Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

So, I really have nothing to say this afternoon except WATCH OPRAH today if you're around a tv when she's on. I know, I know...some of you men would rather go to hell wearing gasoline drawers than watch Oprah, but I think hearing about "good" and "bad" hair from a man's perspective might make you change your mind. Emmy Award winning comedian (and now hair expert) Chris Rock is going to appear on Oprah today to promote his new documentary Good Hair.

Now, we all know I've done a couple of blogs already on this very subject, so I'll be glued to the tv today. Women talk about hair and our hair issues almost everyday, so to see the topic broached by a man should be refreshingly interesting. Most men just think we're crazy when it comes to our hair - because we tell them they can't touch it, or how much money we spend on it, or that we can't have sex or work out because we might mess it up.

Personally, I hate spending a lot of money on hair, and I'll never turn down some nooky just because I got my "do did." I mean...never. But for some women, hair is serious business. A $9 billion dollar business at that! Yikes!! That's insane, but it's also very true.

One thing Chris Rock says in the article is that men don't care about a woman's hair. He says, "They say it's for the men, but it's really for the women. Because guys don't care." He continues, "There's no point in the history of the world where men were not sleeping with the women in front of them. We take what we can get."

Now, for most men, that may be true. But trust me when I tell you, I've met men who pick and choose who they date based on the type of hair a woman has. I've dated men who preferred I wear my hair long, and I've dated men who preferred I wear my hair short. I've dated men who told me they like me better in braids, and men who tell me to wear it straightened. They like to run their fingers through it and play with it. They want you to wear it out rather than rock baseball caps. I think men care more than they care to admit, but they'll still have sex with you either way ;-)

I'm curious to know what the men on this blog think about women and hair in general. Do you prefer a woman who wears her hair natural, relaxed, long, short? Or do you honestly not care how a woman wears her long as she has a fat ass? ;) I joke...kinda...but tell me your thoughts on this fellas.

And ladies, I'm curious to know what is the most amount of money you've spent on your hair. Would you wear a weave if you had the time and resources to rock a fly one a la Tyra Banks? Well, she took her weave out now, so maybe I can't use her as an example anymore, but you know what I'm saying. Would you, or have you, forgone sex in order to make your fresh new style last a little bit longer? Be honest ;-)

I hope you all get a chance to check out Oprah today. I think it'll be fun to take a comedic look at Black hair care. And I think we'll find out through Chris's documentary, hair care is not just a black thang.

No matter what kind of hair you have, be true to yourself and don't let anyone make you feel a certain way because of it. If you like it, I love it! Be happy!


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

So on Sunday after Mo’s race, I gave one of her friends a ride home. In the car we were discussing living in New York, both of us originally from somewhere else. She said she’s been living in New York for 2 years now - moved here from PG County Maryland - and in that 2 years, has never been on a date in NYC. I was stunned by that.

She’s a pretty girl - I make her out to be about 27 years old if I had to guess – smart, friendly disposition. I found it hard to believe she hadn’t been on a date in 2 years. She says, “It’s not like I haven’t been asked, I just didn’t want to go out with them.” I asked her to describe who “them” was. She said, “You know, the Fedex guy, the mailroom guy. I want to date a man who wears a suit everyday.”

I automatically thought about the “French Fry Factor” blog. Poor girl…denying herself a date simply because the men who asked her out didn’t wear a suit and tie to work. I guess I never viewed dating that way in my 20’s. I dated all over the place, whenever I could. Ironically, I spent most of my 20’s in monogamous relationships that lasted a couple years at a time; so I never dated around as much as I do now. I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since I moved to NY, which has been 6 years now and counting. I go on dates here and there, weather personal revelation fatigue from the “getting to know you” phase of conversations, and I rely on pep talks from my other single girlfriends to keep me going.

Now that I’m in my 30’s, dating just to date doesn’t seem like a good idea, but I do it anyway…if for no other reason than to get out of the house and enjoy a man’s company every once in a while. I love my girls, but sometimes you just want to spend an evening talking to a man. I’m not saying kiss a few frogs, as I learned that kissing the wrong guy can set in motion a sort of unwitting hormonal bonding stronger than rational thinking. But going out doesn’t require that you have to find Mr. Right, it just means you can spend a “chemical free-think clearly-getting to know him first” night just having fun.

Women tend to romanticize everything…and sometimes I can be no exception. We think dating means tumbling into bed, then falling in love, then getting married – which is not always how it works…or how it SHOULD work. But dating can give you enough experiences with Mr. Wrong to help you understand what it is that you DO want when Mr. Right finally shows his beautiful face.

We’re all looking for that person who can see our BEST self despite all of our imperfections. But in order to know who our best self is, we have to learn it first, and sometimes that means exposing ourselves to others so that we can understand what it is we truly want and need. We won’t learn who we are by being pent up in the house, and a couple years of loneliness can make us become unglued at a moment’s notice if we’re not careful. That first date after a 2 year hiatus can wreak havoc on you mentally and emotionally, so if nothing else, you should date all types of men just to get some practice. If a date turns out to be a disaster, so what? You’ll meet someone else tomorrow. For every Saturday night that you spend alone or with girlfriends, there are several potential dates out there somewhere waiting to be had with a guy who just might throw you for a loop and knock your socks off.

To me, your 20’s are for figuring it all out. In my 20’s, I’d go on dates with guys I didn’t really think I’d like, only to be pleasantly surprised. Sometimes I didn’t feel like being bothered, and I’d lie and say I had a man or that I was moving to Africa so they’d leave me alone. Who knows what I missed out on? Now that I’m in my mid 30’s with no man in sight, I feel confident in accepting dates and getting to know people, if for no other reason that to possibly make a new friend.

Dating doesn’t always have to lead to something. Think of it as doing your homework. When Mr. Right finally does come along, think of how much he’ll appreciate all the hard work you did in finding him - cuz after all, you won’t find him sitting at home. The parade of men who will have preceded him will help you to know yourself better. The Mr. Wrongs will teach you when to speak up, when to stay quiet and listen when you need to, to pay attention to what you want in a relationship, and what you don’t want. They will undoubtedly teach you how to appreciate the man who, in the end, will be the one to capture your heart. And he just may be the Fedex guy.


Monday, September 28, 2009

Happy Monday!

Our very own Monica (Momo925) completed the Westchester Triathlon yesterday! I felt like such a cornball crying as she crossed the finish line, but I was SO PROUD of her! Tagging along on this journey with her has been so inspirational, and it made me envision all the things I could accomplish if I just put my mind to it.

Training for a triathlon seemed like something that I wouldn't be able to do. I have 2 bad knees, so that felt like a legitimate excuse as to why I could only bike and swim, but not run. But as I stood waiting to catch a glimpse of Monica coming around the bend towards the finish line, folks in their 70's came running by...even a woman in a wheelchair. All I could think was, "what's MY excuse?"

Maybe competing in a triathlon isn't the goal we want to accomplish. It may be climbing a mountain, or starting our own business. But whatever it is, it's doable. After yesterday, my outlook has changed, and my spirit has been lifted once again.

I believe that we're all connected to each other's energy fields - and your energy is either restored or depleted depending on the people you're around. Monica has shown me that there's a better way of living - not without problems or challenges - but in creating that place from within by looking at the world differently. Perception is reality. We can literally create the world we live in in our minds and project it outward through the power of our own faith and believing that anything is possible.

Monica decided to take on this challenge to help others, while doing something wonderful for herself. Being skilled at taking care of yourself improves your ability to care for others, accomplish goals, and live your dreams. If you're not fulfilled, you're only able to see other people and your world around you through the lens of your own needs. So if there's something you need to help you live the life you want to have, then go get it.

We can do anything. Nothing is beyond your reach when you commit, prepare, train, study and pray for it. Focusing your energy on your goals requires that you give to yourself first, refill your tank, and surround yourself with people who are your "energy idols" - those who exude positive vibes at all times and encourage you to be great. Energy is the essence of life, and every day, all you have to do is decide how you're going to use it.


