Dating...with Children.

TGIF!!!

First things first - Happy Birthday Rene! (the Harlemite) :-)

I'm so tired today, and I have a fun night ahead! I need to drink a Red Bull or something. I've been going through the motions this morning, waiting for the work day to be over so I can get to the Knicks v. Sixers game tonight at the Garden. Just like I root for the Eagles against the Giants, I will be rooting for the Sixers tonight against the Knicks. I haven't been to a basketball game in a while, so I hope it's a good, competitive game. And then afterwards we'll head out to Rene's birthday party at Sidebar in Union Square. If anyone is free tonight and looking to have some fun, meet us there to celebrate Rene's birthday. It's a continuation of my birthday week, so trying to have as much fun as possible...even though I can barely stay awake :)

So while I'm sitting here trying to think of something to blog about, I'm watching The View. They have The Bachelor on - Jason Mesnick. I don't watch The Bachelor regularly, but I do know this guy's story. He is a single father who was rejected in a past season of The Bachelorette, so they tagged him as the new Bachelor for this season.

Joy Behar is grilling him, asking him if he has slept with the two women in the finale. He's being a gentleman, so he doesn't answer, even though they're showing clips of him butt naked in a hot tub with one of them. But then Whoopi asks him if the show was the right place to find the woman who would be helping to raise his son.

Good question.

Dating is tricky all by itself. Add children to the mix and the dynamic changes, and it could get even trickier. I don't have any children, but I've dated men who do. In this day and age, it's hard to meet someone who DOESN'T have kids. Nowadays, it's not "do you have kids?"...it's "how many?" Hey, it is what it is.

I would imagine that if I did have children, I would be VERY careful about who I introduced my children to and had around them. I was always leery of a man who wanted me to meet his child(ren) after our first date. As great as I think I am, there's no way a man could know that much about me after one meeting that he'd want me to meet his child. One guy I went on a date with brought his daughter to my JOB to meet me unannounced, and I had only known him three days. Yikes!

I've had some great experiences dating men who had children. They were very thoughtful, considerate and respectful of their children's' feelings and comfort levels, as well as mine. It was a delicate balancing act, but when done with care and maturity, it can be a wonderful experience.

I've also dated men who have children and drama. Not cool. One of the main reasons men and women don't want to date the opposite sex with children is because they fear the drama that may be associated with a crazy "baby mama" or "baby daddy." Trust me, I've been there, and it just doesn't seem worth it. Either the ex wants them back and uses the child as a weapon or as leverage to win them back, or they use them to sabotage any future relationships they may have...just to make their lives miserable.

A lot of women I know refuse to date men with children because they think the man is still sleeping with his child's mother, since they have to see each other from time to time, spend time together at family functions for the sake of the child, or because there's a familiarity there. Some women don't date men with children because they don't want to come second or third behind the child or the child's mother. And some women don't want to date men with children because the man may not have the resources available to care for his child AND create or build a life with her - i.e. no money...and that's assuming he's actually taking care of the child.

Most men I know won't date a woman with a child because he doesn't want some crazy ex creeping up in the picture. A lot of men have a problem taking care of another man's child. Most men don't want an "instant" family, as parenthood is something both sexes usually want to ease into, not have forced upon them. And if a man or woman has more than one child by different people, usually that man or woman doesn't want to be one among many, and that issue alone raises BIG red flags.

There are several reasons we can come up with that would seem to make dating people with children unattractive. But it can be rewarding as well. Children are a blessing, and once they're here, we love them. I have friends with blended, extended families who love each others' children as if they were their own. It all depends on the comfort level of both parties involved, the consideration that is given, whether BOTH parties are willing to put in the work and commitment and if all adults involved are mature and respectful of one another.

That being said, here are some questions for all of you:

If you're a single man or woman with no children, would you date someone of the opposite sex who has a child? Several children?

If you have a child and you are a single parent, how have your dating experiences been?

Do you find that a man or a woman who does NOT have children shows you more attention than a man or woman who does? Or do you feel that because a man or woman has a child, they try harder to show you that they are including you in their lives?

I know some of you on the blog have gone through or are experiencing this right now, so chime in and let us know your thoughts or give us your insight - I'm hoping for a good discussion today to help me stay awake ;) Let's go!

-b