the dress hugged her curves in a sexy way. I wasn't mad at her in the least...after all, it IS 86 degrees outside. She didn't look trashy. She just looked...hot...I guess. Either way, ole girl sitting in the other pedi chair seemed to be disgusted at what she was looking at, so I figured she must have been looking at something else - because the woman crossing the street didn't seem to warrant a gas face like THAT.
Five minutes later, Pedi Girl's friend saunters up into the nail salon.
"Girl, you still not done?" she says taking a seat in the empty chair next to her.
Pedi Girl: "No. But let me tell you about this hoochie I saw crossing the street just now. She had on this tight ass dress, looking all stank. She was sticking her butt out walking all crazy with all her stuff hanging out. This weather is bringing them all out I guess."
I was sitting there listening to her describe this woman in detail...but the details were exaggerated. And the level of hate that spewed from her mouth was toxic. Everyone in the salon gave each other a look like, "Wow...what a hater!"
It was unprovoked and unnecessary. And sad.
Why do some women do this to each other? You know the type I'm talking about. The ones who are not happy unless they're tearing someone else down. The ones who can't wait to talk about someone else. Women who unnecessarily display a negative attitude toward another woman for trivial or no apparent reason.
You've seen her.
- She's not happy if no one notices how fabulous SHE is.
- She's always pointing out other people's flaws instead of realizing that no one is perfect - even her.
- She only speaks when she has something negative to say, but never compliments anyone else...as if doing so will make her melt or turn to stone.
- If you disagree with her, you must be jealous.
- It's always someone else, never HER that needs to be checked.
The ironic thing is the woman kept saying, "Sistas need to have more respect for themselves rather than wearing skimpy clothes."
Maybe that's true in some instances. But in this case, the woman walking across the street didn't look trashy, and she wasn't spilling out all over the place. She embellished the truth simply so she could hate - which is ridiculous.
But more important, sistas need to stop hating on other sistas. Women need to stop hating on other women - period. Instead of talking about the sista, why not try to uplift one? It's always the ones commenting in the name of "sisterhood" that are guilty of being the very ones to tear another one down. How about this: if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself! Who cares what you think? The woman walking across the street didn't do anything to you...and why do you care what she's wearing anyway?
If you're happy with yourself and love yourself, chances are you don't really have time to hate on anyone else. I find that usually the woman hating on a thin chick is the one who secretly wishes she could shed a few pounds. Most times, the woman who comments on the girl walking down the street with her stomach out wishes she had a six pack herself. The ones talking about the next woman's weave probably can't grow her hair past her chin and wishes she had long locks...or the nerve to rock a weave. The one telling her girlfriend that she's "loose" because she has a lot of male suitors probably is hating because she hasn't had a date in months. The list could go on. Not saying this is always the case, but you get what I'm saying.
Women who are comfortable with themselves, feel good about themselves, love the way they look, and are happy with their position in life do not hate on other women. Women who do not feel that they are lacking in any given area do not hate on other women. And if you're not happy with something in your life - fix it. Don't hate on someone else because that's the only way you can feel good about yourself. Don't tear someone else down just to lift yourself up. It's a false sense of pride, and only satisfies your ego but for so long.
Are there always going to be women hating on other women? Absolutely. Just don't be one of them. True happiness comes when you're too busy being fly to notice the flaws in other people.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Happy TMI Tuesday!
He's baaaack! I've decided to hand my blog over to The Fury again for another sexy, scintillating TMI Tuesday. Without further adieu...
"Ebony clawed against the bed moving slowly toward the foot of the bed. I massaged her deeply inside. Her warmth and juice provided my hand with a quiet place to reside. I massaged more on that spot. Ebony reached out, grabbed a pillow and shoved it in her mouth. Her eyes tensely shut.
Come hither, come hither, more warmth. More strokes, come hither, come hither, massage caress, circle circle, come hither. Her body convulsed with each come hither motion, shivered with every circle. She was relaxed with me. Free. Something she could never deny. I felt her upper body relax, her lower body shivered. Her legs jutted out, kicked then went limp then shook again.
Come hither, come hither, circle circle, come hither hither hither hither. I quickened my pace. Her moans grew. Her squeals muffled by the pillow. Then I felt her lower muscles contract, heard her moan then saw an open mouthed soundless scream. Ebony's smooth legs, with her long skirt raised to her waist, shook. And then...
There was a gush....And another and another. A squirting gush that landed in my hand, overflowed it and spread against the dark sheets. Her body quickly shivered and convulsed, possessed by her squirting. Squirting? Is she really squirting? She erupted from her body in small, but copious gushes. She kept her brown eyes shut tight as she came down...slowly. Her sex contracted slowly against my fingers as I slid them from her. My palm was filled with her juices. I cupped it, stared at her torrential down pour amazed at what I had helped bring about. Reaching over, I let it dribble from my hand into the plastic cup. Ebony slowly came back to this world.
"I'm gonna need a towel..." She breathed as she spread her legs and surveyed the wet spot she'd created."
- from "I Like It Wet" on The Dirty Details
There have been plenty of studies and conversation on whether or not female ejaculation is a real and true phenomenon. Recently a wayward #FreakyFact described female ejaculation as being 90% urine and 10% . WRONG! FALSE! BULLSHIT! The real studies show that the fluid is produced by the and contains NO urea. Blah blah blah pickup a medical journal. It's not urine.
Enough of the medical jargon.
How can you squirt? Why would you want to squirt? How does it feel?