Friday, September 25, 2009


First things first! Happy Birthday to our very own Monica aka Momo925! Woo-hoo!

I was trying to think of some questions for my usual Friday Sexy Survey, when a friend of mine asked me to pose a question to the blog family. The question?

What do you think of women who dress TOO SEXY?

Hmmm....good one.

My friend is a woman, and says she's tired of seeing women with their breasts spilling out of their blouses and dresses hiked up their ass. She feels that women who do that do so because they feel that is the only way they can get attention. She feels they are objectifying themselves to men, yet seem to get annoyed or offended if the very attention they seek isn't "favorable" or is considered obscene or obnoxious. So...let's talk about it.

Personally, I feel there is a difference between accentuating the positive and leaving NOTHING to the imagination. And I also think there is a time and place for everything. How you dress when you go to the club should not be the same way you dress when you're going to work...unless you work at the club ;)

I won't tell women how to dress. Deep V cleavage can be done tastefully, and wearing a mini skirt doesn't have to mean you look like a slut. There are those who can flaunt a sexy leg with a flirty skirt, and then there are those who wrap a tube top around their ass. There are those who leave a button undone to show a hint of "boobage," and then there those who are Triple H's wearing a C cup bra and a baby tee. Spilling boobies out into someone's face may be a bit much - but hey, if you find that THAT'S how YOU feel sexy...rock on. Just don't get mad at the guy when he can't tell you what color your eyes are.

Dressing "sexy" can bring about unwanted attention and responses from the opposite sex. A man should never feel that he can touch, fondle or molest a woman simply because she "appears" to invite that kind of attention. I won't go so far as to say that a woman brings that attention on herself, but I think women should be aware of the type of attention they receive when they dress a certain way. That goes for any setting, whether it's at a bar or a boardroom.

If you're at a bar, you may WANT to dress a certain way in order to get a guy's attention. Just make sure it's the attention you WANT. I know a few women who make SURE the girls are perky every time we go out, and they put them front and center. Yet, they wonder why the cutie that asked for their number is always trying to come over and "lay up" with them, or wants to sleep with them right away. Some men assume that if you put sex out there, that's what you want...whether that's true or not. I'm not saying it's right...I'm just saying it happens.

And if you're at work, excessive cleavage is probably...almost NEVER...a good thing. It doesn't matter which position a woman holds - whether she's a VP or an administrative assistant - dressing sexy at the job is usually considered inappropriate across the board. Studies show women holding high-powered jobs, especially, were perceived as less intelligent and less competent when they dressed provocatively, while those in lower level positions (such as assistants) were not. Studies also suggest that women who wore risqué clothing to work were perceived as using their sexuality to advance professionally. Again, not saying it's just is what it is sometimes.

How a person dresses is a personal thing. Our reasons for what we wear may be varied, but they usually speak directly to the type of person we are. Our clothes can indicate that we're conservative, professional, a hippie, chic, rich, poor, laid back, eccentric, bold or reserved. Some could argue that what we show on the outside doesn't always reflect who we are on the inside, and none of us should judge a book by its cover. However, if your cover gets you groped (and you don't want to be groped) or it gets you fired, you may want to take a second look in the mirror before you leave the house. Jus sayin...

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, September 24, 2009

What's crackin lil homies!?

- Today is day two of my killer cramps, and I took my last two Midol this morning. I know y'all didn't need to know that, but this is not cute. I'm always glad to see Aunt Flo, but the bitch is actin' out.

- I love fall fashion as much as the next person, but seriously people...I saw a few folks with wool jackets and chunky scarves on. It's a gorgeous morning and it's 80 degrees out! It's not cool to be sweatin' like a runaway slave just so you can rock a turtleneck and skully. Stop the madness!

- I took my favorite jeans to the cleaners this morning to have yet ANOTHER patch put on them. They keep ripping, but I can't get rid of them. And no, it's not because they're too tight - they were just made in a bad batch that got recalled by the Gap. And I can't wait to pick them up and put them on. I know...trifling.

- Jay Z is gonna be on Oprah today, can't wait! She'll be walking through Marcy Projects and rapping on her show. Only Jigga can get Oprah to do that...*heart* that man!

- Did anyone see Mackenzie Phillips on Oprah yesterday talking about she had sex with her father and how he was the first person to shoot her up? Yikes! It was quite disturbing.

- Cougar Town was kinda funny last night :-) I can't WAIT to see the season premiere of Greys Anatomy tonight!

- I want Edy's Ice Cream. I have no snacks in my house.

- They always play that Kid Cudi song right before I leave the house with the Lady Gaga "Poker Face" sample on it. I have to listen to my iPod just to get that song "unstuck" from my head.

- Speaking of my iPod, I discovered some new music on it that DMoe put there. I have so much music to get through, so I put it on shuffle every morning and just let it ride. This morning I discovered James Morrison's song "You Give Me Something." I love it! I also discovered Gabriela Anders, music with Joe Sample and Lalah Hathaway and a song I'd never heard from Estelle. I love that I'm hearing music I would have probably never heard had he not pre-downloaded an iPod for me. I had a groovy, easy going commute this morning :-) Thanks D!

- My cat was arguing with me this morning. Yes...I said he was arguing with me. I guess I didn't feed him as early as he would have liked.

- I feel like I'm going to be paying student loans til I die, even though it's not that great of an amount. I'll be glad when that mess is over.

- I would LOVE to wear a Wendy Williams wig just once! Her wigs are BIG and fabulous!

- Stephon Marbury is looney.

- I'm afraid of the swine flu vaccine.

- I can't wait to see the Michael Jackson movie! Tickets go on sale this weekend! Who's going with me!?



Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

I have a first time guest blogger today! He goes by the name of "Sho E. Nuff" and he's talking to the ladies out there. Should be fun...let's go!

The French Fry Sho E. Nuff

Now the theory that men and women see things differently is about as old as Diana Ross’ wig collection, but it still never ceases to amaze me. For today's blog, I will give you examples of the French Fry Factor:

I will use “facetious” names just for the scenario. Let’s use the names uh...what’s a good name for this? Yeah let’s use Brooke for a female and Dean for a male - yeah that will work.

Dean enters your ordinary fast food restaurant trying to get himself some lunch. While on line, he notices Brooke working on fries. Now Dean is so taken with Brooke he attempts to get her name, number and address (Cochise-style).

Now, let’s play the scenario out again but change it up...

Brooke enters your ordinary fast food restaurant trying to get herself some lunch. While on line, she notices Dean working on fries and she thinks he's gorgeous. Now Brooke also sees Dean checking her out. So when she approaches the counter, Dean then attempts to get her name, number and address (Cochise-style).

Which brings us to the French Fry Factor. Now the theory suggests that based on the scenario, the chance of Dean being successful weighs on what side of the counter he's on. You want to holla at the chick working fries? Cool. You want to holla at the chick while YOU are working fries? Hell no! The main reason is, whether most women want to admit it or not, what a man does for a living is MAJOR!

I have many of my female friends explain to me how they want a “good” man and reel off all of these qualities they want in a "good" man, but don’t mention his occupation. However, if his occupation is unacceptable, those other characteristics don’t mean squat. Even when women say I want a man with a “good” job, what does that mean? Does it mean making enough money for you? Or something that is rewarding and makes him happy? Because if Dean fulfills all of those wonderful qualities a woman wants but he just enjoys working fries, what is the big deal?

Truth is, because women worry so much about what other people think, it may work against them. I mean, when a woman meets someone and is telling her girlfriend about him, the question, "so what does he do?" is usually number two or three. Whereas for men, that question is much further down the list. We focus on much more shallow things like, “she got a fat ass?” lol. I mean ladies, is it what he does for a living or what he gets paid? Or is it both - because if by some chance Dean is pulling in big bank by working fries, would you hesitate to tell your mama?

If you could choose one or the other, which one would you take - A man who is:

A stripper or dries cars at the car wash?

A burger flipper or a kilo flipper (that’s a drug dealer for the slow folks)?

A bathroom attendant or a “party promoter”?

A security guard at Conway or porn director?

Stock broker or Peace Corp worker?

Just something to think about...

-Sho E. Nuff

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Happy Tuesday!

Okay, I've been so busy that I just simply wasn't going to blog today and you all would have had my apology tomorrow. I had no topic on my brain - nothing and everything on my mind. Then, out of nowhere, a friend of mine hit me up on IM and asked me how he could get his girl to go down on him.


I didn't think it was odd that he was asking me - I thought it was odd that there were still women out there who didn't do that. Not that I do...that much...if ever... ;-)

I saw this on Facebook a week or so ago and thought it was funny.

It kind of reminded me of what Kat Williams said in this skit from about 2:20-4:00. Check it:

It's a stress reliever, a healer and an "argument diffuser" :-)

Now, I really can't write a blog on what men think or feel about fellatio since I'm not a man. I can tell you what I feel when it's being done to me...but I don't have that kinda time ;)

Between my co-worker telling her story in the bathroom, the blogs I've written about it as well as blogs I've read, and conversations I've had with other people on the subject, it seems like everyone is doing it. I know the day is practically over, but I wanted to pose a question for the day - How important is oral sex to you? Is it a de-stresser? And if a person doesn't participate, is that a deal breaker?

Holla at me!


Monday, September 21, 2009

Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a great weekend!

So, if any of you are Entourage fans, you'll know where I'm going with this. If not, then I've provided a clip to help you along. Stay with me'll catch on.

Watch the first scene between Eric and Ashley in the bed...the first minute or so. And then, forward to about 4:10 - 4:45...and then we will discuss.

My question is - do you ask upfront to have access to your boo's private stuff - or do you just...SNOOP?

Friday I asked in my Friday Sexy Survey if you've ever spied on a lover. Well this chick Ashley on Entourage goes through Eric's phone, wants to read his emails, and basically just doesn't trust him. Insecure, justified...or just plain crazy?

We've all been there. Your man gets up to use the bathroom and he leaves his cell behind. He's been acting a little suspect lately. You have your suspicions. A text message bleeps its way on his display. This could be your chance to discover what is really going on. What do you do?

It's tempting to snoop. Most of us are curious when it comes to our partner's private lives, especially if they aren't open about their emotions and we're feeling insecure.

And nowadays, there are so many ways to snoop to tempt us: cell phones, text messages, IM's, call registers and voicemail hacking; email messages that you can even mark "unread" after you've opened it - as well as reading diaries and going through pockets. The list is endless.

What, if anything, stops you?

Respect, trust and intimacy - that's what should stop you. These are all crucial to a successful relationship. Sometimes it's hard to balance our wish to share and know everything about our sweetie while respecting each other's right to personal space and privacy. The funny thing is, trust and intimacy can create the perfect snooping environment - like being left alone in your partner's bedroom. Are you willing to jeopardize those aspects of your relationship? You should also think about how you'd feel if you discovered your partner had been going through your things. Think before you decide to cross that boundary and snoop.

Now some people don't think of it as invading someone's privacy if they have a "feeling." You know, that gut instinct telling you something's not right. Is it then INTUITION instead of intrusion? What if you accept that snooping is a serious invasion of privacy, but you strongly suspect your partner of cheating, you've confronted them and they've denied any wrongdoing? You want firm evidence. Is snooping a smart move to back up intuition?

In the case of Ashley, she had no problem letting E know that she went through his phone, wanted to read his emails and that she didn't trust him. After asking him over and over again who was calling him on his cell phone, he finally showed her that it was his aunt. She felt stupid...and he dumped her. If you're willing to out yourself and confront him or her about what you find, then be prepared for the flip (meaning they may be guilty, but so are YOU for going through his or her stuff) OR, be prepared to be labeled crazy...and being dumped.

If your gut is telling you something is wrong, chances are it IS...and you don't need the proof. But if there really is no "gut feeling" telling you anything, and you're just an insecure person by nature because of issues in past relationships - then you need help. If you snoop for no good reason, your insecurities will ensure that you'll find something you wished you hadn't - whether it's really "evidence" or not. Even if the discovery is relatively harmless, it can still hurt because your mind can and will play tricks on you. That text from a guy could be her cousin, but because you already think she's cheating on you, you'll jump to conclusions and get your feelings hurt. Snooping isn't worth your peace of'll just make you crazy - and it'll show in your behavior. Insecurity is not sexy.

And sometimes, your lack of trust will be reciprocated by your man/woman because they'll assume that the reason YOU don't trust him or her is because you're guilty of something yourself. Most liars and cheaters are paranoid by nature...cuz they're doing dirt themselves. Marinate on that one.

If you are a serial snooper, like Ashley, you may be using snooping as a way of avoiding real communication and a discussion about trust. When the first temptation to snoop arises, use it as a warning sign in your relationship and ask yourself some questions:

Do I trust them?
Do I feel safe with him/her?
Do I bring up my feelings of insecurity?

A discussion of these issues with your partner or with a close friend can remove the need to snoop. If you're too nervous to raise any these issues because you don't want to receive an unfavourable reaction, it's likely that you are putting off the inevitable for fear of ending up on your own - and being viewed as a nut. Be brave - ask yourself the questions (and be honest about the answers).

There's nothing wrong with asking questions and simply talking it through. A lot of times the confusion comes when you don't know where you stand with someone or the relationship doesn't seem to have a "label" on it. Snooping through someone's stuff may seem like a solution to finding out all that your partner's not telling you, but it'll only satisfy your immediate need - it is a short-term solution. Once you start snooping, even after it's all been laid out on the table, it's hard to stop - and you'll always be focused on what you FIND rather than addressing the real issue of trust in the relationship. Rather than make yourself and your partner crazy, communicate more so you can feel insecure less.

But if you just HAVE to snoop - don't get caught! If the urge overwhelms you and you find yourself rummaging in places you shouldn't, make sure the coast is clear and that you cover your tracks. In an episode of Sex & The City, Carrie meets a sexy man who seems to be too good to be true. Unable to believe her luck, she scours his place while he's out. The sexy man returns unexpectedly to find her forcing the lock on a box. He takes the box from her and opens it to reveal some boy scout badges. Then he dumps her.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.


Friday, September 18, 2009


Now...for Brookey's TGIF Sexy Survey :-)

1. How much of your week would you spend having sex if you had a willing partner and enough time?

2. If you found out your partner was leaving you, would it upset you more to find out your rival was a man or a woman and why?

3. If you could watch a video of yourself having sex, would you want to?

4. Have you ever spied on a lover you didn't trust?

5. What is the longest sex session you've ever had?


Have a great weekend!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

On behalf of Monica Gonzalez - aka Momo925 - I'd like to thank those who contributed in helping her to raise funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). She has reached her goal of raising $3,000, and it's because of your contributions that she was able to help save a life. As we all know by now, Monica is training to participate in The Westchester Triathlon through the Team In Training Program. This is a .9 mile swim, a 26 mile cycling portion and 6.5 mile run. The race will take place on Sunday, September 27th, so come out and support our girl and help her complete on of the most meaningful and challenging things she's ever done! Woo-hoo! Go Monica! And you can still donate if you haven't already, so get to it!


- Why was this woman all up in my personal space on the practically EMPTY train this morning?! And she had stinky food in her bag. Yuk!!

- And no...she didn't hit on me :-)

- I can't believe that student at Hoftra LIED about being gang raped. She recanted her story and admitted that the sex she had with the 4 men accused was consensual. Sex with 4 dudes in a bathroom...real nice.

- This weather is all over the place. Say so long to summer!

- I want to go to a Halloween party this year...anyone having one? Pretty Ricky??

- I did pretty good my first week in Fantasy Football, but this Sunday looks to be challenging. We'll see how I do. Rameer stopped helping me :-)

- I kinda like Jay Leno at 10p.

- I cut my foot on my new flat shoes yesterday and it STILL the dickens! DMoe thinks that's "like the dickens" a country saying?

- I have autumn colored foil wrapped Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in my candy jar and I don't want anyone to touch them. I want to keep them there for decoration.

- My hair is bouncin' and behavin' today...thanks Liz!

- Where is this year going?