According to studies, practiced professionals and my own experience, The best way to achieve female ejaculation is to stimulate the g-spot in circular "come hither" motions moving forward inside the vagina towards the clitoris with the index and middle finger...or your favorite sex toy.
The feeling is reported to be an extreme orgasm and a release virtually unmatched. I'll leave that to the ladies here to explain.
Be aware that during that stimulation, you will feel the urge to use the bathroom. Don't worry that's not what it is. Relax, breathe, exhale, the sensation will go away and rise to a new sensation. When you reach the moment of explosion, let it go. Be free. Be open. Enjoy your explosion. How many men do you know stop themselves from busting that nut?
The women I know that can squirt are usually fearful of the response they'll receive. Again I ask...how many men are so concerned? Let it explode. Go for it. Of course you can try it at home by yourself before trying it with someone you like, trust and want to share. Since I'm resident freak I'll tell you I enjoy all expressions of female openness. What better to be in the moment, than that moment? Really and truly a man won't be disgusted. Shocked, maybe. But once you tell him what he helped you to achieve he'll be too busy doing The Hulk Hogan pose with his ego to worry about it.
Another true story, I explained this phenomenon to a female friend in a conversation about g-spots.
"Wait....that's what I was feeling? I was wondering why I kept having to go to he bathroom during sex!!?? I always stop to tinkle! You're kidding right!?? NOOOOO!"
Yes. That sensation you're feeling is you on the verge of a mind blowing experience. Let your freak flag fly and let it go.
Men, how would you feel if a woman squirted during sex or a sex act? Ladies, can you squirt? Would you be ashamed, shy or scared to squirt during sex? Have you felt that need to pee sensation right when it was getting good?
They call me The Fury and I approve that wetness!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Happy Monday y'all!
I'll be glad when my cold is completely gone. This sucks.
Anyway, I thought I'd ask a question of the day today.
Do you think Sex Addiction is real, or just something people are now using as their excuse/reason for cheating?
Eric Bonet cheats on Halle Berry? "I'm a sex addict."
Tiger Woods has a gazillion jumpoffs? "I'm a sex addict."
Jesse James smashes a swastika tatted hoochie? "I'm a sex addict."
All these fools in rehab. Dr. Drew made a name for himself off of sex addicts.
But do you think sex addiction is a real disease? If so, do you think the men listed above suffer from it, or are they using a real affliction as an excuse for their infidelity?
After all, if you surf the net all day every day looking at porn and spend all your money on hookers, you MIGHT have a problem. But if you're simply incapable of being faithful or you don't believe monogamy is natural - can you use sex addiction as a "get out of jail free" card?
Tell me what you think, Go!
Friday, April 2, 2010
I know...I'm late. Sorry! I'm still sick, and swamped at work - but I wanted to share this "Dear Brookey" email I received today.
I've been in a loving relationship with my man for 2 years now. We get along great, have the same values and goals in life, and I truly believe I found "the one" for me. He was engaged once before, but it didn't work out obviously between them. He recently proposed to me and I happily said yes. He presented me with a gorgeous ring. I loved it. BUT...it's the same ring he proposed with to his ex! I jokingly asked him if it was the same ring he proposed with before and he said YES! I was horrified. I cried. I thought that was totally insensitive. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I can't believe he gave me her ring...the ring she returned to him after they broke off their engagement. This is our first really big fight, and I love him dearly and want to marry him, but I gave him the ring back and asked him to give me another one. Am I wrong?
I know we're in a recession and all, but come on dude....really?
I mean, I get it. Maybe to a man, a ring is a ring. But when getting engaged, most women hope that the ring they're presented with is unique to them - bought with her in mind. An engagement ring should only be recycled if it's a family heirloom, passed down from mother to son for him to present to his future wife as an honor...not the "hand it back" ring.
Maybe it was too late for him to get his money back...understood. But if I were him, I would have at least changed the setting, opted for a store credit, or used the ring to upgrade or trade for another one. As gorgeous as the ring is, I'm sure all you see when you look at it is "her ring."
At least you can say he's not a liar...cuz that's what I would have done had I chosen to give a man a recycled ring from a previous relationship - so at least he's honest. A little clueless maybe, but honest nonetheless :-) Forgive him, tell him calmly the reasons why you're not comfortable with the ring he gave you, ask him nicely to change the ring, and get on with planning the wedding. I don't think this is a deal breaker by any means, but he should have been a little bit more thoughtful with the whole ring thing. If you feel like he's "the one" - then this doesn't have to be a fight. I'm sure if you explain to him in a heartfelt way why his decision may have been a bit insensitive, he'll understand.
Take him to the jewelry store and pick out a new setting together so he can finally put a ring on it...the right way :-)
Anyone else feel differently than I do? Feel free to give her some advice...I wanna see what you all have to say about this one!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!
I hate being sick. I woke up at 4am to throw up...fun.
- I think I overdid it at the gym last night.
- Am I the only one who thinks Nicki Minaj's voice is annoying as hell?
- I'm still mad that Jermaine Jackson named his son "Jermajesty." da hell?
- I've been on Witches' Brew all morning instead of working.
- I don't feel like working out today at lunch. I'm too tired.
- Been drinking tea all morning. Not hungry for lunch, but I'll eat anyway.
- I want to go to Soul Siesta. I think I'll book it this weekend. Enough with the lollygagging.
- Whenever it's nice outside, they crank up the AC in my building like it's 100 degrees outside. I'm freezing in here! Pure fuckery.
- I could crawl under my desk and go right to sleep.
- Has anyone been punked yet today for April Fool's Day? Or do people still do that anymore?