- Considering getting a bikini wax for the first time ever....ouch! I'm skerred!

- LaToya Jackson is on The View...I'm just gonna leave it at that.

- However, I LOVED the Whitney Houston interview on Oprah! Voice or no voice, she's still as beautiful as ever :-)



Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Happy WTF Wednesday!

Okay, my rant today has to do with a question asked on the radio this morning. The question was, "Do you think Amber Rose is bringing Kanye down?"


Okay, now...I'm not saying she's the classiest lady on the planet.

The morning personalities suggested that if she were a "good woman," she wouldn't have let Kanye show his ass on the red carpet by taking Henny to the head.

Okay, so maybe she shouldn't have encouraged it...because after all - showing up to an awards show drunk is never a good look. She was sippin' on the sizzurp her damn self.

But, to say that she may be "bringing him down" or that it's somehow her fault that he's such an ass is ridiculous. Kanye was a jerk before he met her, and most likely will remain one until he decides to change...if he feels he needs to.

I wasn't surprised by Kanye's actions at the VMA's. It's what he does. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it's gotten this much attention. There wasn't this much outcry over Rep. Joe Wilson calling Barack Obama a liar during a live, televised speech - and he's the freakin' President!

As far as his disrupting Taylor Swift's speech, that'll be forgotten. He apologized. Kanye will continue to sell millions of records. We should all be getting over it.

But we have to add something else to the mix by saying "it's that DAMN AMBER ROSE bringing the man down."

Gimme a freakin' break.

Kanye West is no role model. If we hold him to a certain level of esteem, it should be for his music, and nothing else. Just like children all around the world wanted to be like Mike - both Jackson AND Jordan - it should be for their musical and athletic prowess respectively only - not what they do in the privacy of their own homes or behind closed doors. Sure, if they do good deeds around the world, that should be commended. And I'm not saying that "celebrities" shouldn't be held accountable when they do something wrong or break the law. But we have to realize that our "heroes" are human. They make mistakes. And they make them alone.

I've heard men and women say that that "sinister white woman" brought Michael Jordan down by outing him as a womanizer and an adulterer. I've heard men and women say that that "bitch" brought down Clarence Thomas. I've heard men and women say that R. Kelly isn't at fault for having sex with a 14 year old girl because "her fast ass shouldn't have been up in the club and she LOOKS 17." I've heard men and women say that that woman seduced Jesse Jackson and made him have a child out of wedlock. I've heard men and women say, "RiRi must have done something to make Chris Brown mad and she's trying to destroy his image." And now some are wondering if that bitch Amber Rose with the bangin' ass body is nothing but a "groupie with benefits" out to bring Kanye down.

Part of the problem is that we ask these candidates for Role Model to be all things to all people, and when we find that they cannot do the impossible, we simply ignore or excuse their human flaws and misdeeds. I mean, isn't it enough that Michael Jordan was an astonishing basketball player? No, it's not. And if he falters, it must be "that woman's" fault. Not his...of course not.

Isn't it our own desire to idealize famous Black men that accounts for our continued denial in the face of evidence that Jordan is an adulterer? He's not the only one in the world, but he's STILL the best basketball player in the history of the game. And his mistakes are his alone.

Reverend Jackson fathered a child out of wedlock, and R. Kelly is allegedly a pedophile. Why do we insist that success in one area of endeavor indicates equal accomplishment in others - and requires that we elevate our "idols" to heroic, superhuman status? Inevitably, we are disappointed and outraged when our hero topples from the pedestal, and we look around for someone else - usually a woman - to blame for his sins.

So in Jordan's case, it's the trashy, gold-digging White woman. It was the scheming, opportunist sister who brought down Jesse Jackson. And it was a 14-year-old she-devil who made R. Kelly do it. Even after the fall, we still refuse to require that these former role models take responsibility for their actions - as if being talented, influential, and wealthy Black men absolves them from being adults.

The truth is, too many of us are afraid to hold men accountable for their actions. Instead, we make excuses or blame the evil "woman" - Black or White - for "bringing down our men." Well, that's fuckery to me. Sure, a great partnership of like-minded people who are committed to encouraging and uplifting each other can make for a dynamic duo (think Barack and Michelle) but ultimately, a man isn't brought down by anyone but himself.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

Put your hands together for Ant "Latinegro" Otero!

"What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. " - Harry Burns

Best part about When Harry Met Sally is the whole debate about if men and women can just be friends. I struggle with this topic because I can give a different answer depending on the day of week. But I will preface all of this by saying that I believe that depending on the situation, men and women can be friends.

First, let me just say that I am very glad to be guest blogging again. I know that I have been MIA for a while, but if you've been reading my blog you will kinda know that I have a lot on my mind. Thank you Brooke for having me here. So...

I will be real with you all - I have many female friends. If you go on my Facebook page, you will see those are the people who respond to me the most (besides Rameer, who called me gay...but I got you son). Women are the ones who I tend to talk to the most about...well...other women. So, I wont lie - I can tell you all right now that out of all the women I know, I would sleep with 98% of them if I had the chance.

This should not be alarming. The 2% that I wouldn't sleep with are in that 2% because I view them like sisters. They are normally the ones I have either known for a long time - or more importantly - female students that I have mentored. Of course, the problem is being a guy. We look at all women who are not family as potentials. Nothing is wrong with that to me, but that is what we do.

I laugh because I was talking to my dad a few days ago and he told me that he noticed that I have a lot of females talking to me. So I just shrug it off because I have always been more comfortable with women than I have with guys. Maybe it's because most of my family are women, so I know what they go through with men in general. Of course I try not to make those same mistakes, but I find that I have to learn the hard way. So, my dad tells me, "I am sure one of those ladies wants to give you some." This is why you have to love my father.

The issue is not whether or not women want to sleep with a guy, the issue is: will it happen? Let's take my lovely friendship with Brooke for example. Her and I have become fast friends over the past year. We have called each other, discussed ideas and problems. But, I have told her that I had such a crush on her in college (and really...who didn't?). Of course she is in that 98% I am talking about - but will it really happen?

The one thing I have learned for sure is that sex changes everything. Good friends can become f*ck friends really quickly, and then from there anything can happen. A relationship could start or a friendship could end. So the the real question becomes: Is having sex with a good friend worth the risk? Keep in mind that if you are friends, you will know each other's bad habits and lies. So all that stuff that worked with the ex you could not get over, will not work with this person. Plus, let us not talk about what happens if someone catches feelings while the other person doesn't...

What about if you've had sex with your friend and then moved past it and remained friends, and then one or both get into a serious relationship with another person? Will there be a level of secrecy there? Would you tell your partner that you slept with your best friend? Sure, it meant something at the time..and now you've supposedly moved past it - now what? Right there is the key. What if the partner does not want to trust your best friend? I mean let's face it - men and women can be pretty bad if the sex was off the hook.

However, in most cases that I have seen, a true friendship can get past that. True friends just care about each other and the other person's well being. So, it is possible to be friends through thick and thin?

So, I am going to need some help here...can we be friends or what? I think we can, but of course if you in the might

-Ant aka "Latinegro"

Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009: We are 3 days removed from the 8th anniversary of the attacks of September 11, 2001, and the nation paused to remember those who were lost.

We all respectfully mourned and recalled the tragic events of the day, but there were two other larger-than-life showings that appeared on my personal radar on 9/11/09. Then, as if that wasn't quite enough, there were three more blips that dominated my eye as the weekend wound down.

Footnote: Normally, when I guest blog, it’s based on a perfect storm of "happenstance" and ideal. These two entities smash into each other moving pretty fast, and they become a conceptual thought that ends up here. Thanks Brookey.

Here's the translation: something happens, I get an idea about the circumstance of what happened, it gives birth to a concept in this head of mine, and the thought blossoms here. I hope you can feel my process on that.

So, if you'll allow me to stretch my legs on this concept, let's get to it.

On Friday, 9/11, Michael Jordan was enshrined into the Basketball Hall of Fame. The ultimate Basketball icon of our generation was being immortalized. He played the game, he changed the game, and the world now knows the symbol of a black man with arms outstretched and legs extended with ball in hand as the definitive insignia of Basketball excellence. Basketball was ours before, but this excellence was a fresh angle on what "people" had been doing for years.

On Friday, 9/11, Jay-Z released his 11th studio album, "The Blueprint 3" and played to a sold-out Madison Square Garden. With a star-studded lineup and the proceeds going to charity, Jigga put on a larger than life show in a feat of promotional and marketing genius. Jay-Z has indeed done it again with a CD chock full of bangers, but there was something else to viewing the concert that aired at a cleverly orchestrated 9 - 11 pm on 9/11.

Hip-Hop was ours before, but this excellence was another fresh angle on what "people" had been doing for years.

At this point, the day draws to a close. As I watched Jay-Z, I recalled his critics doubting his ability to endure; they questioned many of his musical directions, and cajoled him for some bad choices in some bad scenes here and there. With that said, Jay-Z's image has remained largely unscathed, and if you can name a more iconic rapper without the benefit of an acting career, I'm all ears. Jay-Z is complicated, yet magnificent. Think of it this way: ladies will openly admit to his deficiencies in the "attractive" area. They will tell you he's not a good looking dude. Yet they love his ability to make THEM believe that if you smell somethin' stankin, it’s him. He makes you believe he's the sh**…and he's a master at it. Inherently though, it is HIS belief in himself that makes this happen. If you've ever seen his concert film "Fade to Black," you know what I'm talking about. At one point following the recording of one track, you can witness Jay-Z feeling moved by himself. He listens to the lyrics he just laid down without benefit of having them written, and vibes with the sound of his own voice. He seems to bob his head with a look in his eye like "Oh my God…do you hear this dude?"

Meanwhile, I flip the channel to Jordan's acceptance speech on my DVR, which has been panned by many (and I'm no exception). While I'm watching, I couldn't help but reminisce on his sheer magnificence.

Make no mistake: Michael Jordan was a scintillating, creative, rhythmic masterpiece with a basketball in his hand. He possessed a competitive fire the equivalent of a towering inferno, and could impose his will upon an opponent at a moment's notice. Yet, he was complicated. There were many instances throughout his reign where his “greatness” was called into question off the court - only to be hushed, kept low and kept away from Basketball.

Rightfully so. We witnessed his genius with the subtle deficiencies, and one such deficiency revealed itself in his acceptance speech. The speech was laced with jabs at those who had wronged him throughout his career, with a few quiet stabs at those he deemed inferior to his ability along the way. For a frozen moment, I didn't dig him. It was as if this older Jordan had stolen the innocence of my younger fan-hood - and it became complicated again. While I went back and forth, he kept talking…and His Magnificence became more and more…complicated.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon - Eldrick "Tiger" Woods cruises to a victory at the BMW Golf Championship to solidify his status as the number one player in the world. We've talked about two examples so far, and Tiger Woods is now the 3rd complicated magnificent example of "how we do it."

You may ask, "Who’s we?" Well, ladies and gentlemen: it’s us…"The Black Man." Remember us? This is how we do it: Complicated Magnificence. Not only are we a force - in many cases we are THE force that moves the barometer of our respective crafts.

See, Tiger is undoubtedly a phenom; but it’s complicated. He's made some decisions along the way some of us may question (I'm sure you know one), but his genius with a golf club in hand is unparalleled. And that's where we're going here. The black man can be complicated, but when we deliver our magnificence, the world won't just know, the world will learn and HAVE to change based on what we bring forth.

Sunday night, the MTV Video Music Awards opened with a stunning, opulent tribute to the King of Pop. For the purpose of this blog, I'll call him the "King of Complicated Magnificence." There is no better example of the black man's complicated magnificence than Michael Jackson - A master of his craft, a tortured soul, a genius, and a relentless competitor against himself. The battles he fought within his own spirit churned out music and video imagery that has indeed reached every corner of the planet and redefined what's good and what's great.

And then, in the blink of any eye, our complicated magnificence turned on a dime again. Kanye West's piracy of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech set us back again. As magnificent as he can be, is as complicated as he is. One is diminished by the nature of the other. While his musical talent continues to evolve, he doesn't surprise us much anymore with his outbursts.

Every family has a “Kanye,” and this race is no exception. You know what I mean: The egomaniacal, conceited/convinced uncle who's always had a bit too much to drink at the family reunion. I call him my "drunkle." He always means well when he grabs the mic at the big gatherings, but 99.9% of the time, it will turn out - (in a word) horrible.

And that's just it. Our magnificence takes all kinds, and Kanye is no exception. We have another example that starts with the letter "R", but by and large, this weekend allowed me to reaffirm my own complicated magnificence.

We all possess it. This exact same magnificence that wags its tongue, that pumps its fist, that nicknames itself in triplicate, that moves crowds, that cuts some "labyrinth" design into our low haircut, that inspires people to action on the dance floor and at the community shelter.
This exact same magnificence can reshape the thinking of the highest office in the land. It can hike up the hem of the pants to accentuate the footwork, mature before our eyes, and be in a fly-by-night business 11 albums strong. It can set trends by the mere mention of what is done and NOT done anymore. It makes a baseball team's hat - THE HAT. It wears sequins. It inexplicably places an armband over a sport coat.

But, remember, this magnificence is complicated. From time to time, it will also go against the grain, it will appear "strange", it will speak improperly, it will set the wrong tone, and it might just come on stage at the wrong time. However, it moves within us - each and every one of us.

Memo to Kanye: You are complicated, but you are magnificent. Sometimes, you just have to simply be “you” to be magnificent. I understood the emotion involved, but I'm willing to bet money Beyonce's stirring, hellified performance of "Single Ladies" was ramped up a notch by her own competitive spirit. For what she didn't get, she didn't even need any motivation - but neither did Jay-Z, Jordan, Tiger, Michael Jackson, or you Kanye. Just be magnificent. I know it’s complicated, but Beyonce made a magnificent statement - and made things simple, not complicated - with an act of grace for the finale.

Memo to each of you and myself: We are complicated, but we are all magnificent. When this magnificence takes form, the world will know and the world will indeed shift in the face of the way we have changed it.

Thank you for the opportunity.


Friday, September 11, 2009

I remember that day crystal clear. I was driving to work, from Philly to Secaucus, NJ. I recall thinking how gorgeous the day was already, even at 8am - not a cloud in the sky, brilliant sunshine. “Today is a good day to play hooky,” I thought to myself, listening to music on the radio, cruising up the NJ Turnpike.

“We interrupt this broadcast to bring you ABC News.”

I remember hearing Peter Jennings' voice out of nowhere.

He said a small commuter plane had just crashed into one of the Twin Towers at the World Trade Center.

Wow. As tall as those buildings are, a plane would have to be flying pretty low in order to do that. What a tragic mistake I thought to myself as I said a little prayer for anyone who might have been hurt on the plane.

Wait…what’s that? It’s NOT a commuter plane, but a commercial airline. That seemed odd to me, as most of those planes don’t even really fly over NYC airspace that low. All I could fathom was that it must’ve been some inexperienced pilot. Still…a tragic mistake.

As I listened to the details of the story, the announcer suddenly says that a second plane has now hit the second tower. At that moment, I knew this was something else. My cell phone began ringing incessantly.

“Where are you, are you almost at work? Are you hearing what’s happening?”

That was my boyfriend at the time. The next call was from my boss asking me how close I was to work, telling me to take my time, but to be prepared to be busy when I got there.

The next call was from my mother. “What’s this about a plane crashing? Is that near you?”

I noticed traffic had slowed down quite a bit. I usually could speed at about 80 mph in the mornings until I got to my exit, but I noticed cars were driving slower and traffic was backing up. I was weaving in and out of traffic as I saw cars pulling over to the side of the road and passengers were getting out of their cars. I was just about at exit #16, and I heard on the radio that they closed all the tunnels and bridges. Commuters couldn’t get in or out of the city. While maneuvering through traffic, I realized people had gotten out of their cars to look at the smoky NY skyline.

I inched my car up enough to get an unobstructed view of the billowing smoke coming from both towers, and tears instantly started rolling down my cheeks. Am I really seeing this? Just as I processed that thought, I watched one of the towers fall with my very own eyes...crumbling to the ground. The building just disappeared.

By this point I made my way off the exit, into MSNBC’s parking lot and walked to my desk through the newsroom where people were crying, phones were ringing, directors were callings for different shots of the Towers, concerned coworkers were calling friends and family, and some were simply staring in disbelief. I got to my desk, turned on my tv and sat stunned. It was like I was watching a terrible movie...because after all, this can’t be real.

It was real. I went to work that Tuesday and literally didn’t go back home to Philly until Friday. The job put me up in a hotel, I wore my gym clothes for 3 days, and worked around the clock doing whatever was needed to help cover the story of the 9/11 attacks. Eight years later, that memory is still as vivid as the day it all happened.

Today, I remember those who lost their lives that day, those who were injured, who were brave helping others, and those who survived. We hear stories of heroism, sacrifice and unity. We saw a nation come together. Today, I honor and remember that which is so spellbinding that bonds the human spirit.

It’s so easy to take our blessing for granted. We wake up without sometimes even realizing that God saw fit to breathe life into us today. We should greet each day knowing that life itself, unfolding in its perfect pattern, is a gift – and tomorrow is not promised to you.

While we remember those who lost their lives that day - if you are a survivor, if you got up late that day and never made it to work at the WTC and you were spared - know that God’s grace is upon you. There is Divine favor surrounding and protecting you - protecting all of us. Take each moment for what it is – a unique experience to be engaged fully. Walk in harmony amid the dissonant hustle of the world, and know that time is precious.

While it may seem that those who lost their lives were victims of an unjust universe or an uncaring God, the grief we feel can be a life-transforming invitation to grow and live a more meaningful life. God’s care is all around us, and his Kingdom is within. We are all one. And as we did that day, we should all come together in remembrance – each of us- and respond to the call to love that this tragedy represents. Those who are no longer with us are lifted up in His grace, and as gravity ignites the stars that shine, their light shines always in God’s glory.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

Okay, I just need to say - I *heart* Barack Obama! Last night's speech was amazing, truly amazing - despite being heckled by South Carolina Republican Rep. Joe Wilson . President Obama continued his speech and captured the room. Whether you think he's doing a good job, a bad job, a "just okay" job - you have to admit...this man can deliver an intelligent, eloquent and inspiring speech.

- As for Rep. Joe Wilson......are you kiddin' me? Are you FREAKIN KIDDIN' ME?? I have no problem with anyone disagreeing with the President. Any President. But to heckle and call out "You lie!" during a Presidential speech is completely, utterly disrespectful. Unfreakinbelievable.

- Pres. Obama wasn't taking any sh*t last night right??!! Love him! Oh wait...I said that already ;-)

- Michelle Obama is stunning!

- Wendy Williams has the best wigs!

- I wanna see Tyler Perry's new movie, but not enough to pay for it.

- Janet Jackson will appear on the VMA's this weekend - CAN'T WAIT!

- Her Harper's Bazaar interview was great - I still can't believe MJ is gone.

- Going swimming with Momo today!

- Is it me, or did it get chilly outside REAL FAST? brrrrr!!!!

- Trey Songz is such a cutie! I'd throw my panties at him :-)

- I'm not happy with my Fantasy Football team. Some bullsh*t.

- But happy the official start of the NFL season begins tonight! Titans vs. Steelers on NBC at 8:30p!



Happy Hump Day!

Speaking of Humping, guess who my guest blogger is today? :-)

You've read his racy comments on my blog, and if you've never visited Fury's blog Dirty Details, you might wanna give it a look-see (although maybe not at work). Just to give you a lil taste of what you'll find there, Fury is my guest today...with his sexy ass ;-) And who knows, you might find that I've written a lil sumthin sumthin on his site - just to give a glimpse of my "Zane" alter ego ;-) Let's go!

Recession Era Hook-up The Fury.

Let's be frank, the economy has got us all fucked up right now. People are losing their homes by the thousands! Where does that leave the horny folks? We gotta have a place to get down right?? Not everyone can pay for expensive hotel nights. Hell, if your place is in foreclosure, chances are you had trouble paying the damn payments on your regular place - so you won't be renting out a spot! There's always the free places. Let's call them Recession era hook up spots. Yep! Out in public! This is a double pleasure for the exhibitionist type or the freak that likes danger. You just have to do it right. I'll show you how to do this, sun!

1 - Movie Theaters

Sex Type: Oral, Digital Manipulation

Arrest Risk: Low

A darkened theater provides just the right amount of coverage, and if the movie is good enough no one is looking around. Of course, if the movie is TOO good, the theater is packed. Avoid a crowded theater at all costs. It'll surprise you how nosey some people are. Go see a film in its third or fourth week of release during a very odd time - Wednesday at 3PM for instance. At that time, hell you can probably have full-blown sex in the theater. If you ARE planning to have sex, of course the woman should be on top with her back to the man. This way if someone comes in late (no pun intended) or returns from the bathroom, they won't really notice. She can hop up off and pretend that she's also retaking her seat. You know, the seat without the stiff tool in it. If you've planned ahead, the woman DEFINITELY should wear a skirt or a dress. If it's two women, both should be wearing skirts or dresses...and tell me what theater you're in so I can watch because that's bound to be more intriguing than GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Something free flowing works best. Oral sex is pretty easy for the man to receive in a theater. Just avoid sitting in a row with other people. Try the side. Folks are always packing the center seats. All previous rules apply. Winter is easiest because the woman's head can be blocked from view with a coat or jacket. Oral sex for a woman is nearly impossible unless that theater is EMPTY, but don't risk it. If you're good at it, she'll be flailing and moaning louder than the THX sound. Digitally manipulating her clit works best if she's wearing a dress, but I've done it in a crowded theater with the woman unzipping herself...she LOVED that movie.

2 - Hotel Lobby Bathroom

Sex Type: All

Arrest Risk: Medium

With the darkened lighting scheme of these new boutique hotels, you can barely see where the hell you're walking much less anything else. Quite often they have unisex bathrooms in the lobby as well. Just make sure there are more than two stalls. The last thing you need is some hotel guest banging on the door trying to get in. Those boutique hotels have big, surly bodyguards. Key to this fun is of course the new style floor to ceiling stall doors. Sure I've heard of people doing it in the classic "I can see your feet" stalls, but with the floor to ceiling doors there's no worry about someone putting one foot up on the toilet creating the three-legged long shitting monster in stall #3. Always try to use an end stall close to the wall. If you are accosted by security, one of you should feign sickness while the other was "helping out." Ask THEM to get a glass of water from the hotel bar for your sick friend. It'll throw them off.

3 - Lounge or Club Bathroom

Sex Type: All

Arrest Risk: Low

Very similar to the hotel bathroom, make sure the stall doors are the floor to ceiling variety or the unisex bathroom style. In this case, a crowded club really doesn't matter because the bathrooms are ALWAYS crowded in popular clubs. You do have to watch out for nosey bathroom attendants. If there is one, be as slippery as possible (no pun intended) when getting both parties into the bathroom together. One person should go into the stall first leaving the door unlocked, the other waits two minutes, then joins them. With the noise of the club/lounge music, you can get almost as vocal as you want. Although the screamers (Brooke I understand this means you) should keep it to a dulled moan. This is quickie time. Don't go in thinking you're putting in work. Bathroom attendants get antsy after while. They're scared you're in there OD'ing on something, so get in and get out. (pun intended)

4 - Dressing Room

Sex Type: All (male to female oral depends on the size of the room)

Arrest Risk: Medium to High

Damn those floor to ceiling doors are all the rage! Gotta luv 'em. This is one of the riskier maneuvers. You don't want to be in a store that's too crowded, has too many bored employees or lines at the dressing room. Try for an odd hour - late afternoon on a weekday or an hour before closing. The employees are too busy watching the clock and trying to get some of the store clean up done. They won't be wondering why that couple has been trying on the same pair of pants for fifteen minutes. What you'll get away with depends on the store and size of the dressing room. The Gap for instance will get you some oral and maybe some cramped doggy-style. Bloomie's (risky) Nordstrom (riskier) will get you whatever you're daring enough to do. I personally think that's the cause for the store markups on those places. LOL Keep the noise level to a minimum, that muzak ain't covering up screams of passion (again Brooke, I understand this means you). If accosted, ask the attendee for several new sizes and a color that's impossible to find in several items.

5 - Park

Sex Type: Intercourse, Oral on male, Digital Manipulation

Arrest Risk: High

I know several people that have done variations on this. I'm not just talking sitting in a car in a park parking lot. I'm talking in the bushes, on the park bench, out in the open sex. Find the darkest or more secluded area of the park. Central Park, Prospect Park, Fort Greene, Van Cortlandt and Baisley Park for New Yorkers is optimum - though you can get away with some hand-job/digital action in any of your neighborhood parks, including Bryant. Just don't be a scum bucket and do it during daylight hours by the kiddie swings. I know people that have done it doggy-style in the dark in Central Park. Watch out for the bugs though. If the cops bust you, you're busted. They can warn you and let you go, or really be dicks about the whole thing. One of you should always have an eye out for passersby. That means fellas, if she is squatting and pleasing you, there's no room for you to close your eyes, drop your head back and coast.

6 - Parking Garage

Sex Type: All

Arrest Risk: Low (unless you're in the airport...damn terrorists ruining our way of life)

Sometimes you just can't wait to take your ass home (to the telly, to ya mama's house, whatever). Shopping malls (non-holiday season), airports, hospitals, etc. all have the type of parking facilities you want. Don't be all out in the open. Be under the overhang or on a middle level, they provide proper shadows and darkened car seats. If possible find the darkest section of the garage, but don't just have your car sitting by itself in the dark. The roving rent-a-cops will roll by and blast the monster light inside making sure the car wasn't dumped by the mob with a dead Vinnie inside. One person should keep an eye out for passersby or other drivers returning to their cars. Otherwise, it's no hold barred "Back Seat of My Jeep" style. If caught by a rent-a-cop, apologize. Ladies, "mistakenly" flash a breast to the guy as you pull your bra back up and he'll be so happy he has a story to tell he'll let you go. Then get on your way before the real cops show up.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Happy Tuesday!

I hope everyone had a great, long weekend! Spending time with my family always relaxes me and puts me a fantastic mood. This weekend was no exception. The hardest part is always leaving, especially when my nephew Kyce asks me to stay. I came incredibly close to letting the job know that I'd be in late so that I could see Kyce off to school today - his first day of kindergarten.

We spent some time this weekend practicing writing his name, reading from his favorite books and getting him back in the "school" mindset. He's even started talking about what his "reward" will be for getting a good report card. As much fun as he had this summer, he seems truly excited to be starting school again, seeing all of his friends and his favorite teachers.

When I learned that President Obama planned to speak to school children around the country via video today, I was SO hoping Kyce's school would play it. I've never seen televisions in Kyce's school, so I'm not sure he was able to see it. If not, I'll be reading the speech to him this weekend when I go back to reinforce what President Obama said. The fact that it's drawn this much controversy baffles me.

Click the link below if you have no idea what I'm talking about:

Obama's Speech: Inspiration or Propaganda?

Shared via AddThis

So...pushing education is...wrong???

His speech touched on personal responsibility for one's education. He encouraged students to go to school, to pay attention to their teachers, to stop playing video games long enough to do their homework and to be the very best they can be.

That's political? There's some sort of "agenda" there?

Fuckery. Pure....F-U-C-K-E-R-Y.

Everything President Obama speaks of regarding the importance of education are things my mother taught me. She would always tell me that she couldn't sit in the classroom with me, learn for me or do my homework for me. These were all things I was responsible for doing myself. I was educated in a great school district with awesome teachers, concerned parents and abundant resources. I was lucky...blessed.

But none of that meant anything if I didn't apply myself. You get out of education what you put into it. No one can do it for you.

These are lessons that we're trying to pass down to my nephews. Personal responsibility for your own education is something ALL parents should encourage in their children. Not just "Democratic" parents...or "Republican" parents. ALL PARENTS.

It's so sad that we let our biases, prejudices or political affiliations get in the way of common sense. How is teaching personal responsibility for education wrong? Is it because the President chose to address children while they're in school...where they OUGHT to be taught about education? Is it because he's encouraging dialogue between teachers and students that we're so upset? Do we feel he has too much power to influence our children?

Or is it because some STILL can't get over the fact that Barack Obama won the election fair and square and is now pushing his "agenda" by actually telling students to be be smarter?

Presidents before him, both Democrat and Republican, addressed school children and implored them to read, study, go to school, get an education...make something of themselves. Kennedy, Reagan, Clinton...and even Bush...all of them were advocates for education - as they should be.

So...this President...our President does the same thing and it's wrong? It's controversial?

I'll tell you what it is. It's ridiculous. It's fear mongering. It's asinine. It's buffoonery.

Say it with me's PURE FUCKERY!


Friday, September 4, 2009


I was planning on doing my TGIF Sexy Survey, but I figured most of you would be winding down your work week and getting ready for the long weekend - not checking the blog :-)

For many, Labor Day signifies the end of summer, breezy afternoons and the first day of school for the kiddies. The weather is perfect today, and it should be all weekend, so I hope you all have something wonderful planned for the holiday. Get out and do something! Catch those last rays of summer sun at the beach, go to a bar-b-que (y'all know we call it a "cook-out"), go to a concert or biking or running in the park...but do SOMETHING. It's too nice out to be cooped up inside.

I'm headed to Philly to spend time with my family, so I'm taking Monday off from the blog :-)

I hope you all had a fantastic summer! I'll catch you next week!

Have fun and be safe!


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Happy Random Thoughts Thursday!

- So, Chris Brown...where to begin?


- A friend of mine said he looked like an extra from "Motown Philly" with that bow tie on :-) LOL!!

- Somewhere Ne-Yo and Usher are going, "yes!" Okay, maybe not...but still ;-)

- I love sleeping in on a beautiful day. It's gorgeous outside...and I'm off today!

- Today is a great day for a wedding. Congrats Nikki and Jason! See you later on :-)

- Gucci Mane is hideous. I'm sorry, that was mean..but damn! Why would you wanna break up? Really? Might have something to do with those gold fronts...jus sayin' :)

- Gucci "mane" - not MAN - "mane"...da hell is that? Should be "Boogie Man" :-)

- My cat is looking at me like "what the hell you still doing here?" Damn, can a sista have a day off? Makes me wonder what he does when I'm not here.

- I'm still gonna wear my white jeans after Labor Day.

- I still have Essence Magazines from 2004. I know...I hoard magazines...just Essence though.

- Watching The View right now and they're wondering if the G-Spot really exists. The answer is yes. Don't ask me how I know ;-)

- I'm in a shopping mood.

- I'm just now starting to do my Fantasy Football research and make my picks. This is like having another job! Geesh!

- I'm glad I have a long weekend, can't wait to see my babies!



Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Happy Hump Day!

Preseason is underway and there is a football fan who feels the anticipation building as the official start of the NFL season draws near. This fan dreams of Sundays (and some Thursdays and Monday nights) in front of the tv for hours on end, screaming at bad calls and cheering a beloved team.

That football fan is me.

Yes, I’m a bit of a football fan. Okay…a BIG fan…which is why I’m a bit perplexed as to why I haven’t played Fantasy Football before this year or done the necessary research for Rameer’s upcoming draft on Facebook. You’d think I was one of those chicks who “pretends” to be a fan to fit in with the guys.

I was telling a friend last week that I needed to get up on my stats if I wanted to have a good team for Fantasy Football, and she said, “so…you really like football…like that?”

Uh…have we met?

I always talk about teams, players, games, scores, injuries, trades…you name it. So how could I be “faking it?” It’s not like I’m having parties, serving up wings and beer so I can have people in my apartment. I don’t fake an interest to bond with a boo or make male friends. There are some female fans out there who feel the same adrenaline rush that any man feels that comes from watching our favorite quarterback throw a game-winning pass. As a woman who grew up playing sports, I’m very competitive – and football is probably America’s most competitive game with the most passionate of fans. And I’m no exception.

I’m perfectly content watching a game all by myself. It’s probably actually better that way…since I tend to yell at the tv. I can be a little obsessive...crazy…maybe even a little un-ladylike. I don’t cuss much, but if the ref makes a bad call…I can spew some pretty colorful language. It’s probably good that my nephews watch with me when I’m visiting them, because they keep my mouth in check...for the most part ;)

I’m not sure the female fan is as “valued” as the male fan is. Marketing during the season is clearly geared more towards men than women – and I get that. It’s a male populated sport. But 66% more women watched the 2007 Super Bowl than the Academy Awards. That's gotta tell you something.

Even in conversations with male co-workers, I used to get dismissed when I offered my two cents about the previous night’s game…until I started waxing their asses in our weekly football pool. It shouldn’t take them losing hundreds of dollars to me to realize I might actually know what I’m talking about. And some of them just assume someone is “helping me win.” Whatever dude. You got beat by a girl.

If you’re a woman reading this and you don’t watch or are not a football fan, you should be :-) If you need some reasons why you should love football, then let me offer up a few:

1. The sheer athleticism of the sport. Football is fast paced, exciting and generally very unpredictable from one half to the next. On any given Sunday, anyone can win.

2. Have you seen the men? They're not just handsome in the face, but they have the cutest booties ever in those tight pants. I'm not saying you have to make football sexual in order to enjoy it, but hey...if it gets you to sit down and watch, you might actually learn the sport while checking out the muscled up tight ends :-)

3. Nothing beats the exhilaration of actually BEING at the game with a bunch of fanatical fans bonded by the love of their favorite team. Showing team spirit and having a common enemy to root against is a riveting thriller involving real life heroes and villains who grab the ball for dear life.

4. Football is a REAL sport that doesn't wuss out at the slightest hint of inclement weather. These warriors play through it all - rain, sleet, name it. The muscular masses battle it out like gladiators, and I find that human aspiration of winning to be electrifying...inspiring even.

5. And lastly - and maybe the most convincing for some of you - men LOVE women who love football. That's assuming the man loves football too.There's nothing sexier than cozying up to a man on a cool, fall Sunday afternoon while watching the game (in silence) and not asking him to change the channel :-)

So, with that said...are you ready for some football?


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Happy TMI Tuesday!

It's September! And it feels like it here in the NYC. Somebody please tell me why I was looking for my light sweaters this morning as I was getting dressed?! I love the fall, but damn! Too soon! Buffoonery.

Anyway, this story came just in time for TMI Tuesday.

So I'm in the ladies room yesterday, and in walk two of my coworkers. One starts describing to the other something about her "head being down there" and how "he likes it when I look up at him." After she says, "he likes it all squishy," I quickly figure out that she's talking about giving a guy oral sex. And no...they didn't see me in there or know that anyone was in the stall.

She then goes on to say that he was pushing her head into him - "he has this thing for 'face f*cking' me...and last night his fingers got all tangled up all in my hair, I thought I was gonna die he was pushing so hard!"

Before she could embarrass herself any further, I flushed and emerged from the stall. She takes one look at me and turns as red as a lobster. Her friend just looked at me stunned and then back at her giving her a "did you know she was in here?" look. It took everything I had not to bust out laughing.

I simply gave her a look like, "I hear you girl, I would have freaked out too," washed my hands and made a quick exit. I could hear the one giggling as I left while the one telling the story was like, "oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!"


Now, first of all...if you're gonna tell a juicy story, make sure the bathroom is empty before you put your business on blast. Why she didn't check first is beyond me - it's not like the stall doors go all the way to the floor where you can't see feet. She must have been so excited to tell that one that she couldn't contain herself :-)

In our staff meeting this morning I purposely sat directly across from her to see if she would look at me - she stared at everyone BUT me. I know, that was wrong, but I couldn't help it! :-)

Anyway, I tell this story to say there is definitely an art to giving head. It may take a while to master, but trust me fellas, when we DO figure it out, the last thing we need Two words for you: Gag Reflex. Unless your girl has a thing against breathing, that whole 'face f*cking' thing is for the birds. We're not starring in a porno, we're trying to please you...and vomiting all over your pretty little d*ck might spoil the mood...jus sayin.

Now, I'm not gonna give a step-by-step tutorial on blessing the mic - even though I could ;-) I'm no Superhead, but I personally love to do that. I love it, not because a penis tastes like a Twix, (okay, some do) but because I love the reaction I get when I do it. Not everyone gets blessed - only a special few - but if you're lucky enough to be blessed by me, then good gawd! Watch out...and hold on! You're in for a treat :-)

Half the battle of mastering giving great oral sex is simply wanting to do it to please your partner. If you think it's nasty, unclean, just downright whorish and un-Christian like, it's not gonna be good - for you OR for him. But if you want to give it a try, I could offer up a few suggestions:

1. Get to know his penis. This is assuming of course that you've already gotten to know HIM to some degree :-) Inspect it. Talk to it. Sing to it. Feel it. Rub it. Caress it. Kiss it. Blow on it. Play with it. Inspect it again (hey, gotta be careful right?). Rub it on your breasts. Brush it across your lips. Simply put, you have to worship it first. Men are just as obsessed with their members as you should be, so if he sees that you love his penis, he'll be hard in your hands and ready to please. Tell him how beautiful it is - he'll love that. Some are so cute you just wanna knit it a hat!

Once you've become comfortable with it, you'll be more comfortable licking or sucking on it. It's easy to be considered a fantastic lover when you worship your man's penis. You'll also have great sex afterwards. But you have to really mean it. Faking will be obvious. If you don't like your man enough to worship his penis, then you're with the wrong man...and you shouldn't be down there.

2. Relax, and BREATHE. If you're nervous or apprehensive, then concentrating on your breathing could be challenging. I find it...I mean...I've's best to inhale as you pull back, and exhale when you go in, or take short breaths in between motions or while you use your hands. It's easy to panic and lose it if you don't concentrate, but be assured that in time it will become almost second nature to you.

3. Teeth: don't use them. If you've got teeth like Bugs Bunny, make sure he only feels the smooth underside of your front teeth, and not the cutting edges of your fangs.

4. Your tongue on the other, should be your secret weapon to great oral sex. Lick him first - then swirl your tongue around and around, use your moist get the idea. Most women can't swirl their tongue around their man's shaft while it is in their mouth. If you can't, don't despair. You can get around this by licking him like a lollipop or an ice cream cone. And the man gets the added "visual" everyone wins. Licking is something you should do whether you can swirl your tongue around or not. Licking and kiss-sucking is important. It plays to the whole "worship" his "thing thing" idea and has both the physical and visual aspects that make the difference between a humdrum blowjob and a mind-blowing one.

5. Try not to be squeamish. I know, I know...some fluids just aren't But you're gonna taste something if you're down get over it. Unless he's been eating garlic, it shouldn't be too repulsive. I'm not saying swallow or suck it out (his toes will curl up if you do though), but at least have a towel nearby so you can spit it out. If you don't want it in your mouth, then move out the way...cuz otherwise you might get an eye put out. Better to spit it out or swallow it than be blinded...jus sayin.

Okay, let me stop there before I give you all the impression that I actually know what I'm talking about...ahem...cuz this is all stuff I' about. Yeah, that's it.

And if you simply don't like it or want to do it, that's your business. No one is judging you. Okay, so the men on here might be, but so what? :-) No one should force you to do or make you feel guilty about not doing anything you're uncomfortable with. While I think oral sex adds another very important dimension to your sex life, it's not totally necessary...that much...a little ;-)

If you have any more tricks or suggestions, by all means share. Or if you have a disaster story to tell about either giving oral sex or being on the receiving end, we'd love to hear it!

After all, it's TMI spill it! (pun TOTALLY intended)



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